Sonata's day has officially been ruined: all she wanted to do was go to a taco stand, or really, just anywhere she could get a good, hot taco, but then it just had to rain!
And not just any kind of rain, either but rain with grey thunderclouds covering the sky, more or less giving the atmosphere a depressing feel, something the siren didn't want today.
It all seemed lost... but then, someone approached her with an umbrella...
Written for https://www.fimfiction.net/group/213294/uncommon-dazzling-ships pairing prompt for June.
Chapters (1)
Don’t they need their pendants to feed? Other than that I loved it!
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No they don't need their pendants to feed, not physical hunger anyway.
This was cute
I liked the ending!
A few nitpicks, though.
Something doesn't quite feel right here? You have the narration identifying Flash by name, despite Sonata not recognizing him until a few lines after?
I'd fiddle with the line breaks a bit, too. This often had dialogue as a paragraph of its own--here, for instance:
And I don't know that there's much to be gained from spreading it out like that, but it's slightly less clear than if it were all on the same paragraph, like this:
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Huh, I always thought separating them would make the sentence less hard to read, but I guess I just made the opposite mistake.
Thanks for bringing this up. I'll be sure to try incorporate that in my later stories. :)
This was really interesting.
Somehow every time I see these two together I always think that they are a very cute couple.
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I mean, I'd say it's generally still readable either way, personally. Seeing dialogue spaced out by line breaks like that does... annoy me a lot, to be blunt, but probably moreso because it's atypical than because it affects readability. If the conversation's fairly coherent, it's usually still pretty easy to follow if you do space out the dialogue like that.
A general 'rule,' though, as put by the fimfiction writing guide, is "one idea per paragraph," and when characters are gesturing or emoting or whatever, I'd often group their nonverbal reaction together with their verbal response as 'one idea.' For instance:
If I were to rewrite this portion, I'd probably say something like this:
Because to me, the actions and the speech all fall in kind of the same general topic of "Flash helping Sonata up", y'know? And just to show that that's not an anomaly, one more example:
This, again, makes sense to me to be grouped together, because Sonata asking for Flash's name connects to the same 'idea' as Sonata recognizing him. So I'd stuff these into the same paragraph.
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*takes notes*
I'm probably focusing on the wrong things here, but why is Sonata even cursing Candace. She never even met Candace. You know what? I'm just going to not think about too hard and chock it up to her being stupid.