Italian on Kaiser

by totallynotabrony

Chapter 1

It was just rain, Daring thought. She didn’t pause to glance at the cloudless sky. Maybe it was dew off the jungle plants. She didn’t pause to glance at what was dripping down her forelegs.

Here she was again, on the run after narrowly escaping. The temple miles behind her held the wreckage of Ahuizotl’s latest scheme, and at least a few priceless artifacts that had been unfortunate victims of the fight.

She had never learned why he always seemed to show up at every set of ruins she entered. At the moment, she was just focused on getting away.

This was a position Daring had been in before, too often if she was being honest. The sneaking suspicion that it had finally caught up to her kept trying to slip into the back of her mind.

It had started out just like any other expedition. Of course, one of her many recurring adversaries and competitors would probably complicate things, but that was nothing Daring hadn’t seen before. She was going to get into the small jungle temple, find the mysterious Mortal Amulet and get out. Her plans rarely survived first contact with whatever obstacle, monster, or adversary got in her way, but that was almost part of the plan, too.

What was not part of the plan had been coming up short on her research. There was very little information available about the amulet, not even when Princess Twilight had gotten her access to the restricted section in the Canterlot Castle Library as a favor. Other than the amulet was supposedly protected by some extremely powerful magic, there wasn’t much to go on.

“Shrouded by a curse holding a fate worse than death” was one line that had stood out. Whatever that meant.

Now, Daring was beginning to get an idea. She put that out of her mind for the moment, along with her pain, the lethargy in her limbs, and the growing chill she felt.

She wasn’t sure how far she’d gone by the time she finally decided to stop for a breather. Several miles at least. It would have been several dozen if Ahuizotl hadn’t gotten in a shot to her wing. As often as it had happened, Daring was seriously considering body armor. Her aviatrist was growing more and more exasperated with her exploits, each time she returned from an expedition needing a splint.

Based on the setting sun, Daring was sure she was going in the correct direction, towards civilization. She glanced at her back trail. Her legs wobbled, and she more collapsed than decided to sit.

She glanced within her saddle bags, seeing that the amulet was secure. It was a polished black stone, almost seeming to absorb light. Its setting was sliver, engraved and somehow elegant even in its simplicity. A nice-looking piece of jewelry, though not the grandest she’d ever discovered.

Satisfied that it was secure, she closed the flap on her saddlebags and then steeled herself to face what she’d been ignoring for the last few hours. Lowering her head to look down at her barrel and forelegs, her breath caught. She’d never seen so much blood. She’d known she was bleeding, but it was worse than she could have imagined.

Her khaki shirt was completely soaked. Aside from her hoofprints, she’d also probably left an easily identifiable blood trail behind her. If she didn’t stop the bleeding soon, she was in real trouble. As it was, she might not have very much consciousness left.

Doing her best to stay calm, Daring unbuttoned her shirt and looked for the wound. It was high in her chest, and still contained the shard of ancient wood stuck there when the temple had begun to collapse around her.

She was immediately tempted to pull it out, but no, that would only open the wound channel wider. Her previously sandy-colored coat was so utterly sodden with blood that she wasn’t able to tell how fast it was still leaking out of the wound.

Much more calmly than she felt, Daring got up again. The brief rest had left her feeling even more weary, but self-preservation kept her moving. It was still miles more to the nearest settlement. Not city, settlement. There might be a doctor there.

As she turned to resume her trip, a branch snapped in the jungle nearby. Daring froze, but by the time she realized somepony was out there, it was too late. The bushes parted to reveal Dr. Caballeron and half a dozen henchponies surrounding Daring. Would the miseries never cease?

Caballeron smirked, a look Daring had seen far too often. “My my, you’re looking the worse for wear. I don’t even have to beat you up this time before I take what you’ve discovered.”

There was no way she could run. Daring could only hope she was worth more to him alive than dead. And given his previous track record, and the number of times he’d left her to die before, she was going to have to do some quick thinking to prove her worth.

“Have you noticed the temple collapsed?” Daring said. “I was just there and fought Ahuizotl. He was so intent on keeping me from inside that he was willing to destroy it. You’re going to have to dig out.”

Caballeron ran his eyes over her, but quickly looked elsewhere. “But I take it you got the Mortal Amulet before he did? Like you always do?”

“No.” Daring reached into her saddlebag and pulled it out. “I was going to swap this duplicate and leave, but like I said, Ahuizotl was really insistent.”

Caballeron’s eyes narrowed. “You’re lying. How could you have known what the amulet looked like before coming?”

In spite of the pain and the blood and the fatigue, Daring forced a smile. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m friends with the Elements of Harmony. They put me in their book.”

She couldn’t push the story too hard. She had to let Caballeron come to her.

“And I suppose next you’re going to tell me that Princess Twilight is expecting you to be back?” he said, rolling his eyes.

“She actually doesn’t know I came,” said Daring. “I had planned to be back before she noticed, but…” She gestured to the jagged piece of wood sticking out of her chest.

