• Member Since 6th May, 2013
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Rarity and Sunset Shimmer have been dating for a couple months. Everything seems to be doing well, but one of them is beginning to have second thoughts, making the other worry a little bit more than normal. They have been best friends ever since Sunset decided to change after the fall formal, and when the topic of love first came up, it just seemed natural that they would be part of each other's heart forever. What do you do, though, when the magic that started it all... isn't there anymore?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )

Well, first of all, as nice it is with fluff and romance it is indeed refreshing with some heartbreak for a change.
I think it's pretty good, sometimes a relationship doesn't end with a bang. Usually it doesn't really.

I still would like to say that as a stand-alone it's a bit short. There is so much potential, You could have shown Raritys angst growing over some time, or this could be the start of a really interesting story. How do you rebuild your friendship after a break-up? Can it even be done?

That's my five cents.

Ouch ... Just, ouch... I could actually feel the pain Sunset and Rarity went through as they realized their relationship was going nowhere.

I could feel my heart break as Rarity left Sunset's room, signaling the end of the relationship and the start of Sunset's sadness...

I could learn a thing or two from you. XD

Keep up the good work. :)

God damn, where did this lump in my throat come from? My heart strings have been tugged D;

Beautifully done!

Found this on the main page and got curious. Read some disheartening books, alas this one is average... Though you were trying to convey emotions to the readers, which you already did with some of the recent comments and likes, just found this as alright. In every story, there is always something the readers will remember about a story.To Mystic, it is probably when Sunset expected a snuggle or for Rarity to stop her - it was probably the apex of this story. Other than that, nothing seemed to stand out...

Sorry for the criticism. Mystic knows it is more difficult to create than to criticise. It is just one of many opinions as well. Hope this criticism does not make you discontinue writing. It just feels like there could be more done to convey the emotions. A justification for Rarity being distant is one. Readers are just left with the "It's not you, it's me" trope. It does not give justice to Rarity as the readers look back, there is nothing much to sympathise over Rarity. Compare it with Sunset who was trying her best to keep everything together, the readers empathise with Sunset because they too understand the situation you present them. Maybe then, the combined emotions can make your words powerful to touch other souls :pinkiesmile: - not that it has already touched some as said below.

Best wishes,
~ Mystic Stirling ;P

This was something I enjoyed. It's new, it's saddening, it makes you feel something apart from stories that have carnal horniness, mindless, manufactured romance, or half-baked attempts at dark adventure stories. This has real emotion! The people are relatable! It tugs at your heartstrings!

I really appreciate the feedback! I'll continue getting better. :pinkiesmile:

"Don't stop believing! Hold on to that feeling!" 3:12 ;P


Oh no, them feels. Them FEELS! I absolutely loved this! Oh but was it ever heartbreaking. I admit, a breakup story is something I do enjoy from time to time. Along with this pairing.


I liked how Rarity's feelings were honest without the 'next exciting step' making her characterisation feel shallow.

This story > Any Sunset:Endings entry I've read so far.

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