Cranky and Steve's Final Adventure

by libertydude

Confrontation

“Wake up,” a deep voice said.

Cranky’s eyes strained for a few moments. Light streamed in, but he could tell it wasn’t sunlight. An odd green glow pulsated within his eyes, like brilliant emeralds glistening in the moonlight.

“Wake up!” the voice commanded.

Cranky’s eyes adjusted. He felt something firm underneath his back, his limbs stretching across it. He began to sit up.

Thunk!

He looked over to find his legs bound to a massage table, spread eagle style. Instead of loose straps, the table’s ends had been retrofitted with chains and shackles. He also saw the graying stallion standing next to the table. A grim expression covered his face, as did the faces of the half-dozen ponies staring down at Cranky.

“Who are you?” Bersal said with a firm voice.

Cranky remained silent.

“Abstaining from my questions only prolongs your pain.” His horn sparked a menacing color, and the ponies began to growl and gnash their teeth. Cranky could feel their hot breath and saliva flying against his face.

“Who are you?” Bersal said.

Cranky sighed. “Nopony important.”

Bersal chuckled. His horn fizzled out, and the ponies returned to their default grimness. “Indeed. Few beings are. You’re the first in a long time to realize their insignificance. Now where is your friend?”

“What friend?” Cranky said.

“Don’t play me for a fool, donkey. My servants and I could see that serpent a mile away.”

Cranky laughed. “Long gone, bucko. Probably to the next town. A posse will show up any moment.”

Bersal’s eyes flamed for a moment. The ponies around him also grew a flame within their eyes and leaned forward, ready to attack.

“Ba-ha!” Bersal laughed. The ponies once more backed away. “My, you’re certainly spicy in old age!”

“Nopony from a rinky-dink retirement home gets to call me old.”

A small smile crossed the unicorn’s face. “I see you’ve been talking to my former housemates. They always did have loose lips.” He gave a morose sigh. “A price for mercy, perhaps. I shall deal with them later.”

Bersal turned toward the end of the massage table, looking out further down the spa property. Cranky lifted his head as far as possible before the shackles choked his limbs. All he could see was a pool, chairs scattered around the compound, and a gathered mass of ponies at the far end of the spa. They dug deep into the earth, dirt flying out each second and green light shimmering from underneath.

“I suppose it doesn’t matter who you are,” Bersal said. “Once I have the Gift, I’ll have all the time in the world to solve this little mystery.”

“The answer’s just about as boring as you,” Cranky said with a sneer.

“I’ll permit your flippancy, donkey,” Bersal said. “If only because the pain you’ll receive will more than make up for your insults.”

“What’s your deal?” Cranky said. “You looking for buried treasure or something?”

Bersal chuckled. “I suppose you could say that, my jolly jack.” He leaned his face close to the restrained donkey. “Have you ever wondered why this spa is so successful?”

“Not particularly.”

“You, nor the spa owners.” He motioned to the hole. “They thought this was merely a prime piece of real estate, a simple oasis in the wide open plains. The perfect place for a relaxing spa resort to an uninformed mind.

“But I knew the truth. Long ago, back when I was still a student, I found out about that.” He pointed at the green shine in the earth. “An ancient reservoir of life giving material. Lost for generations after a dozen different wars by long-forgotten civilizations. The only evidence of its existence being whispers in ancient texts.”

“So what, you’re pilfering ancient goo because you’re too cheap to buy hair dye?”

“Such small minds in this country,” Bersal said, shaking his head. “Immortality, you fool! Our dear Celestia achieved it, so why can’t I?” His face filled with glee. “Once I’ve learned its secrets, I can mine and refine it until a perfect fountain of youth is created. With this supply, I can live forever, studying the universe’s mysteries without any paltry interruptions!”

Cranky looked out around the property, from the ponies surrounding him to the ones standing near the hole’s edge. “And these ponies? You going to make them slaves for the rest of their lives?”

“Of course! They’re country bumpkins, undeserving of existing in my presence. I’ll keep them around until they’re used up. Besides, I won’t have to worry about running out. Every spa season, a new migration of suckers shall crawl up here and find themselves in my employment.

