• Published 13th Aug 2012
  • 937 Views, 59 Comments

Deathbeat - SoulHook

Two musicians, two genres, one scene, mutual hatred. Vinyl Scratch vs Mane Death

  • ...

Idiots of Celestia's mod

* Important announcement! *
* Read the author's note after concluding this chapter! *

Previously: just when everything seemed to finally get settles with the winner getting his/her crown, Vinyl and Coal learns they are forced to play together for the upcoming show. And the contract is signed in nopony's name but Twilight Sparkle....


Part 9: Idiots of Celestia's mod

The gentle tunes from an acoustic guitar filled the air over Ponyville Stage. A single stallion sitting on the edge of the stage with his trusty instrument. An instrument he had been playing for many years, the instrument he had used to survive the daily needs of food. He scratched his bristly beard and began the next song.

Nopony knows what it's like
to be the bad pony
to be the sad pony
Behind blu-

The pony stopped abruptly as a small radio crashed into his head in high velocity and knocked him out.

Vinyl stood a few meters away, posing on like she just had tossed something away. Coal walked up behind her and sighed, giving the downed, bristly bearded pony a glance. His own appearance was of the gloomy kind, his voice agreed.

“Awww..... he was playing my favorite crying song...” the steel gray stallion said with an empty stare out in the thin air.

“Limb Biscuit is an androgenic traitor to music. You can't combine rap with rock” Vinyl said sternly, looking forward with an equal empty look like the audience to Whitney Horseton's last concert.

“Oh....” Coal answered weakly and sat down, soon accompanied by Vinyl.

The two musicians sat there, staring silently at absolutely nothing aside from the tumbleweed passing by from nowhere in front of them. Vinyl and Coal still did their best to melt the fact they were forced to cooperate. It said so in the contract, clear as day. They were to work together, plan the stage, plan the musical anthems and coordinate how everything would play out in the end. None of them liked the idea, but they were both professionals within their areas. Surely they could put aside their differences for the sake of their future...

… Yeah, not even I believe that.

Coal twitched an eye and nearly turned his head towards the white unicorn. “What are we going to do?”.

“I don't know.... buck off and go to Las Pegasi?” she replied coldly without the slightest trace of an ardor.

“You're not very bright.... are you...?”.

“No... my parents dropped me down the stairs when I was a foal”.

“You and me both”.


Coal blinked.

“You and me both...” he then said.

- - - -
The two gangs finally reached the stage of Ponyville. While Coal's band members hoped deeply their leader had caught the scene so their band could live on, Vinyl's friends and relative trusted their girl wouldn't fail this chance to get the performance of her dreams. They were designated by a nurse carrying her side of a patient stretcher that she had seen two ponies in the near vicinity where they found this bristly bearded stallion with a serious concussion. Sunny Days confirmed instantly that had to be a work of Vinyl.

Rain Water called from a distance for the others to come over. She had found them... sort of.

They were all shocked by the two ponies they all knew way too well to do anything intentionally degrading to themselves. Still, they found Coal laying on his side in a fetal position and stroking his tail, while Vinyl rocked back and forth and sucked on her fore hoof.

The guitarists held back their overwhelming chuckles, knowing that probably would lead to their very quick demise. Sunny Days walked up to his unicorn friend and waved a hoof before her eyes. She didn't respond. Neither did Coal when his friends tried to poke him. They all looked at each other and shrugged, unable to understand the problem. Before any of them could ask questions, the same mare Vinyl and Coal had talked to came up to them. She merely looked at all the ponies and then brought up a document from her nearly invisible saddlebag.

“Forgot to give you a copy of the contract you signed. Have a good day now” she said and walked away after the piece of paper landed in front of the lead guitarist Cord Screech.

He picked up the ducment with his unicorn magic, levitating it in front of him and thus causing the others to gather around so they could read. After several seconds of silent reading, most of the readers tilted their heads back in confusion, especially the mature Mayor Mare.

