Ch 19. Housing Hijinks
Reaching into her saddle bags, Fortune pulled out a long checklist that could rival that of Twilight. She started rattling off random numbers while chewing on the end of her quill, concentrating on it while leaving me in the dust as to what it all meant. The three brothers who were outside the window almost instantly fell asleep in a heap, I’m guessing it happened enough that it was just a natural instinct to do so. Looking over to Applejack I saw a glazed over look in her eyes, the numbers apparently coming to fast for her too.
“....and the total cost will come to a hundred thousand bits!” she finally finished after what seemed like hours.
I could hear Applejack’s jaw bounce off the table in surprise at the cost. Luna who had been sipping on some orange juice, spit it across the table, covering me and Applejack in the sticky liquid. We all turned to stare at the young filly as she looked at us in confusion.
“What? It’s a fair cost!” she protested, “Do you expect me to build the Princess’s new home from shoddy materials?”
“Just Luna, please.” Luna said for what seemed the hundredth time. “And are these costs for just the Apple house or also the new barracks and such for the guards?”
“Well yes, it’s for both the Apple house and the guards, I thought I clearly said that earlier, were any of you even paying attention?”
“Sorry sugarcube, but you’re talkin’ to the wrong pony with your fancy mathematics. Big Mac is the one who is good at it all.”
“And I have no excuse, but yeah, you lost me early on.” I admitted.
The little filly, in despair, threw her forehooves into the air in exasperation, but coming from such a small little pony I had to suppress the urge to laugh at her cuteness. Applejack and Luna unfortunately didn’t have the self control that I had and were soon laughing at her.
“Maybe these will help!” she said, getting angrier, and in turn, cuter, as she pulled out a detailed looking blueprint and flung it across the table, covering all of the table and having some of it hang off the edges like a tablecloth. Gazing at the complex and detailed drawing I could barely make top or bottom of the blueprint, most of the drawing and symbols looking like plain old gibberish to me. Looking across at Luna and Applejack I could see that they were both also confused in the meaning of the drawing.
“Umm, Fortune, I’m just a simple soldier, the most complex thing I’ve ever built was a doghouse, and even then it was still crooked, all this is way beyond me.” I said, gesturing at the blueprints.
“Ugh,” she moaned into her hooves, “FLUSH!” she yelled after a moment.
Her eldest brother, unburied himself from his siblings with a dazed look on his face, and stumbled half asleep into the kitchen where he plopped down next to her.
“Do you still have that drawing of the house you three made?”
Flush, snapping instantly awake, nodded quickly and reached into one of his many pockets to pull out a dirty stained napkin. Laying it flat on the table he revealed a simplistic drawing made with crayon showing a group of happy looking stick ponies standing in front of a large house that looked vaguely like the Apple’s home. Next to it was a dotted line showing the additions.
“Now that deserves to be put on the fridge!” exclaimed Granny Smith, appearing from nowhere and scaring Fortune.
There was a brief struggle as Fortune tried to wrestle the drawing from Granny Smith but the elder pony eventually put the picture high up on the fridge, way out of the little fillies grasp. Fortune, all the while giving everyone else in the room a death glare as we all tried our hardest not to laugh at her.
“You’re soooo cute when you’re angry!” exclaimed Flush as he hugged his little sister again.
“You better sleep with one eye open tonight, I will get my revenge!” she yelled, getting red in the face in embarrassment, “You will all wake up with itchy powder bombs strapped to your heinies!”
“Aww, she said heiney.” Flush continued, oblivious to her threats.
“Perhaps thou would like to go into town with the Crusaders and find a proper proprietor of supplies. It would also be a good way to become better friends with the Crusaders.” stated Luna, who was clearly having a hard time holding herself back from hugging the little filly along with Flush.
“Yeah, that sounds good, and maybe you can convince my brothers to start building now instead of sleeping so we can stay on schedule.” she muttered darkly as she squirmed her way out of her brothers arms, landing on the floor with a thud.
“Perhaps the Crusaders can earn their Cutie Marks for helping you.” I mention, and as if on cue the three young fillies popped out of random points in the room, big smiles on their faces.
“Aw poopie.” Fortune barely got out as they dragged her out the door, kicking and screaming all the way.
