• Published 31st Jul 2019
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One on One Philosophy with Discord - CrackedInkWell



An anthology about Discord teaching down-to-earth and relatable Philosophy to the Young Six and their teachers. Sequel to "The Philosophical Substitute: Discord"

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Twilight and Silverstream (Part 1) - On Democracy

Many don’t know this, but I love cafeteria food. Really, I do, the plastic trays you pick up, the lunchmares that look dead inside, how everything is kept warm and gooey. Especially when, on the day of this particular story, they were serving my favorite foods. Delightful things like: be be Bleep be, Bleep Bleep Bleep, be Bleep be, Bleep Bleep be, be, Bleep; the succulent Bleep, be Bleep be, be Bleep, be Bleep, be be be, be Bleep be be, Bleep, be be, Bleep be, Bleep Bleep be; with a fresh bowl of Bleep, be be be be,be be, be be be; which is preferred to be dipped with a be be, Bleep, be be be; a high pile of be Bleep salad; and a plate of cold be Bleep Bleep Bleep, Bleep Bleep Bleep, Bleep be Bleep, be with whipped cream. I still don’t know why ponies and everything else is disgusted or flees away in fear with what’s on my tray. They really ought to try some of it.

Eventually, I moved to my preferred spot which is a plaid table floating around the room in zero gravity. I was almost done with lunch when a pink Hippogriff came within the orbit of the table. “Hi Mr. Discord,” she greeted with one claw waving and a notebook in the other.

“Silverstream? Don’t you have lunch to tend to?” I asked, putting the pixelated food in my mouth.

For a moment, she looked like she was trying very hard not to hurl, however, she swallowed and said. “If you have a moment, I was hoping I could ask your take on something.”

“During lunch? Why is it that students tend to come to ask for my help when I’m eating?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. But if you don’t mind, it’s kinda important.”

I raised an eyebrow. “How important is important? Are we talking about ‘I’m going on a date soon and don’t know what to wear’ important; the ‘I don’t know who I am and what my purpose in life is anymore’ important; or are we talking about ‘the villains of the past have united and are trying to take over Equestria again’ important?”

While she pondered over this, my boss’s voice came up on the intercom: “Discord, please report to my office, Discord, my office.”

Odd,’ I thought, ‘I’m sure that I haven’t done anything worthy of a friendship lecture.’ So with a snap of a talon, I transported myself, the table and Silverstream over to my boss’s office. “What did I do this… what happened to you?”

The only way I could describe Twilight at her desk was as if Anxiety was given a body, ran a marathon, sang an opera, survived a tornado, slapped a crown on its head and told that it had to be Twilight Sparkle. Although there was the expected stuff like paperwork everywhere, rare books sprawled in every direction and charts were crossed over with other charts with red threads and pins that look like a drunken spiderweb. And there in the middle of it all was my boss that had twitchy eyes and mane in curls.

“Oh, the usual stuff.” She replied, giving the kind of smile as if she’s seconds away of turning me into a hardcover book. “Just getting ready to transfer from principle to Princess of all of Equestria.”

“I thought you were that already.”

“The title! Yes! But taking on the responsibilities twenty-four-seven is a completely different matter! I mean, there’s so much to consider here. Economy, education, military, taxes, agriculture, I can go on, but there are so many things to consider and figure out how it’s going to be done that I’m at a loss at where to start.”

“So you’re here about government too,” Silverstream spoke up, “funny, I was going to ask Mr. Discord the same thing.”

“You are?” Twilight blinked.

“Well, since I am technically royalty, albeit fourth in line since after my Auntie Novo it would be my cousin, then my dad, then me. However, this got me thinking, suppose for whatever reason I do end up being Queen, what exactly would I do? Should I change something about it? Then I thought I’d come to you to ask you if there are other ways to rule a country.”

“Ah-ha…” I stroked my goatee in thought. “So, from what I’m hearing is that both of you are asking me the same thing. What’s a good way to rule? Understandably since eventually, you two might have a throne.”

“It’s not just that,” Twilight told me, flying up to the table. “Even when I’ll eventually rule Equestria, what’s the best way to do it? Knowing Philosophy and Political theory, there are tons of interpretations of not only how to rule but who should have power and how much? These might be fun to think about on a sleepy afternoon, but I’m going to have to face them by the time Celestia and Luna transfer their power over to me.”

