• Member Since 20th Jul, 2019
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BezierBallad


Pharynx is best changeling. CHANGE MY MIND.

E
Source

Cover art created by Nitro Indigo from the Art for Fanfiction Group.


”Get a job, gang.” That’s what the majority of drones tell Venom Stinger and his siblings, all of whom are known as “The Change Gang.” All they want is an actual role in Chrysalis’ hive, while the last thing they want is to end up turning into those eyesore reformed changelings. That changes when they’re sent as spies on a mission to retrieve information about the current condition of King Thorax, who has fallen gravely ill.

But when an unexpected transformation occurs at the wrong time, and the group of drones are suddenly discovered in their new states, Venom Stinger, Cricket Cluster, Flutterwings, Spiny Spectacle, and Scorchin’ Heat, along with new gang member Thistle Thorn, all have no choice but to struggle to adapt to their new lifestyle as Thorax’s subjects—and to struggle even harder to keep their secret of who they actually work with.

But can the newly-transformed Change Gang protect their new “friends” while trying to hide their biggest secret? And will they ever uncover the reason why they suddenly went through these changes?

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 352 )

Nice opening. It is well written, and the pacing is good, so... no criticisms. Good job.👍

It is nice that all the characters have distinct personalities. I particularly liked how Venom was introduced and how Chrysalis was in character. So far your story has a good start, and I think it will do really well if you update it on a regular basis.

9752580
9752528

Wow thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it!

That callback to Patrick and the Flying Dutchman

Comment posted by BezierBallad deleted Jul 27th, 2019

9753377
Okay, name at least one. What they’re saying is, they fail at finding jobs that suit them. The nursery? Venom freaked out at the hoop. The army? They failed to fight Pharynx. Think of the CMC or something :derpytongue2:

Also, what do you mean by “waste?” They don’t get fired, they just escape the hive to join Thorax and co.

9753408
:facehoof: I meant more like, they try finding jobs themselves. The same way the CMC did before they got their cutie marks :rainbowlaugh:

9753415
Well they’re not consultants unfortunately. Their hive is running low, but NOT because of “wasting potential workers,” but the fact that changelings flee to either Ponyville or Thorax’s hive, you get the point.

I’m not sure if changelings would know what consultants even are. Or.. Would they?

9753764
It’s not the same thing as Ponyville jobs, at least in this universe. Ponyville has jobs like almost any other town, so it has artists, bakers, musicians, because it’s a freedom sort of place.

The hive on the other hand functions... well, like a hive. With only things like workers, caretakers, the army, and so on.

9753771
The jobs are still limited though. Chrysalis wouldn’t allow any pony jobs in her hive

Where’s the pink changeling?

9753786
This is an AU so they don’t do that here, okay?

9754397
Of course they change. It’s the unlimited job thing you said that I was talking about. Their jobs in the hive are limited, so it makes it harder for the main characters to find a role. Duh :raritywink:

9754436
If they did get a job outside Chrysalis’ hive, they’d be marked as a traitor, due to them leaving the hive.

9754618
Okay, this is just getting harder and harder tbh.. :fluttershyouch: the last thing I want is to start an argument here.

I guess they’re all gatherers in some way, though.

9754635
It’s not your fault. I guess I should put more detail when word-building. Sorry.

Either way, hopefully it’ll make more sense when I write the next few chapters.

9754652
Well, glad you enjoy it. Stay tuned! :twilightsmile:

If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?

9754922
Ooh, good question. That’s what I usually think about. What do you think?

You've got a good base here, I'll say that. Nice, diverse cast of characters, excellent grammar and that's without an editor, and you've got some damn fine pacing.

I'll be keeping an eye on this one.

This is a pretty good start. A few minor grammar errors here and there, but it doesn't break the flow for me. Very excited to see more Changeling stuff!

“Yes my queen...” Stonefly looked down at his hooves, grumbling to himself before flying off. In almost no time at all, he brought back what appeared to be a bar graph that consisted a ratio involving the two species of changelings: reformed changelings and non-reformed changelings.

Hahahahahaha! Oh man, Chryssi really has lost her mind if she's begun "Twilighting"!

Alrighty. Promising first couple of chapters. Some odd grammar and sentence structuring, but I really, really dig your depiction of the Pre-Reformation Changelings. It's a bit of a departure from the show canon, but it's a welcome change to see this many clearly defined personalities bounce off one another. Can't wait to read more!

Well, the Change Gang has their priorities sorted out.

On that note, the comedy elements clashed with the more serious parts, which is forgivable and not the absolute worst thing ever, but it does upset the balance of the chapter's tone. I still like what you did with the characters in their scenes, but I think it might have worked a little bit better if you found a way to split the chapters into two so we can have the best drama surroundings Pharynx and the goofy antics of the Change Gang without the hard shifts.

This was a good chapter. Nicely written all around. I especially liked Venom's rivalry with Pharynx; it is going to be a great source of conflict. It should also be an entertaining confrontation between the two when you get there.

9863715
Yeah, I guess you’re right. Thanks for the tip!

Had this been an audio drama, I would’ve written a parody of “Lullaby for a Princess” for it, maybe.

Okay, so this gave me an idea, and I've pieced something together (takes place immediately after Thorax's escape; it's probably far from perfect, and I'm open to suggestions for how to improve it):


The Hive's ways are cruel, and violent, unkind;
You always have seeked another way.
You had to escape, but do be aware:
The Queen vows for vengeance today!

But into the darkness I'll bring you a song
And vigil for you I will keep
So once in your life your troubles can pass
And not torment you in your sleep.

Once did a changeling most cunning and strong
Look out on his Queen and his Hive;
A vow he made to protect all his homeland,
His brethren and Queen, for the rest of his life.

So great was hiss will, determined his efforts,
Yet one thing he sadly forgot:
The troubles and pains of the brother he loved
That, each passing day, much more serious got.

Soon did that changeling take notice his brother
was struggling to pull himself through,
And hardly had he loved him as he deserved;
He watched as his brother's unhappiness grew.

But such is the way of the changelings: no mercy,
Compassion, or love at all cost;
And that foolish changeling did nothing to stop
The destruction of one who had needed him most!

Goodbye you rebel, goodnight brother mine,
And rest now in shadow's embrace!
Bear up my farewells, winds of the earth,
Through cloud, and through sky, and through space,

Carry the peace and the darkness of night,
And carry my sorrow in kind!
Thorax, you're loved so much more than you know;
May troubles be far from your mind,
And forever be safe from our kind!

The lands now before you,
Fearful and unknown,
I never imagined
You'd face them on your own!

May these endless perils
Swiftly pass, I pray;
I love you; I miss you
All these miles away!

May all your dreams be sweet tonight;
Heal your wounds under the starlight,
And know not of sadness, pain, or chafe,
And when I dream, I'll fly away and keep you safe!
Sleep...

9879971
...Words can’t even describe how speechless I am right now. I mean, that was amazing!

Besides the fact that it could use a few touchups, if I was the writer of the song parody, I don’t think I would’ve done as good as that.

Well done! :twilightsmile::yay::ajsmug::raritystarry::rainbowdetermined2::pinkiehappy::trollestia::scootangel:

9880024
And hey, it kinda reminds me of the story you wrote; because given the fact that it’s focused on Thorax’s departure and journey away from the hive, we can only imagine how Pharynx likely felt upon discovering his brother’s disappearance.

9880435
Yeah, it kinda was written with such an idea
and now that you mention it, there maaaay be a story specifically about pharynx's side of the events some time in the future

Anyway, you think there's any chance we can get someone to sing this?

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