“Should we save her?” I asked nonchalantly.
“Nah, it’ll be good for her to get more friends closer to her age.” said Square seriously from outside the window.
“She is too serious for her age, we try to be goofy and act more like ponies her age would act but she just seems to rebel and become more serious.” continued Level.
“I wish she would just act her age, she worries me. It ain’t healthy for her to be worried about as much as she does. And I know that she will miss the opportunity to be a child when she’s older.” Flush said sourly as he looked at the childish drawing on the fridge.
“All I ask is that you allow her to live a real childhood here, treat her like her age and less like her employers.”
“Wait, what?” I sputtered, surprised by their sudden change of attitude. “What would she think if she were to find out that you were treating her like that behind her back?”
“It would not bode well for our health. Despite her size and age she is a more than capable magician.” whispered Level with a shudder.
“Ah, come on now ya’ll, how dangerous could a little filly like her be?” asked Applejack innocently.
“She turned us into potted plants for a week.” they said in unison.
“Though she only did it by accident and she had help from her teacher.” added Flush.
“Her teacher helped her with that? Thy teaching methods have changed a lot in the last thousand years.” Luna said, almost sounding disappointed.
“Not knowingly, he thought that they were performing a much more benign spell.” Square continued, with a small shake of his head. “And she also somehow used all of his magic in the use of the spell so we had to call in another unicorn from another city to transform us back. Gods that was a horrible week.”
“At least you were an interesting plant, I was a tree, you know how boring a tree is?” Level demanded.
“Yeah, as if a cactus is much different!” argued Flush.
“I would’ve given my right hoof to be something that they wouldn’t have eaten, you know how much it sucked to be a dandilion, everypony we passed looked like they wanted a bite of me!” Square argued back, growing angrier.
Seeking to derail the argument before it got heated and I was forced to call their little sister back to straighten them out, I asked, “So.... Who transformed you back to your current forms?”
Square, snapping to look at my face, having apparently forgotten that they were not alone, said, “Oh, Princess Celestia had to fix us fully, her student came by to do the job at first but only succeeded in transforming us into the wrong ponies. Had to send the neighbors to the palace because she collapsed muttering something about being sent back to magic kindergarten.”
“It was nice to have wings though.” muttered Level.
“Heck no!” protested Flush, holding his wings defensively, “Having a horn felt icky, I had to take sooooo many baths to finally feel clean again.”
“Hey! My horn is not ‘Icky’ it’s awesome!” Square retorted, levitating several objects around the room, sending them floating everywhere.
I was about to derail another argument when Luna spoke up, obviously thinking the same.
“Shouldn’t thou be working on the additions now? A young little filly needs a room to move into.”
“New room for what filly?” asked Applejack.
“Ummm.... Scootaloo will probably be living here now, us being her parents and all.”
“Ah know that, Ah just thought she would live in your current room.”
“And I would move to?”
“We are engaged, remember? Though you still owe me a ring.” she teased as she poked me in the arm.
Blushing hard, I began to mentally sort through the complications that I hadn’t really thought out. I was madly in love with Applejack, but it wasn't a sexual attraction. Heck I found little about her pony form sexually attractive. What kind of finance didn’t want to bang the lights out of his wife-to-be?
Applejack, took note of the look on my face. Punching me in the arm with a hoof, “Not like that! Just in case you have more nightmares!” she said with a blush on her face to match my own.
“Nightmares?” interrupted Luna.
I let out a long annoyed sigh, although I was glad to be on a different subject, “Yeah, I’ve been having them on and off for years, they’ve always gotten worse when I’m back in garrison or home on leave. Most of the time while deployed I’m too tired to do anything other than just pass out. Since coming here they’ve gotten worse than they ever were. I swear, I almost physically felt that last one.”
“Maybe thou would not protest to letting me view your dreams, perhaps we can help alleviate some of the burden.” Luna offered.
“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t want anyone diggin’ through my head anymore. I remember the last time you did something similar all too well.”
“I am the Princess of the Night! Dreams, both good and bad, are as much a part of my realm as the night sky. I can view them without even casting a spell on thy’s mind, and while I can see all, thou would not perceive me.” she said with a hint of pride.
