Trust (Revised)
Read the Author's Note again people. PLEASE. It'll explain a few things.
I really hope this new version's to your liking.
Some nut-job once said that sleep is for the weak. That was a popular saying on the internet – it might still be, but I have no clue. As far as I can see, that statement's looking pretty accurate right now.
I couldn’t fall asleep for hours, and even then my rest was fitful. Not once did I get into a deep enough sleep to dream. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I’ve royally screwed-over my sleep patterns, so I’ll need to get some sleeping pills from Maneworthy.
At least I didn’t have any nightmares.
It's four in the morning. Not exactly the most optimal time for a walk, but I could seriously give a shit. There's no possible way I’ll be able to get back to sleep before sunrise.
I must have walked across half the palace by now. How I’ll find my way back to my suite is a mystery, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
It would seem that the Royal Palace is able to provide a beautiful view, no matter where the viewing position is located. The entire building’s been so expertly designed that apparently every window offers a breath-taking vista of scenery porn, and even though the halls follow the same theme throughout them, unwavering in their uniformity, they still look good. It’s hard to say that they can all look the same and be beautiful, but I can’t see anything bad about them.
I lean against the rail. I like this idea of just having the wall removed from a segment of hallway. The openness is relaxing, and the breeze is cooling. I wonder what they do when it’s scheduled to rain.
My view of Canterlot from here is different than that from my suite. There are different buildings to see – including the Clinic - Some of them lit, while others are darkened.
It’s really taking some time for this to sink in, and trying to force that realization on me isn’t working either. I’m seriously in Equestria. The world of My Little Pony. Everything that’s happened should be impossible. I mean, this place is fictional for Christ’s sake. How am I being so casual about all this?
It must be because of how I got here. I don’t remember, but maybe I went through the shock of being in Equestria while I was under Trixie’s hoof, and was to busy being traumatized to notice.
I roll my shoulders in a pointless shrug, slumping further against the rail. The change in the distribution of my weight is nice, allowing me to give my feet a little break.
“La… da… de-de-da…” I hum, licking disinterestedly at my lips as I stare at the jumbled Canterlot skyline. There are so many darkened buildings that it’s almost impossible to discern what turrets and towers belong to which of the elegantly shaped lumps.
“I have got to start sleeping properly.” I mutter under my breath, pondering whether or not to keep walking.
It’s to my surprise that the choice is made for me, as the sound of voices reaches my ears, followed shortly by two sets of muffled hoofsteps.
“…Had to find the foal’s parents and explain why it wouldn’t work.”
“Hmm. Seems like poor judgement.”
I turn down towards the next corner further up the hall, from where the voices are wafting. My first instinct is to walk away and avoid listening-in on the conversation, but the topic seems uncannily familiar, and the voices are unmistakable.
I should walk away now, but I can’t bring myself to ignore a discussion about me – especially when it's between Twilight and Celestia.
“He was just trying to make the foal happy, your highness. Admittedly, he could have done it differently.” Twilight defends my actions uneasily.
The hoofsteps come to a halt, placing Twilight and Celestia within easy earshot of me. I suppose it’s best not to question the coincidence of them being out at the same time as me, in the same part of the palace, having this conversation - although I am curious as to why they've stopped in that particular spot... or why they've stopped at all, for that matter.
“Nopony is capable of impeccable judgement.” Celestia concedes knowledgeably. “Although Shining Armor speaks highly of him.”
“My brother? Why?”
The surprise in Twilight's voice is faintly amusing, and I can't help but smile slightly as I give a minute nod of my head. Nopony ever told Twilight about our visit to Cadance and her husband, so it should be interesting to hear her reaction.
“Did nopony tell you?” Celestia questions in surprise. “Our guest paid a visit to Princess Cadance. It would seem that he managed to lift her spirits.”
“Cadance? But she was so… desolate.”
“I don’t know how, but your brother says that her condition has improved. Maybe you should ask Keys about that.”
The two lapse into silence, leaving me to wonder at what they’re doing out at this hour. Either-way the chances of me happening to hear this are unbelievably low, and I can’t help but take the opportunity.
“Speaking of questions…” Celestia continues, apparently having given time for Twilight to think about her last statement. “Have you learned where our guest acquired his knowledge of Equestria?”
“Uh…” Twilight hesitates. “No, princess.”
Celestia sighs. “Well, I hate to say it, but I think you’ll need to be more aggressive with your questions. We can’t wait any longer to find out.”
“Actually…” Twilight’s voice is quiet, and I hear what sounds like the scuffing of her hoof against the floor. “He… uh, he offered to… tell… me.”
This is concerning. I can see why it would be important for Celestia to find out why I know what I know, but why is she making it out to be this urgent? What reasons could she have that necessitates holding this conversation, and talking the way she is?
And for that matter, how is she going to react to what Twilight has just said?
“Princess, I… I’m sorry. I just didn’t think Keys was ready to tell me... and… and he was being so nice. It just didn’t… seem right.”
“Twilight…” Celestia seems weary and frustrated. “Keys clearly has in-depth knowledge about our world. We desperately need to find out how he acquired it.
“But why, princess? The unicorn seems genuinely confused, and I can’t help but feel a little baffled myself. Why is it so important?
“It’s a matter of national security.” Celestia replies, an edge to her voice. “And despite appearances, Twilight, from what I've researched... it would seem that humans cannot be trusted.”
Celestia's statement is followed by a brief silence, in which I take an unsteady breath, suddenly feeling a little flushed.
What is she saying?
“Wait… Humans can’t be trusted?” Twilight sounds flabbergasted to the same degree of my outrage. “...Keys can’t be trusted? Why? What has he done?”
“It’s who they are.” Celestia responds, her voice seeming both harsh and soft at the same time. “Or at least, it's who they might be. From what I know, humans lie, cheat and steal in order to get what they want.”
“But Keys doesn’t want anything but for Trixie to be punished, and he doesn’t need to do anything to get that to happen. He hasn’t even-”
“Twilight.” Celestia’s voice becomes much softer as she cuts her off. “I don’t have anywhere near the personal experience with Keys that you do, but me and Luna… have gone through the deepest sections of the Canterlot archives, and we found one of the few books that properly describes humans and the way they act as a species.”
