Ch 20. My Little Orphanage of SUCK!
“So.... This is it?” Applejack asked shakily.
“Afraid it looks like that. I mean the name of the place is right there. I think.” I responded pointing out an old vine covered rusty sign where the words ‘Whitetail Hall’ could just barely be seen.
“Looks a little....” she started.
“Rundown? Yeah, looks like it’s been abandoned for years, I didn’t know that any place like this existed in Ponyville.”
“Neither did I, no wonder she never told anypony she lived here.”
“Maybe it’s nicer on the inside.” I said hopefully as I pushed open the gate with a loud ‘SQUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEK’
“Who in Celestia’s great beard is out there?!” yelled an unpleasant sounding voice from somewhere hidden deep in the hedge that clung close to the building.
“Hello? Are you the caretaker here?” I asked, scanning into the foliage for the owner of the voice.
“No, I’m the friggin cat burglar who specializes in robbing orphans! Idiots, who the buck else would I be?”
“We’re here to pick up Scootaloo’s things.” continued Applejack, choosing to ignore his rude attitude.
“Really? ‘Bout time someone adopted that whiney lit- Whoa! What the buck are you?” The old brown earth pony said as he disentangled himself from the hedge, the smell of hard liquor filling the air with its harsh stale smell.
“The new father. Ser- Captain Castle. And you are?”
“Captain? Ha, of what, Nightmare Moon’s harem? I knew she was into monsters and freaks! BWAHAHAHA!”
“You should not speak about Princess Luna like that! You should be ashamed of yourself for speaking like that where young fillies and colts might be able to hear you.”
“HA, if those little bastards know what’s good for them they’ll be in the back doing their chores. Speaking of which, you want to take a few more of those pathetic little wastes of time with you?”
“My oh my, aren’t you just a happy old bastard. Can we just get Scootaloo’s things and be gone?”
“Oh, yeah, the little orange unicorn. When I found out she was adopted I just threw that old crap out, should still be in the dumpster if you wanna go look for it.”
“Yeah, thanks, we will be on our way.” Applejack hastily said as she shuffled me to the side, sensing my anger.
Walking away from the old coot I grumbled in anger, wishing I could make him see the error of his ways. Fortunately for him, Applejack’s calming presence kept me from smashing his face in.
“Called her a friggin unicorn, didn’t even bother to remember what she is. Pathetic old pony. And what he said about Luna!”
“I know sugar. But there ain’t nothin’ that you could do to change him. A lot of the older generations are less forgiving of Luna. I fear many will simply not ever forgive, nor accept her again.”
“That’s utter bull, we all know that Luna wouldn’t hurt a fly. Come on, lets find her stuff and get out of this depressing place.”
Headed around the edge of the building we spotted a large overflowing dumpster. Sitting on top of the dumpster was a bundle of Wonderbolts sheets.
“I guess he wasn't kiddin’ when he said he tossed it all out.”
Setting my ruck down, I opened it up wide to accept the bundle as Applejack rolled it in using her forehooves.
“So hun, this might be a bit random, but when are ya gonna get some new clothes? You’re still wearin’ the same weird thing as when you landed, well, everything but the vest.” I paused for a moment, blinking in confusion.
“Did I ever pick up those clothes from Rarity?”
“Do we need to add another destination to our trip?”
“Well unless if you want me to keep on wearin’ the dirty old uniform.”
“I was wonderin’ if you were ever going to take it off or if it was permanently attached to you. Half the time I can find you just by followin’ the dirt trail you leave behind.”
Hoisting the ruck onto my back, I couldn’t contain a chuckle, “Really, it’s that bad?”
“Nope, it’s worse.” she teased, nudging me in my rear to get me to start moving.
Walking through the old gate again, I pushed it open again, only for it to not budge. Planting my right foot back, I shoved harder, only for my feet to go sliding backwards.
“Hmm, apparently we aren’t allowed to leave.”
“Let me give it a try.” Applejack said with a sigh.
Walking past me she knocked my out of the way with her hip. Turning so that her hind quarters faced the gate she planted her fore hooves a little wider than shoulder width. With a grunt she bucked the gate, causing it to squeal in protest as it barely budged open a few inches.
“AND DON'T COME BACK!!!” yelled the caretaker from the hedge as an empty bottle came flying our direction, only to sail over our heads a good many feet.
“Charming. Anyways, ladies first.” I said, giving a mock bow to the gate.
“Why thank you my good sir.” she teased with a fake fancy accent as she squeezed through the barely wide enough gate.
“Tis was my pleasure my fair lady.” I responded with the same fancy accent as I squeezed my way through the gate. “Might I interest you in some of my fine tea?”
