Running Like the Wind (Part 3) (Edited)
"So Crocker fired a rocket at Timmy?" Sunset asked with narrowed eyes and a deep frown. It was study hall. Rainbow explained the incident with Timmy and Crocker.
"Yeah," Rainbow said dismissively, "but it didn't do anything but create a lot of green goo." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "And he was so weedy, Gilda and her goons took care of them."
"I don't see any reason to worry," Applejack snarked. "Sounds like the man's two apples short of a bushel."
"Perhaps," Rarity commented, "but maybe we should take precautions."
Sunset's severe look faded, but the disdain and annoyance didn't go away entirely. "I'm gonna make a complaint to Principal Celestia. I don't want that creep walking around here."
Rarity felt a smile form on her face. "Anyways, how was Timothy's first day training."
Rainbow smiled as she prepared to boast about her own training of the boy. "It...was...AWESOME!" Rainbow gushed. "Timmy can move when he has the right motivation."
"And we all know what that is," Rarity expressed with sheer joy, "a young poor child wishing to impress a young lady from the upper class." She squealed. "He shall make an excellent student of love when I come meet him."
Crocker was sitting on his office working on a crossword puzzle. " 'Hmm, a eight letter word for the young people I despise'."Crocker mused.
"Crocker."
"No, children." Crocker felt a tap on his shoulder, looked up, and saw a very irate Principal Waxelplax glaring at him.
"Yes Princ-,"
"We need to talk, Denzel." The words made Crocker pause and eyes widened. She hadn't called him Denzel since college, as did the quiet sharpness. "Principal Celestia told me you were at Canterlot High, bringing your craziness to her school!" The red-haired woman complained.
"I was performing an experiment," Crocker excused. The woman walked up Crocker and pulled him by his tie to her face.
"I've put up with your craziness long enough, but I've had it," the Irish lady hissed. "You pull one more of your schemes, and I-,"
"You can't fire me," Crocker gloated with a sneer. "Thank the labor unions for giving me tenure."
"I may not be able to fire you, but I can control what job you do," the woman warned, which spooked Crocker a bit. "One more scheme, and you'll be working as a janitor for a whole month." With that said, she turned around and walked out of the room, making it clear that she brooked no argument.
Crocker's eyes narrowed in annoyance as he stared at the door through which Crocker walked through. "I must come up with a scheme that will allow me to once and for all capture Turner's...FAIRY GODPARENTS!" His hand fell into his chin as he tried to come up with some ideas.
Timmy sat on the bus riding through Canterlot, tired, panting, and exhausted. Even after resting, he still felt utterly drained. He bought an ice cream cone to cool down.
"At least you got some exercise, sport," Wanda said, disguised as a smartphone in Timmy's pocket.
"Yeah Timmy," Cosmo said, disguised as a headphone, "if you keep this up, you could be running marathons."
Timmy let out another sigh. Timmy saw the bus stop. "That's our stop," Timmy said. He got off the bus, and saw the location: Carousel Boutique. The outside of the building was all different shades of purple.
"So this is where I'll be getting a lesson in love," Timmy said, "not that I need one. I learned all my lessons in love from TV movies."
"Oh darling," the woman from the TV said, "why did you tap my phones, open my mail, and follow me all the way to this remote island where I fled to get away from you." Timmy sat in front of the TV, taking notes.
"All that was out of my love for you," the man in the movie said dramatically.
"Oh honey," the woman said, "I love you too."
"So let's see if I got this right," Timmy said, looking over his notes. "Stalking, illegal spying, and mail fraud are all romance," Timmy surmised.
"Well," Wanda said with a nervous chuckle, "it can't hurt to get new lessons." Timmy entered the boutique. The inside was really fancy, with a beautiful purple interior, colorful mannequins everywhere, and lots of women and girls shopping. The clothes were the really fancy ones his mom loved to shop for.
"Are you Timothy Turner," a very classy voice asked him. Timmy looked and saw another girl approach him.
This girl had purple hair that was shiny, beautiful, and well groomed. Her face was coated in makeup, including a really pretty eyeshadow. She wore a blue dress, a purple skirt, and purple and white high heels. Timmy couldn't take her eyes of this girl. He felt his cheeks turn a little red just looking at her.
"You must be Timothy," Rarity said with a kindly expression, "I am Rarity Belle. Welcome to Carousel Boutique where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique."