“But that book must be ancient!” Twilight protests. She’s showing a considerable amount of backbone, considering that she’s standing up to the pony who is both her teacher and ruler. “And Keys hasn’t done anything!”
“Twilight, a species does not change its nature. I've been watching ponies and griffons for over two thousand years. In all that time, nothing has changed about the species themselves. Ponies are still kind-hearted beings, and griffons are still aggressive and competitive.”
Celestia pauses for a second, gathering her thoughts. “Having observed two different species and their societies as the matured, the only thing I can say is that it is that humans are more than likely still similar to their description in the tome.
“He’s a concern. I’m sorry to tell you, but Keys is from what is very likely a violent and self-serving race, and he has some sort of knowledge of our world. Those two factors combined could be very dangerous. You had the chance to find out what it was, and you turned it down."
Celestia’s voice seems weary, carrying a slight point for the end to the first part of her speech. In a way, the argument she’s fighting is like one against observant religious followers. You can’t argue with denial.
“I could be wrong. I haven’t seen the human world, and I can’t definitively say that they haven’t changed since this book was written. Keys could even simply be the exception to the norm, but he has knowledge, and we don’t know how he got it. That's the most important part.”
Twilight hasn’t spoken since Celestia started speaking, and I’m mentally screaming for her to rebuke the princess’s slander.
I’m still leaning against the banister, my eyes glazed and my knuckles bone white as they grip the railing. I can feel rage bubbling in my stomach at the largely unjustified and unprovoked criticism Celestia is voicing.
Humans can’t be trusted? That I can understand – to an extremely limited extent – but I can’t be trusted? Where the hell does she get off saying that I'm untrustworthy, after everything that’s happened? The worst I’ve done is be a little tight-lipped! I was the one that got enslaved and beaten, that got my hair set on fire and was gored on a horn!
I was the one that tried to kill myself.
“In the interest of ensuring Equestria's continued safety, and making sure that there isn’t some sort of leak that could give somepony like Chrysalis vital information that could be used against us, I need you to find out what Keys knows.” Celestia speaks confidently, if sombrely. “Once that’s out of the way, he can recover in peace. It’s just important that we know what he knows. Until then, we can’t trust him.”
“I’m… I just thought….”
“It’s fine, Twilight.” Celestia’s voice shifts yet again, turning soft once more. “Everything’s fine. All you need to do is ask him. He’s willing to tell you, so get him to do so. Then we’ll know if Keys is actually dangerous or not. The fact that he's willing to talk is a good sign as it is."
“I… yes, your highness.” Twilight’s voice sounds defeated. In the long run, you might be unable to argue with those in denial, but you can never argue with your monarch.
How can she say this? What the hell have I done to merit such suspicion? How the fuck can she claim that there’s any chance I could be a threat to Equestria, after everything that’s happened?
“Keys just… I don’t think he would ever do something like that. I don’t think he’d… that he’d ever be a danger…”
“I believe in the quality of your judgment, Twilight.” Celestia assures her student. “But I can’t rule out the possibility that your even-hoofedness is being swayed by your friendship, and we still don’t know that much about Keys. Until we can learn more, he is not to be trusted. That is the fact of the matter. Never trust the unknown.”
“Yes… your highness…” Twilight trails off, while I grimly wait for her to continue.
It’s only when neither of them speak that it finally clicks.
Slowly, dreading what I’ll see, I focus my eyes once more, and turn to look at the corner from which the voices had been drifting.
I really shouldn’t have stayed here, out in the open. It was all but certain that they would eventually continue moving in my direction, so what the hell was I thinking?
It is to my horror – and yet a small amount of satisfaction – that I bring my eyes to a stop on a surprised looking white Alicorn, and a shocked looking purple unicorn.
We stare at each other for a few seconds, before I push off and away from the rail.
“I’m not sure why I didn’t anticipate this.” I say both sheepishly and heatedly, grasping my cane with one hand while the other reflexively clenches into a fist. “I should have hid. I shouldn’t have even been listening, but I suppose that’s just more evidence for the ‘humans are bastards’ pile.”
I look Celestia in the eye, no longer rationalizing as I slowly anger myself with my own words.
“It's a strange coincidence that I’d walk all the way out here at the exact same time as you two, but In case nobody’s noticed, there have been a fare few chance happenings as of late. If I may name one: I was randomly ripped out of my own universe just to satisfy some psychotic mare’s lust for money. It could have been anybody else, but instead it was me."
“Keys. I’m so sorry.” Twilight’s voice cracks slightly as she speaks, but I ignore her entirely.
“M-make no mistake, your highness. Quite a few humans are indeed horrible. What's important is that you know that there are far less truly good people, but the majority of my race are just n-normal people trying to live their lives, like me. I’m not some wonderful person, and I’m no godamn monster either."
My tone quickly begins to turn bitter as my anger suddenly flares. Why am I excusing my entire race for her? Why would she even believe what I'm saying anyway?
"So, your highness... I’m very sorry that you distrust me, but I feel I should say…” I take a shuddering breath, feeling the first pricks of tears in my eyes. “…That I didn’t bring myself here, so how could I have an ulterior motive? How could I have something planned when it wasn’t even my choice to come here?”
Celestia has no response, and I am unable to read her newly acquired poker-face, so I press on.
“Your highness..." My face contorts into a deep frown as the tears start to push their way out of the corners of my eyes. The more I think about Celestia's comment, the more upset I become at just how unfair her statement is. "...After everything that… that’s happened, I would have thought that there wouldn’t be a need to second guess me. That I would have earned a little but of trust, or that at least you wouldn’t think I was looking to get something out of all this."
My 'argument' is breaking apart at the seams. The rational side of my brain has finally kicked in, asserting itself once more over my thoughts, and it’s started by pointing out that it is perfectly normal for a monarch to distrust a new element introduced into their rein, and that I am indeed an extremely wild card for the princess.
“So maybe…” My voice suddenly rises in pitch, reaching the point that I’m practically shouting. “So maybe, the next time you go judging my entire species, you should think about what one of your own did! A pony did all this! A pony left me like this!”
I gesture at myself with the handle of my cane, extending my other arm dramatically. “As far as I know, there isn’t a single fucking account of a human doing something to a pony – although I have half a mind to make the first!”
