• Member Since 20th Jul, 2017
  • offline last seen 51 minutes ago

A Man Undercover


I’m an Autistic-Conservative-Christian who loves to write, act, paint, and so much more, with so many ideas in my head it’s hard to make them stay put. I also have quite an unusual sense of humor.

E

Following the events of making his newest book and reading it in person at the bookstore, Ahuizotl relishes in the adoration and devotion of his newly found fanbase, even if he wittingly or unwittingly managed to outcompete Daring Do and Caballeron's collaborative effort that's sitting across the street from him.

One might say after hearing his side of the story that he's finally not misunderstood by others anymore. Everyone knows the real him now.

Or...do they?

Could that really have been the truth he was telling?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 37 )

Pretty good overall.

Having read your Storm King story, I must say that writing in the past-tense is an immense improvement over your prior efforts. Not that it was bad, but past-tense just always flows better, at least for me. The only lapse that I could pick up in it was this:

But just before he can finish reading his book's sentence, the sound of a clock made itself known.

Switch it to "could" and I think you should be good to go.

I got some serious Mysterio vibes from Ahuizotl's speech to his minions, and that's not bad at all. I do think him voicing his backstory out loud should have been a flashback, but that's my only real criticism of this story.

Overall, good job. Glad to see you finally got this out.

it seemed to contradict entirely with his previous appearances and the intentions he had before, particularly "Daring Don't".

I actually think it makes perfect sense.

The unrelenting heat was going to deter further intruders, which was going to prevent the artifacts from being stolen.

9876531
Not to get into a debate here, but even if that is true (and admittedly, your theory does make a bit of sense), it still doesn't change the fact that Ahuizotl could have just explained what was up when he met Daring in the first place. He actively tried to kill her on multiple occasions when simply talking things out could have sufficed. The "plot-twist" still flies in the face of all of his previous behaviors.

9876531
Sure, but remember that Ahuizotl was also paying Caballeron and his men to steal the rings for him in that episode. Hiring someone to steal the artefacts you're supposed to be guarding isn't a terribly guardian-like thing to do.

9876540
Enemy mine type situation. Plus, paying Caballeron for the ring would mean he'd get it sooner and could do the protection thing sooner

9876536
Perhaps he DID try to explain things, but either through misunderstandings or her not believing him, he got more and more aggressive.

And she only believed him now because of the truth talisman.

9876540
Does this mean you enjoyed my story?

9876531
I take it that you’re not a fan of what I made here.

9876623
Eh, even though I don't agree with the idea behind it, the fic itself is still well written

9876651
👍🏻Thanks for the info.

Very interesting, I never would've thought of something like this as to why Ahuizotl would personally go after Daring Do and want to get rid of her.

The assembly scene felt like a mix between a certain scene in Spider-Man: Far From Home and the bar scene in Shrek 3. Ahuizotl's personal backstory is also eerily reminiscent of Thanos's.

By the way, Caballeron's pen name is Martingale, not Nightingale. Also, cats don't wag their tails when they're happy. A cat wagging its tail means it's agitated. My sister thought me that.

Yeah, I agree with you. Ahuizotl's reformation and the backstory that came with it felt really off.

9876513
In his defense, Marvel didn't flashback Thanos's backstory either.

Mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, saying that Ahuizotl had overcome the artifact and had managed to trick everyone is the easiest solution, but on the other...it's kinda sad to see a fanatic redouble his efforts.

9879453

but on the other...it's kinda sad to see a fanatic redouble his efforts.

Can you elaborate on this?

9876866

By the way, Caballeron's pen name is Martingale, not Nightingale.

I fixed that error.

Also, I didn’t know what other way a cat would show its way of praise and cheer. The tail-wagging was the only thing I found myself able to come up with.

9881052
Ahuizotl now, so far as he's aware, has dealt with his greatest enemies. He can stop now, rest on his laurels. But he's not going to, and that's going to bite him in the butt down the road.

Very interesting take on Ahuizotl.

Octavia doing elevator music is nice.

