At a coffee shop, there is a stallion. He orders nothing but a coffee and a bagel everyday, without fail, and never gives the reason why.
Here is his story.
((Featured around 8/4/19!))
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- Member Since 8th Sep, 2018
- offline last seen 10 hours ago
Dashie04
Your friendly neighborhood writer of entirely too many trans ponies! (Dashie | she/her | Discord: velvetred2004 | pfp by Malphym)
Dashie04
Joined 8th Sep, 2018 ·
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9764003
Heck, I’m the author and I want to know more about this coffee shop.
I always like stories that end in the way they started, one of my favorite methods of storytelling.
I cried when you mentioned me in your Author's note, and I am honored that you thought of me. This was a really great story, and I really enjoyed it. Well done!
Cute story but didnt really had any impact for me,sorry..I think it needs more "Slice of life" in it.It needs "more" overall.It kind of passes for me as a word of mouth story that would hit those who relate to it but i think its lacking in build up or any hint of attachment or what would keep that Pony coming back, no peaks into characters. No pondering from who noticed him coming back and even at the end when he brought that coffie to that colt, it was somewhat dispassionate where i would expect such inviduall to sit down at least briefly and attempt to talk more or..anything that would make this moment more memorable for the Colt not just an act of passing kindness.
The side joke if this was an eldritch horror, of continuity.
"To leave an impact", indeed.
There will always be someone for that one red couch, never leaving their real name, ordering the same thing. All for the sake of aesthetics, an image, an ideal, a feeling. Only the couch remains.
It's the couch, it was always the couch
9765658
Best comment on this story by the way.
It feels like it needs a bit of editing, but it's a solid short story. Great job!
I know a lot of others might be asking for "more," but I actually quite enjoyed this exactly at the length it needs to be. Sometimes you don't need to delve deep into the lore or the pony's lives in order to get an impact story from it. It was one good deed churning right into another. This is "Pay it forward" in it's truest sense.
9771702
You understood my idea, I can’t make a sequel or a prequel because the point is that it’s an endless loop. It’s also kind of hard to emphasize Screen Cap because that would get repetitive quickly.
Another thing I had was the point that it’s supposed to be a story you’d tell others, a sort of word-of-mouth story.
Hey! Found this again still hanging out in my Read Laters. Reading through it I notice:
This note comes after what is seems to be a fairly significant time skip, and the story starts when he's already eighteen. I just feel it breaks the flow of the bit when I would have assumed he got a job before that point.
Still think it's a solid short story!
9988100
Thanks for the compliments. I do understand how the time skip might interrupt the flow though.
9765571
A simple act can have a lasting impact.
Reading every Depth in Innocence Contest entry: Bonus Story 3: The Endless Cycle by SociallyAwkwardDashite
(Disqualified for being written before the contest start date, but after reading it definitely feels like a Depth in Innocence entry)
A story about a cycle. A bagel of life, shall we say. While I feel like moves a bit to fast, and the ending isn't exactly a surprise, I still like it. It has a nice, almost fable like feeling to it. It may not particularity feel "pony-ish", but I feel that's actually a benefit here, since the core could be adapted to almost any setting. I don't really have much more to say, to be honest. It's a fine example of a simple, cylindrical and meaningful little one-shot.
10314039
I know it was written before the contest, but at least you still enjoyed it!
This was great! Love the cyclical nature of the story and this is the type of story you'd expect to be a local legend.