I lower both arms and fall silent, unable to continue as my mind goes to war with itself. Did I just make a threat?
To be honest, it is completely true that quite a few humans are bad people who are only looking out for themselves, but there really are those truly good people that make it their goal to help others. I suppose that just makes me just a normal person. I’m not better than other normal people, and I’m definitely not some evil monster.
Despite my regained ability of rationalization, it’s impossible to just do a heel-face-turn. I’m still furious - with still more of my opinion to voice - and doing so would involve swallowing a lot of pride. There’s no way I’m doing that right now.
I look from Twilight to Celestia. The former looks upset, while the later is still keeping her face neutral – although I can still make out a small amount of indecision and surprise.
With a little sigh, I bow stiffly. “So maybe, your majesty… before you go judging my species you should take a look at your own, because I think it’s changed a hell of a lot more than you give it credit for."
With my final rebuttal delivered, I turn away, wiping away the few tears that managed to obscure my vision.
“Goodnight, your majesty. See you in the morning Twilight.”
“Keys!” Twilight calls after me as I hobble away, although her call goes unacknowledged. Yet again I feel myself needing time alone to gather my thoughts. It's to my relief that Celestia remains silent as I leave. "Keys, this isn't you!"
I pause at her cry, finally acknowledging something Twilight has said as I turn my head.
"You're right, Twilight. I'm not me right now, am I? Apparently I'm some sort of shady information-broker that's going to sell you all out to the Changelings at a moments notice."
Neither mare has a response to my wounded retaliation. Twilight is letting out a few distressed noises as she does mental back-flips over what's happening, while Celestia is still presenting that same stony silence. Maybe she has no idea what to say, or maybe she knows that saying anything will do more harm than good.
With one final look back at them both - an action in which I try to convey just how hurt I am - I continue to walk away.
I breathe a sigh of relief the moment I’m out of sight of the two. The only consolation I have from this is that Twilight was defending me. I don’t know how I’d feel if she’d been agreeing with the princess.
I continue walking, not even caring if I’m being followed. If anypony would try to follow me, it would be Twilight. Celestia is seriously just upholding her role as ruler. Being suspicious of me is just her doing a good job.
Eventually, I come to a stop, thinking over what I’ve just done. I snapped and swore at Celestia for doing her job – and doing it properly.
I could attribute this to my unstable emotional status – as Maneworthy said, my medication can cause mood-swings – but I don’t want to. While it could justify irrational responses, there's no way it would excuse one as drawn out as what I just delivered.
“You mustn’t hold it against her.” Luna’s slightly accented voice interrupts my regretful thoughts. “Celestia isn’t the most trusting of ponies. She’s been through many events that would make it hard for... almost anypony to trust easily.”
I put my hand to my forehead, shading my eyes and sighing wearily. “Haven't we all?" I pause. "...I don’t know what I was thinking."
“You weren’t.” Luna’s hooves - and presumably the rest of her - emerge from a shadowed alcove set into the wall. “But I can understand your anger. Celestia once held me in a similar position. Quite recently, in fact.”
“I know.” I remove my hand from my brow and proceed to hang my head. “At least she trusts you now.”
“We aren’t so different, my little human.” Luna speaks softly. “We’ve both been through extremely trying hardships. I don’t believe that distrust is based on the hardships themselves, but the context in which they take place. I betrayed my sister, and you were dragged from a world which we understand to be inherently violent and unstable. My sister is just trying to lead with Equestria's best interests in mind."
I nod. “Listen, Princess-"
“Please call me Luna. I’ve become a little adverse to such formality.’
I pause, wishing that the sisters would stop asking me to speak informally to them. I’m beyond arguing at this point.
“Listen, Luna… I’m… I’m sorry about all that. If you could tell your sister that… it’d mean a lot to me.”
“Why should you apologize for your anger?” Luna questions softly. “There’s no need to be sorry for what is outside your control. To say that it was unmerited would also be incorrect.”
I shake my head. “It’s just… if I don’t apologize, then I get the feeling this whole thing’s going to snowball out of control. It’s better to nip these things in the bud before they start. That way I can… preserve relations.”
Luna smiles softly. “You don’t know Celestia as I do, Keys. She will not hold a grudge against you for this. If anything, she herself will also be lamenting what has transpired.”
I continue to shake my head, feeling empty as my rage exits my body through every available opening. “I can’t help it, Luna. I need to apologize, no matter what you say.”
“If you believe it is necessary, do what you will.” Luna replies. “I will talk to Tia, and see if you’ve managed to change her opinion.”
“Changed her opinion?” I pinch my brow. “I’m less than a hundredth of her age! What could I possibly say that could change her opinion.”
“We are wise with our years, Keys. Not infallible. Not unreasonable.” Luna gives a little shrug. “Maybe your approach was not the best that could be used, but Tia’s decisions are never set in stone."
‘Funny. There seems to be a pretty big decision set in stone right out in the garden.’ I lament bitterly, looking up at Luna.
“Why are you comforting me?”
Luna smiles. “Celestia prioritizes Equestria’s wellbeing over all else. In scenarios like this, she can be unable to spare somepony’s feelings in the process of her duties, so I feel that consoling those she offends and helping them understand her point of view it the best I can do to help. What's important is that when you look at it impartially, Celestia was doing the right thing."
She looks me up and down. "I have duties that require attention, and you must rest. Goodnight, Keys.”
I nod as Luna turns away. She’s running clean-up for Celestia, making sure that I understand what’s going on, and that I don’t resent her for it. “Running clean-up, Luna? It seems below you.”
“Not at all.” Luna chuckles slightly, looking over her shoulder at me. “I do believe that Tia often has to do the same for me. Just understand that despite her harsh words, Celestia is just trying to make sure that everything is safe for both our people and you. Do not trouble yourself, Keys. My sister will not resent you for your outburst, nor will she punish you.”
“I hope not.” I reply weakly, watching as the Alicorn walks away.
After a few seconds, I myself turn to begin the long and confusing trip back to my rooms, tears once more pricking my eyes, only to be stopped yet again.
