• Member Since 28th May, 2014
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

foxmaster


big time mlp and ace attorney fan

E

This story is a sequel to Yu-Gi-Oh! EG: Neo W.R.P.G U.S. Selection Arc


A few days have passed since Team Silver Wing won the US Representative circuit and now they set off to not only take on the W.R.G.P but to also make good memories for the summer. Will Team Silver Wing win the Grand Prix or will the oncoming storm that is known as Team Demise wipe them out? Find out in Yu-Gi-Oh! Neo W.R.G.P World Arc.

Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 10 )

I bit fast-paced but not a bad first chapter.

Just a quick question, Do I need to read the prequel to understand this one?

9784183
you can if you want to

Nice, I like the duel and I also love your cards you made up. Very well balanced if I say so myself.
But so far I've seen a few problems with your writing. Your punctuation, you need to use the "," more often but it is nothing too major. What is major though is how you make the dialogue. I had a very hard time reading and understanding the second part of this chapter. The whole Zap and Silver conversation.

The golden rule here is "New Speaker, New Paragraph". If no one new is doing or saying something keep it as only one paragraph. For example:

“ I thought so too but she is back and has your teammates under her control,” Indigo said making Silver furious.

Silver slammed the table in front of him with so much fury he almost broke it.

This should be only one paragraph. Reading sentences instead of paragraphs is very distracting.

Also, you should use fewer names and more pronouns or similar things. Reading "Silver said" every third sentence is very distracting too and one can get tired really quick. Thrust that the reader will be able to follow along with the conversation if you use "he" or "she" once in a while, especially if it is only a conversation between only two people.

And lastly, but I think this is more of a nitpick, the way you used the Quotes( " ) in said sentences. People usually put them right next to dialogue "like this" not " like this ". I guess is not technically wrong but still, it really bothers me a lot.

Sorry for the sudden annoying complaints but I saw you asking for criticisms the other day so here I am XP

Oh, one more thing. What is a Mozarta?

9787682
mozarta refers to Lyra's signature card Mozarta the Melodious Maestra

nicely done; admittedly, a bit disappointed that we didn't get to see what sort of cards Soma used (nice touch with the Food Wars cameo, btw), but not a deal breaker for me 🙂

Nice job using the cards I made for you, sorry they weren't more detailed

Yusei’s theme intestines

10139381
Yuji is Yuma and Tori's son who is on a mission to rescue his friend Nova who is being held prisoner by the main bad guys.

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