• Member Since 14th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 44 minutes ago

CategoricalGrant


"I haven't seen a bigger waste of talent since Dan Marino." -Roselucky Seven; Want to support me?

T

The appearance of a giant, glowing orb of energy in Washington D.C. puts the capital of the free world on high alert. Few expected aliens to emerge. None expected them to be horses. But, in retrospect, everyone should have expected them to not speak English.

EDIT: Featured at #3, 7/24/19!
EDIT: At #2 same day!
EDIT: #1 at the very end of 7/26/19! I’m so glad you all enjoyed!

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 122 )

owo

What's dis?

njits23 #3 · Jul 24th, 2019 · · 1 ·

The platoon jumped into action, with some taking cover behind the APC, others finding positions behind wooden police barricades, and one hopping into the vehicle’s turret. A loud roar overtook the area for several moments, as an Abrams tank rolled forward into position nearby, its gun pointed squarely at the threatening globe.

The Abrams has a gas turbine engine, not a diesel engine. Therefore, it does not roar. Immersion ruined /s.

Brilliant story though.

9747514
It roars if you attach a subwoofer and start blasting a deep-fried version of ‘Fortunate Son’ tho

9747514
Man, I'm an Abrams loader and yes they do roar when they are running, they are fucking loud as hell.

Huh, I was hoping for a second but from the ponies' POV, where it turns out, that "Friendship" means something entirely different.

Still, kinda fun

9747535
Oh, I don't doubt the loudness. In videos of it, the turbine noise just doesn't sound like a roar to me. Perhaps the experience is different in person.

9747519
Oh no.

Turns out Friendship really is Magic (and universal).

Loved the story. Would totally go for a sequel. Cadance needs a chance to gush over the adorable monkey aliens.

Luna gives best uwu.

Makes me wonder if Equestrian Magic slowly translates. Makes me imagine Sunset Shimmer wander around CHS for weeks while everyone though she was nuts cause she spoke gibberish.

Moody Luna yes!

Something big was floating over the National Mall.

A Black friday banner

Okay, I need answers! Was that an actual, albeit “modified” language that the ponies were speaking, or did you just make it up?

They should all count themselves lucky that the horses and apes use the same set of phonemes. Imagine if the ponies spoke Houyhnhnm.

Delightful bit of PoE silliness. Thank you for it.

9747648
Possible, though goodness knows she had enough trouble panicking over the seasons changing on their own, finding hay inedible, figuring out fingers, and other adjustments.

“You secure that shit, Hudson!” barked the squad’s sergeant.

How do I get out of this chicken-shit outfit?

“Hudson!” his sergeant sneered, pointing to the ground at his feet. “ Get over here! ”

Poor Sergeant Apone. Load those horses into bay 12, please.

My Little Aliens: Friendship is Universal. Nice story with no interdimensional wars in sight. And, I think that was supposed to be a caricature of Trump? It's so hard to tell sometimes. Oh well, hugs are nice.

(Me, reading this story):

"Huh, a story featuring the US Government? I wonder if Don- No, he can't be in this. There's no way they'd go there..."

President Donald Trump beamed as he sent a tweet about his upcoming meeting with the horse aliens. “This is perfect. I’ll meet with the talking horses, get them to support my tariff on China , and win a Nobel Peace Prize. Best trade deal of all time!”

"...Oh."

Great story, BTW.

I always imagined trying to start communication by using something that is universal, like math! Using a basic tally mark system one could demonstrate abd show basic examples of counting and basic arithmetic. Use basic math as a working protocol to establish a better protocol!

OMG, I was already sold halfway through.. Then you pulled out the owo and I just died.

9747707
Completely made up! But, it’s internally consistent- ie, the words (at least of the pony language) mean things, and if you pay very close attention to context you can piece together a mini-lexicon!

Mike Pompeo

Uh oh, looks like they have invisible WMDs! Time to go to war!

9747767
“How many horse-meetings is this for you, Lieutenant?”

“Thirty-eight...simulated.”

“How many real life horse meetings?”

“Uh, two...including this one.”

9747855
Welp, this is awkward...
9747941
Oh no...

Can anybody translate?
I don't speak magic horse.. thing.

9747950
:trollestia: I say the take off, and friendship blast the entire site from orbit.
:twilightoops: uhhh
:trollestia: It’s the only way to be sure!

Why do I feel a sequel would work out well for this?
Also, loved it.

