• Member Since 15th Feb, 2016
  • offline last seen Monday

OceanBytez


Husband, Uni student, and amateur author. I write about adventure, dark stories, and lots about cybernetics or similar subjects.

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Blazing Comet is your average earth pony. He works as a contractor delivery pony pulling carts teeming with various goods for numerous businesses He has even worked for the Celestial court on a few occasions moving armor and weapons to the various guard posts. Today offered one such contract under the Celestial Court but this one was different. The contract offers a lavish pay to offset the dangers of transporting a new but highly unstable material. Due to the value and countless applications of this material, it is expected that the convoy may be attacked during travel. To ensure the delivery is a success a large patrol is assigned to protect Comet as he transports the material to Canterlot for further research.

Not long after setting off the group is ambushed and Comet is severely injured during the attack.

Disclaimer: My first published story. Potentially erratic update pattern (though it is pretty much a life goal to be a hobbyist writer so at some point I will always return). Please leave comments on things I can improve on. I was not happy with the first chapter but, published it because I need to start somewhere. I am still developing a writing style and it will probably mean this story will suffer from growing pains as I work it out. Thank you for the chance!

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Notable mentions whose material has aided in the development of my writing style and inspired me: anon3mous1, FuzzyVeeVee, canadianbrony91, Kind of Brony, Queen Sanguine Dreams

Thanks to these above I was inspired to write my own story. I used them as a guideline to get a working solution to my own writing style. It may be reminiscent of one or all of them.

Warning: Please note this is one of my first stories. Admittedly, I don't think I am all that good at writing. I do plan on getting better and returning to this story when I can do it justice. For now however be aware that it is not all that great in its current state.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 16 )

Interesting concept, there’s some moments here that actually make you seem like you have some experience in writing. I do have one complaint, however.

Your tenses are mixed, please fix this, and mixed tenses can get annoying to read sometimes.

10095862
Yeah, I fully understand. I think this comes from my attempt at trying to play around with many styles in the process. I often refer back to some of my favorite books and follow their style in order to get a feel for how I want mine. In doing this I likely inherit all the issues of each one while not adding much myself due to my inexperience. Thank you for the heads up and also for suffering through the growing pains to provide me your valuable insight.

Also thank you for complimenting me. I really have never written though, I have thought about it for a very long time. there are 6 more stories I have jotted down and have open for me only in fimfic but, I will only write more for them once I believe I have the skills to do them real justice. This one will have its own challenges for sure but, I feel this will be the easiest to write.

I just want the readers to know that I really enjoyed writing the action sequence. I hope it is as exciting for you reading it as it was for me imagining it. It was like a live-action movie in my head and i could not wait to spill it out onto pages. :twilightblush:

I’m glad you had fun, that’s usually what matters when writing stories.

Thankfully, this is now completely in present tense, which is nice. This looks to be heading the way of Never Meant to Be, not professional in the slightest, but an enjoyable read anyways.

10097268
Thank you. I never aimed to be professional. I honestly just want the book to be fun yet also have an intriguing plot. I will admit this not the last action sequence that will happen but, probably the only big one. Guess I will see.

I appreciate some good world building.

I always like newly-created magic and explanations for it, too.

10100561
This is only the first story built on it. There are more that will come as the abilities of manadite are quite... chaotic. It is very useful in the right hooves but, it is a rare magic (my way of explaining why it is unheard of) due to the skill and magic required to make it. All the other forms of magic exist in other places in one form or another just not combined in such a way as I did. Glad to hear you liked the world-building though.

Wow, that blacksmith is gunna be upset! Great chapter, and set up for the next one. Can't wait for more :)

10110738
heck yeah, he will be. Fake money is easy to make for a powerful mage and, obviously, a very significant crime. Blacksmiths are not cheap even in Equestria so he will be out a lot of money.

To anyone who reads and is watching I'm not done with the story. Just training my writing skills with speed writes and trying to perhaps edit chapters and make it read better as well as just overall improve the story. Just give me a bit of time for a rework. thanks!

a note to any unfortunate soul that reads this, I am temporarily putting this on hiatus until I feel i've gained the skills to come back and fix this mess I created. Most likely, there will be a significant rewrite. The old text will be saved somewhere else for learning/reference purposes but eventually, I will change a handful of things. Very possibly a total rewrite of the story but perhaps in 3rd person rather than 1st (which I believe I wrote it in the IIRC... it has been a hot minute since I looked at it).

Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused, but also remember I may and probably will come back to this being my first story I ever broke the ice with. It is a pet project of sorts.

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