"My Timmy call me friends," the pink-hatted boy objected. He then blushed, realized he goofed up his own words.
Rarity chuckled, looking more amused than annoyed with Timmy mangling his words. "Come along Timothy," Rarity said with a coy smile, "your lessons in romance await." Rarity moved across the boutique, while Timmy followed.
"Smitten, are you sport," Wanda teased while disguised as a pink pin on Timmy's shirt.
"Don't you get it Wanda," Cosmo said, disguised as a green pin. "Timmy has a thing for pretty rich girls who are way out of his league." Timmy angrily ripped Cosmo from his shirt, and threw him into his pocket, who let out a yelp as he was stuffed inside.
"What was that," Rarity said, turning to Timmy. "I heard a yell."
"Nothing," Timmy said.
"Anyways, I am here to teach you not to be a lout," Rarity said, "and to instill into you the intricacies of romance."
"What's a lout?"
"A rude, disgusting person."
"I am not rude or disgusting," Timmy said defensively, angrily throwing his ice cream on the ground, "and another thing-" he paused, realizing his ice cream cone was splattered on the ground. "My ice cream," Timmy exclaimed with terror, before he fell to his knees and began licking it on the floor like a dog, much to the disgust of Rarity and the other patrons.
"That boy must've grown up on a barn," said one Crystal Prep student with disdain.
Rarity let out a nervous laugh, before grabbing Timothy by his shoulders and pulling him from the room, much to his annoyance.
"Wait, not my ice cream," Timmy shrieked.
Rarity took Timmy into some kind of back room.
"When Sunset told me how you wanted to learn about love," Rarity said, "I felt honored to do so. I know quite a bit about it."
"Really?" Timmy asked.
"My ancestry goes back to France," Rarity boasted, "In fact, I am descended from a long line of French designers, romantics, and royalty."
"Rarity, stop," a young female voice said. Timmy saw some girl his age approach them. She had curly hair that was two different shades of pink. She wore some pink jacket over a striped white and pink shirt, a yellow skirt, and purple boots. "We are not French," the girl said with annoyance, "our ancestors weren't fashion designers or royalty. They were lumberjacks from Quebec. You. Are not. French"
"In spirit I am," Rarity said, closing her eyes proudly.
The younger girl let out a sigh. "And she thinks I live in a dream world."
"Timothy, this is my younger sister Sweetie Belle."
"Hi," Timmy said with a wave.
"Anyways," Rarity said, "let us begin our lessons," she gestured to some other room." Timmy followed her in.
"Can I...join you," Sweetie Belle asked her sister.
"Nope Sweetie," Rarity said firmly but politely, "this is Timothy's private lesson in love."
"Uh sure," Sweetie Belle said with a blush, "that's what I was asking about." Sweetie Belle walked away, but not before giving one last wistful gaze at the brown-haired boy.
Timmy was led into a breakroom. Inside was a plastic table that had a fancy table cloth and fancy dishes on it.
"Let's start with the first part," Rarity said. "What do you do for a lady?"
"I don't know," Timmy said.
"Pull the chair for them, darling," Rarity advised with a smile.
"Oh right," Timmy said, pulling the chair for Rarity. She began to sit, only for Timmy to spot something.
"Ohh, a quarter," Timmy said, letting the chair fall over, causing Rarity to fall onto her keister with a yelp.
"Ouch," Rarity said, rubbing over her sore bottom. Timmy looked away from his quarter and looked at Rarity.
"Why are you sitting on the floor?" Timmy asked Rarity.
"No reason, darling," Rarity said with an annoyed grunt, before pulling herself up. "Just take a seat." Timmy was about to take one, before Rarity held up her hand.
"Hats off at the dinner table, young man," Rarity said with a stern smile.
"But my mom let's me eat with my hat on all the time," Timmy said.
"Hats off."
"But-,"
"Very well," Rarity said with a disappointed grin. "Begone. I do not wish to converse with someone who won't practice basic etiquette." With an annoyed sigh, Timmy took his hat off, and sat down.
"Let us start with the obvious, darling," Rarity said. "If there was a girl you fancied, what would you say to her?"
"Oh Trixie," Timmy said with a lovestruck smile, "light of my life. Your face burns with the beauty of a thousand-," Timmy paused as Rarity let out an amused laugh. When it ended, Rarity looked at Timmy with a stern frown.
