Comments ( 24 )

I suggest to not rush the story. Add more personality to the story. The kings speech is good, since he is naturally defensive, but add that ”human” side to it. Anyone would be confused and/or terrified if they suddenly became someone else. I believe you're going to back it up with ”it felt right” and the emotions come later. If so, add some character development.

Also, pay close attention to your punctuation. It will be more appealing! :twilightsmile:

9789615
I thank you for the advice. I'll try my best to do what I can but a can't make any promises. I did you a good day

9790056
Not a problem my friend! I'm glad I can help! Can't wait for the next update :trollestia:

9790056
Getting a proof reader and editor can also help you out.

Main problem I see so far I s congruency. In the first chapter you made it seem like he had King's memory and not his own. Second chapter he suddenly remembers it was a show.

9791030
Thank you for pointing that out. What I want to do is make it so his memory and mind is still human, suttle absent-minded actions will be as though it was actually king himself. I could've explained or been more precise about it

Oh, I didn't think that there would be another order! Creative. :twilightsmile:

Your punctuation is much nicer than the last chapter. Congratulations! Although the pacing of the story could still use a little work, it is much more elaborate than the last chapter. :heart:

9791578

I look forward to seeing where you are going with this, more particularly whom you choose as the other sins.

9791730
Thank you, it means a lot. Pacing is something I always have trouble with, but it'll get better with practice

9791778
Of course it will! Like I said before, it's no problem! :heart:

I like this but reread your story. Son is to sin my dude:scootangel:

9791778
Dude, first read again your description, everybody read it before choosing to read your story, so make sure it doesn't have typos and grammar mistakes, which it has, I almost dismiss this just for that dude, it really tells what we would expect from the story and from the writer, no wonder you have 14 dislikes XD.

9792409
i agree but no it is 16 dislikes

Were their marks actually brands? I thought they were tatoos.

Interesting assortment of creatures, hope they're powerful as their sins imply.

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