Miss Pinkamena's Neighborhood

Maud and Limestone Pie were in the kitchen getting dinner ready. Normally the whole family would pitch in to make dinner, but their parents were with Marble at a parent-teacher conference (who weren’t going to be back anytime soon) and Pinkie was picking up her girlfriend who was joining them tonight. That just left the two of them to make dinner and set the table.

“Ugh,” Limestone begrudgingly moaned as she finished setting out the last of the plates and utensils, “Is the food done yet, Maud?”

“Almost,” Maud replied in her usual monotone manner, lifting the lead off one of the pots on the stove, “The vegetables still need about another minute to simmer.”

“Great,” Limestone unenthusiastically commented, “Any idea when Pinkie and her girlfriend are supposed to get here?”

Maud looked up at the clock, noticing it read 5:45pm.

“They should be here any minute now,” Maud stated.

Just then the kitchen door was opened, revealing Pinkie Pie in the doorway. Although, she didn’t appear to be usual bubbly self; her hair was straight, her complexion was very pale, and she had a vacant look in her eyes.

“It’s…one…hell of a day in the neighborhood, a hell of a day for a neighbor,” Pinkie began to sing, somewhat off key, as she walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the table, “will you mine, won’t you be mine, won’t you be my neighbor?”

“Oh wonderful, Pinkie’s snapped again,” Limestone pointed out, “Just what I needed today.”

Strangely enough, the Pie family was used to this sort of behavior from Pinkie. Whenever something especially bad happened to her she would ‘snap’, as Limestone put, and adopt the guise of another person. Occasionally, she even adopted the guise of a beloved TV icon, albeit a somewhat warped version of said beloved TV icon.

“Be nice, Limestone,” Maud instructed as she took the vegetable pot off the stove, “She’s clearly had a rough day.”

“So have I, but you don’t see me going off the rails on the crazy train.” Limestone mumbled to herself.

“Pinkie, what happened?” Maud inquired, taking a seat next to her distraught sister.

“Well, it’s just the three of us tonight girls,” Pinkie started explaining rather eerily as she stared off into space, “you know why? My girlfriend broke up with me.”

Maud placed a hand on her sister’s shoulder in a sign of support.

“I’m so sorry, Pinkie,” she said.

“Isn’t that nice?” Pinkie continued, seemingly ignoring Maud altogether, “I’m so glad the bitch is gone.”

“Wow, she’s really lost it this time,” Limestone spoke up with a hint of surprise in her voice, “I’ve never heard her call anyone a bitch before.”

“Pinkie, maybe you should…” Maud began to say before she was cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing.

“Ooh, who could that be?” Pinkie asked as a creepy smile crossed her face, “I’ll get it.”

Pinkie got up from her seat and walked past Limestone on her way to the front door.

“You’re just going to let her answer the door?” Maud asked Limestone, confused as to why she’d just let Pinkie walk right past her.

“I’m not getting in her way when she’s like this,” Limestone retorted.

Both Pie sisters followed Pinkie into the living room to make sure Pinkie didn’t do anything…rash.

“This is how you answer the door in my neighborhood,” Pinkie said to her sisters before quickly turning towards the door.

“WHATCHU WANT?!” she shouted in a low, growly voice.

“Um, hello, I’m here to see Pinkie,” came a small voice from the other side of the door.

Pinkie’s face changed to a look of sarcastic surprise, turning her head to face Limestone and Maud as she opened the door.

“Why, it’s Wallflower Blush, my ex-girlfriend,” she said as she turned her head back to the girl on her doorstep.

“Hello, Wallflower,” Pinkie greeted her with an unsettling smile.

“H-hi Pinkie,” Wallflower said back, “I was just wondering if I could have my ticket for Post Crush.”

Wallflower was referring to the tickets Pinkie had bought for them three months ago to see their favorite band. Fearing that she would lose her ticket at the time, Wallflower had asked Pinkie to hold onto it for her until the show. But since they were broken up she wanted it now.

Without saying a word, or taking the creepy smile off her face, Pinkie reached into her pocket, pulled out a concert ticket, and held it in front of Wallflower.

“T-thanks, Pinkie,” Wallflower softly said as she took the ticket and headed down the front walk.

Pinkie slowly closed the door and turned back toward her sisters.

“Wow, first Wallflower breaks my heart, then she comes to my house asking for a concert ticket that I paid for,” she chillingly stated as she slowly closed the gap between the three of them, “Can you say ‘scumbucket’?”

Limestone and Maud looked at each other for a quick moment but remained silent.

“Do you know any scumbuckets? I bet you do,” Pinkie continued.

“Oh yeah,” Limestone finally spoke up, “I know plenty of them.”

“Say, you know what we should do, girls? We should talk to the author,” Pinkie suggested.

“The author?” Maud inquired.

“Yeah, the author,” Pinkie confirmed as she pulled a sock puppet from seemingly out of nowhere and put it on her right hand.

“Say, Peni, why did you write this story where I get my heart broken and go crazy?” she asked the sock puppet.

“Well gee, Pinkie,” the sock puppet, apparently named Peni, answered as Pinkie performed a ventriloquism act, “It’s because I wanted to write a parody of Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood and your Pinkamena persona seemed like the most logical choice to portray Eddie Murphy’s comedically cynical character.”

“Oh Peni, you’re the one who’s truly crazy,” Pinkie stated.

“Yeah, I know,” Peni said back.

At this point, Limestone and Maud were getting truly worried. Pinkie’s episodes had never gotten this bad before and they were concerned just how much worse this one could get.

“What are we going to do?” Limestone quietly asked Maud, “She’s talking to a sock puppet and claiming it’s some kind of author that’s responsible for her misery.”

“I don’t know,” Maud admitted, “She should calm down eventually. I say we just play along for now, until and unless she tries to hurt herself or someone else.”

Limestone looked back at Pinkie, who was still talking to the sock puppet, and gave a small sigh.

“Yeah, okay,” she reluctantly agreed as the two girls walked over to their sister.

“Pinkie, can we talk to you and Peni for a minute?” Maud asked.

Pinkie placed the sock puppet up to her ear, as if she were listening to something it was saying.

“Sorry girls, but there’s no time left. Peni says the story’s just about over,” Pinkie replied as she made the sock puppet bob its head up and down in a nodding fashion.

“And what exactly does that mean?” Limestone wondered.

“It means it’s time to say ‘goodbye’ of course,” Pinkie said before pivoting 90 degrees to her right and waving her left hand. “So, goodbye everyone!”

“Goodbye,” Peni reiterated.

Limestone and Maud simply stared at their sister as she waved at the wall.

“Mom and Dad really need to send her to a psychologist.” Limestone whispered.

“Agreed.” Maud whispered back.

Author's Note:

Does anyone know the number of a good therapist I could call?