It's been two weeks since Princess Luna's Return. Equestria is starting to realize that the Elements are back, with new Bearers. And what does that mean? Well, clearly this isn't the end of their adventures, and taking some personal time for Harmony to grow? That's just ridiculous. It's obvious that what they need is training in how to fight. And Emery Board, the greatest drill sergeant in any nation, is pleased to unretire long enough for offering his services to the restored crowns.
He got one session with the Bearers.
Realistically, one was enough.
(Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group. New members and trope edits welcome.)
Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.
Chapters (1)
I like licorice.
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Maybe you're a dragon
Emery Board was perfect, and he knew it.
In addition, there was such a redundancy of residual refuse that the rebuilding of an unremembered recreational redoubt was required; for retreat while redistributing the dust. (Any attempt at actual removal was deemed reckless due to the sheer amount.)
The cushions of the forgotten couch fort had held up remarkably well during Luna's 'recess'.
Since we're talking about Pinkie Pie, I'm not absolutely certain that it should be 'cannon', but I do have a strong suspicion.
Emery? Ah. perfect.
So, he's kinda like Bob Kelso, but louder and more direct?
Congratz, you got featured. 7/23/2019
Well that went well almost perfect. I wonder if Celestia plans for this or it just keeps falling at her hooves?
After all... it's you!
I liked how you have shown the very early perception they had of each others.
And that is how the first zoo union was started.
That's the one I had in mind when I started reading!
...although that's an Army chevron for a Master Sergeant. You should change it to a Marine Corps' one.
It's easy to be horrible when you know you'll never face any real consequences.
Wisdom comes in many shapes and sizes, this one is wiser than most.
I actually liked this story.
Well the fighting did really come eventually, Rarity learned martial arts, Dash got discipline, Pinkie learned how to be more serious when needed, Fluttershy got braver, AJ less stubborn and judgemental and Twilight took ownership of her power.
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Reminds me of an old joke.
A lion goes to a zookeeper & asks for a job. Zookeeper tells him “Sorry, we’ve got our full quota of lions.” But, the lion begs so hard the zookeeper finally says “Well, we don’t need any more lions, but I like your attitude. OK, I’ll squeeze you in somehow”
So, that day all the other lions either stay in their caves or just lay on rocks & sleep. The new lion is running around, chasing stuff & roaring. The crowd loves him. Come the end of the day, all the other lions get a big chunk of meat, but the new lion just gets a bunch of bananas. The lion figures “Well, it’s the first day. Tomorrow will be better”
Next day, it’s the same thing. The other lions don’t do anything while the new lion runs around. At the end of the day, all the other lions get their meat, the new lion just gets bananas -and not even as many bananas as yesterday.
So, he goes to the zookeeper, complains, and asks “What’s going on?” The zookeeper tells him “I told you, we have our quota of lions. So, you’re down on the books as a monkey and for a monkey your acrobatics are subpar. So, you lost the productivity bonus”
First off, I'm so glad you did a story which may lead people to watch more of R. Lee Ermey's work. Though he's known for his role in Full Metal Jacket, he did so much more. I remember seeing him in a movie where he played a gay man, and he did a really good job playing a televangelist in Fletch Lives.
Second, thank you for the blast from the past in writing the very early Mane 6's relationships. After all this time, we tend to forget the only ones of the group who were friends before Twilight came to town were Rainbow and Fluttershy. Yes, Pinkie was a friend, but she didn't have a history with anypony else in the group.
It's interesting to speculate how those bonds formed over time. Emery Board used the tried-and-true techniques he'd trained countless Guards with, and he strengthened a forming group though fire.
There were a few typos here and there, but not nearly enough to detract from my enjoyment. This is another superb story, Estee.
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Actually, he was an old-school USMC drill instructor turned actor. Francis Ford Coppola hired him as a technical adviser for Apocalypse Now though his most famous (or infamous) role was as Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann in Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket. (also notable is that much of Ermey's dialogue as Hartmann is improvised, something Kubrick almost never allowed actors to do in his films.)
R. Lee Ermy was one of the greatest.
A fitting story just for him.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I assume good since AJ was the only one who managed to impress him.
I freaking love this. XD I love how you turned it from sounding like they were going to make a fool of the old sergeant, to him figuring out EXACTLY what was needed and getting it EXACTLY right. I wouldn't want to be trained by him, but I love him all the same. Great fic!
I offer up my favorite DI joke as tribute.
"I bet you hate my guts! I bet you miserable little turds want to see me dead! You there! Do you or do you not want to spit on my grave?"
"Suh, no suh!"
"No, maggot?"
"Suh, after I get outta the army, I ain't ever standin' in line again, suh!"
Hah, nicely done. :)
It’s kind of like an incredibly aged version of Major Payne.
Imagine if Luna was the one training them.
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While the 5 of them weren't close friends, Celestial Advice shows and states that they were at least casual friends before Twilight showed up.
A few weeks ago, to an insurgent designated as "Nightmare Moon." Though apparently Celestia's remembering another incident.
I'm not sure what's better, labor organizer Fluttershy or Rarity demonstrating that drill instructors hath no fury like a customer scorned.
As for Applejack, just because you're honest doesn't mean you know the truth.
Indeed. After all, it's Twilight who turns into Friendmaker.
Brilliant work all around. Emery Board might well have indirectly saved the world multiple times over. Personally, I think this could've kept the Comedy tag. It's funny more often than not... though the nots are pretty intense ones. Especially Twilight's fear of her own strength.
Still, thank you for a great read and a fitting tribute.
