• Member Since 14th Nov, 2018
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

River Shy


Like Twilight, I'm a book pony princess.

E

Starlight wants to give a gift to Twilight, a book which catalogs her whole library. She casts a spell and things don’t go quite as planned.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 15 )

Pretty cool!

Cute idea. :)

Let me give you a couple of writing tips, if I may?

First: When writing dialogue, the spoken dialogue and the following dialogue tag (the "who-said-it-and-how") are considered one sentence, not two separate ones. What this means is that:

(a) if the character's spoken dialogue would normally end with a period, you end it with a comma before the closing quote mark instead;

:facehoof: “Well at least I have a copy to work on.” Starlight said dryly to nopony in the room.
:twilightsmile: “Well at least I have a copy to work on,” Starlight said dryly to nopony in the room.

(b) the first word of the dialogue tag is not capitalized, unless it's someone's name (or the pronoun "I" if you're writing in first-person)

:raritycry: “Oh for Celesta’s sake,” She cried with frustration.
:raritywink: “Oh for Celesta’s sake,” she cried with frustration.

(c) if the character's dialogue ends with a question (?) or exclamation (!) mark, you leave those in as usual, but the first word of the dialogue tag is still not capitalized unless it's a name:

:pinkiesick: “So does that mean you can fix it?” She added, rubbing her leg with a hoof sheepishly.
:pinkiehappy: “So does that mean you can fix it?” she added, rubbing her leg with a hoof sheepishly.

The only time you would end the spoken dialogue with a period and then capitalize the first word outside the quotes is if what follows the dialogue is not a who-said-it-and-how, but a completely separate action not related to the dialogue:

“Spike, can you go grab me that magnifying device over there?” She pointed at a corner of the room. “I think I know where all the books went.”

This is correct, because "She pointed at a corner" isn't a description of who said the preceding dialogue and how; it's a separate action in itself.

Next: Generally, when one character is talking to another and directly addresses them by name, you should put a comma before and/or after the name, depending on where it falls in the sentence:

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Starlight,” Spike said for the fourth time.
“Come on, Spike, stop being such a scaredy dragon. This’ll be the perfect gift for Twilight.”
“Starlight, stop,” Twilight said calmly, not letting her finish.

Finally -- be careful of run-on sentences; there's a few spots in here where you really need an extra comma. One trick which I find helpful sometimes is to read the story out loud to yourself, and pay attention to the places where you naturally pause when speaking the sentence aloud. Generally, if you pause at a particular word, you need a punctuation mark there.

Hope that helps! :twilightsmile:

9782289
Thank you for the input. That actually clarified a lot of the confusion I was having about what kind of punctuation I should use. Next story I will take all these into consideration. :twilightsmile:

Cute and sweet. Poor Starlight, so well-meaning.

9783834
Wow thank you so much! :heart:

A pleasant read. :twilightsmile:

9784877
Thanks I’m glad you enjoyed it:twilightsmile:

Today l learned an important lesson. When you make mistakes it is important to own up to them. It will be embarrassing, and that’s hard. But true friends understand and will forgive, and sometimes they are able to help you figure out what went wrong, because friends make mistakes too.

Starlight also learned to mix spells differently, and that that specific combination was a big no-no.

I like the nice story!

10022656
Thanks I'm glad you enjoyed it. :pinkiesmile:

10022747
You're welcome. I especially like Twilight's reaction. Reminds me of her teacher. :trollestia:

Glad to see that Twilight understood what Starlight did wrong and fixed it. :twilightsmile:

But true friends understand and will forgive, and sometimes they are able to help you figure out what went wrong, because friends make mistakes too.

I love that part of the letter. :heart:

“I just don’t think messing with Twilight’s books is such a good idea.” Spike replied, not at all convinced of the wisdom of her plan.

Oh no no no no NO Spike! You know it's a good idea not to mess with Twilight's previous books:twilightoops:!!!

Spike bristled at the suggestion. “That’s not it at all, Starlight!” He exclaimed. “What if something goes wrong, Twilight would lose it.”

And just what kind of 'lose it' are we thinkin' here Spike? Are we talking, 'Twilight turning into a fiery version of an alicorn as she did in Feeling Pinkie Keen' kind of lose it? Or, 'having a magic surge so strong that she sends her own treehouse catapulting in the air like in the Season 3 Premiere', kind of lose it:twilightoops:?

But true friends understand and will forgive, and sometimes they are able to help you figure out what went wrong, because friends make mistakes too.

:rainbowkiss::heart:!!!

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