An Eventful Morning - Part 3
Hey guys; please take a look at the Author's Note. I'd really appreciate it.
- TSC
“Excuse me, Princess.” I stop, also bringing Celestia and Luna to a halt as they move to rejoin the others. “There’s actually something else I wanted to ask about.”
“Yes?” The white alicorn halts her departure, turning around to face me again.
“I was wondering; does Equestria have a… a banking system? One where a group of ponies manage the bits of their clients, and stuff like that?”
“We do.” Celestia nods. “There’s the Equestrian National, the Equestrian Royal, and the Canterlot Royal banks. You yourself have an account set up with the Equestrian Royal Bank.”
“I was hoping you’d say that. Do the others…” I nod at the collection of ponies out in the lounge, who are all talking animatedly. “…have accounts as well?”
“They do…” Luna raises an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Well…” I smile a little sheepishly. “I’ve got a reasonable amount of money to my name, right? I think it was about twenty-six thousand bits, or something.”
“Yes…” Celestia’s own eyebrow slides upwards. She doesn’t vocalize any predictions of what I’m about to say, but I’m fairly sure that she’s already guessed what I’m getting at.
“Uhh…” I continue once more, giving a little shrug. “…Well, I don’t need it. I’m not paying for myself at the moment, and I’ll be getting living funds for the future from the trial, so I think that I might as well give what I have now to somepony – or someponies that can put it to better use.”
I close my mouth, wondering what response I’m going to receive. I literally have no use for this money, so why not give it to the ponies that have helped me so much? And when I say the ponies that have helped me, I’m not just talking about while I’ve been in Equestria. If that were the case, then most of the money would be going to Twilight, Rarity, and some to Pinkie Pie. Luna too, but she’d have no use for it.
Instead, it’s more as payment for the sheer amount of joy I’ve experienced because of My Little Pony – my suffering under Trixie excluded. One and a half years of good feelings and happiness, and they’ve never received a cent for it. The least I can do is give them the money from my Gala performance. I might as well call it a charity performance for underpaid actors.
Celestia still hasn’t said anything. I think she’s letting me properly voice my request.
“So… what I’m asking for you to arrange…” I swallow a little nervously, before nodding my head at the Mane Six again. “Is to transfer Three and a half thousand bits into each of their accounts. Twenty-one thousand total.”
Luna and Celestia both glance at each other, before the Princess of the Night hesitantly asks; “…Why?”
“Well, I’ve really got no use for the bits, and the others out there have done so much for me – before and after I came here.” I raise my hands in a half-shrug. “I think it’s only fair that I show my appreciation with more than just simple thanks, and right now the best means I have are bits.”
“And why would you ask this of us? Why not offer it to them directly?" Luna questions.
“Because they’ll refuse.” I give a little shrug, accompanying my words with a smile. “If they don’t know about it until after it’s done, then they can’t refuse – as long as the transaction’s non-reversible.”
“Are you sure?” Celestia queries, still apprehensive. The only reason I can imagine for that is that I’ve caught her off-guard with my unexpected request. “This is unusually generous.”
“I disagree.” I shake my head to emphasize my point. “If you ask me, it’s fair compensation. Of course, I don’t expect anypony else to see it from my point of view.”
“And you’re sure.” Celestia says again, making sure that there can be no mistake of my wishes. “You’re sure that you want twenty-one thousand bits drawn from your account to be split equally into theirs.”
“Completely.” I nod confidently. It’s really only fair. As much as I would like to hang onto that money for some future event, I feel that the others would have more use for it. “And please, please don’t tell them.”
Celestia and Luna glance at each other again, both of them nodding the affirmative in a silent decision over whether or not to comply with my request.
“Very well then, Keys.” Luna smiles slightly, looking faintly amused by my decision. I’d imagine that a lot of the trivialities of mortals must be entertaining to them. “As surprising as it may be, we shall fulfill your wish.”
“Thank you, your highness.”