“Maybe you should let her sugarcube, any little thing that she could do to help would be a step in the right direction. Your mind is haunting you with horrible things, I’m sure with time I would be able to help you plenty but Ah don’t want to see you hurt like that ever again.”
“And thou would perhaps finally find peace in the night if I am able to eliminate the negative dream aura that surrounds you like a dark cloud of pestilence. Just looking at you with my inner eye fills me with fear for your own sanity.”
“Okay, okay, fine. Just tell me what you need me to do.” I sighed.
“Just fall asleep as normal, I will take care of everything else.” Luna quickly responded.
“Sleep will be easy tonight too, we got a lot to do today, including picking up all of Scootaloo’s belongings from the orphanage...”
“Do we even know which orphanage?”
“Surely there can’t be that many, thou live in a small peaceful town.”
“Ah can only think of the Whitetail Hall that’s on the other side of town.”
“Well let’s go then, the sooner the better, and imagine Scoots’ surprise when she comes back to a room of her own.” I said enthusiastically.
“Oh, and maybe you can let us decorate it for her! We would love to have the opportunity to help the little filly adjust to her new home. We, of all ponies know how hard it is to come into an unknown home!” Luna said, nearly bouncing in her chair with excitement, clapping her hooves together with high pitched squees.
“Umm, just please remember that she’s not into the whole dark gothic moon theme.” I added tactfully.
“Oh, why do all the ponies always think that the moon is all dark? The full moon is a beautiful thing, and it can light the sky just as well as the sun, giving the world a beautiful half light beauty unsurpassed by my sister’s blinding light and scorching hot days.”
“If you believe you can do it, Ah believe in ya Princess!”
“Hell, why not, I’m sure it couldn't be that bad.” I teased.
“Huzzah, the room shall be doubled in the funs!”
“Anyways, we need to get goin’ here soon. I want to get her room done before she gets back, kinda ruins the surprise if she shows up halfway through.”
“And shoo, I need time to work the magics with the room!” Luna said, motioning with her hooves for us to get lost.
“Alright, we get it, we’re on our way” I said as we got up to leave the kitchen.
Stepping outside into the bright sunlight, we had gotten a good distance down the walk way into town when Luna popped out of the second story window, yelling at us and waving her arms like a mad pony.
Looking at each other in confusion, I sprinted back to the house, fearing the worst. Bounding up the stairs in threes I narrowly missed running over the Princess. Grabbing her by the shoulders, I demanded in a overly loud voice as I shook her back and forth.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Luna, surprised by my ability to get to her so quickly, only squeaked in wide-eyed terror as I shook her.
“What is the problem?” I demanded, yelling again.
“I-I, didn’t know whose bedroom was whom’s” she gasped out.
“Oh.”
“Umm, Cass?” gasped Applejack as she came up behind me, “You’re still shaking her.”
“Oh, sorry Luna,” I said as I set her down gently.
“Perhaps mine sister was right, you are scary!” she teased, regaining enough composure to joke.
“Anyways Princess...” Applejack started as she pushed past me, gently moving my leg out of the way.
“Please, just Luna!” the dark alicorn demanded.
Applejack, was stunned a little at the interruption. After taking a second to compose herself, she continued.
“Anyways, Luna, the first room on the right is Big Mac’s, next to that is Granny Smith’s, after that is Apple Bloom’s. One the left, the first is the upstairs bathroom, then my room, well our room now.” She added blushing a little, “And the last room on the left will be Scootaloo’s.”
“And since I’m up here, I might as well move what little junk I have over to our room.” I added.
As I headed into what used to be my room, I could hear Luna and Applejack start up a shaky conversation. Grabbing the random gear strewn around the room I shoved it all into my rucksack, and hoisted the heavy thing up over my shoulder onto my back with a grunt. Carrying the ruck into my new room, I dumped everything out in the corner of the room before putting it back onto my back. Leaving the room Applejack gave me a questioning look.
“Figured I could probably just carry everything in here, save us the trouble of trying to find a cart.” I said matter of factly with a shrug.
“Ah, well let’s go, we got a daughter to surprise!”
“And perhaps we can throw her a surprise tea party too! The huzzahs of fun would be bountiful!” Luna added, bouncing once again.
Note to self, giving the princess coffee will most definitely be detrimental to all of our health.