“Oh! I haven’t thought of that!” Silverstream jotted something in her notebook. “How many types of government are there anyway?”

“Nine,” I replied, “if you’re including the ones both of you know.”

“Why nine?”

“Let’s count them.” I said, “There is the Monarchy, aka, royalty should be the ones to rule. Then there is the Constitutional Monarchy, where the royals are more of a figurehead and the real power is with another group of ponies. Then there’s the Republic in which a small group that represents different parts of the country rule. Then there’s a Democracy in which everybody is in charge and decided by voting. Then there’s an Empire in which a single guy is in charge while the groups are more like advisors to him. Then there’s Communism in which only small communities are in charge of their own lands. There's also Dictatorial rule in which just one guy has absolute power. Anarchy in which no one’s in charge. And then there’s the impossible one.”

“Which is…?” Twilight inquired.

“Utopia.” I told her, “Given how things turned out in this universe, I’m afraid it’s pretty much impossible at this rate.”

Silverstream looked up from her notes. “I’m sorry, Mr. Discord, but with all these other governments, I’m not sure what you meant. Do you have a visual to show what you’re talking about?”

“And hold on,” Twilight added, “why is Utopia impossible here?”

“For one, I can sum it up with two words,” I replied, “Starlight Glimmer.”

“Oh…”

My student looked over her notes. “Mr. Discord, I’m not sure about what you mean by some of this stuff. I mean… like the whole Democracy thing or the Communism. These things sound odd to me. I don’t know how some of these would work in practice.”

This gave me an idea. “Come closer to the table,” I told them, “I think I can provide an object lesson.”

While my student came willingly, Twilight was hesitant before she took a seat at my floating table. Then with a turn of a cup and flipping the soup sideways-up, the table rumbled, clattered, and clanked before my boss’s office faded away. In its place, planets by the trillions and even further that look like home were everywhere. Each one has its number on a tag like discounted shoes.

“Discord?” Twilight asked, in awe at what she was seeing. “What is this place?”

“See these planets?” I asked. “Every single one you see is a different universe. The planet below is ours,” they looked down. “There are countless universes here, each having their own timeline and they have an endless amount of possibilities.”

“Like what?” Silverstream inquired.

“For example, that one over there,” I pointed to one of them, “Universe: 3857405760673721-58-C, in that one, Sunbutt was the one that turned evil and Luna sent her to the Sun for a thousand years while she ruled Equestria. Or that one,” I pointed at another, “Universe: 8532972017389543-83-V, in that one, life is pretty similar to the one both of you know, except everyone and everything is a fish. But not every difference is that dramatic.” I pointed to the planet next to us. “Universe: 4659321789569261-76-A, the same stuff happens like the one below, the only difference is that Twilight is completely bald.”

Twilight had a look of disgust while Silverstream giggled. However, my boss recovered. “So wait, if that’s true, then which one of these is the-”

“The one where you and your friends are human teenagers in a high school setting where the only way to it is through the mirror portal?” I pointed a tail. “Down there, Universe: 5830662345928346-12-E. Sadly, it’s one where there’s not a version of me in it. But thankfully there are others.”

“Okay…” Silverstream looked at her notes. “So, I guess that these universes have these different forms of government?”

I nodded. “Yep. It all depends on which one you want to see first.”

“Okay, I guess we can start with a Democracy. The idea of everyone ruling sounds interesting to me.”

“You got it!” I said, taking ahold of my plate and turning it. As I did so, the worlds went by like gumballs in a machine until we stopped at one particular planet. Universe: 6493629489069436-80-O. “First stop, the Final Debate!” turning my soup bowl sideways-down, the lunch table came falling through its atmosphere where Silverstream and Twilight were screaming for some reason. Soon, we crashed through an important-looking roof and landed between a stage and an audience.

“Could we NOT do that!?” my boss scolded, and I shrugged.

“Where are we?” Silverstream asked, rubbing her head.

“Ponyville, Equestria. Same time, same location. But in this universe, Equestria had long given up its ideas of monarchy and instead has gone the other way and became a democracy. And today, we’re in luck because we’re in time to witness the final debate between two candidates that the country will be voting for next week to become the next president.”