"Keys!" Twilight's concerned voice brings me to a stop as the mare in question canters up beside me. "Keys, are you okay? I'm so sorry!"
"It's..." I quickly dab at my eyes, attempting to remove any sign that I'm getting close to tears, before turning to the lavender unicorn. "It's fine. I'm sorry. I... I overreacted."
Twilight looks at me in confusion, before giving a weak, yet reassuring smile. "I... I don't... let's just get you back to your rooms."
I nod, unable to say more as we begin walking. I feel slightly curious as to whether or not she saw Luna, or if the ruler of the night avoided being seen by her. Unless Luna took measures to conceal herself, they must have passed each other.
I sigh lightly, wondering what exchange Twilight and Celestia might have had that would have delayed her this long. I wonder what Celestia's thinking right now. What if Luna's wrong, and I've offended her? It's unlikely, but possible.
I push the thoughts from my mind as we continue to walk. They can be dealt to later, when I'm alone once more. However, I will acknowledge this: To say that this was a night of regrets would be an extreme understatement.
Tonight has been truly unpleasant. I'd even go so far as to say that it's been horrible.
But maybe I got off easy. If Luna's assurances were correct... then there's not really been any damage done.
I can only hope.
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Author's Note:
Sorry about the wait guys. I don't know why, but I feel worried that this seven-day gap between chapters may hurt my view-count. I really hope it doesn't, though.
Anyway, enjoy this little slice of story progression. If you spot any errors or have a question, just give me a shout.
***
Secondary Author's Note for Republishing:
I'd like to take another moment to once again apologize for the catastrophe that the first iteration of this chapter was. If you're still unhappy, then please let me know, so that I may consider further changes. Also, the name isn't going to stay that way for long. Only the first couple of days.
(There are also probably still some of those subtle errors in this story that 1302115 pointed out. Sorry about that. I find those ones hard to catch during proof-reading.)
I tried to make Celestia's logic more sturdy it was all there from the start, I just didn't include it in the chapter, as I felt it would make for inorganic conversation.
I tried to make Luna seem less like 'Woobie Saint Luna', and more like '"I'm just cleaning up the collateral" Luna.'
And I tried to make Keys' overall reaction better.
I hope I've fixed it for you all. I really do.
But more than anything, I hope my reader numbers don't take a dive because of the initial catastrophe that was this chapter. That would just be horrible.
(Oh, and if anyone still wants to complain about the use of "Humans Are Bastards", I'd like to assure you that it's not something that's here to stay, and I'm not building a weak moral lesson. It's just a point of character development.)
5:45 AM...........has in less than two hours.......was about to take an hour long sleep before school...............new chapter..............i hate you
, now i have to stay up to read this 
gah, you could tell i am tired due to that error i made last comment
Nah....fuck that. That is bullshit. She talks about him if he was an enemy, even though she knew that he didn't come here willingly. While it is true that he knows something, he is struggling on how to answer it. When he tells them that he knows a majority of them due to a "Cartoon show", it will cause an existential crisis for them.
Fuck that shit. I would of been pissed off and refuse to even talk to her. Apology should come from her, not Keys. Keys only reacted appropriately for a being who has no idea how to get home, but is being scrutinize for knowledge that is common for him. What Celestia said was extremely Bigot of her and well below the standards of her position.
She is right that some humans are deceivers and liars, but then again, so are some of her precious ponies. Trixie being the worse for slavery and planning murder.
I literally hate the final part of the chapter. Everything else is fine, but the last bit of him bowing down to something beyond his control more or less ruined it for me.
*stops following, adds downvote*
She will of course be proved completely wrong in the end.
A, Yet again the tired, stupid plot of humans being seen as bad and challenged by unneccesarily paranoid Celestia, who is always opposed by the character the author likes, iike Twilight and Luna.
B, Yet more let's poop on Celestia and show Luna as a saint. OOC, mean and unimaginative.
No need to read this fic, but it's OK. Your kind of writing is very popular with the majority, you will have lots of other readers!
1301859
1301873
1301868
YES! ALL OF MY YES!
By the way, I wrote a reason of my own, but it seemed a bit influenced by other posts, so I didn't bother to post it
By the by the way, I'm still tracking this story, not giving up on it yet.
1301873
all i have to say about your comment and actions from this chapter:.................geh
......
side note
haha i used trixie in the comment!.....also good chapter like always man.
I am really enjoying this story sir. Please continue, and while viewer counts are important please don't let that dissuade you from writing. You are quite talented at writing and I look forward to every new chapter. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_smile.png
There was one line that I think needs to be fixed though.
...I could attribute this to my unstable emotional status – as Maneworthy said, my medication can cause mood-swings – but I don’t want to. While it could justify irrational responses, there's no way it. Oils excuse one as drawn out as the one I just delivered.
1301892
Yes to what? I commented on different things than the other gentlemen/ladies?
1301898
Yeah, I know. You should never tell anyone if you get disappointed in them. You should never change your opinion of something. If you do something negative to a fic, you should never tell the author why. Most importantly, you should never have an opinion different than the majority, especially not on major characters of the show (where 99% of all people are ardent Luna fans who hate Celestia for no discernible reason).
1301873
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TropesAreTools
If Princess Celestia had a character in the show, we'd probably see it more often. Unfortunately, the only reactions to adversity we've seen from her are "make Twilight handle it" "Look frowny and make Twilight and her friends handle it" and, oh yeah, "yell at Twilight for trying to handle it, then fail to handle it and be saved by a pair of dewey-eyed newlyweds."
Luna's is even worse, as people had a whole fan image of her that should have been ruined by her episode, but instead people chose to keep their fan interpretations and assume that she recovered and changed a lot quicker than would be emotionally healthy.
This is not a bad thing. Fan interpretations of both of these characters can be wonderful in their own right as part of their own stories, and it lends them a versatility that other characters lack. If I want conflict in my story, I can't just up and say that Twilight created a doomsday device and is trying to kill everyone, I have to add the qualifiers that she's been Discorded, or it's not the real her, it's a changeling, or she has gone insane. But the princesses? We don't know enough about them to rule out if they have doomsday devices in the tile in the fourth floor bathroom. It's easy to do and works well in a story, and that's why so many authors like to write it and readers like to read it. It's interesting, and it works.