“What in the... Twilight Sparkle? Our winter wrap-up organizer?” she said in surprise.

“You... know her?” the dark pink unicorn Lucky Catch asked, triggering the mayor to explain herself about this very special unicorn. Meanwhile, Stricken walked back to the vocalist stallion and sat down. He was fully aware of the problem now. Not much could bring him back to the world of the mentally healthy ponies. Cord and Wide Beat joined him, consulting with each other if a dozen of kicks in the crotch could help him.

“No... no amount of crotch-kicks in the world can help him...” Stricken stated sadly, not bringing any brighter ideas to the ponies preparing their boots with steel caps. The boots were thrown away and they all sat down to think.

Vinyl's friends rubbed their chins, thinking even harder and considering every available option they had. There were many, of course. But which one wold serve best? Was it the fact Vinyl could sleep with this Twilight Sparkle or that she also was a unicorn which meant they had more in common than other ponies? No, that was just racism...

In the end, Cord Screech and Sunny Days both summoned a bright light bulb above their heads, frightening everypony around due to the sudden light. “How the hay do you guys do that?!” Rain Water exclaimed.

The two stallions leaned into each respective friend's ear and whispered.

The eyes of the two musicians widened as both hearts stopped for a minute. Their minds blew out all the cold in their bodies and a sudden fire engulfed them both.

Cord Screech received a strong punch in the face and crashed into Stricken, sending the pervert flying into a nearby fruit cart which exploded upon impact. Sunny days, however, received a merciless uppercut and flew up in the air. As the two obstacles were gone, Coal and Vinyl stood up on their hindlegs, pumped their chests with air and charged away in lightning speed.

Mayor Mare and the remaining ponies froze on their spots, looking either at the dust clouds leaving them or the other scene right behind them. Rain Water poked the mature mare on the shoulder, signaling for her to look over her shoulder. When she did, crimson covered her cheeks beneath the widened eyes.

Sunny Days opened his eyes slowly. The impact hurt his body as much as he had anticipated, aside from most of his torso. And that was the most curios part until the blur in his eyes disappeared. The dark green muzzle surprised him with blushes too, especially when he saw how close his mouth was from the other stallion's.

He had landed on Cord Screech... with spread hindlegs.

“Uhm.... hi...” the unicorn laying on his back said nervously. “Get off.... will ya?”.

“Ehh, yeah! Sorry” the orange earth pony apologized and got up on all four, helping the guitarist with an extended fore hoof. He accepted it and got up, only not expecting the other male to brush off the dust from his mane. They both chuckled lightly and cleared their throats afterward, trying their best to avoid the gleeful and predatory looks from the mares just a few hooves away.

Meanwhile over at the burning remains of the fruit cart, Stricken crawled out with third degree burns and glared at the two males in their awkward moment...

- - - -
After running over countless of flowers, knocking aside dozens of old ponies, crashing through tens of barrels, breaking inside a few homes and completely annihilating the most action-filled chess game of the century between Equestria's greatest minds, Vinyl suddenly told Coal to wait up. He didn't want to obey her first, but he knew the next sinister joke wasn't even close to this part of the story.

“Do you have any idea where Twilight Sparkle lives?” she asked, instantly responded by a proud grimace from Coal.

“Indeed I do. I heard, in my semi-paralyzed moment of self-pitying, that she lives in the Ponyville library near the center of town”.

“Is it a big tree with a candle light painted on the door?”.


Vinyl looked over her shoulder. There was a big, hollowed-out tree with a light candle painted on the door and a sign right next to it with the image of a book. “Like that library?”.

Coal studied the tree for a moment, scratching his chin and pictured the ideal image of how a library looked like. He couldn't find any image. Only a bunch of four-oh-four.

“And besides... are we having some sort of... temporary truce right now?” Vinyl asked with a cocked eyebrow. Coal scratched his neck and rolled his eyes, seeming uncomfortable with the subject in mind. “Yeah, I... suppose so” he said reluctantly and shrugged.

