Don't Look At The Comments
It was a special day in Ponyville. Their newest resident, Anon the Human, had now been in Equestria for one whole year. And so, Twilight stood in the center of her rather large dining room, examining the various party festivities that Pinkie Pie had filled the room with. The ornate dining table was pushed against the wall, with a long line of finger foods and snacks. Of course, at the end, several kegs of “celebratory cheer.”
Beer. It was beer.
While Twilight checked item after item off her list with a smile, she couldn’t help but find herself somewhat excited for the evening. Anon, or Anonymous as she still called him, had become a good friend to the ponies in town, and while his mischievous nature led to many pranks being pulled on its inhabitants, he was always there when it counted. What better way to celebrate good friendship than with a party!
Just then, the door to the dining room slammed open with the force of Taco Belle four hours after eating.
“TWILIGHT!” Rainbow Dash screamed, flying towards the alicorn but stopping short of a full collison.
“What Rainbow?!” Twilight dropped her clipboard in a panic.
“OUR BEER IS TOO DARK!”
Twilight blinked. Was she missing something?
Oh. Right. Rainbow Dash was basically an alcoholic. If it wasn’t the unreal level of enthusiasm she showed towards Applejack during cider season, or her ability to ‘socialize’ now that she’s in the Wonderbolts, Rainbow was always just a bit too passionate about booze. Chances are that whatever she’s concerned about is probably only a problem for her, and not who the party is about: Anon.
But, Rainbow was her friend.
“Uh,” Twilight started. “Why is that a problem, Rainbow?”
Rainbow stepped back in near disgust.
“Not everypony likes stouts and porters, Twilight! I know you said expensive is better, but nopony is going to drink at the party if that’s the only selection we have!”
Twilight shook her head in relief. This was ridiculous. At least this was a simple issue to solve. Definitely not worth the panic that Dash felt. Nopony was going to care about this.
“Well, does it taste good? I’m not really a beer kind of mare.”
“Well, yes. B-“
“Then why all the fuss?” she interjected, trying to end this problem so she could move onto more important things. “I’m sure if it tastes good, ponies will drink it no matter what. Plus it’s Anon’s favorite, right? Isn’t that what matters?”
“That’s not the point, Twilight! This beer goes bad really quick! We have so much! And it’s so expensive. Ponies might not drink it all and it’ll all go to waste if they see how dark it is through our clear steins.”
Twilight sighed. This was what she hated about party planning — when everything was going perfectly fine, but one little opinion threw a wrench into the works. Tonight was about Anon, not crying over spilled beer. Even if that was a perfectly valid response to spilled beer.
“Well,” she said slowly, trying to even her tone and not show the exasperation she felt. “Why don’t I just cast a spell and change the color of the beer or something. Then the beer won’t be dark. It’ll still taste fine. And we can all move on from this… problem.”
“But Twilight, that’ll change the taste!”
“What?” she asked incredulously
“The magic will change the taste! Everypony knows when you try to modify food with magic, it gives it this… processed… magical taste. It can totally ruin the vibe of the food!”
She closed her eyes and turned away from Rainbow to gather her mind.
I can’t believe this is actually happening right now.
“I got it!” Rainbow exclaimed.
“Got what?” Twilight asked.
“The solution to our problem.”
“Okay,” Twilight sighed, ready for this to be over. “What should we do?”
“We change the color of the steins! The foam on top will cover the beer, and nobody will be able to see the color of the beer through the pale steins!”
“Uh. I don’t really follow.” She frowned uncertainly and quirked an eyebrow.. “How would changing the color help?
“Well, if we make the steins, like, black. Then the beer will appear lighter in relation to the glass!”
Twilight returned to her friend, somewhat surprised in her somewhat reasonable idea.
“Well, I mean. Sure. That’s not hard. But I also didn’t really see what the problem was in the first place. Let’s just do it and get it over with.”
Her horn glowed with bright purple magic and instantly changed the color of all the glasses on the table from clear to black.
“There, Rainbow,” she said, angling her head toward her like the leaning tower of Pisa arching an eyebrow at its architects. “Happy now? Now nothing will go to waste.”