After Twilight shaken the dust off of her, she asks, “So in this universe, who’re the candidates?”

AND NOW, MARES AND GENTLECOLTS,” A booming but familiar voice spoke over the audience, “INTRODUCING THE FINAL DEBATE BETWEEN OUR TOP CANDIDATES FOR THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF EQUESTRIA, PLEASE WELCOME SHINING ARMOR FOR THE TROT PARTY!

A spotlight lit up on one side of the stage, in which both Silverstream and Twilight noticed a white unicorn stallion in a suit walking up, smiling and waving to the cheering crowd as he went up to a podium. Behind him, a long banner with his image in blue and white lit up.

NOW TO DEFEND HER SECOND TERM ON BEHALF OF THE CLIPITY-CLOP PARTY, PLEASE WELCOME CELESTIA EVERFREE, PRESIDENT OF EQUESTRIA!

From the other side of the stage, another spotlight where a tall white alicorn in a suit, also smiling and waving as she took her position behind a podium where a banner of red and white lit up showing her image. There were cheers from the audience too while Celestia gives them a shining smile.

AND NOW, FOR THE MOMENT YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!” the announcer said, “HERE TO ACT AS REFEREE BETWEEN THE CANDIDATES TO PREVENT THEM FROM TURNING THIS DEBATE INTO A BLOODBATH, IS ME! DISCORD!

Then from the ceiling where we made a hole from, a giant bald eagle with another me in its claws came swooping down towards the stage in which he made a superhero landing, thus getting the loudest cheers from the audience.

“What an entrance!” I applauded. “Very hard on the knees though.”

The other me bowed, with a microphone in paw, he said, “Thank you! Thank you all! And welcome to the final debate between Shining Armor and Celestia. Such an audience we have here – oh? What’s this?” He looked at us, and hopping off stage, he greeted us, “Well what do you know? It’s another me! Let me guess, Universe 465932178956261-75-A? What has brought you all the way here?”

The microphone was shoved in my face. “To put it simply,” I replied, “I’m here to show these two what Democracy at its best is like in action.”

“A very pandering response! Give a round of applause everyone!” While the audience was making my student and boss blush, the other me pogo-jump back on stage. “Now, after months of narrowing down, it all comes to this. Before we get at it, I’m going to lay down some ground rules: each of you will get a turn of a couple of minutes to give your position on certain topics. After which, you two will go back and forth for a while until we move on to the next topic. For my part, I must judge that you both stay respectful and don’t let the conversation go wandering off somewhere else. Stay on topic, don’t call each other names and no hitting below the belt. Are we good?” After the other two candidates agreed to this, the other me starts off by asking how either of them, if elected president, would improve the country.

Starting with President Celestia… President Celestia… that leaves a weird taste in my mouth the more I think about that.

Clearing her throat, she starts: “Let me just say, that in my first term, we have seen tremendous progress in domestic and foreign policy. We have made peace with the Changelings. We have made our economy more humane to both the consumer and the employer in which not only has there been an increase in jobs but working conditions and products have improved. Among other things, by next year, we shall be opening a new School of Friendship in Ponyville in which we invite creatures from all over the globe to learn and share the ideas of kindness, generosity, laughter, loyalty, and honesty. We have come far, but there’s still much to do. If I’m granted a second term, we shall focus our efforts on balancing our military with immigration. A balance between conservation and industrialization. Introduce laws in which non-ponies won’t be judged by their outward appearance but by their character. At the same time, with the School of Friendship, it shall be the model of education in which not only other creatures will learn about us ponies, but we shall also learn about them too. So that we can see how we’re similar rather than be afraid of how we’re different. The future of Equestria is in your hooves.”

“Time’s up,” my other me said, turning over to Shining in a monkey suit, “Your turn, same question.”

“Thanks.” He nodded. “Now, I won’t deny the facts that there has been progress in foreign policy, especially with Changelings and opening the borders of Yakyakistan. That the economy has made it so to where ponies are excited to go to work. Not to mention the School of Friendship which I am fully behind as my sister Twilight has been elected to take up the tremendous task of being its first headmare. There indeed is much to be done, but where we differ is the focus on where that change should come from. President Celestia would say that we should turn our attention to non-ponies first. Don’t get me wrong, this is a noble goal to strive for. At the same time, however, we should not neglect you the ponies too. There has been an increase in housing pricing which is becoming unaffordable to young adults. The education system still needs to be tweaked and reformed to fit with the challenges and values of our times. And I also agree with Celestia that we should strengthen the military to protect Equestria when and if it faces dangers again. Fortunately for all of you, I know the right ponies and recourses to meet with these challenges.”

