• Member Since 14th Nov, 2018
  • offline last seen 29 minutes ago

River Shy


A sensitive little filly, can personally relate to shy pony and book pony.

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Starlight wants to give a gift to Twilight, a book which catalogs her whole library. She casts a spell and things don’t go quite as planned.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 9 )

Pretty cool!

Cute idea. :)

Let me give you a couple of writing tips, if I may?

First: When writing dialogue, the spoken dialogue and the following dialogue tag (the "who-said-it-and-how") are considered one sentence, not two separate ones. What this means is that:

(a) if the character's spoken dialogue would normally end with a period, you end it with a comma before the closing quote mark instead;

:facehoof: “Well at least I have a copy to work on.” Starlight said dryly to nopony in the room.
:twilightsmile: “Well at least I have a copy to work on,” Starlight said dryly to nopony in the room.

(b) the first word of the dialogue tag is not capitalized, unless it's someone's name (or the pronoun "I" if you're writing in first-person)

:raritycry: “Oh for Celesta’s sake,” She cried with frustration.
:raritywink: “Oh for Celesta’s sake,” she cried with frustration.

(c) if the character's dialogue ends with a question (?) or exclamation (!) mark, you leave those in as usual, but the first word of the dialogue tag is still not capitalized unless it's a name:

:pinkiesick: “So does that mean you can fix it?” She added, rubbing her leg with a hoof sheepishly.
:pinkiehappy: “So does that mean you can fix it?” she added, rubbing her leg with a hoof sheepishly.

The only time you would end the spoken dialogue with a period and then capitalize the first word outside the quotes is if what follows the dialogue is not a who-said-it-and-how, but a completely separate action not related to the dialogue:

“Spike, can you go grab me that magnifying device over there?” She pointed at a corner of the room. “I think I know where all the books went.”

This is correct, because "She pointed at a corner" isn't a description of who said the preceding dialogue and how; it's a separate action in itself.

Next: Generally, when one character is talking to another and directly addresses them by name, you should put a comma before and/or after the name, depending on where it falls in the sentence:

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Starlight,” Spike said for the fourth time.
“Come on, Spike, stop being such a scaredy dragon. This’ll be the perfect gift for Twilight.”
“Starlight, stop,” Twilight said calmly, not letting her finish.

Finally -- be careful of run-on sentences; there's a few spots in here where you really need an extra comma. One trick which I find helpful sometimes is to read the story out loud to yourself, and pay attention to the places where you naturally pause when speaking the sentence aloud. Generally, if you pause at a particular word, you need a punctuation mark there.

Hope that helps! :twilightsmile:

9782289
Thank you for the input. That actually clarified a lot of the confusion I was having about what kind of punctuation I should use. Next story I will take all these into consideration. :twilightsmile:

Cute and sweet. Poor Starlight, so well-meaning.

9783834
Wow thank you so much! :heart:

A pleasant read. :twilightsmile:

9784877
Thanks I’m glad you enjoyed it:twilightsmile:

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