Daring took a deep breath, which caused the broken timber to shift uncomfortably amongst her organs. “Look, I’m going to confess to you. I...could use your help. And I could put in a good word about you with Princess Twilight.”

Caballeron glanced at the amulet in her hoof. He glanced up. “If that’s as cursed as I suspect, I wouldn’t want to touch it anyway. You keep it...for now.”

He turned and gestured to his lackeys. “Come on.”

“Wait, where are you going?” said Daring. Forgetting the amulet, she needed help.

“Do I look like a doctor?” said Caballeron. “Well, that kind of doctor?” He gestured to the jungle around them. “Your choices are walk or die right here. If you make it out, then maybe we can find you some help. In the meantime, my History PhD isn’t going to do you much good.”

So she’d gained nothing. Daring grit her teeth and started walking. One stallion, she noticed, fell in behind her. Still carrying the amulet, she slung it around her neck. She might as well wear it; they already knew she had it.

As the sun went down, the forest got darker and darker. Daring’s pain had started to fade, which she welcomed, but a growing hunger had taken its place. That was to be expected, considering the exertion she’d put forth, but it was the strangest craving she’d ever experienced.

When one was mildly injured - stepping on a sharp pebble, for example - the natural compulsion was to lick the wound. Just like a mother kissing a boo boo, the soothing was more mental than anything. The point was, Daring had experienced all manner of scrapes and had tasted her own blood on more than one occasion.

The strange part about it was, the hemorrhaging that covered her front had started to smell good to her. Well of course, she force-rationalized, her body craved what it needed.

The first time she fell, it was a struggle to get up. Daring had tripped over a root or something in the darkening jungle. The second time, it was apparently just over her own hooves.

The thug following her impatiently smoked a cigarette while he watched her struggle. The small glowing end was the only source of light, save the scattered stars that made their way through the jungle canopy above.

The third time Daring fell, it wasn’t even her fault. In the darkness, she ran into the stallion in front of her. Why had they stopped?

“Quiet,” Caballeron hissed. “I thought I heard-”

There was a scream from just feet in front of her. Daring started to step backwards, but was knocked off her hooves by somepony slamming into her. Something huge whipped through the darkness and there was another cry of pain from behind her. Hooves took off running through the undergrowth, but something with heavy paws bounded after the noise, silencing it.

Daring lay where she had fallen, eyes wide but seeing nothing except darkness and faint patches of sky through the trees. Something large and dark slid over the stars, looming over her. She could barely make out the glint of eyes, catlike and green.

Whatever it was lowered its head and sniffed her. Its nose touched the shaft of wood still poking out of Daring’s chest and it was all she could do to avoid writhing in pain. At least the poke seemed to cause the creature to draw back. Apparently deciding she didn’t smell good enough to eat, it slowly moved away.

There was a scurry to Daring’s side and the creature pounced, taking another life. She closed her eyes and grit her teeth as she heard somepony eaten just feet from her.

There was no way she was getting out of this alive. It was the first time the thought had struck her and finally taken hold. Any help she might have had from an old enemy was now gone. There was no way she could escape from this predator. She sincerely doubted her ability to survive if she had to lie there until morning. In fact, she was wondering if she was going to be able to get up again at all.

Daring slowly reached for her saddlebag. There was exactly one trick she had left to pull.

A year before, she’d had one of her most unusual adventures ever, one she was still struggling to write down. It had involved visitors from other worlds, ancient mirror portals, and too many other magical, metaphysical aspects to fully grasp. Part of the deal to use the castle library for research was letting Princess Twilight look at her draft of this story. She was maybe the only pony who had much insight into mirror-focused teleportation, so the deal was win-win for Daring.

There was a mirror in Canterlot that functioned as a portal to another world. It wasn’t the first one, and Daring had stumbled upon several earlier prototypes in a crypt beneath ruins beneath the ancient castle in the Everfree Forest.

After some trial and error, and more than a little guesswork, they’d managed to learn a few things. She’d parted ways with her new friends with an agreement. In an absolute worse-case scenario, there was one option left.

Daring’s hoof found the small mirror in her saddlebag. She couldn’t see it in the darkness, but she knew the feel. She’d carried it with her constantly.

Just as the portal in the castle could be used to travel to other worlds, so could this compact mirror. It looked like an ordinary mirror, but the magic within would find its counterpart, no matter where it was. However, it was only a single use, and only a one way trip.

But there was no other option. Daring could either die here, or take a chance. In the darkened forest, she could see the glint of the mirror as she held it. She couldn’t summon the strength to release the magic inside. It had to be broken open. Her other hoof groped the nearby ground. There wasn’t a convenient rock.

Daring put it in her mouth and bit down.

---

There wasn’t much left of the old submarine. Lara Croft sighed into her scuba regulator and began to swim for the surface.

It wasn’t as if she expected the wreck to still be there in its entirety. Being over one hundred years old, not to mention lying close to a rocky shore where it could be battered by waves and picked over by salvagers, the old wreckage didn’t have much of a chance.

At any rate, Lara had come to the Mediteranian on holiday, so missing a hulk from the First World War was only a minor inconvenience.