As the two candidates enter into the next part in which they debate it out, I felt a tug on my lion’s arm. Looking down, Silverstream whispered. “Mr. Discord, what’s the point of doing this? This is kinda boring.

Simple,” I whispered back, “to become president here, these two have to convince all of them,’ I pointed a thumb behind me, “that they’re up to the task.

So they do it by trying to convince the crowd?” Twilight asked in a hushed tone. I nodded. “Okay, and the crowd, do they know what they’re doing? If this is a democracy, then they’re taught about the responsibility they have to their country, do they?”

What do you mean?

She blinked. “I mean… choosing who is going to lead a country is a major decision. If power is in the hooves of citizens, they’re capable of meditating on what they believe is the right thing to do. Are they only to choose the president or more than that?

In this universe, the citizens choose the leaders every couple of years, and the policy every month. So yes, they do vote on a lot of things.

I think I see what Headmare Twilight is asking,” Silverstream said, “how exactly does this crowd decide on these things? Do they have to be taught at school; do they talk among themselves? How exactly do they gain the knowledge to know who to vote for?

And how did they get to be candidates in the first place?

What happens when-

I held my talon/paw up; I told them that I just got an idea. So I called out, “Hey, other me! Mind if we come on stage?”

The other me blinked before saying into the microphone. “I’m busy, what do you want?”

“Look, I’m sure this debate is interesting and all where both sides have their pros and cons. But how about we make this more interesting.”

He tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“These two,” I wrapped an arm around my student and boss, “come from a universe where Equestria has no Democracy… at least… maybe not yet. And they’re hearing about this stuff for the very first time too. So, if you ask me, I’d say if you really want to show these ponies who’s the better leader, then why not try to explain to them their inquiry on Democracy itself?”

Behind us, a confusion of murmurs was heard. The other me thought this over, and with a snap of his paw, the house lights lit up and… boy, there’s a lot of them here. “In case none of you heard, the other me from an alternative universe said that he comes here with two individuals where Equestria there doesn’t have a Democracy and are curious about it. The offer here is that they should come on stage to ask our candidates questions so that they could explain the values of our great land. So, right now, we’ll take a vote. All in favor?” He raises a claw, and turning around, many raised their hooves. “All oppose?” Few raised their hooves. “Very well, come on up!”

With a snap, the cafeteria table was transported over to the middle of the stage.

“Twilie?” Shining blinked.

“Twilight?” so did the President. “And… you look familiar. Silverstream, is that you?”

“That’s me!” My student smiled. “So how do you know me? Being from an alternative universe and all.”

“That’s uh… you’re the Queen of the Hippogriffs.”

“Say what!?”

“Now now,” I told Silverstream, “we came here to learn about Democracy, so let’s stay on topic.” Using my tail as a microphone, I asked into it, “So, which one of you ladies want to start asking first?”

After a moment, Twilight raised a hoof, so I detached my tail and hand it over to her. “I guess I can start asking these two.” She first looked over to the other Shining, “When you say that you and Celestia are candidates, how did you get to be one in the first place?”

“That’s quite easy,” President Celestia said, “you must fill out a form and then pay an entry price, the rest is to convince everyone that you should be ideal for whatever position you’re trying to get in a public office.”

“How much is it?”

“Well,” the other Shining replied, “that depends on what you’re running for. If say you’re running in a local election like, for example, a mayor, then you will have to pay in fifty bits, plus pay for running advertisements and pamphlets to let others know what you stand for. Naturally, the price does go up the bigger the position you’re running for. Now, of course, I for one am transparent with how much I’ve spent on this campaign.”

“Really? And how much did you spend?”

“As of now, over twenty-two-million bits.”

Silverstream, after getting out of her culture shock, raised a claw so I handed the tail-mic over to her. “So, in other words, the bigger the position, the more money is needed?” They nodded. “So, in a democracy, it’s money that decides who gets to be the leader?”