Hiding her giggles with one of her fore hooves, “You might interest me with your fine teas my good sir, but thy is far too smelly to have any chance with such a high pedigree lady such as myself.”
“Don’t tempt me to toss you into the river to level the playing field.”
“Tossin’ you into the river might just be an improvement for ya.”
“Geez, I get it, I need to organize a wash day for my clothes, but you gotta admit that the last couple of day I’ve not really had the easiest of times, what with me being Equestria’s most wanted and all.”
“That don’t mean much, Rarity was able to get perfectly clean while carrying around Tom.”
“Who’s Tom?”
“Ask her, Ah don’t think it’s my place to be tellin’ that particular story.”
Continuing down the sidewalk for a few minutes we were stuck in an awkward silence as we entered the outskirts of the town. The ponies in the town gave me odd looks as we walked side-by-side. They avoided me for the most part, but many waved at Applejack and hollered friendly greetings.
“I don’t think they like me much.” I stated flatly.
“Quit your worryin’, took them a good while before they even accepted Zecora, an’ she looks more pony than you.”
“Is that a thinly veiled insult? You sayin’ my Macho Man,” I paused for dramatic effect while taking a funny macho form, getting a lot of weird looks from passing ponies, “Is too much for you, maybe I should tone it down before I embarrass your brother.”
“Eeyup.” came a shockingly deep southern drawl from behind me as Applejack hid snickers behind a hoof.
“He’s right behind me isn’t he?”
“Eeyup.” came their response in unison.
“Well crap... But why aren’t you at work today Mac?”
“Quick day at market, you’re good fer business.”
Looking at the empty cart being pulled by the large pony I couldn’t help but notice that the cash register was overflowing with money.
“How am I good for business? Don’t tell me you’re asking for help paying some dastardly ransom for your sister that I’m unfairly demanding of you.” That earned me a swift kick to the rear from Applejack, who looked away and whistled when I gave her an accusing glance.
“Nope.” was his simple reply.
“Are they paying extra for a train ticket for me to anywhere but here?”
“Nope.” again, simple.
“Tryin’ to bribe me?”
“Nope.” Now that’s starting to get frustrating.
“Can ya give me a hint, and just more than ‘Eeyup’ and ‘Nope’?”
“They think you’re a freeloader livin’ off our hospitality and they want to ease the burden of feeding the exotic tastes that you have.”
I stumbled on air as he said all of this, “Really? A freeloader? Geez, and here I thought that I pulled my own weight there at the farm.”
“You do hun, and then some, just don’t be spreadin’ that around, Granny still needs that new hip!” Applejack whispered into my ear as she pulled me down to her short height.
“Oh crap! Sorry Mac, but I’ve corrupted your sis, next she’s gonna start missin’ work to do her hair and put on makeup! It’s a sign of the end of the world!” Applejack, obviously not amused at our hearty laughter, rewarded me with another stinging kick to the shin.
“Ow, geez, can’t take a joke can ya, huh?” I teased, ruffling her mane.
“Now what in tarnation is wrong with me makin’ myself look respectable. Just ‘cause Ah don’t spend all day in a spa gettin’ pampered like a fancy pony like somepony we know don’t mean Ah’m lackin’ the ability to be a proper mare!”
“Applejack, I still have nightmares from your last attempt at fancy.” Mac muttered with a shudder.
“Come on now, couldn’t have been that bad.”
“It was nice that Rarity didn’t bug me fer about a week.”
“Only ‘cause she gagged every time she saw you.”
“Oh come on! Apple Bloom said it wasn't that bad!”
“She thought you were preparing for Nightmare Night early.”
“Bwahahahahaha! Really? Geez, maybe I should try to convince Rarity to give you makeup lessons.”
“You do that and Ah might just break your legs.” she threatened with a un-fitting smile.
“Eeyup.”
“Great, I guess I’ll just have to put on your makeup for you then for the rest of your life.”
“You’re really wanting to push your luck today ain’t cha’.”
“NEWSBREAK!” Interrupted a young stallion working in front of a modest newsstand. “Changelings sighted all across Equestria! Learn how to protect yourselves from duplicates!”
“Changelings?” I asked Applejack, who merely shrugged and bought one of the papers from the newspony and handed it to me. “That should explain it better than Ah ever could.”
Looking at the front page, I saw pictures of many black, pony looking creatures that seemed to have holes in their bodies. The caption underneath the picture read, “Could this be your neighbor?”
“So what are they, shape-shifters or something?”
“Eeyup.” came their responses in an almost practiced sounding unison.
“Great, sounds like a wonderful thing to have running around willy-nilly.”