“Awesome!” Rainbow pumped a hoof in the air. “See, that wasn’t a hard problem! I don’t know why Anon was so bent out of shape.”
Twilight blinked to her, once again confused.
“Was it supposed to be?”
“See, that’s what I thought. I didn’t see what the big deal was.” Rainbow shrugged. “But Anon said ‘Shit was getting real’ over there, so I rushed over.”
“Language!”
“I was quoting him! You can’t get in trouble when you quote!”
“…Okay then, so… wait.” Twilight squinted. “Anon said things were getting real over here? But he didn’t know we got his favorite beers. How would he even know?”
“Well he must have known somehow?”
Twilight stomped her hoof in a huff and glared at her friend.
“Rainbow, can you please just tell me what happened? I am so confused right now, and we still have a lot of party planning if we’re going to make this party happen!”
Rainbow sighed and swished her tail.
“Fine! Anon was talking to me about how relaxing it was being away from work. Like, there were so many problems there. I asked him what kind of problems, and I rushed over once he mentioned it. He told me about how hard it was to find an Is-Real-Pale-Stein solution, and I told him that I could solve that shit in five minutes.”
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Obscure...
Not quite sure I got it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
9693576
I mean, do you want me to explain the joke, my friend?
Really? Do they not have Zerba rap music here?
Your pun fills me with reeeeeeeeeeeeeeee but I still love it
I don't get it either...
9693578
Yes, please
?
Really. This whole thing was a setup for a middle-east joke?
9693608
Is-Real-Pale-Stein
Israel - Palestine
Booooo
9693611
Shit, how I missed that...
Thanks.
9693611
Thanks. I had a hunch you were heading toward that, but it kinda hard to guess it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Wouldn’t that be... hoof food doesn’t sound the same.
I laughed a lot. I pity the plebs who didn’t get it.
scontent-ort2-1.cdninstagram.com/vp/a4151e5826d3118319e5880402f79483/5DA3DDA2/t51.2885-15/e35/60137353_368309443798747_6922287809052160873_n.jpg?_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.cdninstagram.com&ig_cache_key=MjA0NTgwODM3MjYzNzY1OTU0NQ%3D%3D.2
Israel is an illegitimate apartheid state built on genocide. Palestine belongs to the Palestinians!
This pun Israeli bad 10/10
...
Y'all should be ashamed of yerself.
That ending is terrible and you should feel bad.
I’m going to commit war crimes to your front lawn.
That was an impressive pun.
Even if we all know that when Anon wants some Israeli beer, Hebrews it himself.
*reluctantly upvotes*
I hate this...thank you. <3
9694149
Dude, that was better than the one in the story. Upvoted comment!
I read the comments anyway. =P
Kudos on the pun, by the way.
ut actually no.
Wow, priest really scraped the "bottom of the barrel" for this pun.
Ha, I had to read the end a few times but I got it and laughed out loud. Great pun!
When Anon explained what he actually meant, Twilight tried to work out the friendship dynamics on a pair of blackboards, but she ran out of room. She just couldn't find a long-term two-slate solution.
Best of luck in the contest, Priest.
9698867
You too man! I'm pretty sure you've got me beat, but I didn't enter to win. I just wanted to make a real groaner :V
Did you really contrive an entire short story about beer being too dark so you could set up a five-word gag?
I think I'm proud of you.
I audibly groaned once I got to the punchline, which means I both love it and hate it at the same time
9700571
Same here, it was so fudging stupid I laughed
Urm. Okay then
Five minutes of my life has been well spent.
Fucking shit.
...Okay, wait, but that joke only works when written. <.< If he said it to her, she wouldn't actually be able to misinterpret the words as their look-alikes because they sound nothing alike. I call shenanigans! :|
holy fuck, that was incredible
9716188
everyone knows anon can barely speak and does all sorts of weird enunciation
Beautiful
Simple solution.
Remove both countries.
More space for Lebanon.
I am totally not Lebanese what are you talking about.
I know it's super late, but I had a brain fart that wouldn't leave me alone until I posted it.