“I will not tell you again that I wish to be called Luna.” The Princess chastises in a less-than-gentle manner, and I have to stop myself from sighing. I suppose I’m past all the ridiculousness of trying to be proper and formal since last night, but it’ll take a little mental training to not fall back on the standard royal titles.
“Yes, Luna.” I grimace slightly at how improper that sounds.
“You shall get used to it.” Luna once again smiles slightly at my discomfort. “All things take time. Shall we rejoin the Elements?”
“Let’s.” Celestia replies simply, giving the cue for us to exit the corner.
I follow the two alicorns back to the center of the room, where the discussion seems to be in the process of winding down – or at least, it looks like everypony’s managed to come to term with what I’ve said. time will tell, though.
“…derstand that, Twi.” Applejack sounds more than a little frustrated. “But ah jus’ wanna know how these darn stories exist.”
I clear my throat, drawing the work-pony’s attention. “Sorry Applejack, but we don’t have an answer for that. They exist, but I have no clue how.”
I really should have guessed that she’d have the most difficulty with this. She is of a ‘southern persuasion’, after all – not enough to uphold all the stereotypes, but enough to encourage a watered-down image of the classic technophobic bumpkin.
Applejack produces what looks like a cross between a scowl and a disappointed frown. “Well that ain’t helpful.”
“Tell me about it.” I tap my cane on the floor twice for no other reason than adding an accent to my words. “So what’s been explained?”
“I talked about the details, and what you know…” Twilight frowns uncertainly. “Other than that, I didn’t really know what to say.”
“There isn’t much else to say.” I shrug. “So does anypony have any questions?”
There’s a lapse of silence, in which the Elements take a few moments to exchange glances, which were normally answered by shrugs or head-shakes. That surprises me, although I suppose that some questions take time to be thought of. There's no doubt that I'll have to answer some sooner or later, depending on when they are thought of.
I wait until the exchanges stop, before nodding. “Nothi-”
“I’ve got a question.” Rainbow interrupts, keeping her voice surprisingly level.
“Yeah?” I raise an eyebrow. Rainbow was the one pony I thought would have nothing more to ask. She probably just wants to know more about her fa-
“What’s your name, dude?”
I blink twice. For some reason that’s a real surprise, even though it's actually also in keeping with the Rainbow Dash that Bronies know and love. I probably should have considered this – Then again, there are a lot of things I should be considering that I'm not.
“Rainbow.” Twilight chastises quickly. “If Keys doesn’t-”
“Twilight.” I hold up my hand. “It’s fine. Now’s a good time anyway.”
“What?” The collected ponies chorus, surprise marring their faces.
I give a sheepish smile at the reaction. The entire reason I provided the name ‘Keys’ in the first place was because I was worried about saying anything stupid. Admittedly, I have no clue why I was worried that my name would be a bad thing to hand out. With every passing day my thinking becomes clearer, and I look back at my previous mistakes and wonder how I could possibly have made them.
“Yeah…” I give an awkward cough. “The entire reason I kept my name to myself was because I was worried about saying anything stupid. Not really sure what I was thinking.” I reach up and rub at the side of my neck equally as awkwardly. “But that doesn't really matter any more... so… you all want to know my name?”
“That’d be nice, dear.” Rarity prods gently, as if she's being careful not to spook me on the topic. All of the ponies look genuinely interested, although Twilight and the Princesses are – predictably – paying the most attention.
My sheepish grin doesn’t change as I gauge their reactions. “Well, long-story-short; Keys is a nickname from my friends on Earth. They gave it to me because I play the piano, and I share my first name with a well-known fictitious leader.”
I pause for a moment. It’s mostly for dramatic tension than anything else. I really am a hopeless dramatic.
“So… uh, well… my actual name is Jacob Lewis – Jake for short, but I’d prefer to just be called Keys. It’s what I’ve always been called, on Earth and Equestria.”
“Jacob…” Twilight makes a show of mulling the word over. “That’s an interesting name.”
“If by ‘interesting’ you mean ‘boring’, then yeah. I agree.” I scoff. “’Jake’ is such a bland, average name, which is why I prefer ‘Keys’.”