“Eeyup,” Applejack agreed before continuing, “Heck, they even just tried invading the capital, and almost succeeded if it wasn't for Shining Armor, that’s Twilight’s older brother, and Princess Cadence, his bride. Together they formed a massive shield spell thingamajig that threw the changlin’s out all across Equestria.”
“And you don’t seem concerned about them being able to be anyone here.”
“Nope, cause Ah know mah sisters and Gran well enough that Ah would spot the fake on the spot.” Mac responded confidently
“But what if they’re just some random stranger who falls out of the sky with little to no verifiable past, like myself.”
“We call Twilight, she has a spell that strips away their shifting powers.” Applejack said, sounding proud of her bookish friend.
Turning the corner, I spotted the Crusaders standing in front of a street vendor selling snow cones to them. Fortune even looked like she was enjoying herself. Grabbing Applejack by her tail I pull her backwards and quickly duck back around the corner. Big Mac completely ignoring my efforts to remain unseen, continues up to the girls. Peeking around the corner, I saw the Crusaders greet him enthusiastically as he approached them. After a short conversation with the emerald green unicorn who was selling them the snow cones, he handed him a bag a bits, apparently paying for the girls.
“He always did spoil them after they tried to hook him up with Cheerilee.” Applejack commented.
“Who is this Cheerilee? I’ve heard her mentioned a lot but yet to have had the pleasure of meeting her.”
“She’s just the teacher up at the schoolhouse, she and Mac had a bit of a relationship that was started when the girls poisoned them with a love potion.”
“Poisoned? With a love potion?”
“Ah’ll tell ya later, but we need to hide, they’re comin’ this way!” she said as she returned the favor, grabbing the rucksack by one of the loose straps hanging off of it and dragging me into a nearby store, slamming the door shut after us, and dragging me to the back.
“Ummm, hello?” the shopkeeper said skeptically.
Looking around the shop I see that the majority of the shelves are covered with candles and heart-shaped chocolate boxes.
“Hi, don’t mind us, we’re just hidin’ from the Crusaders, don’t want to spoil a surprise we have for them.” Applejack said, as she released the strap.
At that moment the door tinkled, we couldn’t see who had opened it due to a large case being in the way, but the voices were unmistakable.
“Ah’m telling ya’ll, we’re definitely gonna get our cutie marks when we set up that surprise for Cass and mah sis!” protested Apple Bloom.
Looking at the shopkeeper in desperation, he motions us behind the counter where he opens a small cabinet that we are barely able to fit into. The ruck, being too big, is shoved into the adjacent cabinet. The shopkeeper closes the door quickly, leaving me and Applejack in complete darkness. Applejack, who was sitting between my legs and had her face a few inches from my own, sighed at the close call.
“Excuse me mister, we’re trying to set a romantic dinner for my friend’s sister and her fiancé. Can we get a bit of advice from you?” asked Sweetie Belle, completely unaware that we were sitting right there.
“Sure thing, and I’ll even give ya a discount if ya buy the things ya will need from me.”
“Yeah!” Fortune exclaimed excitedly.
“Anyways, can you girls describe these two love birds for me?”
“Well mah sister, Applejack, is the bestest earth pony you’ll ever see, she farms apples better than anyone in Equestria and is the most honest pony you’ll ever meet!”
“And Cass, my dad, is the strongest person you’ll ever know, he once fought off a whole gang of thieves by himself! He’s also really, I mean, really tall, he has to stoop through every doorway or risk banging his head off of everything.”
“Wait, is this Mr. Cass that, what was it, Huu-mon?” I could almost hear the laughter in the shopkeepers voice, he was enjoying this way too much.
“Yeah, have ya seen him?” asked Scootaloo excitedly.
“Oh, maybe...”
Two hours! It took them two hours to make the plans for our ‘surprise’ dinner! During that time Applejack had fallen asleep and was currently snoring against my chest quietly as the Crusaders paid for the massive amount of supplies they had acquired. Gently shaking Applejack awake, she wearily sat up bumping her head lightly on the top of the cabinet, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
After I heard the tinkle of the bell above his door I slowly pushed open the cabinet door. The shopkeeper was counting the bits he had gotten from the Crusaders.
“Were you all comfy in there? I was starting to hope that you wouldn’t run out of air in there, or get frisky.”
“Ow!” I said hoping and holding my shin, “What the hell did I do?”
“Thinkin’ bout’ it.” she commented dryly.
There was a brief silence, that dragged on far too long as the shopkeeper continued counting his bits, but his smirk showed that he found the whole exchange highly amusing.
“Anyways, don’t you two have somewhere to be? Something to do with that large bag you have in my other cabinet?”
“Right, and thank you for helpin’ us hide from them, would’ve ruined the surprise if she had saw it.”
