Unconventional Conclusions

by FanOfMostEverything

Movies in Pony Voices: Full Feather Jacket

"Huh." Rainbow Dash either had a thought or got mildly concussed; the two looked nearly identical.

Given how she was having a picnic with Fluttershy, odds were it was the former, though there had been that time Luna had been doing target practice with micrometeorites. "What is it?" said Fluttershy.

"I know your dad worked at the weather factory for years," said Dash. "Heck, I interned under him. But what did your mom do for a living before she met him?"

"Oh." Fluttershy blinked. "You know, I'm actually not sure. I'll have to ask her."

"Think it had anything to do with flowers?"

"Probably... though she was born in Cloudsdale. Not many other pegasi care much for gardening."

Dash shrugged her wings. "Whatever. This is your mom we're talking about. I'm sure it was something sweet and gentle."

---

Twenty-five years earlier...

"Good morning, scum," the pegasus mare said as she stalked down the lines of bunks. She didn't raise her voice. By all rights, it shouldn't have been audible from both ends of the barracks while she was in the center. But aside from her, the room was dead silent, her soft voice filling every available corner and leaving no room for even the possibility of another sound. "My name is Drill Instructor Shy, but as far as you sacks of glue are concerned, I am the mare who raises the sun and moon. Henceforth, you will speak only when spoken to and the first and last words out of your drooling sphincters will be 'Ma'am.' Is that understood?"

Once her voice left room for anypony else, the recruits shouted, "MA'AM, YES, MA'AM!"

That got a grudging nod. "Well. It seems there's something in your skulls besides horse apples. But I'm not convinced that that wasn't a fluke." She turned with cobra-like speed, pinning down a unicorn unfortunate enough to be next to her with her gaze. "You there."

He swallowed, eyes darting between looking at her and staring straight ahead. "M-ma'am?"

"Do you think you could kill a pony?" she asked, calm as could be.

He reached a compromise of staring at her. "Ma'am?"

"Did I stutter? I asked you if you thought you could kill a pony, Private. Or did you think joining the Royal Guard just meant standing around looking pretty and waiting for Celestia to walk by and check her reflection in your helmet? You will learn to use a spear, Private, to drive it into some unfortunate soul and not even watch him bleed his life away because three of his friends are trying to do the same to you." She leaned close enough to smell his fear and, no louder than before, said, "Do you think you can do that?"

The stallion collapsed and emptied his stomach on the floor, tears streaming from his eyes.

Drill Instructor Shy shook her head. "Disgraceful. Private Upchuck, you are excused to go fix your mascara." She didn't even watch as he tottered to his hooves, instead surveying the room. Several others looked as unsteady, though many still stood still as statues. "But you should all know that you will be expected to serve your country to the fullest of your ability in the event of international conflict, and I am expected to prepare you for such a dark day. When we are through, you will curse the very air I fly through, but rest assured, each and every one of you will be killers. Do I make myself clear?"

"MA'AM, YES, MA'AM!"

"Fan-feathering-tastic."

Author's Note:

Well, when her daughter took R. Lee Ermey's part, it seemed like a natural extension of the theme.

Comments

[Crack-Fic Casey]

Fun fact: Bob Ross was a drill instructor! He disliked doing it and that's why he was so soft-spoken.

[Arkonfleight]

Until the show jossed it, I liked the idea that the reason Fluttershy was so timid was the stare was inherited and liberally applied during childhood.

[nemryn]

9775474
Well, the Stare is basically just reified maternal authority, so yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

[Bugsydor]

Fan-feathering-tastic

Language! It seems we now know where Fluttershy gets her mouth from.

This was fantastic, too.

[PresentPerfect]

Fucking perfect.

Rainbow Dash either had a thought or got mildly concussed; the two looked nearly identical.

Now that's how you write Rainbow Dash! :V