“’Jacob’, huh?” Applejack nods. “Respectable name. I’ve gotta cousin named Jacob.”
“Oh, and there are a lot of people on earth named Jacob. That as well.” I add, my memory prompted by Applejack’s comment. “But seriously, I’d much rather being called Keys.”
“But Jacob is a fun name!” Pinkie suddenly complains, pouting so heavily that the resulting image borders on grotesque. “It’s a two-syllable word! It fits into almost any song!”
“I’m sure Keys will work just as well, dear.” Rarity ‘comforts’ the party pony.
I give a little shrug. Rarity’s pretty much said it all – and I’d prefer to not get caught up in too many musicals in the near future. The ballad of lord waffle was enough for me.
“J-j-j-j-j-Jacob.” I mutter whimsically under my breath in the following silence, before speaking at a conversational volume again. “So now I’m just wondering, when is the trial set for?”
“In two days.” Celestia replies quickly. “The case begins on Friday morning.”
I nod. “And how long would a trial like this take?”
“The evidence against Trixie is overwhelming.” Luna responds simply. “All that is required is for us to hear all the evidence and the argument from both sides. After that we make our decision, and our verdict is carried out.”
I raise an eyebrow at Luna’s use of the word ‘we’. I had wondered if cases of this scale were presided over by the Princesses, or just judges. It looks like I have my answer, but I’ll need to ask Twilight later.
What’s more exciting is how close the trial is – and how quickly it will be over. This is an example of Equestria’s many differences from Earth. The proceedings will be over in hours rather than weeks, and the investigation didn’t even reach two weeks in length, which is insignificant compared to the month-long enquiries that an event of this scale would merit on Earth.
Frankly, I love it. Trixie will be receiving her punishment before the weekend is out – possibly before it starts, if the Equestrian Justice system is really fast. This couldn't be better.
“Good.” I smile widely at the news. “It’ll be amazing to see that monster getting what’s coming to her.”
It really will be. I’ve only been free for ten days, but this has still been a long time coming. Sure, it'd have been satisfying to kill the mare, but braining her with a pipe's also pretty satisfying – and now she gets to endure a proper punishment for her horrific misdeeds.
Pinkie breaks the silence before I can take a moment to gauge the attitude of the ponies around me. It seems that she's getting worse and worse at restraining her vast stores of energy.
“Hey! I thought we were going to have some fun in Canterlot! What’s everypony doing being all ‘not-doing-thatey’?”
I raise an eyebrow. “Going out to Canterlot?”
Celestia clears her throat, "I suggested that the girls go and take some time off in the city, and that you should join them if you feel you are able. I think you could all do with some relaxation before the trial."
"And I could do with a haircut..." I mutter, touching at my hair before answering with barely any thought; "Well, I'm up for a trip into town. I mean, it'll be good to get out and just do stuff for a change, instead of moping around all day like some depressed Goth."
The elements each voice their general agreement for the trip into Canterlot, although Rainbow doesn't seem to be overly interested at all. I think she's still coasting on the ego-high of learning that she's popular on an entirely different world.
"Yes!" Pinkie leaps out of her seat and immediately starts swaying from side to side, a wide grin plastered across her face. "Let's go have some fun!"
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Author's Note:
Bad chapter is bad. Short chapter is short. These are things we know.
I know many of you will be displeased by the shortness of this chapter, and the clunky dialogue, and the wooden characters. In case you haven't guessed; I have not enjoyed writing this entire scene from the past three chapters - but it was something that had to be done. Hopefully I can make up for this with the revelation of Keys' name, and this promise: From here-on, things are going to move a little more quickly, so that we may reach the trial a little faster.
So with that out of the way, I'd also like to add that Keys' last name is also subject to change. I'm not really sure what to use, but Lewis fits. If you have any suggestions, please please share them.
I understand that this chapter is likely to take a lot of flak, so go ahead. You guys already know that I accept all criticism, no matter how harsh.
(Fun note: We are about to break the 1,000 comment threshold. Good work, everybody.)