Of course, I could be misinterpreting your above comment, so if this is less about the mechanics of the story and more about personal preference, then I apologize.
Just remember that there's a difference between a poorly executed trope and just a trope you don't like.
1301873
Frankly, the idea that you're tired with a certain convention in writing doesn't constitute a reason for a downvote. *I wish there was a remove upvote, perhaps, for this kind of scenario*
Sure, the idea that Celestia is doing something foolish is somewhat common in many fics, but the thing is - Sentient Cloud goes quite a distance to say that she IS doing the right thing as a ruler in the context. He is hardly bashing on Celestia or calling her a piece of poop with flecks of corn.
Overall, the actions within this chapter are rationalised reasonably - in my humble opinion.
And the Luna thing... Fair enough... She is used as a saint character much to often, but same thing as with Celestia. Don't look at what it is, look at how it's delivered and presented to you as a reader. If you don't like that, well then, by all means, downvoting may become necessary.
But hey, I'm just sharing my opinion.
Oh, and keep up the great work Sentient!
1301920
i think you should have all those things except that you should not go "oh, i am going to stop following this and stop liking this for this one thing that happened at this specific time in this story". that does not seem right to me. he is not doing anything negative to this fic and i dont understand why you would be disappointed with him, he did not do anything hateful with celestia. he was just showing her protectful side for all of her subjects. he could have done the same thing with luna.
i am not disagreeing with you about this.......wait a minute, yeah i am, whoops
.......wait now i remember what i disagree with. i disagree with your idea about luna lovers. not 99 percent of luna lovers hate celestia, there are very few that hate celestia and even if they did, they must have a better reason for you to hate on this.
sorry i did not word this reply right here better......i did not sleep for awhile soooooo........yeah. i also forgot what i was talking about midway because this was kinda stupid.
ps: i love celestia and luna
1301859 I agree Trixie has demonstrated that Ponies are capable of the same evils thats humanity is capable of Celestia should apologise not Keys in case she didn't notice he was kept a fucking cage for months on end and forced into slavery
1301859
I completely agree with this statement, I liked this chapter until 'Keys' felt HE should be the one to apologize. I had a hope he would say something like "By the way, we ALL know about your world; but most of us don't give a shit about it."
1301829 Can we at LEAST get to the whole existential crisis thing next chapter? Call me a bastard, but I can't wait to see how much those ponies are gonna squirm when they find out that humans view them as a cartoon show.
It's my favorite part of HiE.
eep! drama between celest and keys... didn't see that coming. I hope that doesn't hurt him too much in the long run
but yeah, at least keys understands things from celestia's viewpoint despite his outburst.
and poor sweet twilight stuck in the middle
I want to preface this by mentioning how well written this story is. Everything from the narrative to the pacing is handled well. And, minus Tyrant Celestia (maybe), the characterization isn't bad at all.
But...
Ah... social commentary is not becoming of a main character. Especially something so incredibly arrogant, condescending, and downright delusional as to say, "humans can't be trusted... except for me." I've been catching glimpses of this throughout the story, but I've been ignoring them, because I want to believe there's something deeper going on:
That we're headed toward a higher moral lesson about passing judgement, and learning to expand your trust of the spirit of the individual into a trust of the spirit of the whole. Or that all groups and individuals are complex, have both their good and bad points, but that we're all people (yes, even the ponies) in the end, trying to do the best we can for ourselves and our families. Or that the main character is a foil. Or... something. Anything.
Anything other than forced point after forced point about what a shit-hole earth is and how all us humans are dicks... except for Keys, of course. At this rate, we're going to get to the inevitable, "main character overcomes his innate humanity and becomes a true pony (either in spirit or body or both)" scene. And that will just utterly kill it for me.
Even more so than portraying a character that stands for wisdom and understanding on-screen as a paranoid bigot (still hoping Celestia's been replaced by a changeling). I'm sure you'll have an explanation... it just better be a reeeeaaaal good one.
I'm losing hope... but the prequel to this was so good (no "humans are monsters" social commentary in that one), I have to give this a shot. I'll wait for the payoff to make up my mind about it... but, again, I'm losing hope. Some of these scenes were just plain painful to read.
P.S. What happened to all those snobby, dickish, condescending Canterlot nobles that were all over the show before? Did they all move out or something?
1301859>>1301868>>1301892>>1301932>>1301943>>1301955>>1301962>>1301963>>1301967
Okay guys, let's start out with the basics - namely: sieurin is entitled to his opinion, etc. I'll have a more directed communication for him down below.
Anyway: In hindsight, I can see why this chapter displeases you. Unfortunately, I did not consider all of these points while writing, which I really should have. The irony of it all was that Keys originally DID freak-out and rage against Celestia, but I altered it into a passive-aggressive de-escalation - which drastically altered the remainder of the chapter - as I feared that you all would rebuke and dislike it. (So yeah. I did the opposite of what you guys - and I - wanted and did the thing you guys hated, because I thought the inverse of what has happened would come to pass.)
So here's what I'm going to do. Tomorrow, I will unpublish this chapter, and restore it to its original ragey goodiness, for your viewing pleasure (and with this new influx of feedback, I can make sure everybody's happy!)
Now... 1301873...
Let me start by thanking you for giving a reason for your change of attitude towards this story. Let me now proceed to explain myself.
This will never, EVER be a shit-on-Celestia, all-praise-Luna story. EVER. I just don't do that, and a definitely don't portray characters according to preference. (I actually like Celestia more than Luna as it is) Rather, I portray them in the fashion that I believe suits them. In this story, Celestia is compassionate to Keys' troubles, but at the same time is very concerned over his knowledge and the implications it holds for the national security of Equestria. Luna, in keeping with her known traits, is the more distant of the two, who comes into the spotlight when she steps forward to sympathize with Keys' being the object of Celestia's concern and distrust.
As for the whole 'Humans are bad' concept: that's not this story, and it never will be. It's a point of character and relationship development that Celestia has knowledge of the barbarity of mideval humans, and is concerned by a combination of that information and Keys' unnerving knowledge of Equestria.
It's seriously just fuel for character development, and isn't more than a minor plot-point.