“Now what are you going to do now that you know their little secret?” the shopkeeper asked, scooping the hefty pile of bits into the simple wooden box that served as a register.
“I’ll figure it out then.” I said with wave as we walked towards the door, careful to not knock over the shelves with the bulky rucksack.
Walking outside I noticed the streets were starting to empty and the sun was starting its slow descent behind the horizon.
“We’d better hurry, they’ll beat us home at this rate, especially if they want to be back before curfew.” she suggested, with a grin she added, “Wanna race?”
“Oh, you’re on!” I yell as I sprinted past her, laughing at her surprised face.
“Hey that’s cheating, I was supposed to say go!”
“That’s cheating, you ain’t carrying a ruck!”
Rounding the corner I nearly tripped over the crusaders who were pulling a heavily laden red cart.
“Hi girls! Bye girls!” I yelled as I lept over them in a display that would have impressed my high school track coach.
“Watch out for Applejack!” I warned with a laugh as she turned the corner and skidded into Scootaloo, sending the two of them tumbling across the street in a heap of hilarity.
Stopping to look at the scene unfolding behind me I barely noticed the other three fillies rushing to cover up the cart as Applejack and Scootaloo attempted to untangle themselves, only making it worse. Somehow Scootaloo had managed to shove one of her forehooves into Applejack’s mouth, while Applejack had somehow managed to get her tail tangled up in Scootaloo’s wings.
“Murful!” Applejack attempted to say.
“Ow! That’s my hoof that you’re chewing on!”
“Phuwie! What did you step in? Your hoof tastes like crud!” Applejack finally sputtered out after spitting out the offending obstruction.
“OW! My wings don’t bend like that! I’m not a circus pony!”
I looked over to the other Crusaders and Fortune, who were posed in front of a random bush in the middle of the sidewalk, that sprouted a couple of wheels and a handle, trying desperately to block my view of it.
“So..... Girls, are you going to help them, or shall I?”
“We’re good.” they responded in unison.
“Great.” I muttered to no one in particular as I walked over to the two struggling ponies, their struggling only making the whole mess worse, and funnier. After a few untied knots here and a helping lift there I got the two ponies separated with some of their dignity intact.
“So, what have we learned here?” I asked with a touch of sarcasm.
“Lyra was right about fingers!” Scootaloo guessed.
“Who?”
“No pony.” I swear she could lie just as well as Applejack, but choosing to not pursue it, I continued on.
“Nope, you learned that, I’m awesome!” I said, striking a macho man pose.
After a few too many moments of silence, Applejack spoke up, “Is that supposed to impress us? It’s just makin’ a fool of yourself.”
“Again.” added Scootaloo.
“No wonder they dumped him off here, he must have been unbearable where he came from.” Applejack teased.
“I wonder if he has an off switch.”
“Trust me sugarcube, no switches. None at least on the outside of his body.”
“Ewww, I don’t even want to know how you know that.”
“I...Umm...You see.....” Applejack stuttered, her face practically giving off heat by now, her blush was so deep.
“When I first got here I somehow mangled myself up pretty bad, and you can’t heal through clothes, so she had to strip me to help me.” I jumped in to the rescue.
“She stripped you, isn’t it supposed to work the other way around?” asked Fortune from across the street a bit too loudly, gaining a few more odd looks from the passing ponies.
“Not like that, geez, I swear you ponies are pervs.”
“Perv?” asked Scootaloo.
“They’re nothing, just if you ever meet one, let me know and I’ll take care of them.”
“And if I already met a couple of them?”
“Who?”
“Oh, only my parents, geez remind me to never let you two come to the parent-teacher conference, that would cause some questions to be asked.” she joked as she trotted across the street to her friends, only to stop mid step and whip around with a big cheesy grin on her face.
“Shouldn’t you two be headed home by now? You know, toooo......” she trailed off, thinking hard of an excuse.
“Check on my brothers?” piped up Fortune again, I swear, she had ears like a bat.
“Yeah, check on the builders, make sure they didn’t build something upside down or something like that.”
“Fine, but after I check out that bush, it looks very very interesting.” I said with a grin, approaching the cart as all of their eyes steadily got wider and wider with each step I took.
Only for me to be jolted backwards as Applejack bit down on to one of the straps of my ruck and dragged me backwards.
“Mufon, Wrarity aiting.”
“What?”
Spitting out the strap, she repeated herself, “Come on, Rarity’s waiting.”
“Oh, yeah, right, I do need to get some nice clothes so I can take you out on a proper date.” I said, winking at Applejack to make sure she got the message.
“Ohhhh. Eeyup, you promised something fancy right?”
