• Member Since 6th May, 2019
  • offline last seen 6 days ago

Rainbow sparkle1


Huge fan of dark fics, has a form of autism, has a YouTube channel, a fan of fnaf, a very good singer, and my profile pic is of my own custom OC toy

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Rainbow dash and Pinkie pie with another pony named Rainbiw Sparkle are all hanging out with each other until pinkie gets really ill and goes to the hospital, but there is no cure to her illness, will pinkie come out alive or not make it

Cover art by me with my own custom toy OC

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 11 )

Well, this seems like an interesting idea that could make for a good and enjoyable story :pinkiesmile: However, the execution needs work. I’m sad to say it, but everything in the story happens so fast that the readers cannot enjoy a single bit of the plot, the grammar and spelling are off, and some of the parts just ramble on, resulting in quite a jarring mess of sentences.

I’m sorry the first comment on your story has to be such a negative one, but I believe while this may hurt, it’ll help you become a better writer more than any kind of pointless sugarcoating would. This story can still be fixed and turned into something really great. Some tender loving care is all it needs, along with your patience and a hand of a skilled editor. In theory, editing the story also means that you’ll have more time to create your OC toy :raritywink:

9989575
thank you for telling me that, i was afraid of that. plus i'm only in seventh grade and i do have a form of autism so my stories aren't that long. and sorry for the spelling and grammar, i mostly worked on this story at school with a chromebook so i couldn't correct my spelling.i doubt that i'm going to get an editor soon but i hope i will. lastly, i don't think i'm going to be finishing my OC toy anytime soon, there is a lot of stuff going on and whenever i do have the chance to work on it, i forget. thank you for telling me this and i hope you like my other stories as well, and can you tell me what you said here, i want to improve after all, and possibly learn how to become a writer if i listen closely in my language arts class. down below are links to my other stories.

cupcakes after the fact

Rainbow dash's awesome daring adventure

10011058
You’re welcome :pinkiesmile: I understand. Well, no matter your young age or disabilities, you can always get better. It’s only about your will to improve and nothing else. For example, if you wrote this at school and were unable to fix the errors immediately, then why not read through the story again at home (ideally read it to yourself aloud word after word) and correct as many errors as you can find? And, if there are some errors that you cannot recognize yourself or you don’t know how to fix them, that’s where the editor or a similar helper comes in. You can find one in specialized editor/proofreader groups on this site, or ask a friend or family member with a good knowledge of English grammar and spelling :pinkiesmile: Lastly, you might get some tips on certain stylistic aspects of story writing at school, but to be honest, no class will teach you how to write. That’s something you have to figure out by practicing your skills. Also, reading a lot of quality fiction helps, especially if you think about what you read and how it makes you feel.

and can you tell me what you said here

Err, where should I tell you what?

10011085

  • thank you
  • i always reread the story at home to make sure everything is spelled right since i have the stuff to do it at home than i do at school.
  • i honestly don't know about getting friends to help, even family. for one my dad and stepmother aren't really interested in what i like, even mlp, and my mom, i don't think she really knows a lot about how to edit stories, i don't think she listened that much in her classes.
  • thank you for letting me know ahead of time that no future language arts class will teach how to become a writer, i'll try my best to improve my skills without those lessons
  • and about that final question, what i meant was tell me in the comments of those fics what i did wrong and possibly a way to improve

thank you for replying

10015560
You’re welcome!

And I see about your family and such. If that’s the case, they truly won’t help you much. Now, if you cannot find an editor, consider dowloading Grammarly. It is free and while not exactly perfectly suited for fiction, but it can still help you out with most errors, sentence structure included :pinkiesmile:

  • and about that final question, what i meant was tell me in the comments of those fics what i did wrong and possibly a way to improve

Oh, I see. Well, I skimmed through both of them, finding errors of similar nature as I have found in this story.

10015571
thank you, i've also heard of grammarly and i don't feel like downloading it now, i'll probably do it sometime in the future

10040931
I understand. It actually has an online version into which you can copy and paste your chapters :)

10044864
That there is an online version of Grammarly that you don't need to download.

10045017
Ok, i’ll Check it out sometime in the future

Guess what guys! OC custom is close to being finished and is available to making a cover art pic, so enjoy the cover art

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