• Published 12th Jul 2019
  • 9,664 Views, 191 Comments

Dear Princess Celestia - An Intricate Disguise

Every year, I write to the princess. I think she's amazing. I want to be just like her. I wonder if she'll ever reply.

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What if You Were My Mom?

Princess Celestia,

It's Anon again. Please don't be mad at me, but I did something bad. I hope I can tell you, because I don't feel like I can tell anypony else and I'm scared that if I don't say anything I'll just feel worse and

I hit my mom today. I know, I'm a horrible, stupid pony that never should've been born, and I'm ungrateful about everything that everyone has ever done for me and the roof that my parents put over my head. Dad already told me all of that.

Mom cried too. I didn't like it when she cried, but I didn't feel sorry for her.

She always hits me, and no one feels sorry for me when I cry.

My sister never came back to protect me. Her dad kept her far away from this house once she left, and I think I see why now.

I was so naive when I was young. I thought I had good parents, and that I was just a difficult child, and I just didn't do enough, but the more I speak to other fillies and colts my age, the more I begin to realise just how different their lives are from mine.

But I still shouldn't have hit my mom. I realised a year ago that my mom and dad are bad ponies, and told myself I'd never be anything like them. Now I'm being like them.

And... I don't know, am I ungrateful? It's true, they do give me somewhere to live for free, and all I have to do is whatever they ask me to, know when to shut up, and never talk back or speak unless spoken to.

I heard you had your kingdom taken away once by a horrible creature called Discord, and that you weren't allowed to do anything either for a long time.

But then... he became good again? Can bad ponies change and be good again, or just creatures like him?

I don't have any other family, and I'm too young to move away. When I want to talk to a teacher, my parents always remind me that much worse things would happen if I was ever taken away. That I'd be placed in a nasty foster system with ponies that are a thousand times worse than them, and that I'd hate it, and that they love me really and I should stop being a rude ungrateful little bitch and be a gracious, helpful pony. They say it's character building.

Sometimes I don't want to be here. I learned that if a unicorn overloads the magic in their horn too much, they can go into a coma, or even stop their own heart. I've tried it before, but I'm too scared to go through with it once it starts to really hurt.

And really, I don't want to die. I don't want to go away and leave behind all of the things about this world that I really like. The colours and the trees and the music and the warmth of a soft blanket.

This page is getting wet, I'm really sorry.

I drew you as a pegasus. I don't know why, I think I just wanted to imagine that even an amazing, invincible pony like you could've been like me once upon a time. Could've been vulnerable and small. I thought about drawing you as a unicorn, but I couldn't imagine you without the wings.

I hope you like the picture. I put lots of effort into it, because I want you to see it and open this letter. I want it to be good enough that you like me, that you want to talk to me, that maybe you could even come and help me. I'm sorry that I'm such a bad pony and that I can't fix this myself, but I feel like I need help. I don't want to be here anymore.

I'm going to send this letter myself as soon as I can. I don't want there to be any way it gets lost. Part of me thinks my parents weren't really sending the letters to you before, but were burning them up so nopony would see what kind of ponies they really are.

I don't know where to send it. I'll ask someone when I get a chance. I really hope you see it. I need you to see it.

Thank you for always being here for me as someone to write to, and someone to look up to. You've been the best company all these years and more than I could've ever asked for.

With love,


Author's Note:

Ps. I really hope this is good enough...