“I thought I said romantic, maybe a moonlight dinner in the orchard, a modest meal spread over a blanket, a soft melody coming from somewhere nearby, no pony anywhere near the two of us.”
“EW!” yelled the young fillies in unison.
“Aren’t you all a bit too young to be thinking like that?” I asked.
“But what if you get cooties Applejack! How much work do you think would miss if you got the cooties?” Apple Bloom said worriedly.
“Guess that’s better than the altern-Ow, damn it, again?” My shins seem to be an easy target for the orange mare.
“Eeyup.”
“Weren’t the two of you racing somewhere?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Yea-Ow, really?” I yell as Applejack bucks my shins again before streaking down the street.
“Cheater!” I yell after her as I take off after her.
“Whew, I thought for a second there they discovered our super-secret plan!” said Apple Bloom as she collapsed with a sigh.
“He might have the right idea though, maybe we shouldn’t have the bouncy house of romance and go for something more...” said Sweetie Belle as she trailed off, lost for the proper word.
“Sappy?” Scootaloo suggested sarcastically.
“It would be cheaper.” added Fortune.
“And less fun! What’s next, you’re gonna say we shouldn’t let Pinkie Pie set up an After-Romance-Date Party?” said Scootaloo angrily.
“Oh! Did someone say party?” said Pinkie Pie as she popped her head out of a nearby shop.
“Damn....Freakin’.....Cheater!” I gasped out, bent over, hands on my knees as I attempted to catch my breath.
“You...Started it!” she gasped out, laying on her back in a patch of grass.
“Whatever.” Standing up I looked at the house, noticing that it was...different, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
“Why does mah house have a third floor?”
“Cause we’re awesome!” yelled Flush from the kitchen window.
“Ruffians!” came Granny’s Smith voice from inside the room, followed shortly by the sound of breaking dishes.
“I think we should help Granny Smith.” I suggested.
“More like save those three from Granny Smith.” Applejack said warily as Flush’s head disappeared from the window.
“Yeah, that sounds about right at this point.” The sound of breaking dishes became louder as we got closer to the house.
Opening the door, I poked my head in to be greeted by a scene of chaos, the table was flipped on the side and the three brothers were taking cover behind it. The floor was littered with a multitude of shattered dishes. Granny Smith, who was sitting on the counter, was flinging dishes willy nilly around the room with reckless abandon.
“Hello Gran-” was all I was able to get out before a wooden spoon bounced off my face, and in my surprise I jumped backwards and tripped over Applejack, twisting to the side and face planting into the dirt.
“You ruffians will never take me alive!” Granny Smith yelled.
Applejack, stepping over my legs, poked her head through the door, only to also jerk back as a pie came flying out of the door.
Looking at where the apple pie had splattered against the ground, leaving a delicious smear on the ground.
“Really, any more cliche and the next thing I know a cat and mouse will come racing out of there, wackin’ each other with lead pipes.”
“What are you talkin’ about?” asked Applejack, looking at me with confusion evident on her face.
“Old show called Tom and Jerry, used to wa... I’ll tell you later, but I think she’s final out of dishes.”
Sticking her head back through the doorway, she merely nodded before she stepped into the room.
“Granny, it’s me, Applejack.”
“Course’ it’s you Applejack, who else would you be?”
“If you recognized me, why did you throw a pie at me?”
“So you’d protect it from those ruffians who are tryin’ to steal it.”
“Yeah, that worked out real well.” I said sarcastically, nodding at the smear that was once a pie.
“Well shucks, at least I have an excuse to bake another!” Granny Smith said after putting her glasses on.
“May we come out now?” asked Level as he cautiously poked his head from behind the table.
“No!” yelled Granny Smith as she threw an apple at his head, only for him to catch it with his mouth, grinning all the way as he ducked behind the table again to noisily munch on it.
“Maybe using food as a weapon against starving construction ponies is a bad idea.” I mused quietly as Applejack kicked my shin again, joking this time though.
“So may we come in please?” I asked, opening the door wider, expecting something to hit me.
When nothing nailed me in the face I stepped into the room, careful to not step on any of the dishes that were salvageable. Walking over to Granny Smith, I helped her step off of the counter, how she had gotten up there a complete mystery to me.
“Perhaps thy will allow me to come out?” came Luna voice from inside one of the cabinets.
Curious to see how the princess had managed to wedge herself into such a small place, I opened the cabinets to reveal... nothing, just normal pots and pans. Taking a knee I noticed one of the larger pots was shivering. Looking at Applejack as she lead Granny Smith from the room, she didn’t even notice my inquisitive look. Looking back into the cabinet, I saw the pot slowly scooting away from me. Reaching out I placed my hand down hard on the bottom of it, causing a slight clang, and an EEP from who- or whatever was in the pot. Reaching slowly with my other hand, I grabbed the handle on the side and quickly flipped it over, scooping up the dark blue fuzzball that was within it, and clanging the lid down on top of it. Carrying the pot over to the counter, I gently set it down and held the lid down.
