• Member Since 26th Jun, 2019
  • offline last seen April 5th

Twinkle_Shine


Hello everyone hope you enjoyed my stories

E

This story is a sequel to A Sisters Talk And Babysiters


When the girls reflects the death of their parents, they go to their high school principals for an advise

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 12 )

This has loads of errors in it.

9705352
Sorry about that maybe I was tired

I don't hate it...
It's just really short. So short it doesn't feel like a story and more like a list.

Have problem.
Get solution.
Deploy solution.
The End.

Which is a shame, because it's an interesting topic that could be elaborated on further. How are Sunset and Twilight different in this Alt. Universe? What were their parents like? How different are their lives now? How did Celestia and Luna know them? Etc, etc.

Then there's a small problem with the repetition of words. The best example being:

"Sunset can we watch a movie?" asked Twilight as she came into the kitchen.

"Yeah sure I'll put in the movie" Sunset smiled as she went to grab a movie to put on.

It reads very unnatural.

It's not horrible, but I can't say it's good either.

9707509
Don't worry about it. You're gonna be alright 👍
Keep writing and you'll keep growing.

Little tip: if your story is a sequel you can create a direct link with the prequel, just go to editing, then look for the box that ask 'is this story a sequel?' then cut the address from the prequel and pasted inside the box then go to save and voala! Under the explanation of the story the prequel's name will appear in blue letters as a link to it.

9709633
I did fix that thanks for the tip

9709808
No problem, glad I can help you 👍

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