Part 9: Now We Have a Plan.
The truest form of a well made plan is to never make it so your path leads to victory; but to make it so all paths possible, even to extremes, lead to a victory. That is an ideal that a smart strategist utilizes. One that can compromise their own pride and admit to the idea of maybe taking a lesser victory... You can perhaps see why this is not a strategy Chrysalis uses. Why? Because using that ideal would mean taking less than what you wanted. As we all know, changelings never compromise.
"...And that's the plan..." Sweetie Belle huffed and puffed feverishly, her horn flickering with a failing life of magic. Though it was dim, her magic was still holding onto a ruler she had pushed up against a board covered inch to inch with diagrams and plans. "...For the fifth time..." her teeth grit together before she looked back to her partners in crime.
Scootaloo, still vastly and far uninterested in the whole idea, was paying attention as best she could after the fourth rundown. However, even that focus was starting to chip away as she rubbed her hooves against the flats of her temples. On the other hand, Apple Bloom looked as if lost in thought. The gears in her wrench-twisting brain were grinding as slow as could be. "Righ'... Ah' get it..." Apple Bloom stated.
Hope filled Sweetie Belle's eyes and the ruler she was magically holding dropped from her and clacked against the floor. "Really?" Sweetie Belle asked, hoping to Celestia her rundown finally sunk in.
"Really?" Scootaloo blew a strand of her purple-ish mane from her eyes, still frustrated she was cooped up in here.
"Course I do... 'cept--"
"Here we go..." a groan of the greatest degree of grief left from Scootaloo, followed by a dull thud when her head hit against the wooden floor.
"--Cept... Ya' know? Just run it by me one more time," Apple Bloom cheerfully suggested.
As cheerful as Apple Bloom was about this, cheerful Sweetie Belle left at explanation three. Even so, Sweetie Belle lifted up her ruler, carefully. She smiled at Apple Bloom, kindly. She giggled at the situation, softly. Then she cut every single diagram of her plan into itty-bitty pieces, ruthlessly. "F-Forget the plan! We'll just... Just..." Sweetie Belle seethed in her rage, resembling her sister's tone of voice and stature when she would lose her nerves, "...WING IT!"
Before Scootaloo or Apple Bloom could add their two bits, they were flung out from the club house flank first. Within the air, Apple Bloom turned a look to Scootaloo, both looking relatively unfazed by the sudden ordeal. "...Sweetie's magic's gettin' strong," nonchalantly commented Apple Bloom, still flying across the sky along side Scootaloo.
Firstly, Scootaloo shrugged before allowing her wings to crane open. After a few light flaps against her thrown path, Scootaloo dulled her flight and started to take a flight all her own. Making for a quick adjust, she flipped herself mid-air and swooped herself under Apple Bloom; allowing her friend to fit into the small of her back. "I've seen stronger. Now come on...!" whipping her tail back against the sky, Scootaloo charged herself forward through the air with Apple Bloom clutched against her back, "Let's 'wing it'!"
To be fair, the plan was not entirely hard to follow. Perhaps the only part that had Apple Bloom lost was the very last bit of the plan. The rest of Sweetie Belle's idea seemed pretty much flawless. Furthermore, Apple Bloom had started to respect plans like these. Plans that mapped out big ideas for small goals. Not plans that over-complicated things; but plans that made it so a small goal could not escape in any way. If inventing gadgets for the past few years taught Apple Bloom anything, it was that 'small goal' didn't mean 'easy goal'. Sometimes the smallest goals are the hardest to pin down.
Phase One: Round together the Cutie Mark Crusaders (Gen. 1). If all primary six can not be brought together, the founding three will be enough.
Phase Two: Fixate on primary target. Study primary target.
Phase Three: Have lunch.
Phase Four: 'Bump into' primary target and inquire on Hearts and Hooves Day. Be sure to clear up that you are available.
Simplistic, this was the most bare-bones of the plan. This is excluding Phase One-subsection B and all the rest of Sweetie Belle's foolproof planning. Now, this idea is simple enough as it is; even with the further complications to it, it would still be follow-able. Yet, Phase Five is where Apple Bloom found a lapse in the plan...
Phase Five: Ask him out.
Something about that did not sit well with Apple Bloom. But now, free from looking at that board and staying braced against Scootaloo's back high-up in the air, she would figure this one out.
"...And that's my plan...!" Discord smirked devilishly under the safe cover of a Ponyville alleyway, "You and I go different ways; we find Pipla Khan a mare of our choosing; we set Pips-Pants up with the mare; we see who knows Pip better."
Once Discord stopped talking, Chrysalis looked a heavy, hateful but confused look at him; a marvel at how she never lost any hate looking at him. Finally, she plopped a hoof against the rim of her nose and shook her head. "D-Discord... That was the first time -the first time- you explained your plan to me. You literally just brought me into the alley and said 'Queeny... I think I have an idea...' than five seconds later, you said 'And that's my plan'."
"...So you follow my plan?" There was no measuring the amount of hate Chrysalis was now feeling in the deepest reaches of her inky body.
Makers... Still my horn... Pip needs this creature alive for now... For now... "Yes. Fine. I understand," Chrysalis admitted defeat and allowed for this stupidity come to a slow, agonizing end. "We shall conduct this in the most ludicrous and nonsensical manners possible. But as long as we draw results..."
The plan was not without its... flaws. Nevertheless, both Chrysalis and Discord had a perfect vision of how to teach Pip how to 'court' a mare. No matter how vastly different their approaches were from one another.