“I beggith you, please don’t eat me!” came Luna’s voice again, from inside the pot.
Ah crap....
Opening the lid, I saw a miniature Luna, looking pleadingly at me, until she noticed who it was and her face instantly changed to anger.
“Thou was going to eat us!” she accused.
“Tempting, but I’m sure you taste too much like sparkles and unicorn shit, how did you shrink yourself anyways?”
“We taste like what?” she cried indignantly.
“Sparkles and unicorn shit, did I stutter?”
“I assure you that we we do not taste like the defecation of an unicorn.”
“Oh, guess I’ll have to test this out.” I said as I slammed the lid back onto the pot with an evil grin all over my face as I turned to the three Construction ponies who were still hiding behind the table despite Granny Smith being out of the room.
“Still hungry?” I asked evilly.
At that point the bottom of the pot mushroomed outwards with a mighty explosion that knocked me off my feet.
“Incoming!” I screamed as I leapt behind the table, landing in a heap of ponies, and pulled my pistol from it’s holster on my hip. Popping up from behind the table, I scanned the room with deadly attention as Luna withheld her laughter.
“Are thou fearful of the results of your actions?”
Looking at my hand, I realised that at some point I had drawn my pistol and was pointing it square between her eyes, just below her horn.
“Heh, sorry.” I muttered as I put the gun away. “You never did answer how the hell you were able to shrink yourself.”
“We are an immortal goddess, with powers beyond the comprehension of mortals!” She yelled in her royal canterlot voice.
“Sooo.... Magic?”
“Yup!” she said with a big smile.
“So why did you choose the form of a little filly, why not something small and harmless, like a rabbit?”
With a poof of grey smoke she transformed back into a little dark blue filly with a lighter blue mane.
“Cause this is much cuter than any bunny!” she said pridefully.
“Meh, not as cute as Fortune.” said Square as he studied her carefully.
“A good effort, I’ll give it a solid five.” commented Level.
“D’aww, the flare of the wings did make her cuter, maybe give her a six.” Flush said.
“I think you’re making her angry.” I said carefully, hoping to not piss off the goddess that I was going to be living with for the near future.
“Perhaps your sister would like to know that you three were judging her cuteness again, and against a Princess no less.”
The look on their faces was a picture perfect moment, just the sheer terror caused by mentioning such a sweet little filly made the whole situation that much better.
“You wouldn’t?” asked Flush, dead serious.
“Maybe.” Luna said with a sing song voice as she left the kitchen, doing a little victory dance.
Following her I nearly ran her over as she suddenly popped back into her full form, surprising Applejack who was coming down the stairs.
“Princess?”
“Luna, please, if we are to be housemates we do not want formality getting in the way of a friendship.”
“Sorry, your maj— Luna, Ah just ain’t used to talkin’ to royalty like a friend.”
“We assure you, we are not used to talking to anyone, the moon is a lonely place.”
Luna was silent for a moment, looking very sad, I could feel through the mental link the thousand years of loneliness creeping across my soul like a slow fog. Hoping to interrupt that chain of thought before it took hold I spoke up.
“So, Scootaloo’s room?”
“Oh, yes, the room!” she said excitedly, but I still felt her sorrow over the mental bridge strongly.
Leading us upstairs, she never let her happy mask slip as she lead us to my old room. Stopping outside the door, she made a small fancy bow as she announced.
“And I present to you, Lady Scootaloo-A-Boo’s room.”
“Scootaloo-A-Boo?” I whispered to Applejack.
“Hush you, you’ll ruin the unveil.”
Rolling my eyes, I looked into the room and saw that the walls had been painted a deep orange, reminding me of a sunset. The floor was covered with a plush, dark green carpet that looked alot like grass, but was much softer. The bed was a soft grey cloud that looked wonderfully soft while the bedstand was shaped like a stump, and had a great number of details. Looking up at the ceiling I saw the constellations scattered around a miniature moon that appeared to just be floating there, casting a comforting dim light throughout the room evenly.
“We always thought that when both the sun and moon share the sky is one of the most beautiful times of day. We remember a hill that was outside of canterlot, It had a stump that was the best place in the world to watch the sun settle behind the Everfree.”
Reaching down I closed Applejack mouth before she embarrassed herself.
“It’s perfect, I’m sure Scootaloo will love it.”
“Good! It pleases us to hear your approval before we even show you all the special features.” Luna said excitedly as she entered the room.