In summary: this story is neither Celestia nor human bashing, and I ask that you not stop reading based on one line out of a thousand.
1301914 Thanks. I'll deal to that in the revisions.
This is getting better and better.
This chapter seemed a less structured than the previous ones, and it did suffer a bit in multiple places. I can't bring myself to call it 'bad' per se, but I see room for improvement.
Grammar: A couple honest mistakes here and there. To/too/two later/latter missing end quote on but why Princess. The only major grammar mistake was Celestia saying 'me and Luna' simply because it has the added effect of breaking her dialogue and making her seem out of character (which she is for the whole chapter anyway)
Storyline: When your narrator is willing to point out how convenient or coincidental a situation is, it makes it that much harder for the reader to believe it and paint the scene you try to create. Yes, the fact that he caught the conversation at an unusual time is convenient, but it's simply a plot device, and over analyzing said plot device will only break said plot device.
Characters: Only Twilight (and perhaps Luna) seem to act in character through this chapter. Celestia has her reasons to avoid trust, but she is also wise beyond her years. Her judgement of Keys is not based on a past with humans, but something she found in a book. The very first lesson Celestia gave Twilight on the show was that there is more to life than books, and one must open their heart to those
around them. Yes, she should be suspicious of Keys' knowledge of Equestria, but the facts that Keys' points out to her during his outburst are things that should have been obvious to an unicorn with millennias worth of knowledge within her.
Keys is acting rather odd in this chapter as well. Yes, you provide the possibility of it being a side effect of medication, but that seems like a convenient plot device or simply Keys making excuses for his actions, which is out of character. The self-loathing he goes through at the end irks me as well. He was completely justified and while yes, he does eventually owe Tia an apology for his anger, he doesn't need to regret anything he said. He is still a victim in all this, and Tia should have known that (heck, Luna does!).
This chapter feels like it is just a bump in the road on the way to ssomething greater. Do not kick yourself about the critique, it is simply to reassure you that you know where you're going with this story so that when you get there, there will be no regrets about it. I still loved reading this chapter and look forward to your next update.
This chapter was a misstep in the wrong direction. Refer to previous comments.
Apart from that, this story is going well, and Keys is showing at least some sensibilities. At the moment, I'd reccomend Keys apologizing for snapping angrily at them, but NOT for the content of the rant.
1302095
Its alright. My story, TCB: Spectrum was going down that same road. But Me and TB3 butted heads for hours over how to go about it. I finally pointed out that a normal human would react a certain way, especially when it comes in our story. We finally made it a certain way, which should make everyone happy, while making the human in our story more life like in his situation.
Your story is based on a human that was once a prisoner. A slave. While most of your story is going the right way, the inner turmoil should make itself know, and you managed to have one land right in your lap. However, you made him more weak, and we know that Keys is anything but weak. He tried to kill himself to escape a situation that was hopeless. Many of us would probably done the same.
But you weaken him, a normal human would of been angry beyond belief. Lashed out against someone, even Twilight herself if she said the wrong thing. This man was a slave....for months. Everything he suffered for, his pain, his sadness, the hopelessness of what is happening to him. And he is seen as an enemy, for reasons because of the slip of the tongue, because he has more knowledge that he should? The knowledge he holds could change everything the Equestrians know about life itself. It would tear them apart knowing that they are being watched. This kind of knowledge you just don't throw around. He should of least hinted that he knows things that would change their entire world's view. To show Celestia that his information should not be taken lightly, cause he knows things that no person should know.
Still.
It is a very good chapter, but the ending should be be changed. The anger must stay. It is part of being a human trapped in a world not his own, but one he knows of, while being accused of something beyond his control.
Don't take it the wrong way.
You acknowledging our responses shows that you understand where we are coming from.
Just take a step back and read it to yourself. You on the right track, just don't get distracted by the pretty things called balance. Some stories never have a balance, and that is what made your first story so good. It threw us off our balance watching something like that happening, all the while the ponies cheered him on, unaware of his situation and agony.
Good Luck
I see nothing wrong with this chapter.
Celestia was right in her concerns. Keys does have detailed knowledge of their world and Celestia finds that scary.
She's also right in the fact, We humans in our past we have: Lied, Cheated and stole to get what we want. In today, we still do it.
Ehh, unreasonably-paranoid-against-humans Celestia is way overused. Count me among the moderately unhappy.
1301839 Remember... Sleep is for the weak!
1301873
I agree with Invictus here... unless Celestia has some personal experience with humanity, I don't see how she could make such a harsh judgement about an entire races character based on an old book. It might be wise to be cautious, but I am also reminded that Celestia is a several thousand year old ruler with massive amounts of diplomatic experience in a world with several other sentient species, not just ponies.
She, more than any other pony, should be well aware that an entire race cannot be judged as a whole, one has to judge by individual merit. At the very least, what she's seen of Keys should fly in the face of whatever other knowledge source she has.
Even if she has personal experience of human behavior, it was likely from some time ago, and again, being a several thousand year old being should give her some perspective on the long view of a races behavior. I doubt very much that Ponys are the same as they were thousands of years ago. Not to mention... this is all pretty rich coming from Celestia, considering what a pony DID to a human. Granted, her behavior shocked and dismayed pony society at large, but it still shows that they are CAPABLE of such acts. Put the shoe on the other foot, man. If Keys were to have been bitter and resentful of ALL ponies based on the actions of ONE of them, Celestia would be just as justified to be angry, because such snap judgements of a race are NOT FAIR.
Basically, you are treading very close to the same tired old trope of Humans Are Bastards Except for Me that a lot of other HiE writers love to trot out. Again, if this is so that some moral lesson or something can be learned, cool... but I think your set up is a little weak, considering the source. Again, if there is just some info about Celestia's past that I lack, that's fine. Maybe she's playing some kind of game, maybe there's more to the story than I know... but please, be careful. I've been a fan of these stories since you started them, and I'm not downvoting this or anything like that, but damn it, I expect better of you. Again, you can approach this from the perspective of "this is one guys opinion", but look at what I've said, and ask yourself if anything I've said here makes sense.
That's all I ask.
1301962
So I should not dislike, or voice my dislike, or act on my dislike, on a single act that is so mean and trite (well, two acts, but I'm mostly acting emotionally on one of them) that I completely lost any desire to read anything more of this fic? I get it.