"Timothy, darling, you don't honestly believe that's how love works, do you?" The purple haired girl asked Timmy sternly.
"Isn't that what happens in movies?" Timmy asked.
"Darling, everyone loves a good story," Rarity said. "The story of a knight saving a damsel in distress, hopefully a broad-shoulder man who carries his lady into his room for a night of," Rarity said with a blush on her face and a wsitful before she was silenced with an "Ahem," from Timmy.
"But that's all it is, darling," Rarity said, "a story. True love and knowing who's right for you takes a lot more time and work. That's what a girl wants: someone who respects and cares for her feelings. And you proclaiming your love for her is anything but that."
"Really?" Timmy asked.
"The thing about girls is we are always insecure and nervous," Rarity said, "and we worry about finding the right guy." Rarity gave Timmy a stern look. "You have to be more subtle, because a girl needs to feel like she has a choice. If a girl feels like she is being pressured, she'll run away from you." The door slammed open, revealing a desperate and hyperventiliating Rainbow Dash.
"Rainbow," Rarity asked, "what are you-,"
"HIDE ME!" Rainbow bellowed in terror, before she dove inside the fridge. Rarity and Timmy looked at the spectacle with confusion.
"Oh Rainbow," a male voice said. A middle school-aged boy burst in with a wide smile. He had blond hair tied into a bun and had a creepy smile on his face. He wore a brown vest, blue pants, and brown shoes.
"Hey Rarity," Zephyr asked the fashonista, "have you seen Rainbow? I was asking her about our wedding cake, and she ran off."
"No Zephyr," Rarity lied, "I have not." Zephyr looked at Timmy with a smile.
"No," Timmy lied with his eyes looking toward the grown.
"I knew she was here," Zephyr said with some annoyance."I smelled her." He pulled out a plastic bag that had some rainbow-colored hair in it. "I sleep with a lock of her hair every night, so I have her scent down flat." Timmy looked at Zephyr with disgust.
"Zephyr, I have business to attend to," Rarity said with forced politeness, "if you will please excuse yourself." Zephyr shrugged and walked out of the room.
"Is he gone yet," Rainbow said from the fridge.
"Yes," Rarity said. Rainbow came out of the fridge with a frown and a pizza slice on her head.
"Who was that?" Timmy asked Rainbow.
"Zephyr Breeze," Rainbow said with annoyance. "A complete pain who won't leave me alone."
"And also the laughing stock of Canterlot Middle and Canterlot High School," Rarity said with some disgust. "Every girl avoids him because he has zero consideration for the feelings of girls around him, treating them like objects he can possess."
"Do you want to end up a creep like that?" Rainbow asked Timmy with a stern look.
"Do I really act like...that?" Timmy asked with horror.
"A little," Rarity said. To Rarity and Rainbow's shock, Timmy fell to his knees, and grabbed Rarity's ankle in desperation.
"Please, please, please," Timmy said fearfully, "don't let me end up like him."
"Desperation," Rarity said with a proud smile, "the key to success. Pull yourself together Timmy. I am a strict taskmaster."
Rarity spent an hour teaching Timmy about everything from asking a girl out to dinner table etiquette.
"See darling," Rarity, "you must face the world and all its hardship rather than live in a world of fantasy."
"Time for another hour of Kissy Kissy Goo Goo," a TV said.
"KISSY KISSY GOO GOO!" Rarity and Timmy said in unison. Rarity stared at Timmy. "You like Kissy Kissy Goo Goo?" Rarity asked Timmy.
"Well," Timmy said nervously, "I just like the writing."
"Would you like to watch it with me?" Rarity asked.
"Would I?" Timmy said happily.
"Oh Roderick," Isabella said from the TV, "what are you hiding from me."
"Very well darling," Roderick said with regret, "Joanna is my secret...insurance saleswoman."
"Oh Roderick," Isabella said with tears in her eyes.
"Roderick, how could you?" Rarity asked, tears in her eyes. Rarity and Timmy watched the heartrending scene while sitting at the table.
"How could he like to Joanna like that," Timmy said, wistful tears falling down his eyes too. He looked at a watch.
"Sorry Rarity," Timmy said, "I've got to go home."
"Darling, don't leave," Rarity said, "I haven't made you a new outfit yet."
"No thanks," Timmy said, "I don't need new clothes."