“Special features? Please tell me you didn’t add a zip line or bungee cord.” I said in horror, imagining the headache coming from the Cutie Mark Crusaders Extreme Sports Ponies.
“Should we have installed them?”
“No!” was Applejack and my response, lound and in unison.
Pouting a little, and muttering something about how we sucked the fun out of everything, she pressed her hoof against the wall. There was a small click and a door appeared, revealing a large closet.
“Heh, secret closets, now Appleboom is gonna want one of those too.” Applejack said thoughtfully.
“Tis more than just a closet, but what is a secret passage if the parents know about it?” Luna said, laughing evilly while rubbing her forehooves together.
“Luna.” I say loudly enough to be heard over her laughter and lightning strikes outside.
“Yes?”
“Please don’t try to look evil, you’re too much of a dork to pull it off.” I teased.
Luna, growing red in her face, started stammering, “I’m- we- you think we- Dork?”
Rolling my eyes, “Geez Luna, even when you can feel my emotions you can’t tell I’m joking?”
Luna stared at me for a few moments, and I could feel her conscious rubbing mine like ethereal tendreals. After a moment, she smiled from ear to ear, obviously happy that at least I was comfortable enough to joke with her. Remind me later to get prank supplies from Pinkie Pie, I wonder how the princess would like pink fur.
“Did thou grab her belongings.” asked Luna, looking at the bulky ruck that was still on my back.
“Course I did, did ya think I forgot to?”
“Oh! Where are they?” she said, racing around behind me to hoist the ruck, while inadvertently pinching my butt.
“You know, you should probably buy me dinner first.” I told her dryly.
Luna paused what she was doing, and the look on Applejack face was priceless as the two of them were frozen. Unsure if I had lept way over the line, I took the best course of action.
“Or at least invite Applejack to join us.” Okay, maybe not the best.
I thought I heard someone’s jaw smack the ground, hard enough to probably leave a lovely bruise. Turning I saw that Luna was blushing, turning her face about as red as the apples on Applejack’s flan—
“OW! Damn, you tryin’ to break my bones?” I said hopping around, holding my shin.
“What were you thinkin’?” she demanded.
“Your fla- nothing!” I corrected myself before she killed me for real.
“Uh-huh. Dog house. Now.” she said calmly.
“Dog house?”
“Eeyup, right in the backyard, you’re sleepin’ there tonight.” Apparently with Applejack, being in the dog house was litteral.
Hope the roof doesn’t leak, I think one of them might conjure up a shit storm sometime tonight.
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How dare that Charity plothole make Scootaloo suck for 5 bits!
Scootaloo sweetie, that ain't the point.
cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-djawdrop.png
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AHHH! Enough reason! SCANT CHARITY MUST DIE!!
1706182
somehow I agree with your request.......for once(the killing of scant charity you dirty freakin perv)
but somehow I don't think having Cass brutally murdering him in town square would go so well.......
1706209 Somepony else could freeze him in a block of ice till winter then make it look like he died in a blizzard! I mean, there has to be somepony in that town that knows a freezing spell! Who would miss somepony like that? Who wouldn't want Charity dead? Is anyone really going to object to Charity being killed?
1706225
well half the town probably thinks he's a crazy monster that has Rainbow Dash under his complete mind control and is doint naughty things to his entire harem, while also enjoying fresh meat, aka, eating ponies, maybe dead, probably still alive
1706209
There is a simple solution to all of this. Tell Luna and Fortune about Scant Charity. I hear the sun is lovely this time of year, and I shudder to imagine what Fortune would do to somepony like him.
1706327
.....true, I wonder who is more scary, Luna, or Fortune.......
1706329
Fortune, definitely. Mostly because we don't quite know her well enough to be able to predict her reaction, but we know her well enough to know it wouldn't be pleasant. The devil you know and all that jazz.
Also, that may be the fastest reply to a comment I have ever gotten.
1706341
Would have been faster is my internet was slow, and think about it, Fortune has less overall power and technique than Twilight(who was able to transform both of her parents into plants un-helped, While Fortune tricked another pony into helping her), Fortune also certainly has less experience when it comes to casting magic, plus she isn't a book nerd like twi so she has less spells, so all in all, are you more afraid of the Pony with the bazooka in the light(Luna) or the pony creeping in the shadows?
1706355 The correct answer is: Luna, in the shadows, with the bazooka. If that's not it then I'm gonna go with 'Colonel Mustard, in the study, with the lead pipe.'
FFFFFFUUUUCKKKIINNNG TTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Who the hay is Charity?
And a harem with RD? Where? When? Why was I not aware of this sooner?