This note has given me low expectations
Edit: Good chapter overall. Saint Jacob is a too perfect for me, and Luna never actually says 'we'.
Really? i didn't think it was that bad!
Well it's a bit less descriptive then the rest of the story so far but not as bad as you make it out to be.
and i actually like the name, it kinda fits his character, or at least i thought so...
1520516
Eh... well, regardless of what his name was, it was going to be something of an anticlimax... unless it was ridiculous, and then it wouldn't fit. Honestly, I think part of Key's problem is that Ponies are very accomidating. I think that Keys has a lot of repressed anger about his situation that CAN'T go anywhere. His sudden, surprisingly vicious glee at the prospect of Trixie getting what she deserves is a pretty good indicator of that. I don't know if confronting his tormentor would be theraputic or damaging at this point, but the poor guy needs something to blow off steam at or he's going to explode.
Honestly, I think what he needs is a piano. As much as the piano was a part of his enslavement, it is also a part of him. He had a good cathartic release in the chapter with the piano, and music is a good way to release pent of emotions in a forum where it can do no harm.
The thing about "non-reversible" transactions is, money is fungible. What's Keys going to do if the ponies have that same sum of money redeposited "non-reversibly" right back in *his* account? Turnabout is fair play. :)
Plus, even though he may not realize it now, he does need that money. He's going to need to buy a house and stuff when he finally gets discharged. It should probably have been held in trust until he'd recovered and was declared competant to make decisions about it.
Oh come on, it wasn't that bad. Admittedly, it probably didn't deserve its own chapter and could easily have been grouped in with the last one, but there wasn't anything really bad about it.
Honestly, you shouldn't beat yourself up. Even at your worst you're still miles better than most stories on the site.
Goth? Who uses old man words like that anymore? I thought we use Emo or Indie or Democrat now. We went back to Goth again? Missed the memo again!
Anyways, not to my surprise, another good chapter despite being a little short. I believe you picked out a good name. Normal without being blatantly randomly bland like John Doe or Mr. Smith would be. Thank you for the info presented in the chapter. We know the name, we know the date for the trial, we know what he's going to do with the money. Speaking of which, I think what he decided on was very noble and touching.
I can't think of much else to say. Never was good nor interested in critiquing literary works. Just enjoying whatever stories were right up my alley. I also can't think of any better names nor any way for you to improve on the story or its flow or style. As long as you keep the errors down to a minimum and keep the story consistent then I have no complaints. Thank you again.
1520576
I think FaceDeer has a good point. I believe what Keys did with his money is really kind, heartfelt, and sincere in gratitude on a multiple level but if Keys really is planning on living in Equestria forever, the he should think more realistically and plan ahead with his money. Put it towards a savings account or invest it in something. Also, he'll need to think about getting a job maybe? Or just charge for playing the piano...
1520596>>1520576 Keys states that he'll be receiving living funds for the foreseeable future after the trial.
I can't help but think you've just repeated the first paragraph in the second here, but spoken and in a bit different wording. You'll already be telling us, the audience, and the other characters when he says it out loud in the second paragraph, so it feels a little redundant.
Wow...three chapters for one morning... :|
For some reason, i was sure Keys was going to abandon his old name as a way of accepting that he's not the person he was and that after being physically and physically tortured for a month and gored, Jacob Lewis, in a way, is dead.
Sure, it'd have been satisfying to kill the mare, but braining her with a pipe's also pretty satisfying
It's a realistic way of thinking after what the dude's been through, but he's kind of coming off as a bit too bloodthirsty imo.
Kind of funny when he was just spooked by Pinkies comment about cupcakes.
BECAUSE I CAN!!!!!
i.imgur.com/cm31v.jpg
I don't think he has to worry about his money situation. He is, after all, an interdimensional being (the only one of his kind I might add) and can play the piano rather well. By this point, he is well known and will be requested to play at high paying gigs much like the gala. I mean come on, he made that 26,000 in three weeks. How much can he make in a year if he applied himself and wasn't just some sideshow attraction? The guy is a rockstar.