Palagruža belonged to Croatia, and consisted of nothing more than a few tiny rocky islands. They lay in the Adriatic Sea between Croatia and Italy’s east coast. There was a lighthouse, and that was about it. For the purpose of Lara’s dive, the Italian Royal Navy submarine Nereide had fought its last battle there in 1915. Both names were derived from Greek: palagruža meaning “sea” and nereide being a sea nymph.

Another reason Lara had been drawn there was a fascinating connection to a musical. During World War One, Nereide had been sunk by the Austro-Hungarian submarine U-5, commanded by none other than Georg von Trapp, the man who would later be the real-life inspiration for the father in The Sound of Music.

Lara headed for the surface, brushing her dark hair away from her facemask. She hadn’t been very deep and was able to surface without decompressing. The small chartered boat floated placidly on the blue sea. Lara had always found summer in the Mediteranian pleasant. It reminded her of seaside holidays in years past with her father.

A giant Maori man was there on the transom to greet her, and Lara accepted his offered hand. He lifted her completely out of the water with just one arm.

“Thank you, Jonah.”

“Lunch, Lara?” he asked as she began to remove her gear.

“What did you make?”

He grinned. “Italian subs.”

Not Lara’s usual fare, not by a mile, but at least they would probably be good. There was a reason she was friends with Jonah. Well, several.

Lara finished removing her tank and wetsuit. She went into the small boat’s cabin to dry off and change out of her bathing suit.

The trip was short and they would be back to Italy that evening, so Lara had only packed one bag. It contained everything she needed for a day of diving, plus a few pieces of equipment that she took everywhere she went.

Everywhere Lara had been was...well, all over the world, really. She’d followed in her father’s footsteps in archeology and had stumbled on an unusual knack for getting into trouble. Not her own, but that of other people who would see ancient artifacts used for their own ends. A death cult had been the most recent. That would have been all well and good if they hadn’t actually made a credible run at starting the apocalypse. After that series of encounters, Lara felt that she had more than earned her vacation.

After she finished changing, she went topside and had lunch with Jonah as he set a course back for shore. Lara checked her satellite connection and used her tablet to review some Croft Foundation paperwork. Adventurous globe-trotting was all well and good, but the bills had to be paid.

Back in the small Italian port later that day, they returned the boat to the marina and carried off their gear. The Fiat Doblò cargo van they had rented was waiting in the parking lot on the pier where they had left it. As Lara loaded her luggage into the back, she paused, noticing a strange light coming from within her knapsack. She’d only seen such a thing once before.

Jonah had noticed too and a worried look crossed his face. Large and capable as he was, he was also the more cautious of the two. He kept his distance as Lara opened her bag and took out a small mirror.

“This is…” she said, as she held it in her hands.

That was all the warning she got. The mirror suddenly flashed with much brighter light than before, leaving her seeing spots. There was a sudden rush of wind and Lara beheld the arrival of two figures.

The first was nearly as large as the van and covered in dark fur. It was vaguely feline in appearance, but only vaguely. It yowled in confusion and its eyes fixed straight on Lara.

Her reflexes were nothing if not life-saving. Lara plunged her hands into her bag and leaped away, just ahead of a clawed paw bigger than her face that gouged the van’s door. She rolled and got up, aiming a pair of Heckler & Koch USP Match pistols.

As bulky as the creature was, there was no guarantee handgun rounds would have much of an effect on it, but that didn’t stop Lara from unloading both guns.

Jonah’s reaction had only been a short moment behind her own. He’d already brandished a short shotgun and began to empty it into the creature.

Caught by attacks from two sides, the overgrown panther leaped atop the van, metal groaning under its weight, and then jumped away from the incoming bullets Apparently misjudging the landing, it skidded over the edge of the pier and splashed into the water.

Lara ran to the edge, reloading, but whatever the thing was didn’t look like it could swim, especially with its injuries. Putting that aside for the moment, she turned to look at what else had arrived.

It was a woman, partially clothed. Her hair was shades of grey, which belied her smooth olive skin. She was also totally covered in blood, which seemed to stem from a fragment of wood stuck in her upper chest.

Without a word between them, Lara and Jonah grabbed her arms and legs and hurriedly loaded her into the back of the van. Lara closed the doors. Jonah jumped in the front seat and started the engine. The gunfire would attract authorities, and the monster and mysterious visitor would not be easy to explain.

As they left the scene, Lara checked the woman, starting at her head and working down. Lara kept finding additional and more worrying injuries. There were shards of glass in her mouth, for God’s sake. Lara also realized she wasn’t breathing.

She started chest compressions, but as she made the first push, the woman’s eyes opened. They were a completely unnatural shade of magenta.

It was only just then that Lara realized the full extent of what had just happened. She’d carried the mirror for so long, since an unexpected discovery had taken her to another world, but had been caught off guard by its activation today. Still, despite the appearance, she instinctively knew who this was. Those eyes, that hair…

“Daring Do?” she said.

The woman blinked, and then smiled as best as she could through a mouthful of broken glass. Her voice was strained, but she said, “Good to see you, Lara.”

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