• Member Since 16th Jul, 2016
  • offline last seen May 21st

Milo_Chalks


Perpetually finding ways to pack a kayak into a sedan

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Source

Business is booming at Monte Cristo and Over Easy's business in Ponyville, but the daily grind is getting stale. Infact, everything seems to be getting stale for the two stallions, their life together is falling apart but both are too scared to fix it. Maybe some dancing under the moonlight could fix it, the Amity Ball is coming up. Who knows what could happen?

MxM slice of life shippy thing Co-written with my friend Maxwell Edison. Thanks for all the fun writing this, this was also edited by him so he totally gets way more credit here than me.

Artwork by Double Tap

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 11 )

Keep up the good work! :eeyup:

When is that pic from?

CUTEEEE. Also, this is such a modern problem and its so relatable like oh my gosh

To the author - Welcome back to writing on fimfiction,man!
i have only three words for this story...Poignant, Heartfelt & Beautiful.

A great ending to a great story, comrade!

Sweet story, but I am curious where this sudden interest in these two stallions came from.

Or maybe it's just the two fics so far? I think I lost track.

Anyway, back to the story. It's definitely a relatable problem, and I like what you did to show a bit of their pasts, makes them more relatable personalities too. More speficially, with the bit about the baker and Over being in love with having a relationship instead of the pony himself.

So one flaw for me, is the paragraphs. Makes it a little hard to keep track of who's thinking what and who's speaking sometimes, because somehow it just doesn't seem super clear whose POV it's following right from the beginning.

So from a technical point, it was a little hard for me to figure out who's talking because they both...seem to think in the same language and ways. One thing I find makes it easier to read, especially from fics I've read recently, is just to simply put more line breaks. Then again, that story was a 1st person POV so your mileage may vary.

9742654
Thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate your time to tell me this and help me improve :twilightsmile:

9744083
No problem!

I always like it when I get feedback, because if nothing else, I know what I can be working on.

Sometimes, getting no acknowledgement whatsoever is worse than criticism. Like your creation not even worth the attention

Hm... Not bad. I like the realistic aspect, but it just wasn't gripping for me.
I liked it overall.

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