Set several years in the future, another routine gem hunt for Rarity turns into something more as she discovers a long lost friend who disappeared from Ponyville years prior.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 14th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 25th, 2015
TheBanteringBrony
Dinosaurs and ponies. Story of my life.
TheBanteringBrony
Joined 14th Jul, 2012 ·
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Needless to say, this is my first story.
I would just like to say I will welcome all forms of critique, even harsh critique. I want to get better at writing and critiquing helps a lot.
Unless, you, um don't want to.
D'aww, loved it. Great job!
This was pretty good, but Spike just running away completely out of the blue seems a bit off. Even if he wanted freedom and needed time to think about his position in life, I'm pretty sure he could have talked it over with Twilight.
You've managed to capture my interest however
can't wait to read more!
I like it, track and thumbs up, let's see what you make of the rest of the story.
Let's be honest here at first. I noticed some spelling and grammar errors, though nothing too jarring you just might want someone to help you proofread the chapter before you post. The story itself has a little trouble in its flow, though that might just be a preference thing on my part and a difference in our styles. Still, bringing up in the narration part way through that Spike left Ponyville is just a bit...clunky to me.
On the other hoof, it seems you're having fun with the idea and I'd like to see how this goes. I find most Sparity stories are sweet and it'll be nice to see what direction you take this one in. Keep going!
1078953 Are there any proof readers on this site? >.>
Yeah, flow is kind of an issue of mine. Going from subject to subject without saying "And then this happened, and then that happened, then this popped up." is tough for me. I'll work on that.
Having fun is all that matters right? Right?!
Not bad. I like the direction and base of the story. Some parts of Rarity seemed a little out of character, but she was desperate, so I could accept them. The image of Spike in my head is comparable to the teenage dragons in Dragon Quest, sans wings. This could be really good, continue.
P.S. Check your PM's.
This is a good start to the story. There are some grammar errors here and there, but aside from that, the fic has a good start.
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This is good really good.
1079614 <--- Shout out to this guy/and or girl. He/and or she helped point out some of the grammar mistakes.
I think this is a good start to what may be a great fic, some things seem rather sudden, the 'lets go home bit' was quick (maybe have them talk a bit more? I dunno...). My only questions are 1.He's wearing pants, has he been hanging out with Lyra? and 2. Why no wings (plot device?) ? I'll definitely keep an eye on this and thumbs up!
1080025 That'd be he.
1080148 About the pants, I figured being out in the forest and stuff he could use pockets and such. Plus I think pants on Spike looks cool.
Also he isn't hiding anything either, Reptiles keep their genitalia inside there bodies. >.> Except when, well, you know.
As for the wings, I've noticed in the show he isn't born with them and even when he goes into his older stages he doesn't have wings. At first I thought I could make him a wyvern, having an arm and wing combo. But in the back of my mind it just didn't feel right.
1080544 yeah at first i thought he would be a "grounded" dragon whose built more muscly (3 races for dragons like the ponies have
) but after dragon quest and reading "It takes a Village" I've thought he'd grow them. The pants.... knew they weren't for hiding but unless it was with an outfit i think its still a lil weird for a place where clothes are only for fun... as for pants for pockets...hmm. usually in the wilderness they make or use packs that they can sling across their back (and are bigger).
That's my two bits... but I haven't even considered posting any of my story Ideas so I can't really talk
PS I still really like the story
1080842 I think I'll put a description of his pack in Ch 2.
PS You're awesome.
Liked it
I'm curious to see where this story goes and how it would end.
Kudos to you.
I would just like to add I spent roughly 2-3 weeks working on this on and off. I'm not saying Chapter 2 is 3 weeks away but I like to take my time when I write.
1081646 well then get going!!!!
I would just like to say I'm not really happy with Chapter 2.
I started over like 4 times from scratch on that chapter.
I kind of wish I finished the story and then put it on here.
Also a big thank you to everyone that favorited and commented so far. I don't really know what to say, except that you guys are awesome.
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More I say! The otters agree!
1146431I'll try to get the next chapter out before college classes start(September 6th) but no promises.
But hot damn those otters are cute.
I know right? They are so adorable
But take your time. No need for rush but I want to see where this story goes.
Can some pony say awkward ?
Nice update to the story. Please do keep up the good work.
For a first time story, it's off to a great start. Keep up the good work.
Short chapter is short.
1148876 Can you ever forgive me?!
1148643
1148663
Thanks.
1149926 As long as the next chapter is longer.
1078002 Actually, I can see it. If Spike tried talking to Twilight about this, she would a) try to talk him out of leaving and convince him everything will be fine, or b) act supportive and let him go then somehow follow him or keep tabs on him.
Spike needed to do this on his own. Granted, he should have at least left a note.
To me, it's not the length, it's the content. Adding a little drama to an already tense situation. Although, I never though of the Diamond Dogs of having a king. Let's see how everything develops.
1161800 Yeah I was kind of worried people would think the king diamond dog would be a little forced. Coming out of nowhere and all. >.>
Okay.
I'm a little happier with chapter three but I feel the leader diamond dogs parts are really awkward.
I might edit those.
Also in case you can't tell I suck with dialogue.
dang cliffhangers
but love the story
1178984
"Always make the audience suffer as much as possible."
-Alfred Hitchcock.
dun, dun, DUN!
1179463 I'll be honest.
Tomorrow I move into my college dorm and I start classes on the 6th. So I hope I can get something out by then but once classes start I have to focus on them.
I'll update as soon as possible.
Aw snap, this isn't going to end well.
Still, it was a nice update and a great reunion between Spike and Twilight.
Let hope the others can understand Spike's reasons for leaving.
Please do keep up the good work.
Oh noes. This ain't good at all.
D'awwww that made me feel all fuzzy inside...I hate you
1217226
Good, let the hate flow through you.
This could only mean 1 thing... you are a Anti-Changeling!!
I picked the worst time to start writing a fanfic. Worst. Time.
My college classes start tomorrow and I really want to spend 100% of my time studying and practicing drawing. (I'm getting a BFA in illustration.)
So, with a heavy heart I'm putting this story on hiatus. It pains me that this story has been generally well received. It is selfish of me to stop halfway through a story but this is my education and I want to make sure every cent I throw at this school is worth it.
So stay cool my bronies, I promise If I have any free time I may put 100-200 words into the story as I go along.
1226369
I finally read the story and it goes on hiatus, well and yay another art major :)
Stories isn't tagged Dark or Tragedy, so Rarity sure still be alive.
I understand life happens, so we may have to wait awhile for the next chapter. However, did you have to end it on a cliffhanger like this, just before moving and starting college?
Just make sure there IS a next chapter.
1259858 I planned on finishing this before college but, you know.
I'm not ballsy enough to write a dark or tragic story anyway, well, I kind of like to make my readers suffer(In a good way). But I love Rarity and Spike to much. I'm at a crossroads here.
And yes their is a next chapter. It's either going to be the last or second to last. I want it to be as long if not longer than the first one.
That's not including a prologue I have in mind but that's completely off the radar right now.
so touching
i am in love with this story...
take this off haitus and GIVE ME MORE!!!!!!!!!!MOARMOARMOARMOARMOAR!!!!!!!!!!!
So help me Celestia I will finish this story. I'm 1500 words into the last chapter, not sure if I'll finish it in a day or a in a week but I'm starting to get the ideas down.
I'm sorry x 1000 for keeping my fellow bronies waiting.
1565866 please hurry!
