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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, your up to 13 chapters, excluding Prolog and I have to say that this is a very well written story.
Your storytelling is excellent and your characters are interesting and in character. Here is a very important point in your favor. I have absolutely zero experience with "World Of Darkness" (I think thats the cross over) and I have no trouble keeping up with the story at all. This is proof of a well written crossover. The reader shouldn't need any knowledge of either world in order to follow the story. Your one of the few writers that does this extremely well.
Often writers will either give no info at all, expecting all readers to be familiar in the first place, or they beat the reader over the head with pages of world-Lore in painful, dictionary / academic styled chapters. Reading very much like a University lecture given by a dry professor. Ive encountered both recently and even lambasted a writer for having paragraphs of nothing but "+10 this when added with the red blue macguffin, but only at level 20. ", etc, etc, etc. As you can imagine, I lost interest. Not only that I couldn't care less, but it has zero impact on the story at all. After all, does the reader really need to know anything more than the fact that the Blue blade is sharp?
Anyway, your on the right track and your story has kept me very interested from the start.
Well done and Im looking forward to more.
The Monk
“To say that Twilight Sparkle went bugfuck would be like saying the Incredible Hulk had some mild anger management issues.” -DustTraveller
Well the princess lost iq points because secret and twilight go together like a fire and hydrogen.
Also why the fuck has twilight not called fluttershy when she is dealing with a raven.
Does twilight know a translation spell?
9805228
Thank you. That's kinda the approach I'm trying to take: give enough context for someone without knowledge of World of Darkness to follow along, but not ignore the fact that D.W. is coming from that perspective.
9805255
9805256
Well, Twilight already knows a whole bunch about D.W. thanks to her little trip into the dreamscape with Luna, so the cat's kinda out of the bag in that regard. Celestia's thinking was that since Twi already knew about D.W., she was as good a contact for her as any. Also, Twi's in charge of D.W.'s language and cultural education, while the bulk of the details of D.W.'s objectives regarding the changelings were given not to Twilight, but to Spike.
Regarding Fluttershy, Twilight wasn't exactly sure what she was dealing with, so she didn't involve Flutters because she wasn't sure if it was safe. Remember, D.W. may look like a raven, but she's chock full of solar essence, which no mortal creature should have. And she wasn't going to pull Flutters away from her job just to stake out the town on the off chance that she'd encounter D.W.
As an aside, Flutters wouldn't have actually made much of a difference, because while D.W. looks like a raven, she isn't one. Even if she was in corvis form, Flutters wouldn't have been able to communicate with her, because she's a wereraven, not an actual raven. D.W. will eventually encounter Flutters, but not for a little while yet.
As far as a translation spell is concerned, in this world, that's alicorn level magic. Twilight doesn't have access to that sort of thing at this time.
9805255
I think because she knows from the beginning its not a raven. Doesn't know what it was, but knew it was not a Raven.
The Monk
"Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil." - Reykan
9805761
Perhaps Flutters may have more influence than you think. I know she is a were raven, but didn't you say, in the story or a comment, that Ravenbutt was "born" a raven, and became basically a werehuman? Starting off a raven, would leave that base programming in there, giving Flutterbutt a higher chance at communication. I doubt it would be at her normal Dr. Doolittle levels, but it may give her an empathy, or silent communication type of thing. (I may have misread that "Started a raven" part.)
BTW, if you like this idea and want to use it, I can easily delete this post to prevent spoilage.
Just a thought that occurred to me while bathroom thinking.
The Monk
Her hands were still bound with rope, she debated an escape before all the stupidity gave her an aneurysm. -Scarheart
9806129
No worries. Thing with D.W., and the fera in general, is that they're binary beings, in that they're effectively half spirit, half flesh. Thus, even if she was born a raven, she stopped being one after her first change (when she underwent her first transformation into her crinos [half raven, half human] form). Mentally, she's still more raven than human (or pony in this case), but she's a decidedly supernatural in nature. In WoD, there are abilities that allow other supernatural creatures to communicate with animals (some vampires have this power, as do certain faeries). But these abilities don't work on fera, because they aren't animals in the strictest sense.
Now, D.W. might actually get along okay with Flutters when they finally meet, but even in corvis form, they're not going to be able to effectively communicate. If anything, its going to be an odd experience for Flutters, who's not used to not being able to speak with any animal.
This is some fantastic stuff thus far. It's not every day you see a character who misses the World of Darkness, but Dawn certainly has a good reason for doing so. She has a job to do, after all, to say nothing of the friends and mate she left behind. Hopefully she can find ponies and others who can take the place of the former. I'm less optimistic about the latter, but Fluttershy might be able to arrange something if Dawn's willing to look.
Eagerly looking forward to more. Especially since Dawn can't avoid Pinkie Pie for too much longer...
9807322
Glad you're liking it so far. Part of the reason Dawn has a problem with the ponies is they're very Weaver oriented, and she's not a fan of the Mad Spider. Its one of the reasons she likes hanging out in the Everfree; its the most Wyld oriented place she can find.
When D.W. and Pinkie do eventually meet, they're probably going to get along pretty well, since one of D.W.'s besties back home is a Nuisha. And D.W., despite being kinda a grump most of the time (though if we're honest, its mostly that she's not happy about her situation), does have a sense of humor and enjoys a good laugh. We just haven't really gotten a chance to see that side of her. Yet.
Poor Dawn. She's in desperate need of some catharsis. I can say pretty confidently that I'm looking forward to reading about the delightfully torturous fate she'll likely mete out to the changeling that's decided to set up shop in the life of its' (maybe) latest victim. Doubly so if a dying message makes it to Chrysalis and puts her on edge. Oh what fun there will be to be had!
9808449
Well… TBH, Dawn doesn't have anything against the changeling personally, so if she does end up going after it, she's going to be all business. The reason her mind went to the "agonizing torture" route with the Malfean is she blames him specifically for her circumstances, so its personal. Until the changelings make it personal, she's going to treat them with the same professionalism she does any other Wyrmspawn: if she's got to kill them, make it simple and quick.
9809601
Oh, okay. Fair enough. My mind put too much emphasis on the mage in question being aligned with wyrm and didn't consider the 'personal' angle enough.
9809983
No worries. Its all good.