*Friendship Not Included

by Liquid Truth

[e-mail] is:important

Subject: Wrong Name

To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Dr. Belle, can you change my name in the system, please? It shows Jack as my last name.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
---------------
No, darling, I can’t. The system requires everypony to have a last name.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
[CENSORED], are you serious?

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
---------------
Language, darling. This is an email. It will forever stay recorded in history once you sent it.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Ah’m gonna [CENSORED] use any kind o’ [CENSORED] language ah [CENSORED] want, [CENSORED].

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
---------------
Darling, let me remind you that it’s my job to censor every foul language you sent. Can you please help me make my job easier? Thank you.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
[DELETED CONTENT]

- [REDACTED]
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---

Subject: New Biometrics Blueprint

To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>; view 3 more…
From: Dr. Shy <[e-mail]>
---------------
Dear Physics Engineering Department,

I’ve enclosed in this email a copy of the required specifications for the new biometric security system Director Invicta has asked for. We ask that the blueprint be finished within a week.

If you need any further information, you can ask me through this email or by visiting me directly at my office at the Bioengineering Department.

[5 MISSING ATTACHMENTS]

Kindly Yours,
Dr. Shy
Bioengineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Shy <[e-mail]>; view 3 more…
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Flutters, you’re sending us attachments for the spell matrices. This is Arcane Engineering’s job.

And isn’t this too [CENSORED] much? I don’t know [CENSORED] about magic hillbillies, but isn’t a week feel too short, even for Twi?

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>; view 3 more…
From: Dr. Shy <[e-mail]>
---------------
I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, it won’t happen again in the future. I’m just forwarding requests from the Director, please don’t be mad at me.

I’m so, so sorry for the short notice.

[27 MISSING ATTACHMENTS]

Kindly Yours,
Dr. Shy
Bioengineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---

Subject: Questionable Spec

To: Dr. Sparkle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Twi, I’m sending you the half-finished blueprints for the new biometrics the director asked.

I want you to tell me honestly what in the [CENSORED] is this?

[2 MISSING ATTACHMENTS]

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Sparkle <[e-mail]>
---------------
I have a feeling we shouldn’t question the director’s requests, Doctor.

- Dr. Sparkle
Arcane Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Sparkle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
I’m not questioning it, Twi. You know that I know we can’t really back off since we got employed.

I’m just asking you if it is what I think it is.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Sparkle <[e-mail]>
---------------
Yes, AJ. It is, indeed, a built-in hoof polish.

And before you ask, yes, I know Rarity’s involved in this, and yes, I know she’s doing this just to spite you. I’ll talk to her at lunch.

- Dr. Sparkle
Arcane Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---

Subject: Don’t Lie

To: Dr. Pie <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Pinkie, I know you’re stealing Twilight’s lunch.

You could’ve just asked for more in the cafeteria, you know that? My sister will be more than happy to serve double portions.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Pie <[e-mail]>
---------------
But the cafeteria doesn’t serve Hayburgers! :,(

Dr. Pie ^c^
Metaphysics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Pie <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Alright. I can’t ask Bloom to serve hayburgers, but I know you like apple pies. How does that sound?

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Pie <[e-mail]>
---------------
Aww, AJ I’m so happy! You don’t need to do that! XOXO :D

Dr. Pie ^c^
Metaphysics Department
Alicorn Tech

---

Subject: Welcome, New Employee

To: All
From: Mrs. Inkwell <[e-mail]>
---------------
Attention all Alicorn Tech personnel,

We would like to welcome you to our newest members of the family, [REDACTED], Rainbow Dash, Ph.D., and Sunset Shimmer, M.S.

[REDACTED] will be leading our upcoming genetics project and has been installed as our new Head of Bioengineering Department.

Dr. Dash has been installed in the newly-formed Flight and Aerodynamics Department and will be leading our ongoing arcane propulsion project.

Ms. Shimmer has been installed in the Physics Engineering Department.

Be sure to offer them our warmest welcome.

- Raven Inkwell
Personnel Coordinator
Alicorn Tech

---

Subject: Hello!

To: Ms. Shimmer <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Hello, Ms. Shimmer, and welcome to Alicorn Tech Physics Engineering Department!

My name’s Dr. Applejack, but you can call me AJ at any time the director isn’t around. I will be the lead engineer for most of Phys. Engineering projects, which means we will be working together often. I hope we can be the best of partners!

A little tip around the office: don’t be too formal. Most of us here in Alicorn Tech like to goof around, so being friendly is way more important than being respectful. Especially Dr. Pie at Metaphysics.

That being said, the same doesn’t apply in Information and Statistics Department. You should be careful around Dr. Belle. She’s the head of Information and Statistics Department and will test you out every so often. Be cautious.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Ms. Shimmer <[e-mail]>
---------------
Thank you for the warm welcome, AJ! I’ll make sure to take your advice to heart.