PIanoMan!Celestia - as opposed to any other Celestia - sees fit to distrust and conspire against a single person for the alleged action of his whole people, a person who has gone through hell, and who the whole fic is supposed to build up sympathy for. All other sympathetic characters disagree, and we know it is wrong, but she insists. It's funny that he chose to do this (just check the amount of hate against Celestia expressed after this chapter was published - and rightfully so, given her actions) to show what a great gal she is, instead of something else...
No, of course he did it because this story has no real villain, like Trixie in the last fic, and he thought it needed conflict. It's an old trick in stories with no clear villain to create a "hate sink", and because the fandom spits on Celestia and she's a person in power, he chose her.
The thing is, this story has Keys' inner conflicts, it has his reactions to the ponies around him, and most importantly it has the upcoming question about the nature of reality, which the author could be the first one I've seen to perhaps handle well, so he doesn't need to create a hatesink. And if he wanted to, it could have been Luna (the first time in fandom Luna ever really did something wrong that wasn't cute and comical and made her more attractive). She perhaps would have recognized in humanity something of herself when she went omnicidal maniac, and she's as eager to protect her ponies. It could be Shining Armor; he was basically raped by invading aliens not so long ago, and could have been torn between his suspicions of humanity and the warmth he felt towards Keys. It could have been an OC, an important leader, and the author has shown he can write interesting OCs.
But no; like in every other fic where there is a possibility that humans might be dangerous (and that's the other tired, tired cliché, needlessly introduced into a story where we had an interesting thing coming up about the fictionality of the universe), it is Celestia who turns paranoid in a cold and wholly unsympathetic way. Given that Keys hardly can threaten Equestria, she will turn out to be wrong, as always.
But he didn't. No one ever does, as I've noted. If he had, you and a dozen other Luna fans would have complained and told the author she was out of character.
I'm glad to hear that, but it doesn't fit with the fanfic or other fanworks in this place.
1301932
Bullcrap! It would be very much against the - albeit sketchy - personality of Celestia to have any doomsday device and trying to kill everyone. Possibly Luna (she did try to sort of kill everyone once) but if the author didn't explain it I would still call bullshit. They have much more personality than you give them credit, and moreover a specific role in the story.
You also chose to ignore the fanon interpretation of Tyrant Celestia and Woobie Saint Luna (as you say, fans started to ignore her canon personality when she wasn't a victim or a rebel, since they were so married to it) which clearly shows what you're allowed to do in a fanfic. He'd have far more complaints if it was Luna who was cold and paranoid, despite you claiming it was equally likely.
The tropes that are at play here are http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DracoInLeatherPants and especially http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RonTheDeathEater, very popular in the FiM fandom. Oh; and a needless http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HateSink which is what Celestia is used as here.
1301955
Yeah, I should only be allowed to hold to an opinion, not act upon it... The downvote is for disliking a fic. I had no idea there was a list of mandated reasons for disliking something.
First, "Somewhat common" = ubiqutous. I'll save my rant about the limited number of roles for Celestia to somewhere else, but "the wise and kind ruler she supposedly is" is rare indeed. The rationalisation is "yeah, I read in an old book that humans are dangerous, so you Twilight must help me act nefariously to a shell-shocked tortured and enslaved invalid". With internal logic, I have no problem realising someone could think like that, and be that paranoid, but since we haven't seen the dreadful results last time ponies encountered humans, but we have seen Keys' suffering, there is no sympathy for Celestia's view, and there was no neccessity for her to have that view, or even for ponies to know about humans, except for the perceived need for Hate Sink (see above). It is, in fact, the delivery, where the sympathy lies, who we are clearly supposed to feel angry with or sympathise with, that shows me the delivery is wrong.
I've already looked, thank you.
1301859
I agree with your sentiment. Also, what's Celestia basing her judgement on?
A book.
She's basing it on a book, while more or less ignoring the real life human right in front of her nose. What did Celestia tell Twilight before the Summer Sun Celebration? "you simply must stop reading those dusty old books!" In the end, it was friendship and trust that prevailed. She seems to have forgotten that. Had I been in his place, I wouldn't have been able to even express my anger properly, at least not right away.
That said, I find Key's reaction perfectly in character. He quick to blame himself; he feels bad when other folks worry about him, or for him. It's also somewhat in character for Celestia, who seems to have an aversion to being truthful honest when dealing with problems in canon.
He still has a right to be angry. This is a only a few steps away from a kangaroo court, as the judge appears to have made up her mind already, without any concrete evidence.
"violent and self-serving race"
....and what exactly about the last few weeks has shown that ponies aren't capable of exactly the same.
Celestia, I dub thee hypocrite of the highest order.
And everything else I was going to say has already been said several times.
1302178 What this guy says, right here. I came back to go into a bit more detail about my concerns and instead found this comment that addresses them very nicely.
I have to be honest here, TSC, your story would be well served if you took another pass over this chapter.
1301840
You are able to edit your comments.
1301829
You are awesome. I felt the sorrow.
1302095
You have restored my faith to a great degree, good sir. I look forward to seeing what happens next in this story.
Please forgive some of your readers (including me) if we seem a mite... paranoid at times. Personally, I've seen so many potentially good stories go down the "I'm the only good human, it's okay to hate the rest of them" path that, admittedly, I've become somewhat prone to overreaction myself. I suppose my fears were further enhanced by the fact that this is a good story and I really want to like it.
I will continue to trust in your ability to deliver interesting character development, and see where you go with Celestia's motivations. Carry on.
1302095 Celestia says even-handedness when talking to twilight.
I have to agree with Redskin on this one. I've been loving the story until this particular chapter. Sure I get Celestia has to be weary of Keys, since she's the ruler and all. But to blatantly say humans can't be trusted because of what she read in some ancient text, that in no way could have described humanity as a whole is absurd. By that logic she should question ponykind as much a Cadance had, because the act of one pony.
Keys was ripped from his own world, and put through hell, and Celestia actually considers he may be plotting something? Fuck that noise, Keys had every right to tear her a new one, for calling him out like that. I hate how Celestia suddenly became the victim in all of this, when she was the one being the bitch. Celestia got lucky with Keys, most people would have verbally fucked her after that stunt.
