• Published 31st Jul 2019
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One on One Philosophy with Discord - CrackedInkWell



An anthology about Discord teaching down-to-earth and relatable Philosophy to the Young Six and their teachers. Sequel to "The Philosophical Substitute: Discord"

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Twilight and Silverstream (Part 2) - On Communism

The next stop on our Magical Mystery Cafeteria Table Ride through the multiverse was Universe: 1936593465430374-62-C. So after dropping into that world (disappointingly by parachute much to my boss’s insistence on it) we landed in an apple orchard.

“This looks an awful lot like Sweet Apple Acres,” Silverstream commented when we landed, “What universe is this supposed to be?”

“Communism,” I told her, getting out of my seat, “only not the kind you’re thinking of.”

“Wait,” Twilight looked around, “are you telling me that this Equestria had actually embraced communism? What, is Starlight the dictator of this world?”

“We’ll get to that stuff later, but no, this isn’t it. If anything, stuff like what Starlight did in her village is nowhere in sight. In this universe, she’s not a leader of anything. But to the one that is…” With a snap of my talon, apples rolled down the bark of the tree and went underneath the table, picking us up and moving like a tank. “I will take you to the nearest leader here.”

“Mr. Discord,” Silverstream raised her claw, “what’s Communism?”

“That depends. Are we talking about what the philosopher with the overgrown bush of a beard thought about or the kind that ended up becoming?”

“Um…” She blinked, “the first one?”

“Ah, getting to basics then, FASTER YE APPLES! FASTER!” That last remark wasn’t to the hippogriff, obviously, but rather for our mode of transportation in which I had to crack the liquorice whip so that the thousands of apples would move us quicker. “To be fair, I’m kinda cheating on this one.”

“How so?” my boss raised an eyebrow.

“For one, Communism has more to do with economics than giving details as to how to run a country. In most universes, whenever someone for one reason or another try to apply Marx’s theories, it tends to get really messy. So much so, that even Rebel Beard,” I pulled out a bust of Marx in all his beardy glory, “said about himself at one point,” to this, I made the bust talk. “‘All I know is, I am no Marxist.’” To which I proceeded to toss the bust puppet aside. “If anything, the guy wouldn’t be flattered with the regimes that were set up in his name, especially the kinds where Dictators are involved. If anything, the guy’s idea of government was the exact opposite of all that.”

“Okay, but you didn’t answer my question,” Silverstream pointed out, “what’s Communism?”

“Well, to boil it all down into a nice ramen noodle broth,” I told her, “the guy pointed out this observation – that how the economy functions is deeply flawed. So much so, that two sorts of classes emerge. One is folks that run the business, and those who work for them. Let’s say… oh for example… that you, Silverstream, work for Princess Bookworm over here. That you work and work, day in and day out, dawn to dusk doing… book stuff. Now, how would you feel if one day you discover that for all that hard work, you only get a tiny fraction of payment, just barely enough to get by on, only for that paycheck to be taken away by the grocers and landlord – while Twilight here gets paid much more than you do for doing much less work.”

“That…” Silverstream looked between me and Twilight. “That doesn’t sound fair.”

“Oh, and not only that,” I added, “but that work you do is so boring, so repetitive, that it becomes meaningless. That regardless of how dedicated you are, that she could easily replace you at any time for any random reason. That if you make too much of something, it will cause the economy to go into a crisis so she might fire you for being too productive. And when things are so bad, then you’ll force yourself to marry someone not out of love but because they happen to be well off. All of this to the point where just being able to take a breather is considered a bad thing.”

She blinked. “That’s… dumb.”

“Marx would agree with you. Of course, in most universes, while his identification of what’s wrong with how the economy functions is technically correct, his solution in practice, however, is not. He suggested that the only way to resolve any of this was to start a revolution. He neglected, however, to tell his followers a clear blueprint. Yet, he did leave behind some ideas that in this universe, were taken to heart.”

“Okay, so you’ve laid out Marx’s ideas,” Twilight said, “but what does that have anything to do with how he thought government should work?”

Whistling loudly to stop the apples from going over a hill, we looked down at the farm below. “Why don’t you ask her?” I pointed. At first, neither of them could figure out what I was talking about until they spotted the orange pony pulling an apple cart.

For a moment, the two of them were confused, so I got up to take the lead. The two of them followed behind towards this universe’s Applejack, unloading baskets of apples. “Need any help?”

She looked up. “It’s mightily be appreciated, comrades. Jus’ need ta get this inta the storage barn over there.”

“Let me get those,” my boss said, lighting her horn to levitate the baskets out of the cart and gliding over into the barn.

“Thanks, fer that,” Applejack whipped away the sweat from her forehead, “now that’s done and outta the way, Ah could focus on other thin’s. Still, Ah take it you folks are out of town?”

This remark startled Twilight. “Don’t you know us?”

She shrugged. “Can’t say if Ah had, but it looks like yer from someplace far off. Name’s Comrade Applejack,” she held a hoof out to us. After we introduced ourselves, she added. “So where’d did y’all come from?”

“Let’s just say, far away,” I replied. “Like, really, really far away.”

“Ah see, do any of ya want somethin’ ta eat? Ah could whip somethin’ up if-”

“We’ve already eaten.” Silverstream interrupted. “So, not to sound like I’m being nosy but what do you have to do today?”