So, yeah I was reading over the comments above and now I really feel like I've missed something important.
Y'know, I think Cass is coming to realise something that Twilight found out on her first to Ponyville - Ponies are crazy. This isn't just the ponies in Ponyville, oh no! It's all ponies. Twilight was just just too insular and inexperienced to realise it. I mean... just look at the Appleoosians for an example! Look at Celestia and Luna's prank wars! There are only two significant states: 1) Crazy and know it (Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and maybe Derpy Hooves); 2) Crazy and don't know it (Fluttershy, Rarity and Twilight).
Even AJ is crazy; she just hides it better.
1706472
FRACK!
1706609
The pony who runs the orphanage, and remember when he carried rainbow dash over to twilight's?
1706693
crazy=interesting, being normal is just so boring
Hmmm....Me thinks LUNA should know about Charity......*Evil Grin*
1707525
yeah you jerk, instead of editing you were distracting me from fallout- I mean, Writing the chapter
1706470
The real terror would be them working together
1706472 In our defense 'lound' is a real word... In my, personal, defense... it was 5am.
1707525media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb8n3iUNjz1ruqdo9.gif
1709001
more like
i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll191/riccofox96/keyboard-pound.gif
Seriously, Luna should make a personal visit to that orphanage.
-With a little priming first of what that moth-eaten fleabag had to say about her... 
Afterward, mop up the crime scene and appoint somepony who cares.
1709272
I wonder why no one has suggested doing a redemption thing on him, basically don't kill him, but force him to see the error of his ways and be a better stallion
1709097 media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb8nf6RjLq1ruqdo9.gif
1709567
Heh, sorry,
Everything about him makes me cringe at the thought of him being in charge of children for years on end, so hes applebucking my "daddy" button badly
Take this as proof you can write characters that make people feel. I root for your soldier and your interpretations of AJ, Scoots, and Luna and this is the other side of the emotional coin from you.
If he's redeemable, that would be something cool to see happen from you.
1707203
Wait... so when Cass carried RD to Twilight's, she became a member of a harem between Cass, AJ and herself?
If so, PLEASE POINT ME TO THE RIGHT CHAPTER CAUSE I MOST DEFINATELY MISSED SOMETHING IMPORTANT >.<
1712250
The whole harem concept is just the towns-ponies over-reacting to what they saw or what they thought they saw
Oh, and btw, it's chapter 10
XD RIGHT duh I remember now
But having a harem develop would be sweet, given the right circumstances of course. 
1712324
hmm, let me think about that.......no
simple reason, no clop
complex reason, Pretty sure Applejack would not particularly enjoy sharing Cass with every major female role in the show, and to me, she doesn't really seem to fit into the filly-fooler role(despite the amount of lesbian clop written like that)
So, sorry, nope, not in the official story(maybe I'll make a side story someday, someone who see basically everything but knows none of the details, aka, someone who thinks cass is just a giant monster and the whole situation just getting worse and worse, with the harem, and the child pornography(why else would a pervy human adopt a filly) and possibly the blackmail of the princesses
Muhahahahaha, I see an excellent future story! Full of the Funnies and the Haha's!
Oh lord
And child molestation is bad touch! XD
But yeah sounds like there would be many interesting situations to be had
I understand and respect your "no clop" rule. But also on a harem note... You should read these: (Xenophilia) and (Trail of a Shooting Star) Because for one they are both very good stories. And two, they both give very valid reasons and reasonable explanations as to why the Equestrian society would support Polygamy/Harems. Makes a lot of sense when you read it. Needless to say, these stories got me to liking the Equestrian Harem idea/genre.
In any case though, you should give them a read sometime. They are AWESOME. Also, Trail of a Shooting Star is still ongoing currently and seems that there is still much left to go in the story ^.^
1712359
already read xenophilia, and I will admit, its one of the only clop stories i actually will admit to liking, if only for the seimple reason its more of an actual romance than it is a "Dumped into equestria, hump hump hump...."
1713562
I agree, romance is infinitely better then strait porn/clop. Which I why I think Xenophilia is the BEST clop-fic out there to date, hands down.
But in any case, you should give (Trail of a shooting Star) a read some time, you might like it.
Also I can't wait for the next chapter, just so you know...
1715672
workin on the next chapter as we speak actually, and do you mind sending me a link to Trail of a shooting star?
1715850
YAY THANK YOU!
And sure thing, here you go.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/51969/Trail-of-a-Shooting-Star
1715880
Thanks, and I always believe in a link for a link, so check your mail
1713562
I would never have guessed you would like Xenophilia!! I am really shocked! The passion, the love, the COMPLEXITY!! (In case you hadn't noticed I REALLY liked Xenophilia.)