“Uhu. Well, now when we have that sorted out, let's return to the question if you know how it looks like?”.

“I've never been to a library before. I don't even know what they do there...” he stated.

“I've been at a library once, before they kicked me out for constantly flirting with the librarian, and they rent out books which you have to give back later. And it's for free, I think”.

“For free? Doesn't ponies... like, keep the books forever then?”.

“Of course they do! I mean, free books. Come on. It's free...”.

“Why are we talking about this?”.

“Dunno. The writer is probably trying to fill out the word count so he can feel good about himself”.

“Hah! What an uncreative dork. Bet he writes porn too”.

“Yeah! Hehe. Probably about ponies raping each other”.

“Ahahahaa! Y-yeah! And... haha... a-and about pregnant ponies getting their unborn foal eaten”.

“He probably gets off to it too!”.

After this proper, and not to mention permanent castration of an author, they fell to the ground and kept laughing out loud for another minute.

“O-okay! We... we-haha.... I think we have to go now... hehe” Vinyl said and got up on her unstable legs, wiping a tear from her eyes while Coal cleared his throat. In an instant, they turned on their killer-faces and galloped with full power towards the library entrance. The distance grew short and soon they both jumped up in unison, stretching forward a hindleg in their high velocity about to meet the door. Their facial muscles tensed as they both prepared for the impact...

The door opened slowly, letting Coal and Vinyl inside before they closed it.

“Hello? Anypony ho-”.

Coal and Vinyl widened their eyes in shock when they saw a purple unicorn mare dressed in a black robe reading a book in front of a red pentagram on the floor. Several candles burned around the big sign which now opened a vortex, summoning a giant monster with the head of a squid. But when the monster was about to step out from the dark vortex, the robed unicorn looked over her shoulder and saw the two dumbfound ponies staring at her work.

“Oh pony-feathers!”.

The magic stopped flowing from her horn and the squid-like monster disappeared back in the shutting hole. All the candle light died with the heavy atmosphere in the same moment the unicorn mare threw away her book and black robe.

“Oh, hi there! I thought I had locked the door. He he, simple mistake” the mare chuckled nervously and walked up to her frozen visitors.

“What in the name of Discord was that...?” Coal asked without resting his widened eyes.

“Wha... that thing? Oh, It was just a monster of over-divine measures which I had summoned just so it could do things to me I'd never forget and probably also regret for the rest of my life. I have this weird fetish for divine beings and... tell me if you have seen this spell before” she said and put on a pair of black shades right before emitting a strong flash from her horn.

The two visitors' foreheads lit up together with their eyes. They blinked once, then twice. Suddenly they could only remember opening the door to the library...

“My name is Twilight Sparkle. What can I do for you?” the mare introduced herself and put away her sunglasses.

Vinyl shook her head and brushed her mane, recalling her reasons for being here. She looked around in the library, wondering why there were so many candles.

“We... uh... right! Are you Twilight Sparkle? The pony who holds the contract that I'm to play with...” she had time to ask until Twilight cut her off in awe.

“Oh my gosh! Are you Vinyl Scratch? Then you must be Coal Silvermane?” she asked and looked at the musicians with excitement building up in her eyes. The ponies glanced at each other awkwardly.

“I... yes. And we want to know why...” Coal tried to say, also cut off by the unicorn when she ran away to a door inside the library's main room. After walking inside, they heard a male voice screaming horribly about 'not wanting to get sacrificed' until a bright flash emitted from the room, then it was just silent. When Twilight came out again, she had a purple baby dragon wrapped up in chains on her back. She ditched him on the floor and dispelled the chains so he could move freely.

“Twilight... wha... what happened?” he asked and rubbed his eyes, behaving like he just had woke up.

“Never mind that, Spike. Just take a note!” Twilight commanded and tossed a parchment and quill in his face. He grumbled annoyingly but still put still prepared to take the mentioned note. The lavender mare walked up to the confused ponies and straightened her back proudly.