One, two, three... No. No matter how many times Pip counted, there just wasn't any more spots on his hoof. So strange... he could've sworn he had four last week. While Pip continued to check the underside of his front hoof, he noticed out from the corner of his eye a set of three eyes looking at him. A little embarrassed, Pip put his hoof down and smiled a greeting to the three. "'Ello there. I was just checkin' for--" seeing now who the three were, his smile only grew, "Well if it ain't the Cake twins! An'-- Twist? Is that you? 'Ardly recognize you with those pretty new glasses and that right fine mane tie!" Pip greeted heartily.
The twins held in their snickers but nodded a greeting back at Pip. Although, their attention was pretty much stuck to Twist as the bags she was holding in her mouth dropped to the floor when her mouth went agape. Her cream colored face darkened red and paled at the same time; an astounding feat. Pound and Pumpkin could already feel Twist's heart punching against her ribs as she stood face to face with Pip. "Make a move. Make a move. Come on, Twist. Remember what Pinkie said, remember what she sai-- WHAT DID PINKIE SAY!?" Twist's mind was beating against itself, lost in the thralls of disharmony.
Even so, she managed one motion before Pip could say another word. In one swift motion, Twist picked the bag she was carrying up and lobbed it to Pip before breaking back the way she came in a fevered rush. The toss startled Pip, but he managed to catch it onto his back without letting whatever was inside drop out. "Booo!" Pound yelled after Twist before he too started running down the road after her, "That was lame!"
"Lamers never win, Twist!" Pumpkin joined her brother in berating the Twist in her failure.
Leaving Pip to himself, he blinked a single time in a bit of confusion. "...Wonder where Disarm and Crystal went...?" was all he could say before the scent of fresh cookies brought his attention to the bag on his back. "Oh! Cookies..." he took another sniff, smiling even greater as he recalled the scent, "pear flavor? Me favorite! I'm sure Twist wouldn't mind if I 'ad just one..." Pip reasoned with himself before setting the bag to the little seating spot by the fountain.
Unwrapping it and allowing the scent of the cookies touch his nose all the more, he took note of a piece of paper done on top of the collection of cookies. Curious, he moved the paper open and looked to see what was drawn or written on it.
My dearest secret love,
Would you be my date for getting it down and dirty all night long on the beach-side cuddling until nightfall? I just love you so so so so so so much. You are like the total tops and the greatest ever. I bet you are the best kisser ever. So PLEASE be my date? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!?
Signed,
Twist.
"...Wow..." Pip felt his face set ablaze when he read that note. Whoever this 'secret love' was, Twist had it bad for them.
Earth ponies have a tendency to be unable to write through regular means. That is why many Earth ponies tend to ask unicorns to take care of anything they need written down. Thankfully for Twist, she had a loyal, trustworthy unicorn living at Sugarcube Corners... And a helpful proofreader that happened to be the writer's brother. But, perhaps Twist should have proofread it herself.
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No wonder Pip has all the mares after him. The density of his skull has reached such a critical mass that they're drawn in by its gravitational pull.
We have a word for guys like Pip.
Thick.
I think it's more innocent. One has to be quite innocent and a paragon of virtue to convert Discord and Chrysalis. At the same time, how could he know what love is? Discord knows and has the best interests for him, but is too scatterbrained and chaotic to focus in and help out. And Chrysalis has a warped view of it among other various problems.
You can't blame him, considering who he has as parental figures.
damn Pip, got that Swagger going strong.
Wow Pipsqueak is more dense than a Black Hole
Oh my God hilarity will ensue
and when the time comes, Pipsqueak would be like, WTF happened?
2803556 Hense why every mare wants him??
2803486 Critical Hit or Super Effective, would you say?
2803320
That's what SHE said
Pip gets all the ladies <<
...too bad he doesn't know.
2804313 tough call. but after looking at Twist I'd say we have a critical hit
2806155 Twist fainted! Pip gained 4000 XP. Pip Leveled up! Pip learned Extremely Oblivious!
Goodness. Poor Twist. Getting the Cake twins to help her was a terrible idea
2807871lol
Okay Pip. You're going into Ash Ketchum territory with your obliviousness.
But it's not that surprising seeing who his parents are.
2803692
cause he can sweet talk EVERY mare and because he is cute
I just looked at the ending, leaned back into my chair, and just started slow-clapping...
i.imgur.com/7X9Jmjb.gif
Pip forgot to turn off his swag.
I see what you did there
Oh hey, Scoots can fly in this fic! Neato!
–Not plans that over-complicated things; but plans that made it so a small goal could not escape in any way.
This entire thing was really amusing. Nicely done. :3
–While Pip continued to check the underside of his front hoof, he noticed out from the corner of his eye a set of three eyes looking at him.
Don't you mean three sets of eyes?
–"...Wow..." Pip felt his face set ablaze when he read that note. Whoever this 'secret love' was, Twist had it bad for them.
Ha haaaaa! Aye, poor, innocent Pippy. XD
2804313
2806155
2807871
Except Swagger can't crit or be super effective. It's a status move.
Oh my god Pip!
You oblivious, charming little bastard I love you!
SERIOUSLY?! PIP! You have reached while new levels of dense! That was on the level of her straight up kissing you! I mean that was so clear and obvious Celestia saw it!
*sigh* Get your heavy artillery ready girls, this one's thicker than the Great Wall.
... Welp, the title of the new master of obliviousness goes to Pip.