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1577474
I still say this chapter Should Be called "Astounding Apple Family Alliteration Amazes Aryan".
1577488
no
1577493 Why not?!! Is it because this chapter didn't have any alliteration?!
Ahh great chaper
(Busts out laughing) Oh wow! Thank you, I needed a good laugh!
luna decorating scootaloo's room? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
1577669 Why dost thou must hurt mine feelings? ;-;
3...
2...
1...
*Celestia burst in and starts kicking your flank while Molestia is squeezing it*
1577757
brayden cantwell used:dark night!!!!
effect:summons batman
damage:9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
range:all of the desired places or people shall be killed
knockback:OVER 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
eat my shit luna celestia and molestia!
IM BATMAN!!!! :3
1577764 So that's how you want to play it? *turns into a planet sized dragon. Strength; unknown, Range; unknown, Knockback; unknown.* Just so you know, the unknown means it's off the scale.
1577777 *turns into the revenge version god* they laughed at me in everything. i laughed at everything they ever had when they died.*pushes you out of the mikyway with a pinky finger and prevents you from becoming god like me*also i got the help of my son jesus.*I DO NO OFFENSE TO POLITCALS OR JESUS OR GOD* its the shit to be holy.
brayden cantwell used:unstoppable revenge.
strength of my transformation abilty:over unkown.
power in everything:over unkown
strength:over unkown.
range:the whole milkyway holding the galaxys
defense:anything desired of defense shall never be hurt
knockback:over unkown
killpower gain and willpower gain:unkown.
creative points:anything can be created
magic level:off the charts of off the charts of off the charts.
descript:they laughed at me. i show them revenge.it's the power of godmod.
1577846 *summons snakes, they go into a cave* i'm tired of these motherf
cking snakes in my motherf
cking cave!
1577857now we f
ing swear you mother
cker!?oh now its on you f
ck f
ckedy f
tard!
ing ability.
ERROR, to much yu gi oh recreation from my godmod mother
1577880 You know what? *puts on a gentleman outfit* You win my good sir. *applauds*
1577887now we can stop reply fighting. phew, that was some good rping!*you backstab me*OW WHADAFUCK WAS DAT FOR #$$%!@%#$%$!%!!!!!
no more replys. phew.
1577887>>1577963
what the hell just happened here?
1578231 i can um.... explain...
HOLY SHIT IT UPDATED.
1578258
Sure you can....
1578291
sorry, had to major training things right next to each other, and hectic back here in garrison now too, lots of long days at work and longer nights pulling CQ (Barracks guard, its a 24 hour guard duty too, with no technology too....)
1578424
Hey no rush man, I love the story and will be pateint for more. Your life comes before anything else.
1578428
Oh noes, the rush!
MUST! POST! NEXT! CHAPTER! FASTER!!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applejack_lolface.png
1578231 Basically he hurt Luna's feelings, then Celestia, and for some reason Molestia, started attacking and I thought 'What the hell, might as join in since I have nothing better to do', so yeah... just a normal day in Equestria.
1579607
sure, makes about as much sense as birds flyin underwater.....
1580913 lol i think im going to
steali mean remember that phrase1581017
...suurrreeee
Ze fon haz bens dubledz! P.s. in did that on purpose... I'm not THAT horrible at grammer
1580913 Wait.... that's normal?
1582704
neverminddl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png
1583688 *Celestia* El problemo?
Celestia!!!!!
*Celestia* Uh-oh. *runs*
1577846 Holy shit the yellow IT BURNS FUUUUUU MY EYES GOD DAMNIT MAN
1613298
Doesn't want to kill his fiancee's brother, might sour relationships a tad bit
1613676
I always have time my friend, except when I don't
1613791
Only one broke Spc here, and my awake/sleep pattern is all sorts of messed up, being in Hawaii and all
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/9/8/cgrogLn3SEW1T_MEUGtN4w2.png
Can't belives nopony has done this yet.
I quite agree with this. The only time the night is dark, is when lazy weather pegasi leave a whole mess of clouds around. Like all through last month. I demand that these stupid clouds be moved. Send RD now!
Most fim fiction likely have in-universe laws written specifically to deny Pinkie ever having contact with coffee. Haven’t seen one hinting that it could be detrimental to the Princess of the Night.