So if he ever needs more bits, he's got the skillset to make it happen. Excellent story and I look forward to the next chapter.
1520674 This is a bad habit the author has. Keys often repeats his thoughts out loud as dialog unnecessarily.
1520768 Bloodthirsty, yes. Also a bit bipolar where Trixie is concerned, but understandably so. Trixie pretty thoroughly dehumanized Keys in act one.
that was a great chapter, like the others. don't worry about the length, it's not absolutely horrible if one chapter is under 3000 words, especcialy if you didn't quite enjoyed writing it
1520516 What do you mean? Better than my story by a long shot! Also, I've always wanted u name to be something like Jake.
1520516 The name doesn't seem like a huge deal, but I don't like Lewis, and if I ain't happy, ain't nopony happy. You should go with something a little bit uncommon (in america anyways) just to confuse some of the ponies.
I think that would be most fulfilling. Like Alexei or something...WAIT! Have him tell them, that his name is Slim Shady! 
That would be EPIC. (Hi, my name is- (wha...?) My name is- (who?) My name is- (wikikikikiki) Slim Shaaaaady.
Never mind. I wrote this comment before Or read the chapter. And I was unaware that his name had already been divulged. Carry on.
But I still like Slim Shady.
1520516
The protagonist hating his name that his own, kind and tolerating mother and father gave him and preffering some stupid nickname he got
Protagonist doing the effing stupid cliche generosity with a terra bad reason
Bad excuse for the 'stories'.
Good christ just tell them the truth. They bought your sassy nickname as your official name so they shouldn't have any problem accepting THAT. I bet that with their level of intelligence that they will cry for one day and go to a private party with him the next day. Why? BECAUSE THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND IT. IF SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE AND TECHICALLY DOESN'T EXIST, THEN WHY CAN IT PLAY SOMETHING
EFFECIENTLY YOU WON'T IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, DUMBASS
Do you like the criti-, do- do you like it, I mean it's probably something you already know anddon't care ,butdddmmmdnt
What are you guys talking about
?
This chapter looks normal like any other chapter in this story, and I don't know what's the big idea.
Yes, I've read the comments as well about the "lack of development", but come on ya'll. I'm glad to see Keys, or Jacob, that he gave his real name and he wanted to give the money for the Mane 6. Plus, before he is going to see the trial, Jacob will go have fun at Canterlot with Twilight and her friends.
Find your hopes, guys.
WHAT?!?! JACOB LEWIS?!?! That's where my friend wandered off too! He got to go to Equestria and be beaten half to death!
Interesting.
Awaiting further releases
1520516
Overall, I would have been more satisfied had you not put out this chapter and rather written more
(gotten to them to being in the city and having fun.)
But that isn't in my control, I just want to state that we're (I'm) only be satisfied with this due to the fact that you promised thing's are going to pick up later.
Soooo...I await your next chapter.
(I know it's not my place to tell you to do anything...but I'm an impatient person, and unfortunately for you I like your story. (Feel free to tell me to be quiet and stand in the corner...I'll do anything for you.)
)
And then keys gets dirty looks from the upper class ponies
I'm calling it
1520516
Replace 'Lewis' with 'Norris,' and you're good to go.
1520563 If I recall from earlier, he's got a piano in this suite - I think it's the piano from the Gala.
So he'd better freakin' sit own and play.
1521210 If they do, I'm expecting to hear him say something like, "I was enslaved, abused and dehumanized by one of your kind. Shut your f---ing faces, before I find another iron bar and show you how I feel about that."
He's still not completely stable. Maybe someone or somepony should point that out.
1521497
I would love if he said that to blueblood at least!
The money thing isn't a great idea, but that shouldn't be too surprising since Keys is somewhat full of not great ideas.
Maybe I'm missing it, but I don't see Luna using the word 'we', at least not in regards to the trial. She does use 'us', however. Not sure in this is a typo or is as intended, but I thought I should mention it.
Edit: Hah! A typo on the word typo, now that's comedy.