“Well, after harvestin’ some of these here apples, Ah was gonna go inta town ta help Comrade Pinkie with her cakes, then go teach the fillies with survival skills before they go campin’, then attend a council meeting and-”

“Council meeting?” Twilight blinked, “I thought- I mean, I didn’t know you were a member of a council.”

“Eeyup, Ah’m the chairmare of this here town, doin’ what Ah can ta help the ponies of Ponyville towards a worker’s paradise. ‘Course, we’ve still got ways ta go, but we’ll get there one day.”

“Okay…” Silverstream opened up her notebook. “So this council thing, how does it work?” While Comrade Applejack asked why, she replied, “I have a curiosity about government and wants to know how it works.”

“Ah,” she nodded, “while Equestria as a whole has had a successful revolution where the workers are now in control, each town and city have their own council just so things run smoothly. The way it works is that yer chosen by the ponies that believe yer up fer the job.”

“So like a Democracy?”

“Kinda… but not quite. Fer it ain’t the rich or politicians that are decided, but by the folks who put follow their own. Ah was chosen because the Ah’m well respected of the town. Now once ya get yerself on board, you're sworn an oath in front of everyone else. That you’d do what ya can so that the town and Equestria will be a place without borders, poverty, or misery. That you’d come up with ways that ponies find enjoyment in their work in which they collectively preserve and grow the community. We’d strive ta get ta a point where they wouldn’t need us anymore. That bits will be useless. And that ponies will help make just as much as they need ta so they and everyone can live comfortably. That, and have tacos on Tuesdays.”

“Okay,” Twilight said, “and what have you been doing so far?”

“Like makin’ education on all levels free. Gettin’ in an adjustable income tax. Turn bankin’, communication, and transportation businesses into utilities ta prevent monopolies. And soon, we’re gonna figure out how ta outlaw private property and inherited wealth.”

My boss raised an eyebrow. “As nice as that sounds, would that upset the economy? I mean, having free education is one thing, but even so, to have a good one you’d still have to pay for things like desks, books, paper and all that – some of which I’d think you’d have to get it from outside of town. Not only that but what good would outlawing private property and inherited wealth do?”

“Ta get rid of homelessness once and fer all fer one. And that wealth should be evenly be distributed ta everyone else. It ain’t fair fer somepony ta work their flank off and gettin’ hardly anythin’ while the rich do little but get the rest. Both of these thin’s will help ta get rid of poverty.”

“And the adjustable income tax?”

“So that everypony will get the amount that ain’t too high or low, but fair.”

I looked over to Twilight, she had a look on her face that she wasn’t entirely convinced.

“I have a question,” Silverstream said, raising a claw, “with the way you’re making it, is doing work a bad thing?”

“Oh, Tartarus no!” She snorted, “Ah don’t think that work in and of itself is a bad thin’. If ya found somethin’ that ya really enjoy doin’, have somethin’ that ya have pride in, it could be better than relaxin’ doin’ nothin’ at all. Like, take fer instance this orchard here. Ah could very well be an explorer, a buckball coach, or maybe a professor. But Ah chose this work because Ah know these apples here go in feedin’ Ponyville and beyond. That the tender love and care Ah put inta each tree and fruit brin’s pride in what Ah do. Now, it only becomes a problem if yer stuck permanently in it. Centuries ago, it wouldn’t be possible fer me ta be anythin’ else but a farmer. But now, with the society as it is, it makes it possible fer me ta do one thing today and another tomorrow. Ta hunt in the mornin’, fish in the afternoon, rear cattle in the evenin’, criticize after dinner; just as Ah have a mind, without ever becomin’ a hunter, fishermare, herdspony or critic.”

After Silverstream jotted that down, Twilight insisted that we must get going. So, after telling communist Applejack goodbye, I floated with them as we went back to the cafeteria table. “I’m sensing that you’re not quite convinced, boss,” I said.

She sighed, “It’s not like I know that she has good intentions in this universe but…”

“But…?”

“I have my doubts that this system would work.”

Silverstream tilted her head, “What do you mean?”

“From what I could get at it, she wants to have everypony be independent and have society function without governmental help or an economy. But she’s asking for the impossible. Because as Celestia has taught me is if there’s no productive economy, there’s no country. While she does have good intentions with free education, trying to make payment fair and all, getting any of that for free simply doesn’t exist. Which is why the whole tax thing is also impossible. If nopony with wealth can pay for it, then that means everyone else will have to pick up the slack. And if that happens, then everyone will be expected to pay quite a hefty amount just to keep society running.”

“To this extent, you are correct,” I told her, “in other worlds where Communism tries to be the policy of any country, the more it tries to simplify things the more complicated it got. Not only that, in most other universes, Dictators tend to rise up. Some of them did try to make things fair for everyone, but in a society where work is optional, and you need workers to keep the country going… well… let’s say many were forced to work at spearpoint. Eventually tossing aside what Marx originally had in mind.

“However,” I added as we neared the table, “if there is one thing that I do agree with Marx above all else he wrote about, it would be this: ‘Philosophers until now have only interpreted the world in various ways. The point, however, is to change it.’ The guy wanted nothing more than to change the world for the better, and even if he was wrong on some things, the criticism he gave shouldn’t be thrown in the garbage as it gives one a starting place to work from so that any world in any universe could change.”

Author's Note:

To be Continued...