She doesn't deserve an apology, she should be giving it. I don't give a rats ass she's providing a roof over his head. A national security matter she said, that's laughable. What kind of threat can he actually be, when he was powerless against a civilian unicorn? Oh wait he revealed some tid bits of information about Equestira he's clearly dangerous.
I wonder how much of a bomb drop it would be when he tells them of his knowledge.
Oh Celestia, you paranoid cunt.
Seriously, what does she expect from a species that lives on a planet governed my nature's harshest laws? Plus, way to go Keys thanks for speaking up for the other 7 billion of us.
1302655 Well first of all humans judge gropus of people all the fucking time, if a minoroty of them are bad they all are. And if that book contains information on the vikings or the crusaders or stuff like that and thats thier only scource of informtation on humans then of curse they will judge humans based on that. But of course its your opinoin and i shouldn´t force mine on you. But i can agree that Keys is pretty much defensless and probably cant to anything to any one right now atleast. And i hope this chapter dosnt start a shit storm :/. Please exscuse any misspellings of mine.
Great chapter!
I'm really interested in the outcome of Trixie's trial that bitch deserves whatever punishment comes her way!!
hopefully it happens soon. Great job on the story so far btw keep it up!
1303038
Okay you're wrong on two accounts here. First off, it doesn't matter that (humans) are willing to base their assumptions of an entire group by what they've heard. Celestia isn't a human, she a mythical fucking creature that preaches friendship is magic for Christ sake. People have already pointed out that's she far too old and wise, to have such a naive way of viewing things.
Second that book isn't the only source of information when there is a living, breathing, human right in front of her face. That said human has done nothing to warrant her suspicion, I'm pretty sure he's been the polar opposite of whatever she had read. That a lone should let her know, that book was either one sided or held outdated information. Hell how does she even know what she read is legitimate at all? It could have easily been a bunch of bullshit, but she readily threw her faith into it, proving her even more of an idiot. Only thing remotely sinister he's done is think about killing Trixie, which is fair considering she was plotting to kill him when his use ran out.
Yes. That is all.
Okay, this chapter just sucks in comparison to the rest of the story. Reasons?
Shoehorning in the "Humans are all bastards" trope because Celestia and Luna found an ancient, ANCIENT, tome detailing ye olde Humanity. So she distrusts Key's for no reason other than a clearly outdated-out-the-ass book said 'Humans be bad'; a single book mind, so she has only one source that could very well be flawed or false yet she's going by it.
There's also Keys himself and he's starting to come across as very contrived as a character.
Also, I very much doubt the Ponies are going to have a damned existential crisis because there's a cartoon about their world based on actual events. They have magic, and know that the laws of reality can be broken and rewritten. A single cartoon from a lost part of their world, or vice versa if I'm reading the allusions right, isn't going to shock them that much.
Edit: For the record, I do like this story a whole lot. If I come across as too much of a dick then I apologize. Rarely do I need, or want, to dole out criticism so I'm not exactly the best at it.
"While it could justify irrational responses, there's no way it. Oils excuse one as drawn out as the one I just delivered."
The period and "oils" make no sense. Perhaps "no way it can/could/would excuse"? In any case this needs fixing.
1303775
How about you explain your issue with my post instead of being an ass.
After thinking about this story. Over all i love it. I can see Celestia's concern about the safety of her realm. Keys has detailed knowledge but is reluctant to reveal source on how he got this info which is the show hence his reason to reluctant. This puts Celestia on edge as a Ruler because in turn she has to guess on what this info might be, so this makes Keys less trust worthy in her eyes. So you see when she says: "Humans cannot be trusted" she's thinking as a Monarch of Equestria not a pony. Lets not forget Equestria was invaded by changelings, no doubt that puts her even futher on edge.
I can also see Keys' tight spot.
Its like Daring doo waliking into the Library and saying "Hello" to Twilight. Twi knows that Daring is a character from book series but Daring doesn't know that, as she's concerned she's a living breathing pony. So what does Twi do? Should she spill the beans and say: "Daring? You're not real" and watch for the Pegasus' reaction? Or keep the knowledge to herself and hope Daring Doo never finds out.
That in a nutshell is Keys' dilemma.
The only problem i spot is: Celestia's books on humans. That's suggest that we've been to their world before and the outcome wasn't good.
I think its better for Celestia to say: We can't fully trusted these humans because we know nothing about them.
1302095 This is a bit late, but you should always follow your heart. If you don't want to write something, then don't. Screw what everyone else would think, think about what Keys would have done, and they should be happy with it. Key's is an OC, that means that his character is whatever you make him out to be. So if people said, "Oh I don't like this because Keys fucking freaked out on Celestia," Then they're just wrong, because that's how Keys would act. That's like not reading a story because the character messed something up.
We've all seen the movie where the main character keeps a secret from somebody, or says something mean to someone, and fucks up whatever relationship they had with that character, does that mean we stop watching? No. We wait for them to make ammends with eachother and push past it.
1303845
Personally, if someone told me I was a cartoon, I probably wouldn't believe them. It's an outlandish claim... it's far more likely that they're lying about it.
But let's say I do buy it. So? What does that change? We have no way to establish causality here. For instance: Did the cartoonists create me, or did they simply happen to transcribe events from another dimension via sheer coincidence (which is perfectly reasonable in a multiverse scenario with infinite dimensions)? Maybe the cartoonists are actually perceiving the events via some sort of interdimensional clairvoyance, interpreting their visions as inspiration.
The point is, "some asshole with a pen is in control of my life, time to panic!" is neither the only scenario, nor even the most likely.
In the past, Keys hasn't exactly shown himself to be the sharpest tool in the shed... particularly when it comes to assumptions. I feel it's far more likely that he's simply panicking without reason, and the ponies will explain to him something along the lines of what I explained to you.
Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong about how this author wants to handle it.
1303939
The burden isn't on you "Cartoon" guy. Its on the guy who knows.
Yes, there's a chance if he tells you, you won't give a flying fuck.
There also the realm of possiblity that if he does tell you, you'll freak or deny it.
Basing trust off of ones race...
where have I heard that one before.
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