Commas. Commas everywhere.
Everytime I read another chapter the back of my mind starts playing Billy Joel songs.......which is way cool.
He should go and freaking play the piano again, release some pent up emotions. He never really had an outburst, excluding the crying (which was, in fact quite tame). He's not yet stable, he should get angry. I want him to smash something, if not, shout at someone. Again with me saying that he needs to resolve his issues, and he needs help to do it. We need a therapist here or something.
I never really understood his logic of not giving his real name, also with telling his knowledge of the show as 'stories'. Also with giving away his money, it isn't a great idea, but it isn't that surprising considering that Jacob spews out a lot of not so great ideas. Never a great idea to allow emotionally challenged people control over their own money, though I admit, it's quite sincere.
Good lord, three awfully slow chapters for one mopey morning.
Keys revealing his name is an improvement though.
I look forward to future updates. Keep on going.
MMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
A little stale, yes. A needed chapter, possibly, although it could have easily been tracked on the end of the previous one is you had written it all at once. Bad or wooden characters? Out of character dialogue? I don't see that. Seems pretty generic but decently thought out. Don't feel like this is bad, its just slow. Keep going and get to the good stuff! That's what all your readers want right now....probably, I can't speak for them really
1520204
I know the explanation obviously has holes in it. I was just trying to see if I could find a reason for Keys to give on how humans know their music.
1520516 Jacob Stein. Has a ring.
What you make it sound like:
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/144/872/ew%20twilight%20Stupidity.png
How I thought it was:
1.bp.blogspot.com/-TEelU_DNfVo/TxHeqqmUH-I/AAAAAAAAAbM/yWPqoraG8IQ/s1600/Tauchzeichen-Okay-Diving-Sign-Okay.png
... What's with the three commas after "I could do with a haircut..." I mutter,,,?
I'd say something about the actual story progression, but I'm not so good with analyzing that stuff. So here's a punctuation error instead.
1520516
This chapter has a weak electrochemical bond!
1520516
name is fine...
but trixie could put a trail on keys for attempt for murder
how can keys pay for his hair cut if he just donated all his money?
Eh, I like this chapter. Yeah, it's slow stuff, but stories need some slow stuff in order to fully expand on what's happening.
Short chapter is short. Good chapter is good. These are the facts of fiction, religion and personal views notwithstanding.
I get it now. You called these chapters 'An Eventful Morning' as some sort of ironic joke, because nothing eventful happens at all.
Lol. That was cruel. Sorry. Good to know you have plans to get back to the heart of the story soon. This was an interesting diversion while it lasted, but it never really added to the story or characters, just reinforced things we already knew about them.
Still, it does what it does well.
1527734 If Jacob owns 26,000 bits,and he gives away 21,000 bits, and the bits that remain in his posession won't buy him a haircut, I can tell you now, if I ever get to Equestria, I'm cutting my own hair for sure.
Keys is now forever in my head this guy:
Playing that song looks damn hard.
Wonder if he could ever get candice to sing it again?
Okay. I warned you guys that these replies would be delayed, so I'll just give a hasty 'Sorry for the wait' and move on.
1520532 I reject your claim of Saint Keys. I stated all the way back when Keys was informed he had some bits that he wouldn't be keeping them. This seemed to be the best way to do it, and I did it with the intent of making sure that Keys isn't in a position to pull out his wallet and go "Hey, I got this." (I'm planning to blow the money from the trial on him trying to set up a life in Equestria.
(1521752) And as for the 'we'... well, this is a horrible example of having a crucial word removed by accident while reworking a line to sound better. Let me just go ahead and slot that back in there.
1520563 If I may add something to your accurate observations: It is also interesting that a story titled 'The Piano Man' has only one piano piece used in it so far, and the series as a whole has yet to feature the eponymous song.
1520576 1520596 1520649 Yeah. I keep pointedly having keys note that he'll be receiving living-money from the trial.