“But I’m not so cruel to make them all slaves. No, certain ones will be quite… instrumental in my ascendance.” He wandered over to one of the mares staring down at Cranky and began to stroke her auburn mane. Her head lowered and leaned into his hoof, a gentle purr emanating from her throat.

“Every formula needs to be tested, after all,” Bersal said with a thin smile. “And the ones to survive the experiments will be quite exalted in this new world.”

A thin streak of sweat made its way down Cranky’s forehead. Sweet Celestia, he thought. Of all the nuts to get in the Trail Mix of life. He glanced up at the night sky, then back at the blank faces surrounding him. Gotta keep him talking. It’ll give Steven more time.

“But why haven’t you hypnotized me?” Cranky said. “You don’t seem like you’re looking to save on labor costs.”

“Hardly,” Bersal said. His hoof drifted away from the mare, who resumed staring at Cranky. “Normally I would, but the spells for commanding ponies and donkeys have subtle differences that require too much effort to rearrange. But have no fear; I’ll destroy you soon enough, along with the rest of your elderly kin.”

“They ain’t my kin,” Cranky said with gritted teeth. Bersal didn’t respond, turning towards the hole and shouting new directions.

Cranky glanced around, desperate to find some kind of aid. The entrance to the spa stood next to a whole slew of ponies, who continued to stare emptily out into Main Street. There were a few other massage tables around him, but they sat empty. The pool sat just across from him, glistening in the moonlight. A few feet from the shallow end, a large stone centerpiece in the form of a reclining pony sat under a waving Equestrian flag.

Cranky looked down at the ground, cluttered with towels and dirt. There’s got to be some kind of-

Boom!

The noise rocked through the spa, rumbling all the chairs and wooden boards not tied down. Bersal and even a few of the ponies looked up from the green slop.

“The hay was that?!” Bersal cried out. The brief confusion on his face brought a grin to Cranky’s. He turned to his minions and shouted: “Go lo-!”

Boom!

Cranky’s table shook around more, as did the other tables and chairs spread throughout the area. Even the pool rippled in time with the noise.

“Master!” one of the ponies called out. “Somepony’s launching boulders at the other side of town!”

“What?!” Bersal looked confused, running towards the spa gates. “Who would be doing this?”

“Ha!” Cranky chortled.

Bersal looked over toward his captive, a hint of fear on his face. “What’s so funny?”

“I told you,” Cranky said with a smirk. “My friend would be bringing back help. Looks like they got here earlier than expected.”

Bersal’s face gained a red fury. “No matter! I’ll destroy them all!” He opened his arms wide. “Servants!”

All, from the gates to the hole, snapped to attention. “Yes, master!”

“A foolhardy attempt has been made to stop me! All of you, make your way toward the other side of town and stop whoever is causing this commotion! No survivors!”

“Yes, master!” they yelled. They all ran out of the complex, hooves beating against the dirt at a frantic pace. The few pegasi zipped off ahead of them, wings flapping hard.

Bersal smiled. “You were a fool to send for help, donkey. Now there’ll be more blood on your hooves. My servants will destroy all who oppose me, even if they must fight their own kind.”

Cranky’s brow filled with more sweat. Cripes, he thought. I hadn’t bargained on that. The rescue party might be hesitant to attack their own kind. If they are… Cranky didn’t even want to imagine the outcome, but the image of bloodied bodies clogging the town square filled his mind regardless.

“Well, I’d love to chat,” Bersal said, flinging his frumpy cloak behind him. “But I’ve got other matters to attend to.”

“Yes, you certainly do!” a high-pitched voice chimed.

Bersal turned around, just in time to see a purple hand come and smack him away. He landed against the far wall with an ear-crunching thwack.

“Steve!” Cranky cried out.

“Hey there, buddy!” Steven reached down and poked his nails straight into the chains. They snapped off and fell to the ground with a clang. Steven lifted his nails to his face and blew a light puff of air. “I swear, that Appleloosa manicure was built to last.”

“Smart distraction,” Cranky said, crawling off the table and rubbing his ankles. “But you’re alone, aren’t you?”

“Well, duh. No way in Tartarus I could’ve made it to the next town in this time.”

Cranky sighed. “Peachy. Then we need to grab the wizard before he-”

A large zap filled the air, and a bolt of red hot magic flew by them. Steven ducked, but not before a large hole ripped through his hairdo.