“Oh no, it’s more than just that.” Celestia retorted. “While yes, money is indeed needed to let others know that you’re running and be clear of what you stand for, there is always the debate that helps voters decide. As candidates, we have to talk to them, let them know what we stand for, what we’re willing to do because, at the end of the day, the voters have more power than even me. Because if they wanted, they could, by a majority, vote me out of office if they think I wasn’t doing a good job. We have to convince them that either of us is worthy of tremendous responsibility.”

“So in other words, you get to be a leader by having enough money and being convincing?”

“Of course,” Celestia nodded. “That is what makes Equestria so great. It is the citizens, not the politicians, who decided in what direction this country should go to. We may carry out the laws, but it is they that we must listen to because, at the end of the day, they have the final say. We can’t do anything without their consent. As President, you learn quickly that you may be the leader, but you are nothing without the ponies and creatures that put you up there.”

There was applause from the audience. But looking at my student and boss, their minds were racing.

Twilight raised a hoof. “So, if what both of you are saying is true, does that mean that the poor have no opportunity to run for office?” And one very uncomfortable silence later, she added, “from my first impression, it would seem that the only way to become President or otherwise is to be rich and a smooth talker.”

“Uh…” President Celestia tugged at her collar. “Do either of you have any other questions?”

“I have one!” Silverstream asked, “How do either of you gain the knowledge of the ponies to have the power that put you here?”

“I can answer this,” Shining said, “the truth is that in the state of our Democracy, that despite the cornucopia of information out there, even in government buildings on every subject of every topic that faces our society, there are those who are convinced that they don’t need much knowledge because they listen to the opinion of themselves and others. Not the facts themselves. This is why I’m different, I have researched from reliable sources to strategize how to tackle these difficult problems.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “And you’re suggesting that Celestia doesn’t?”

“That’s not true.” President Celestia (sheesh, no matter times I say that it still sounds so wrong) quickly said. “Every single morning, I’m given briefings on my desk of the most pressing of matters. This comes in the form of statistics, studies, articles, and reports. If there is something that I have doubts on, I’d have it checked again.”

“And what about them?” Silverstream pointed to the audience. “If they really hold all the power, how do they gain the knowledge to know who or what they’re going to be voting for?”

My counterpart and I smiled. Ah, I can see where this is going. “Hey other me, wanna take over?” I asked.

“Don’t mind if I do!” He said enthusiastically, hovering over the stage and out to the audience. “Let’s see, eeny, meeny, miny, you.” His lion’s paw stretched, pointing at a mare in the audience.

“M-Me?”

He hovered over, microphone in his tail asked, “For the candidates on stage, do you have any idea who you’re going to vote for?”

“I think so.”

“Before you came to see this debate?”

“In a way, yeah.”

“And have you voted before?”

“Several times.”

“Good!” He smiled, “And so how do you make your decisions?”

“Well uh…” she scratched the back of her head, “mostly from what newspapers have said, and then go with my common sense in what’s right.”

“Uh, excuse me,” Silverstream asked, waving a claw, “could I ask you something?” The mare told her that she could. “When you make a decision like say between these two,” she waved to the running canadiens, “do you do so because you know who should be in charge, or because you feel that they should be?”

The mare blinked. “What’s the difference?”

“I think what she’s saying,” my boss said, “do you vote based on critically thinking about it, or because you went with your gut instinct and that it was the most charming?”

“W-Well…” the mare hesitated, thinking for a moment. “Because it’s… well, the one I’m voting for share more or less the same values that I have, I guess?”

“And not because you’ve spent hours in really thinking if either one should be?”

The mare pushed away from the microphone.

“Anyone else wanna give it a shot?” the other me asked.

The other Shining coughed, “Uh, can we get back to the debate?”

Silverstream looked at her notebook and ask. “Now that I think of it, I got a question for you two. What do you do if these ponies want you to do something that you think isn’t right, even if it’s popular?”

