Boot Hoot's

by Doug Graves

Super Trampoline's Feghoot Festival

“Welcome to Boot Hoot’s Hooters and Howlers,
Here for all your exotic pet prowlers!
I’m Peg-Leg Boot Hoot, please come this way,
And what can I do for you on this fine day?”

“Morning, my little pony, I am doing just fine.
I’m here to pick a pet for a student of mine.
She’s getting older, almost ten and nine,
And she’ll use it for assignments that I assign.”

“Princess Celestia? Oh, you old soot coot!
I’m so very glad that you chose Boot Hoot’s!
After that time with your phoenix? Well, what can I say,
I thought I would never again see the day!”

“It’s quite all right, the soot did come off,
Though I had to endure the coughs and the scoffs,
And since all attest that Peg Hoot’s is the best,
I’m open to options; what do you suggest?”

“A student of yours? Hmm, let me see,
Have you thought of a howler monkey or three?
For assistants of hers, they’d be the perfect fit!
Though they do have a problem with throwing their… fits.”

“To wit? That does not sound good.
Hoof it? I’m sure she could.
But of what she enjoys? She sure would
Much rather be out chopping wood.”

“Hmm, a problem; yes, I see.
We aren’t talking just anypony!
Something special. She lives in a tree?
What other creatures might there be?”

“Well, she lives with a dragon, so nothing afraid.
It should be able to help, to serve as an aide.
She stays inside, so it shouldn’t mind shade,
And she won’t want young, so it’s okay if it’s spayed.”

“A long list, but nothing Boot Hoot can’t take!
I’ll make it work, for her and your sake.
For animals cunning, and wouldn’t forsake,
Then how about this King Cob-r-a snake?”

“I was thinking smaller, like a cat or a pup,
She had a bad time during Winter Wrap Up.
Let’s just say it was just a little mix-up,
That led to a snake bat bee pile-up!”

“I suppose that means bees and bats are right out,
A shame, but that’s why we have these try-outs!
If she doesn’t mind getting wet, and small water-spouts,
Perhaps she’d love a fish, like this rainbow trout!”

“Unfortunately, an objection I must make.
She works in a library, not on a lake!
With all of her books? She would certainly scowl.
What about, over there, that brown barnyard owl?”

“Hmm, that old hooter? Well, that might be fair.
But I always say hooters should come in a pair!
They need the companions for their lair,
Otherwise, they just sit there and stare!”

“While, I admit, that might be creepy,
Especially during the times when she’s sleepy,
I feel like an owl would be the perfect friend,
And that is the pet that I think I should send!”

“Now, wait, Princess, just a moment or two.
I don’t know if we’ve thought this all the way through.
Owls are great, and they make a fine crew.
But do you know of all the things that they do?”

“Such as hunting? She knows, she’ll be fine.
It won’t be a problem, those on which they dine.
Her friend knows the mice, I’m sure she won’t whine,
To send the old, the sick, the malign.”

“I suppose, but I refer to their peculiar proclivities.
Such as stacking books, and other such activities.
While useful, certainly, there are negativities,
And might offend those with sensible sensitivities!”

“Oh, Mr. Peg Hoot, surely you jest.
My Twilight Sparkle is not one to protest!
While, I admit, she gets over stressed,
She deals with adversity better than best!”

“But owls, you see, aren’t an old rock.
Or an enticing love bug, yet easy to mock.
Or a mad king, filled with all sorts of crock!
Or a power mad centaur, who’s broken his lock.”

“Now, now, those were not her fault!
Even so, each she managed to halt!
And now they are locked back in their vault,
Or left beaten, alone with their salt.”

“But can she make a boot hoot coot stack?
Or can she make a bite height root stack?
For an owl will make a light night fruit stack,
To go with it’s bright lite newt stack!”

“For Twilight? This I will say,
She will hoof it in her own way.
For if stacking items is the concern,
She will make a book nook topped by a worm!

“Well, I suppose that would be her right,
But there’s another, the chance very slight.
If she has food, and doesn’t mind bites,
I must ask, what do you know of para-sprites?”

“I’m afraid I’m about to learn quite a bit more.
I heard they multiply, while you might snore.
You start with just one, then two, then four!
And she wouldn’t like that; she’d have to keep score.”

“Oh, you old soot coot, don’t be a bore!
The multiplying is perfect, you always need more!
They are quite pugnacious, always making a rattle,
Since, you see, when para-sprites battle,

It’s called a para-sprite fight.

And, you see, they never like to fight fair,
They often do things just on a dare.
But when their objective instead is to scare?
Or when it’s dark, their target unaware?

It’s called a night sprite fright fight.

AND...

When sprites fight sprites
In a night fright fight,
And the sprite night fight
Is a fight to prove their might?

They call this a light fright night sprite might fight!

BUT...

Sprites don’t fight sprites only to train,
They also fight for food, or for other such gain.
And these battles happen anywhere. It could be on a train!
And over little things like nuts! Sweets! Or a single grain.
When they do? They call this a

Slight strain might stain light gain fight train sprite reign!

AND..."

“Now wait a minute, Mr. Peg Hoot!

And when these fights happen in a certain store,
Run by a pony whose tongue must be quite sore?
For sweet filling carried by train across the floor?
They call this a

Supper Tram Praline Peg-Hoot’s Vestibule!

Mr. Boot Hoot, our game is done.
Thank you for a lot of fun.
But I’m afraid that I must run,
It’s about time to raise the sun!”

Author's Note:

My second read through took 200 seconds. What's yours?

Comments

[BoredAuthor817]

Good day, my dear sir, I am on errand
I'm seeking a pet for my parent.
Something small, maybe a ferret,
Actually, come to think of it,
Do you have a parrot?

[AlexTFish]

At first I thought this poem's rhymes were strained
And syllables per line too unconstrained.
The setup droll, that's undeniable
But season timeline seemed too pliable.

And then we got the rattle battle prattle
And on my face a thin grin turning broad,
Then smack! A feghoot clean between the eyes!
I stared, I read again, and then guffawed.

Superbly done, sir Graves, and all the best:
This entry stands apart from all the rest.

[Doug Graves]

9744121
It's comments like these that make my day,
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Inconsistencies? Droll? I suppose, only fair.
I'm sure we agree, hooters are best in a pair.
And for the contest? Thanks. There's certainly no contest,
That flooding FimFiction with Peg-Hoots is the best.

[PaulAsaran]

You can has review!

[PinkDragonJr]

this really needs to be illustrated by the crew that Ilistrate doctor Seuss books.