“AIIIIIIEEEE!” Steven screamed, hands flapping around the sizzling hair. “My beautiful coif!”

Another blast flew by them. Steven thrust himself into the pool, which soon overflowed.

“Your hair won’t be the only thing singed!” Bersal roared. A trickle of blood inked down his face, and he wobbled with each step from his former resting place. He shot toward Cranky this time, who tumbled away from the blast. He leaped behind another overturned massage table and fell behind it.

“You can’t hide from me forever, donkey!” Bersal said. “I heard your friend! You’re all alone! Even if you can hold out against me, my servants will be back any minute to rip you to shreds!”

He let off another blast, but Cranky was ready. He leaped from the table, which shattered the second the spell connected. Diving behind the stone centerpiece, he glanced back at the smoking crater where he once stood. Another blast flew past him.

“I changed my mind, donkey!” Bersal called out. “I won’t kill you! I’ll keep you alive and let my servants torture you every day!”

Cranky peeked from around the corner. A blast shot past him, grazing the top of his head. He quickly threw off his now-flaming toupee.

“And when you’re begging for death, I’ll give you the perfected formula. You’ll live forever with me, in perpetual torment!”

“Knock it off!” Cranky shouted. “Stop before you get yourself hurt!”

“What are you going to do, donkey?” Cranky could hear him slinking his way around the centerpiece’s righthoof side. “Browbeat me to death?”

“No. But you made two fatal mistakes.”

“What?”

“One: You focused so much on me that you didn’t notice the large river serpent sneaking up on you.”

“Wha-?” Bersal began, but was soon cut off by Steven’s hand grabbing his whole body. In less than a second, he was hanging upside down and looking dead into Steven’s flaming eyes.

“Two,” Steven said through gritted teeth. “You decided to destroy both of our beautiful hair.” He brought the stunned unicorn close to his face. “Big mistake.”

With that, Steven reared back and threw Bersal toward the green hole. He landed upon the wooden planks, which shattered and sent him face first into the liquid. A second later, he resurfaced and flailed his front legs.

“You’ve caused so much trouble, just for some stupid green gloop!” Steven said. “Well Mister, you can have it!”

“Help!” he cried out. “I can’t last long!”

Cranky crawled from his hiding space to Steven’s side. They looked at the scene with growing amusement.

“Please!” the unicorn pleaded. “I can’t swim!”

Cranky shook his head. “Don’t worry. You’ll float with all that hot air in you.”

“Indeed,” Steven agreed with a smile. “Maybe we ought to leave him in there until he decides to behave.”

“You fools!” Bersal cried out. “It’s dangerous when unrefined! I’m-”

Before their eyes, Cranky and Steven saw Bersal’s skin begin to rot. His skin shriveled far beyond even the elderly ponies in town within seconds, his hair falling out in clumps and his eyes sinking deeper into his body.

“Quick, get him out!” Cranky didn’t even finish his sentence before Bersal fell back under the surface. Steven’s hand shot into the goop.

“I’ve got him!” Steven said, his hand emerging from the substance. “Guess, he’s not going to win any beauty pa-”

Steven’s eyes went wide and he dropped Bersal to the ground. A ribcage, skull, and smattering of other bones tumbled to the earth.

“Sweet Celestia,” Cranky said. He stumbled backwards, not stopping until he flopped into a beach chair.

“I’m…I’m going to be…” Steven gurgled, turning green and his hand shooting to his mouth. His face disappeared to the other side of the wall while his retching filled the night. Cranky did nothing but stare at the bones, his face frozen in shock. The skull stared back at him with black holes where once passionate hatred emanated. Little bits of dust blew over the bones, and drops of the green liquid dripped off one of Bersal’s fibulas.

“We need to find the townsponies,” Steven said once he stopped hurling. His voice seemed softer than Cranky had ever heard before. “Make sure they’re not still under the spell.”

“Sure,” Cranky said, his eyes not leaving the bones.

Steven stared back at the mass of bones and grimaced. “We need to go, Cranky.”

Cranky blinked and looked at his friend. With his heart beating and his head pounding, he nodded and stumbled towards the spa’s main gate.