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An Intricate Disguise

Selling out has never felt so dirty. (Patreon!)

Comments ( 59 )

Coverart sauce: derpibooru ID:1742129

Warning: NSFW

I'm going to Tartarus. Worth it.

That was interesting. Dinner part sequel maybe?

Like fire! Hellfire! This fire in my skin!

Welp, I think they will make a 10th ring of hell just for us.

"Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned"
"Sorry Daddy, I've Been Naughty"

An Intricate Disguise: *starts a story*
Also An Intricate Disguise: *never finishes/continues said story unless it's only 1-2 chapters long*

Damn, this is one of the best clop Docs I’ve read in a while. I love how much of a skilled tease Twilight was, especially how much she made Night Light want it. I hope there’s a sequel of Twilight seducing Night Light some more or Twilight having some fun with mares or stallions she knows.

Also An Intricate Disguise: has one complete four chapter story and one complete three chapter story in the box.

I second this. The lazy cunt has been cleaning up after himself. Gotta give him credit for that at least.

So two in the box is worth eighteen in the shelf? :rainbowlaugh:

No pressure really but I do hope you go back and finish some of those stories at some point. I really liked a few of them personally. This one is great though I can understand a fickle muse.

*gœs and checks* Of course, the one I didn't read because it didn't really interest me… and not the one I and 388 others liked. The Ember one dœs seem to be your most popular one, though.

EDIT: I just realized that might've sounded rude. I'm not trying to be, I'm just getting impatient. Are you getting writers block on the StarTrix story?

"Young lady, I can not allow such sins to go unpunished. Bend over."

"For a spanking?"

"...Not what I had in mind, but why not?"

*Sigh* What is it with me and daddy-daughter incest? Anyway, good premise.

Not going to kink shame you over it. Whatever makes you happy.

You know, when you take up three slots of the feature box, you're kinda stealing views from yourself. Maybe space that out a bit more.

Comment posted by Fracturedheart deleted Jun 27th, 2019

97001 dammit you beat me to it

This needs an ending where Celesta finds out and she scolds Night Light that he didn't invite her XD

Well this isn't very Christian.

I've never been one for nympho characters, but in this story, that didn't matter.

The experienced manner was hot.

Oh hey, I know that image!

...I saw it when I did a search for twilight sparkle, spike, explicit. :twilightblush:

If you look down at the comments, you can see headless_rainbow. I was surprised to see him on Derpibooru, but then I realized I shouldn’t be so surprised.

Of course Celestia wasn't okay with it.

Oh I bet she is :trollestia:

"Does that mean the princess would get off just as easily if She was the one fucking me? Does it mean She wants to fuck me?"

Yes it does and the only thing stopping you from being ruined for all other cocks is your reluctance to admit you're hot for teacher to that teacher.

I bet Luna would want in on the action too! :moustache:

This needs two sequels, a comedic one where she confronts him at the dinner table, get called on her hypocrisy and they all fuck (with Cadence watching because she's a voyeur, of course) and a second one where she realizes there's absolutely no way Celestia doesn't know about her personal student railing half the faculty and confesses she's hot for teacher. And said teacher makes she realized that being an immortal alicorn goddess comes with plenty of perks to enjoy...

Okay, this does not need to be continued (and there's at least four stories that do in my Tracking folder), but man would it be funny!:rainbowlaugh:

I can just picture Night Light standing there in the confessional with an absolutely gobsmacked look on his face. I imagine he's now dreading dinner...or at least, I hope for Celestia's sake he is:rainbowlaugh:

You are something else Intricate Disguise!:twilightsmile:


>actually assigning value to having things in the feature box

It was more of a 'how did you make this statement whilst also missing this' thing
dude I saw diaper fetish stuff in the box once or twice
the magic of getting featured is kinda lost to me
also hi

I'm sorry but I love this story. (Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, I read dirty Pony incest stories...) Some dads molest their daughters. Twilight molests her dad.

Sorry. if you can't tell me off with words ....

This burning, desire is turning me to sin!

They don't need to. If you can't understand the reaction with your own eyes ....

This didn't look like my cup of tea. But I reluctantly read this story, because I was interested in how it integrated religion into Equestria. I do like world-building.

But this fanfiction just took Christianity, and replaced “God” with “Celestia”. It even refereed to the Old Testament! Honestly, that just feels like lazy writing.

I don't need to tell you off with words. You are embarrassing yourself enough without any help. But since you clearly need me to, I will explain it. And I'll use small words so that you can understand.

Look, I'm sorry if your mommy didn't hold you enough as a baby, and this is how desperate you are to seek attention in this way on my friends' stories. Maybe stop doing that. Maybe you should get help.

Or get bent.

You know, whichever.

In the meantime, you should stop stalking Intricate's page, clicking F5 all night, and waiting with bated breath, for his next story to drop just so you can spam the same worthless comment every time instead of writing a better story yourself.
You should find something more constructive to do with your time. Like going outside.
And apologize to every tree that you see for being a walking waste of oxygen.

Really enjoyed the work and took things in a different direction. Though my only comment is on a couple occasions, the use of pronouns in Twilight's perspective or character had me confused that it was mixed with Night Light instead. Had to reread to realize just a mistake of using "his" or "him" when mentioning Twilight.
Aside from that, was a great read and enjoyed the sinful debauchery. Awesome job my dood :twilightsmile:

9703437 I shouldn't laugh at that. It's so beautifully savage...


It is a good story indeed, though I'm more into bother/sister fun. 😍

A good story. An error that popped out at me though;

Twilight giggled aloud. "Don't say her name in vein, father!"

It's spelled 'vain' when speaking in this context.

i want a second chapter of the ackward dinner conversation


You make me blush! All that for me?? I think I love you.

Comment posted by Fracturedheart deleted Jul 4th, 2019

Oh please. Savage? I call it love. I made small comment till he(?) lost his(?) shit.

Whew. That was an interesting situation. It was hot as fuck, but Night Light is kind of a horrible person here.

From the way the first and second parts of this fic were set up, I was expecting a little bit of overlapping timelines and unreliable narrator going on with both our characters. It wasn’t that, so instead...

I just gotta say, I have friends who are men of the cloth, and you really seemed to write Night Light from a very secular perspective. He didn’t seem like much of a priest - even a shitty one - at all. My real issue with this fic is that it felt like you copy/pasted a priest/nympho thing from Literotica and just changed the names around (weird stuff like referring to Celestia as “lord” sort of contributed to this). Obviously you didn’t, and I am by no means accusing you of plagiarism, but this fic really lacked those little character nods and bits that make a pony fanfic feel... ponyish, I suppose.

A fair showing, but I would think that you would try harder for both commissioned work and a piece entered into a contest that offers money prizes.

Honestly, you're not in the slightest bit wrong here. I totally agree with basically everything you said.

The story—as per the commissioner's request—was a shitpost of sorts. It was parody, and by no means intended to be taken seriously. This story doesn't make an effort to hold a cohesive narrative or even a believable one, it's just porn based on a pun that happened to fit a very niche fetish (which really didn't fit pony without me making a bunch of changes, so I just shoehorned the loose 'Catholicism' in).

And hey, by the time it was finished, I saw the contest was running and said 'fuck it' and threw it in. Sorry if that sounds bad in any way? It's really not intended to, promise.

But yeah. This isn't a story with any real depth or anything above caricatured meatbags with little personality screwing and I fully acknowledge that. It's also what I was asked to write, lel.

That all said, hope you found some enjoyment/a small laugh in reading or judging it. For what it's worth, I was happy with a few excerpts. Here's hoping you didn't feel your time was wasted!

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