Pipsqueak, now simply known as Pip, has reached his puberty. But the colt discovers that growing up doesn't include a lot of adventures, even if he makes them up. When he sees his chance for an adventure, he grabs it with open hooves. But the task that initially seemed simple, takes a turn for the worst as he discovers that certain lives are resting in his hooves.
Can he finish his task, or will he fail?
New story time. I love Pipsqueak, so I decided to write a story about him. Constructive criticism is very appreciated.
Warning, Teen rated for sexual references and speech.
Pic made by Giuliabeck, http://giuliabeck.deviantart.com/
Music made by blacksheep806 and Brunuhville, http://www.youtube.com/user/blacksheep806, http://www.youtube.com/user/brunuhville (I swear, go check these guys out. Some of the most amazing music can be found here.)
The spacing is a little weird.
1104410 In what sort of way, exactly?
1104432 when he says "good now I can show my face" shouldn't it either be on the same line or next paragraph with an indent? And when pip asks about her magig should(but is still grammaticaly correct) be on it's own line not bunched in with the end of the previous paragraph. just look it over with this ( http://www.shunn.net/format/story.html ) . But if you dont thats fine i'm looking foreward to neww chapters.
I have a feeling that voice at the end was Luna
Pipsqueak!
lets hope Pipsqueak can discover for what he is needed
1105720 Thanks for telling me this. Because as I stated before, collective criticism is appreciated
dont mention it
Hmmm, interest gained, go on.
I do hope you're going to continue; it's a very interesting read!
in the cover picture,pipsqueaks's back legs look kind of weird.