" I insist Darling," Rarity said, her grin becoming feral.
"I'm fine," Timmy said nervously.
"Darling," Rarity said, hyperventilating, "I must make you something." Timmy ran out of the room screaming.
"They always run," Rarity said, before pushing a "Young Men Not Wanting Clothes Emergency" button.
Timmy was about to reach the door when a massive metal gate came down in front of it. Timmy tried the windows, but they were also sealed shut as well.
"I'm trapped," Timmy said.
"Timmy," a voice said, Timmy looked with horror as Rarity came towards him, a tape measure and sewing needle in her hands. "I insist that you give me the right to make you look fabulous darling," Rarity said with a crazed look on her face.
"No," Timmy said to the merciless fashionista, his back against the wall, "No. Get back."
"NOOOOOO!" Timmy yelled, his voice echoing through the streets of Canterlot.
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holy shit rarity! intense much?
to this day. they do not know who was the little girly screamer is in the boutique. all that is known sadly are the smell of fear and despair was around.
Welp, Timmy's about to be outfitted without consent. Alas poor Timmy, you barely lived.
Huh, they might actually help Timmy become a better human being. But, if only someone could do the same for Zephyr...
Is Timmy actually handsome as heck for his age? The CMC wanting to be closer does point towards that.
They've never been the sharpest tools in the shed though.
Ok, NOW I'm more sure than ever this is FGP world
"Rarity, stop," a young female voice said. Timmy saw some girl his age approach. She had curly hair that was two different shades of pink. She wore some pink jacket over a striped white and pink shirt, a yellow skirt, and purple boots. "We are not French," the girl said with annoyance, "our ancestors weren't fashion designers. They were lumberjacks from Quebec. You. Are not. French"
Well depending on where the original colonists came from, there's a good chance that they were were French, or at least French-Canadian.
I can totally see this happen in an actual FoP episode. So well done.
Now when is Moondancer going to appear again to mess things up for Sunset?
This brings back memories of the FOP always lives the older episodes when poof came around the show sadly started to die little by little although foop was a little funny to see but the older episodes are best and the author brings back happy memories of this show with this story and I salute you for that
Hah, Rarity comes from a family of Lumberjacks. I can see why she'd wanna lie about something like that.
Poor Timmy!
Once you're in Rarity's boutique, there is no escape!
At least Timmy realises what he could end up like and wants to change
Question; Will the Negachin and Mandie be in this story?
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No. The true villain of the story is-
Red Herring
If rarity’s family comes from Quebec there is a pretty good chance that her ancestors were French.
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I can see it
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I do that every time someone asks me about a future event I haven't written about. And it never stops being funny.
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Quebec is very different from France on many cultural levels. I speak French, and French people tell me how odd French-Canadians sound.
And yes, many French Canadians did find work in lumberyards in places like Maine and New Hampshire.
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I think someone like Zephyr just needs a little bit of discipline. And unfortunately, his parents are pushovers.
Their relationship with Timmy is meant to be one built on connection.
While looks are part of a relationship, what you share is even more important.
If Trixie were less conceited and insecure, she and Timmy could hit it off easily, because they share common interests.
But the CMC, because they're not conceited, find they have a lot in common with a buck-toothed boy in a pink hat.
It wouldn't be an FOP world if everyone wasn't at least a little bit loopy.
Isn't rarity like exactly same type of forceful, creepy romantic as Timmy?
I love this story, it was brilliant for you to use Trixie hidden Tom boy side to show the double standard between boys and girls. Like Sunset I did not see the big deal, but as her friends show the double standard is real and effects both boys and girls even today. It not that I did not know about the double standard, I guess it been a while since I deal with it.
F in chat for Timmy.
He shall be missed.
[Little Miss Rarity JOIN THE CHAT]
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The issue with scaring Zephyr into being a better human being is the fact that first one has to locate a worse human being then Zephyr. That... is a tall order.
Hopefully now that Timmy's seen what Zephyr is like he really will clean up his act when it comes to girls
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Yeah, fanon Zephyr is often portrayed as a total creep despite the fact that canon Zephyr is nowhere near as bad. Similar to how fanon Blue Blood takes traits from canon and blows them completely out of proportion.
So far the FOP versons of the main 6 are spot on. FOP'S humor comes from exaggerating a characters worst traits with some libral Loony Toons logic thrown in and you've managed to do that really well here.