9881079
That’s what makes it fun, really. After all, evil is something that never rests and is never satisfied.

9877592
Just ignore it. That user usually leaves those kind of comments. If they actually liked your story, they would have told you instead of writing "mrm".

Awesome!

Apparently, a lot of character U-turns in season 9 were a consequence of the writers not being permitted to read older scripts.

Great story. Keep it up.

Interesting. I'd honestly like to see where this is going. :twilightsmile:

May I ask what were your inspirations for Ahuizotl for this one? You know, if there were inspirations. Thought I'd ask because I remember you making threads in the Storm King group for how you viewed the Storm King as well as kept him in character and I was wondering if it's the same deal with Ahuizotl.

9876513
Oh good, I'm not the only one:

I absolutely love that scene! :pinkiehappy:


9905896
I had experience with that guy. He commented on Old Mare Luna and said the story it was inspired by, Old Man Logan is "a janky comic".

9919336
I'm not sure what kind of stories he likes. A long time ago, he also commented on one of my stories, but it was just another "Hmm". I sent a PM only to discover he didn't like the story, so I ended up removing his comment and blocking him.

9919350
Wait, you can remove people's comments from your story? I didn't know you could do that...

9919351
Of course! If you publish a story and someone leaves a comment you don't like, you can remove it if you want. In fact, you should have the "trash can" icon on the top right of any comment in your stories.:ajsmug:

9919369
I...I never knew you could do that!

9919376
Well, now you know! You're welcome!:pinkiesmile:

9919336
9876866
9876513
You and Jade were right on the dot, Leon. Godslittleprincess too, might I add.

Among my inspirations for Ahuizotl’s revealings and the story were that of Mysterio and his revealings in Far From Home. The backstory Ahuizotl revealed at the ending was inspired by the backstory revealed by Thanos in Avengers: Infinity War. I like to make sure that the villains I write are as alive and colorful (not literally) as possible, so that’s what also helped with Ahuizotl’s characterization.

Along with that, though, when I was working on the story, I found myself modeling the character’s depiction and intentions after that of environmentalists, mainly the ones who are really extreme to the point of where they say humans are not worthy of existing. Making him an idealist was also what I was inspired to do.

If my hunch is right, there are people who have a certain idea or vision of what it is that can help the world be better. People who envision what they think can create harmony and order even if it includes doing the most despicable of things.

Also, one thing that everyone, and I mean everyone, has in common is this: They want to prove that they’re right and all who doubted them are wrong. There’s an arrogance in each of us that says our ideas and visions are better than others, and if we’re not careful...that arrogance becomes us.

That’s what I was inspired to do and model the character into in terms of being as three-dimensional as possible.

9919463
Funny enough, I've been meaning to work on a three-dimensional villain myself. Although he isn't related to MLP in any way at all (unless I decide to write a crossover fic featuring that character). He is the main baddy for an animated comedy series I'm working on and, while it's a comedy, he stands out as being a frighteningly vile individual (though, he isn't without his comedic moments). He considers the universe to be disorderly and society hypocritical so he decides to conquer most planets he visits, murder a large portion of the population and convert the survivors into cyborgs that bend to his will. Personality-wise, he is inspired by the Batman v Superman version of Lex Luthor, pre-redemption Starlight Glimmer, and Edward Nygma/The Riddler. What's interesting about him is that he has other interests besides torturing people. For example, he frequently watches anime and is a huge fan of The Dark Knight Rises version of Bane that he takes every opportunity he can to quote the character. He also knows a thing or two about psychiatric disorders and tends to get very annoyed when people call him a psychopath when he is actually a malignant narcissist (not that that's any better).

Well, the premise behind the story seems plausible; it could have been possible that Ahuizotl was lying under Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth, and his ulterior motives seem within reason for him to believe, but the execution of the story leaves a lot to be desired. A lot of the exposition seems to come from cheap monologues, the syntax of your quotation marks needs a refresher, and the whole story just seemed plain boring and dragged on far longer than I wanted to read.

9930188
It’s alright if you’re mostly neutral towards the story.

I’m hoping that I’ll do a much better job with the sequels to this story in the near future.

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