President Celestia went first. “Such a big question. Every president, for one reason or another, will encounter something which the citizens wanted but you don’t. You are put in a seat of judgment in which no matter what you end up deciding, you will be condemned for it. Sometimes you have to say no. For example, after the Changelings invaded the first time, many ponies lobbied to go to war or even create witch-hunts. This decision by the citizens was widely popular for a time, but I refused. Because I knew that if Equestria did retaliate, did try to invade or imprison anyone that was even suspected of being a Changeling, then I would be no more different than Chrysalis. Because out of principle of what Equestria stands for.”

Shining nodded. “Now I’d admit that I’m aware this will be something that I too will have to face. The truth is that even when you’re president, you cannot satisfy everyone. Which is why, to try to rule as fairly as possible, I will put in a policy of a square deal. I will listen to both sides, see if there are any compromises to be made. And if there are, chances are that not everyone will get everything they wanted, but in the end, everyone will get something.”

While the audience was muttering something in approval, Silverstream raised a claw. “I have one more question. And it’s to everycreature here.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“So, in a democracy, if everything is decided on whoever has the most votes, are the ponies that are in the minority of voting always wrong?”

“No/Yes!” replied everyone at the same time.

While the place erupted in arguments, I’ve decided that this was a good time to withdraw from this particular universe and back to floating in the space between spaces. “So, thoughts on Democracy?”

My boss replied, “I guess that on paper, it sounds like a good idea.”

“That it seems like it gives everyone a chance to voice their opinions,” my student added.

I raised an eyebrow. “But…?”

Silverstream flipped through her notes. “From my first impression of it, I take it that the leaders are wealthy and had to sound convincing. And the voters who put them there don’t seem to have much knowledge when it comes to critical thinking, so they instead go by gut feelings.”

“Not only that,” Twilight said, “but to me, it could be easy for someone who isn’t that good of a leader or a policy to be approved as long as they make it sound good.”

“Ah, very good,” I smiled and nodded, “the both of you spotted the problem almost immediately. While it’s true that this form of government does give everyone a voice in what should or shouldn’t be done, there is a problem with it that even old Socrates had pointed out.”

“Socrates?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Hold on, why would he have a problem with it? I thought he was loyal to the city that was democratic.”

“He was. But at the same time, he was rather hesitant in giving everyone the vote. At one point, he had a conversation with someone that went like this: Suppose you were on a ship that’s sailing into unknown waters and there’s a storm coming. In that regard, who do you want to be in charge of the vessel, just anyone or somebody that has knowledge and experience in sailing in difficult situations?”

“Well the one that has experience, of course,” Silverstream answered.

“So why, Socrates asks, would you just let anybody decide where a country should go as much as you would trusting strangers to sail through a hurricane? Keep in mind, the guy wasn’t in favor of letting a very select few vote, his point was that voting was a skill and not a random gut feeling. He wanted the citizens to be educated enough when making difficult decisions and know who to trust when it comes to making them their leader. That only anyone who thought about issues rationally and deeply should be allowed near a vote.”

“Okay, that makes sense.” Twilight hummed. “And what if the voters did put in someone terrible?”

“The was the other thing Socrates had feared,” I told her. “He was afraid that allowing just anyone the vote would lead to demagogues taking charge. He understood why it happens as they’re skillful at swaying elections by appealing to voters need for quick and easy answers.”

“What’s a demagogue?” Silverstream inquired.

“Remember Cozy Glow?” I asked her, she nodded. “Her, in a nutshell, is a perfect example of that. I’d bet if Equestria really did hold elections, she would manipulate her way to the top. How exactly? Well, Socrates had thought about the perfect thought experiment: Imagine that there was an election between a doctor and a sweet shop owner. The owner of the sweets would say about his rival, ‘Look, this pony here has worked many evils on you. He hurts you, gives you bitter potions, and tells you not to eat and drink whatever you like. He’ll never serve you feasts of many and pleasant things like I will.’ Think about the audience’s response to that. Do you think the doctor would reply effectively? If he tells the truth and says, ‘I cause you trouble and go against your wants to help you,’ it would cause a riot among the audience, don’t you think?”

“So what you’re saying is that this Democracy, while sound on paper, isn’t that effective in practice,” Twilight concluded.

“Oh, I didn’t say that. Some would see democracy as a definite good – rather than as something as effective as the education of the voters that decide in one. But as a result, especially with this universe down below us, they have elected many sweet shop owners and very few doctors.”

Author's Note:

To be Continued...