This reminds me a bit of Jake Long's dad insisting he's Chinese even though the only measly tie he's got is being 1/16th Cherokee. Then again, I suppose it depends on if Rarity's ancestors are just from Quebec (as in, they were born there despite not having a French background), or if she's descended from Quebeckers (my God, is that an awesome noun) that do have a French background. Still pretty far from being France-French, though, and it's pretty in-character for Rarity.
Yeah, this is exactly what I was talking about. Zephyr's a bum who can't take a hint, but he's not an obsessive creep. It should come down to unwanted flirting and being seemingly unhelpful at inopportune times, not... tracking people down like a literal bloodhound asking opinions for wedding cake flavors.
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Again, I am not exaggerating Zephyr's behavior beyond canon out of sheer hatred. This is how I feel he would behave in an FOP setting.
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I still think it's a little too much, but I get where you're coming from.
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I feel like if you wanted to do that it'd be more accurate to exaggerate how he actually appears in canon such as his inability to hold down a job (could have him constantly crop up in different jobs with a rediculous excuse for why he lost his last job) or play up his crush on Rainbow by having him constantly hit on her in ridiculous over the top ways.
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Well, Belle is a French name. So Rarity's ancestors are specifically French Canadian, and not just from Quebec.
But Rarity's ancestors are definitely not as glamorous as she would like to believe. Her background isn't Parisian beauty and grandeur. Her ancestors nearly lost their fingers in a saw mill.
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Well, wanting to look for wedding cakes is a ridiculous example of a crush.
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Yeah but then you have him doing things like streaking at a game (the guy is filled with way too much self-doubt to do that kind of thing) and having him hit on girls that aren't Rainbow (he overcompensates to hide his lack of confidence but that doesn't mean he needs to act like a wannabe playboy to every girl under the sun).
Wonderful and funny; I like how Timmy is bonding with the Humane Six, also how Rarity is correcting some of Timmy’s faults in regards to his knowledge of Romance.
Ah Zephyr, the shining example of everything you ought not be in life.
Too bad Timmy can't wish for the door to open...
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Ah, but at lest they were Lumberjacks, so they're OK!
Timmy: I need an adult!
I see that Shining quote there. Good job
I'll join the chorus of commenters commending this story for its humor and complimenting it for successfully capturing the humor of early seasons Fairly Odd Parents.
Actually, they would be French. Since most of that area was colonized by France. So they could be descendants of French colonist the moved to the area
I’ve forgotten about Timmy’s feminine side. Another nice nod to FOP.
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Yes, but their DIRECT ancestors (great-grandparents or so) are rural Quebec loggers, not Metropolitan French urbanites, as Rarity would like to believe.
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I believe "The Boy Who Would Be Queen", which showed Timmy's love for soap operas, was the proto-brony episode. The episode points out that getting a manicure and loving soap operas was perfectly OK for a guy. Later MLP says you can still be a guy and enjoy a show about cutesy ponies.
Well if we’re going by in spirit then I’m 100% German
Speaking of those disgusting, wasteful, inefficient, emotional French..... no I don’t care how many military victory’s they had or competent leaders, they simply will never be as good as the deustch. Military, government, or civilian wise. Für die vaterland!
Wait what was Sweetie referring when she was asking Rarity to join?
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Rarity's lesson in romance.
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Listen, and understand! That Rarity is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear! And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are made fabulous!
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As a fan of the Simpsons, Monty Python, and Family Guy, I have a thing for snarky, cynical humor.
media1.tenor.com/images/3e64ea8c3ee1147ec50376620f984792/tenor.gif?itemid=4153381
Rarity is the very worst of the Mane 7 to discourage dramatics. That's apparent even in this chapter. She'd think his elaborate poetry was actually charming, and at worst should be saved for a later. Since earlier Timmy was riding around on a barded horse, I don't see how he'd be unaware of pulling a chair out anyway. Although Timmy could use pointers and his approach to romance again not from Rarity), isn't the bigger issue the fact that Trixie keeps putting on airs, thus stopping any sincere conversation over shared interests. Offering a ticket to that Crimson Chin event was actually a smart move on Timmy's part. The only issue is that he should have offered it to her in secret.
My favorite part in this was the desperate ice cream licking. Your blunt, dry humor can shine through in more than just dialogue.