OWO's angrily

It is considered superior to explain a downvote. Thus:
Unfortunately I find I need to downvote this otherwise enoyable for its semi-quasi-realistism, peice due to the implication of Luna having casual sex with some of her guards.

In Love and Tolerance,
Draco Dei

9748295
Who ever said it was sex? I don’t do lewd, sir.

Stories, where there's a language barrier, are always my favorites.

Still banging the Russia drum

Absolute kek.

9748300
If you didn't want to imply it, you should have worded differently.

9748295
Categorical Grant is 100% consensual snuggle with no lewds, Sir!

9748393
I didn't imply it. Ever heard the cliche that 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'?

“Uwu,” she hummed contentedly.

UwU

I believe this is termed ‘Kawai’.

Nice. Nuking Iran is always a good choice.

9748399
I mean, the definition of the non-ponified counterpart, "boy toy" often implies a bit more. While yes, it can refer to less... interesting actions, the connotation is there. While it's not something I'd throw a hissy fit over, you have to realize that a large portion of your audience will take the more common connotation.

Your later scene with Luna hugging the guard clears it up a lot more, but before that, that's all we have to go on.

We were lured to this wretched conclave on the promise of additional carrots, and you have yet to meet your obligation!

:rainbowlaugh:

Honestly, with lines like these, I have no idea how it is that Luna was ever less popular then her sister.

This whole thing reminded me of a first contact scene I once wrote in an original work of mine, First Contacts Suck. The premise of the story was that nearly the entire thing was told from the alien perspective rather than the human one...and I had a little fun with some common first contact tropes.

The second man had a lined yellow-paper note book in his hand, and some kind of writing implement. Turning it so that Kailine and Lakshi could see the pad, he drew two dots on one line, three on the next, five on the one after that, then seven, then eleven, then thirteen, and finished whatever he was doing with seventeen. Then he offered the pad and writing implement to Kailine.

The elai woman took both, glancing over the dots. “What do you think this is?” She asked.

“Prime numbers,” Lakshi decided after a moment. “I think he is trying to show us that his species has an understanding of prime numbers. Trying to prove their intelligence.”

Kailine looked at Enrico Fermi, then at the paper. “So you mean to tell me that this guy thinks that we think that these guys managed to develop automobiles and guns and whatnot, but haven’t figured out what prime numbers are?”

“It’s adorable, in a way,” Lakshi conceded.

Oh, it was set in 1935 Italy, partially because it amused me to have Enrico Fermi meet aliens.

9748295
Well done for taking the time to explain a downvote!

9748300
To be fair, "boy toy" probably has different meanings based on culture.

Where I'm from, boy toy DEFINATELY means more than just snuggles.

That said, liked and favourited!

Mike Pompeo exhaled loudly, clasping his hands into fists. “So...they are horse aliens...with incredibly powerful technology that we need to keep out of the hands of the North Koreans?”

American politics at it's finest, ladies and gentlemen. :trollestia:

Well, that was... different.

(Of course it was a complete fantasy. There was no mention of D.C.'s never ending humidity.)

“I have had enough of this charade! We were lured to this wretched conclave on the promise of additional carrots, and you have yet to meet your obligation!”

I doubt that every single race in Equestria naturally speaks the same language - it'd be like every nation here speaking English - so surely the two sisters would've learned how to get past the language barrier by now; what with having to set up friendly relations with minotaurs, gryphons, seaponies and more back in the 'medieval' days.

This needs sequels. More sequels. We have to know what happens next. The ending is too much of a cliff hanger!

9748300
Googling "boy toy definition" shows that, when in reference to a male, most if not all the definitions imply or state a sexual relationship, which doesn't automatically mean doing it, but is almost certainly lewd.

I don't think it matters much to the story, people can interpret it either way without misunderstanding the plot, but my first thought was of the lewd definition and then considering that it might mean something less lewd in the context of ponies and might be a joke of innuendo, which I would assume to be intentional? If you seriously didn't realize the connotation, I'd be surprised, but language is complicated and such mistakes happen to everyone. People can have whole conversations without realizing that they are talking about completely different things.

9748725
By the time of the Sisters, translations or trade languages probably already existed. The ponies had established Equestria before Celestia and Luna's rule.

1. SO EFFIN CUTE I CANT
2. I NEED MORE

Was all set to add to faves until the moldy pumpkin appeared. 90% great story.

I would think that the ponies would make horse sounds instead of some readable language. That would really have been fun trying to get them to understand each other. Haha!

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!