“Dear princess Celestia. I'm sending you this letter to confirm that the musicians have arrived to Ponyville. Thanks for your help with the contract and I'll see you at the concert. That'd be all, Spike”.

Coal arched his eyebrows in anger. “Wait, what? Help? From princess Celestia? Who the freaking hay are you?” he asked while the young dragon rolled up the parchment and incinerated it into a green breeze of magic out through a window. Twilight giggled at the question and put a foreleg over her chest in a proud manner.

“I'm Twilight Sparkle: #1 student of princess Celestia herself, wielder of the element of magic, savior of Equestria... twice, unlicensed shrink, your friendly neighborhood egghead, nemesis of the great and powerful Trixie, favorite shipping-victim among fan-fiction writers, president of the local D&D club and I know what happens if you put a quantum harmonizer in your photonic resonation chamber”.

“Yeah? Up yours too, buddy!” Coal said, immediately slapped across the cheek by the white unicorn next to him.

“Okay... but can you explain why you're doing this to us? How did you get us both in the same contract when I booked the scene before any of this?” Vinyl asked in an annoyed tone, showing her great displease. Twilight sighed with rolling eyes and snatched her baby dragon with magic, placing him neatly on her back. She then proceeded towards the exit of the library.

She looked over her shoulder while opening the door. “Come with me and I'll explain on...”.

- - - -
After a few minutes, Coal and Vinyl had followed Twilight to a confectionery in the midst of Ponyville. The store was decorated to look like it was covered in gingerbread and icing, impressive to the earth pony stallion but nothing new to the unicorn mare. They followed their guide inside the store and were surprisingly greeted by a number of mares in different colors and races.

A pink pony jumped up to the musicians and introduces her as Pinkie Pie among the many other things she said and cheered over while bouncing around, sneezing confetti and farting out balloons. This time it was Coal who felt used to this, minding all the hyped groupies he have to deal with every now and then. Yes... including pressing out unexpected things from unexpected orifices.

After that there was a rainbow-maned pegasus in a blue coat, who Vinyl could have sworn threw a flirtatious wink at her. She introduced herself as Rainbow Dash, something Coal wanted to snort in laughter at when he thought about that time he was at a pride festival.

The other white unicorn dressed in a curly mane stunned both of the ponies as she appeared, properly introducing herself as Rarity. Coal wondered where all the glitter around her came from and why the little dragon riding on Twilight's back looked like a dog during his first mating cycle.

After that there was an orange mare with the thickest accent any of them ever had heard, a farmer known as Applejack with a sweet Stetson on her head. Vinyl and Coal shared the same thought: she HAD to be a fillyfooler.

“And now... allow me to introduce you to your BIGGEST fan, Coal Silvermane” Twilight said and stepped aside, revealing a yellow pegasus hiding her face behind her wings and pink mane.

Coal raised an eyebrow, believing he just had been insulted when he saw the nervous thing trembling behind her wings. He couldn't say anything since Twilight decided to take words again.

“These are all my friends, and we have worked together to get you here! Now let me explain...”

To be continued...

Author's Note:
I'm not going to write about the chapter this time. In fact, I have a special announcement to make!

Christmas is coming (puts a gun to my crying face)! And I've decided to make a special one-shot JUST for you guys! And yes, it's clop, before you ask. And it's going to be anthropomorphic characters too!!! Thing is... I want to write what YOU want to read, and thus I'm throwing out the poll again for all of you!

Here are the things you need to know:
1. All characters will be anthropomorphic (animals with human features).
2. It HAS to be characters from the mlp: fim universe. In other words NO CROSSOVERS!
3. You're allowed to wish for anything EXCEPT for your own OC to be in it.
4. December 17 is the last day you can send in your wish.
5. You can post a comment or send your wish to my e-mail:
master_losser @ hotmail.com

That should cover everything. So remember! December 17 is the last day you can send a wish for your favorite pairing in an anthro clop-fic. Happy holidays, according to political correctness, and...

Brohoof on ya all!

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