1520674 1520838 Okay, I'm surprised this is the first time someone's brought that up. Every now and then in the story I need to have Keys explain something that can't be properly explained to the reader via dialogue without it sounding terrible. It's in these instances that I do what I like to call 'double-ups', which is when Keys thinks out his logic for the reader, and then vocalizes it in a more simplified form so that the characters are also treated to it.
The problem in this particular double-up is how horrible alike the two different incarnations of the information are. How about I tidy that up a bit, eh?
1520684 Damn right. This is one
badasslong morning.1520768 Dead? Let's not go that far. For Jacob Lewis to be dead, Keys would need to have undergone a serious personality reshuffling as a result of his trauma. Him becoming a little bipolar and manic depressive (They're both almost the same thing, actually) is not extreme enough that you could claim that he's a completely different person.
1520860 My name? Heeeeeell no. Keys is way too nice a person to be me. (I'm fairly sure that I'd be far more brash and irritable in this scenario. Keys, on the other hand, attempts to handle most things as calmly and diplomatically as possible. even when he fails at diplomacy, he still manages to quickly regain his composure. His dignity's another story, though.
)
1520933 OH SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS MY EYES MY EEEEEEEEYY-
*ahem*
Anyway, first item on the agenda: His name. The ponies never thought that was his real name, and he never claimed it was. Why else would Rainbow have asked what his name was? (Ruling out the chance that she might not have been told the nickname of 'Keys', of course.)
Second item: The money. I'll refer you to my above comment about how long-coming this scene actually was, and while the way in which he offloaded the bits was reasonably cliche and sappy, remember that it could have been worse. One of my initial ideas was for him to donate the same amount to something like the Ponyville Schoolhouse, but that would have been so nauseatingly sweet, that the majority of readers might have acquired diabetes had it been the chosen course of action.
1521026 Uhh... yeah. How lucky for him.
1521182 GO STAND IN THE CORNER YOU WHINY LITTLE SHI- Unfortunately for you, real life comes knocking at the most inopportune times. When it's finally time to get out of this rut of a chapter-trilogy, I have to take an extra week to deal with my real-life commitments.
1521210 Teehee. You've called it, alright.
"This is Kilo-Two-Seven. We have a micro-package of PG Racism inbound. Sit tight, boys."
1521497 Wrong. He's already got a weapon, and he carries it pretty much everywhere.
Okay, to clear up what I'm saying; Within the next two chapters, Keys may run into one of the few ponies who don't think that he's such an amazing guy. May.
1521807 1526377 Hot damn, that's a lot of commas. Let's get them there groupies spaced out a bit, shall we?
1527734 Attempted murder... When he attacked her immediately after she'd enslaved him, beaten him, tortured him, tried to kill a princess and two Elements of Harmony, and shoved her horn through his liver.
Seems legit.
1531017 Nothing happens? Keys gets blasted with Canterlot! That's what happens! (The title was created with the first chapter in mind, and had to be extended into the two following parts, despite the fact that nothing about them was interesting.)
1533899 Well, Cadance might be up to sing it again, but I think Candice is out of turn for the next forever.
1549320 So the next three chapters will be called 'The Uneventful Afternoon'? Then another three chapters called 'The partially eventful but not too exciting evening'?
The casually reserved evening. Gonna have to leave Pinkie Pie at home for that to fly.
1549320 No you misunderstand. Its not just this, keys has been perfect throughout the entire story. I would engage with him much more if he did something wrong and showed what most humans are like. I'm not saying you should make him bad, but just lower his moral standing from Jesus.
1549320
Yeah I hear yah. Just giving you a hard time. In the future, don't worry so much about how long it's been since you posted. It took me over a month to update my latest feature, but I'm glad I waited it out because the first draft I wrote for it was terrible in retrospect and I would never have heard the end of it if I had posted it.
If you know that what's going on is boring (and you seemed quite aware of that) ask yourself why. Which character is being boring? How can they fix that? We saw too many of the characters acting the same as they always have, and while it fits their characterization, it shows no growth or conflict. Sometimes something silly or out of character needs to happen, there just needs to be a catalyst to trigger an out of character event.