- Sunset Shimmer
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---

Subject: About the new employee

To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
---------------
The new mare at Physics Engineering, Ms. Shimmer I think her name is, has been quite apprehensive every time I met her. I can tell she’s being on edge about something. Can you talk to her about it?

Or maybe tell her that I’m willing to listen if she has any discomfort in her new workplace. It’s part of the job, after all. Poor dear, she must be really anxious.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Sure thing, Rares.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---

Subject: Call from IaSD

To: Ms. Shimmer <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Dr. Belle contacted me earlier today telling me that she wanted to meet you. What did you do, Sunset?

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Ms. Shimmer <[e-mail]>
---------------
I didn’t do anything, I swear! Can you tell her that I don’t know what I did wrong? Maybe she’ll understand that I didn’t mean it. Whatever it is, please tell her I’m sorry.

- Sunset Shimmer
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Ms. Shimmer <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
I’m afraid I can’t, Sunny. Good luck.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---

Subject: not funny

To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
---------------
Messing around a new employee’s head isn’t quite amusing for my taste, per se. Don’t you know how positively terrified she was when she walked through my door thinking she’s in trouble for something she never did? Oh, of course you don’t. You only think about yourself and your spite for something I’m not even to be blamed with.

Shame on you, you ruffian.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Hypocrite.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
---------------
Scoundrel.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Attention whore.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
[234 MISSING REPLIES]
---------------

---

Subject: Shut up

To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>; Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Mrs. Inkwell <[e-mail]>
---------------
Can you two please put your bickering outside the company’s system? This is not a formal warning but may the moon [CENSORED] me to [CENSORED] and have [CENSORED] me to the sun and back if I can fire you both for being too spiteful and immature.

- Raven Inkwell
Personnel Coordinator
Alicorn Tech

---

Encryption Level: 3
Deleted data successfully retrieved

Subject: Dr. Sparkle

To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
So, you finally did it? How does it feel?

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
---------------
You worked on this project too, you know that?

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Yes, and I feel terrible. What I want to know is if you also feel the same.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
---------------
Who wouldn’t, AJ?

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Wanna go to the bar after work? The drink’s on me.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
---------------
Your entire bank account will be plunged into oblivion, you know that?

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
I don’t care anymore. I just want to forget that any of these ever happened. Not even your bitchy attitude. Let's just forget about all these shits and let ourselves cry over what we once were.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
---------------
Such cheesiness for an Applejack. The world sure is ending.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

---------------
To: Dr. Belle <[e-mail]>
From: Dr. Jack <[e-mail]>
---------------
Actually, it is. And before you ask, I'll tell you all about it at the bar. Yes, it has something to do with the director's stupid ambition and what you just did to Twilight. No, there's nothing we can about it.

Now help the both of us and delete this conversation.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

Comments

[Robin Of Loxley]

The mystery grows yet more mysterious...

[Argentyros]

Well now, skullduggery is afoot. I'd had an impression that the emails were from the originals rather than from any of the dupes and it would seem that I was right, though not sure if that is actually at all a surprise or not. You've maintained and heightened my interest even without my having played the game.

[Raugos]

Oh man, Rarity and AJ bickering really took me back to Season 1...

[FanOfMostEverything]

- [REDACTED]
Physics Engineering
Department Alicorn Tech

That doesn't do much good when the from field is right there, Rarity.

Pinkie in Metaphysics... I can't say she's out of place.

---------------
[234 MISSING REPLIES]
---------------

Around number thirty, they started hate-flirting. Around number seventy Rarity wrote a sonnet. Things escalated from there.

Such cheesiness for an Applejack.

Curious phrasing choice.

Most intriguing stuff. Looking forward to more from both past and present.

[EasyBreeze]

Dr. Belle, can you change my name in the system, please? It shows Jack as my last name.

- Dr. Applejack
Physics Engineering Department
Alicorn Tech

it could be worse AJ, Alicorn Tech could have a login system that uses the first letter of your first name, your middle initial, and the first 5 letters of your last name as the username like at my own work; we have a Department manager whose username forms a pretty dirty word. of course, our company email addresses are funny looking too: [e-mail]

[Neece]

The scans to create data for the dupes kill the originals in painful ways, don't they?

[Vaguely Demented]

Ominous to say the least. It’s rather fascinating how reading emails with little other context can slowly build a narrative. Rather reminds me of Analog: A Hate Story.

[Opponent]

[234 MISSING REPLIES]

That clearly was a productive use of time and effort.

[PonyDragon]

[234 MISSING REPLIES]

I believe we are missing quite the interesting conversation.
Somewhere to the end they are probably arranging to meet in an unused closet to "contunie their discussion"...