As an actual military service member I must say well done
AJ and Dash are clearly the best-suited for battle. Dashie can achieve supersonic speeds and slam into a barn hard enough to blow it apart and leave a crater... and not suffer so much as a bruise. AJ can buck apple trees for days non-stop without crushing her legs to jelly or, you know, dying from exhaustion.
Flutters would be useful for interrogation with THE STARE.
Twilight would be useful at tactical and as defense with shield spells. Her 'magic missile' attacks aren't all that powerful, though. Barely stun-level, from what we saw against the cherngelerngs! (ERMAGERD!)
Rarity... could make pretty uniforms? And stab enemies with pointy things floating in the air as long as they were far enough that she wouldn't get any blood on her immaculate coat and mane.
And then we have Pinkie. Never, ever let Pinkie near a war zone. You think M.A.D. is a bad outcome? It's a mercy-killing compared to what would take place.
I want to believe he had to try really hard not to shed tears of happiness when he saw them working together and had to dredge every ounce of his Sargent given contempt to scathe their efforts.
Hilarious as it should be. Damn I've got to finish Tryptich some day...
oh, this made me think of a line in the original "Starship Troopers": "sergeants don't have mothers. they reproduce by fission, like all bacteria."
This was a lot of fun!
I´m dead. You are responsible for that, do you know ? Shame on you !
I´m just a little dipsy dissapointed for Flutter not using THE STARE...but the overpower part from Twilight was great...and this story is pure, concentred genious !
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It's hard not being horrible enough, knowing full well that you had a trainee crack under pressure later when things got real and people died.
A good boot would rather push ten people to wash out than have one washout get through to kill ten people screwing up later.
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None of the ponies, including Applejack and Rainbow, have ever shown noticeable damage when attacking other beings, so Twilight's lasers only "stunning" (despite us never seeing the final results of any of her normal laser blasts) doesn't really mean anything. Twilight's blasts against the changelings may not have been literally vaporizing changings, but they were doing no worse than Rainbow and Applejack were on a per-changeling basis (and was doing far better in terms of hitting multiple at once), and have been shown to blow up things that should logically be much more durable than a pony (though given this is a cartoon, ponies/etc are just ridiculously durable anyway).
If talking about pure potential if their powers were viewed in a serious, logical context, Twilight is by far the highest potential threat, as she could just grab things in her telekinesis (which can carry hundreds/thousands of tons even as a unicorn and is unescapable by nearly all beings) and just crush them or smash them into the environment, and her teleportation makes her extremely hard to hit.
Also, the Rain Nuke was a gag scene, and she's never shown anything like it again and been severely injured by far less. It's like saying Twilight can instantly self-heal (Feeling Pinkie Keen) and blow the library hundreds of feet into the air (Crystal Empire), or that Pinkie can survive being dismembered (The One Where Pinkie Pie Knows).
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A bad thing. Her ability to evaluate the others was frankly terrible, which is not something you want in a leader.
Compare AJ's evaluation of Fluttershy and Rarity (useless in a fight) to Emerys evaluation. (The most powerful and the most deadly respectively)
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His showing makes me doubt his ability to judge. And I know the point of the story was how wonderful it is... but there is a point to why the character in the movie referenced above was shot by his own recruit.
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Yep. Now imagine that same recruit passing through Basic, going off in the middle of a warzone and emptying a rifle into barracks instead.
Boots aren't there just to abuse recruits. They're there to help screen out human bombs, and that can and does sometimes mean the "bomb" explodes on them instead. It's a thankless job from the people under you.
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As far as I am aware, boots today are also advised not to act like Emery anymore.
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They're more refined, but that's for much the same reason we don't use prop fighters instead of F-35's: we know how to do it better. The purpose is still there, even with better training and less time pressure to do so. If we ever went back to wartime time crunches/drafting, a lot of the older techniques that are rougher would end up coming back with it.
Oh, that's great. I loved the ending!
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A "boot" is a new service member, just out of boot camp, not a drill instructor.
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Oh. But Rarity only knows basic spells, so even if she were mad, she could only do so much. If Twilight was angered however, she would do a lot more damage considering her wide range of spells.
And since this is happening after Season 1 Premiere, I assume Applejack just doesn't know Rarity and Fluttershy that much and only evaluated what she sees of them for now. And hasn't angered Rarity and Fluttershy yet to know that they can be dangerous if they want to.
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For some reason the entirety of this was in the wrong voice.... the TF2 Soldier
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I've had the term used on me to describe your trainer non-com as well, as in "the guy who put the boot in your ass".
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Yeah, but Rarity is very, very good with those basic spells.
She stuck the practice dummy with about seventy, extremely precise strikes, most of which would be lethal, all in the blink of an eye. Without any preparation or warning. Deadly indeed.
Otoh, Twilight was totally unwilling to use her magic, for fear of the damage she could do.
Applejack should have realised that her friends were more capable than she did, after the Nightmare Moon thing. Especially after the confrontation with the manticore.
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But Rarity got scared off as soon as her mane got wrecked. Saying that she is more capable just because she bucked a manticore in face (which Applejack and the others could probably do the same thing) is a pretty big claim. She's a unicorn, of course she is more capable because she has magic at hoof. Fluttershy is timid, especially in Season 1, so unless animals are in the mix, she can be scared to fight.
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"Daddy loved Pinkie."
Locally, Pinkie and Applejack have the most history of any of the Bearers (AJ and Rarity have the longest, which isn't the same thing). When Pear Butter and Bright Mac died, Pinkie was the one who pulled Applejack out of the hole she dug for herself.
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This story is in the Triptych Continuum, which branches off cartoon canon at the end of season 3. "Celestial Advice" has to be ignored as it contradicts a lot of what Estee had already established about the characters' backstories.
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I see. I missed the note anx assumed this was a oneshot based on the show, so nevermind.