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Cackling Moron


"Fluff" in the same way what collects under the sofa is fluff.

E

Arthur, travelling salesman and occasional human visitor, is stopping over for one of his semi-regular tea-and-biscuit meetups with Celestia, during which they converse about something that had been on his mind.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 34 )

Odd and very fluffy.

9686091
That's me all over, really.

S E C R E T S A N D L I E S

"That, and it keeps Twilight out of trouble,”

I can see that being the true reason. That mare is a lazy weekend away from becoming a mad wizard hellbent on conquering the land for SCIENCE!!!

Still, cute and fluffy as heck :twilightsmile:

9686135
Well you know, idle hands and all that.

Hooves, in this instance one supposes...

Thinking of that Eddie Izzard bit where he keeps trying to convince you he is joking and deadly serious over and over again.

9686224
Which has me thinking of entirely unrelated Izzard lines

I like my women like I like my coffee, er, COVERED IN BEES!

9686229
I like my women like I like my coffee, in a plastic cup.

"Of course I believed you could do that, Celestia. The alternative is that you're massively incompetent, and I don't want to believe you're that bad at your job."

9686369
I think she's simply subject to forces beyond her control.

Narrative inertia? Something like that.

Or jobbing! Hah

Nobody's buying that innocent act Celly. :twilightsmile:

You get a like. Mostly because you chose Custard Creams which are the ultimate in the dunking biscuit world; but the fic wasn't bad either ;)

9686568
God they're so good. And so cheap!

Of course, I notice that she didn't actually answer the question, and passing the truth off as a joke is exactly what a master manipulator would do... :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

9686594
I - heh - I don't know what you could possibly be implying...

i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/313/056/c97.gif

You know i thought this was happening until discord and the alter timelines shit happened.

This fic is so British. :rainbowhuh:

“That, and it keeps Twilight out of trouble,” she said. Then, on consideration: “Well, not really, but it keeps her busy which is the main thing. It’s character-building.”

(To the tune of The U.S.S. Make Sh:yay:t Up by Aurelio Voltaire)

Well Ponyville is quite grim
For a show for little kids.
With ravenous little parasprites
And stampeding leporids,
And monstrous Ursas Major,
Timberwolves, and basilisks,
And cockatrice, and hydras
All thrown into the mix.

And now then there was Twilight's
Purple lizard son
He wasn't a meanie dragon
But his greed made him one.
The efforts of the Wonderebolts
He easily ignored
As he rampaged through Ponyville
To add it to his horde.

And I said,
"Send a scroll to Celestia!
Everypony run and flee!
The situation's going south,
We need the help of Harmony!"
I know that I'm a grown mare,
And I must do my part
But this is way
Above my pay
Please save us Purple Smart!

The chaos trickster god Discord
was locked up all in stone
'Till he was freed by fillies who
Di'nt leave well enough alone
He cackled with a flourish,
Snapped the talons on his hand
And then set about to spreading
Chaos magic 'cross the land.

And then there was the wedding,
All Equestria was in bliss
'Till it was crashed by changelings
And their bug-queen Chrysalis
She took out all the Royal Guard
And mind-controlled the groom
Then captured all of Canterlot
And stuffed them cocoons.

And I said,
"Send a scroll to Celestia!
Everypony run and flee!
The situation's going south,
We need the help of Harmony!"
I know that I'm a grown mare,
And I must do my part
But this is way
Above my pay
Please save us Purple Smart!

The boastful showmare Trixie
Challenged Twilight on a dare
Wreaking havoc on the town
With a stellar bear.
Twilight sent her packing,
But she was not finished yet
She returned and enslaved the town
With the Amulet.

Well Cerebus was distracted
Now Tirek's on the loose
He's scooping up the unicorns
And draining all their juice.
Nopony could hope stop him,
Their plans were doomed to fail
It has been exacerbated
By Discord's betrayal

And I said,
"Send a scroll to Celestia!
Everypony run and flee!
The situation's going south,
We need the help of Harmony!"
I know that I'm a grown mare,
And I must do my part
But this is way
Above my pay
Please save us Purple Smart!
:moustache:

derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/9/28/436907.png

Your avatar is very creepy almost disturbing. Do you still stomp puppies to death?

9688552

How even?!

What can I say? Cackling Moron certainly inspired me
:coolphoto:

9688608
That's a damn lie I've never inspired anyone you take that back

9688612

you take that back

Take it back? Like this?

ǝɯ pǝɹᴉdsuᴉ ʎluᴉɐʇɹǝɔ uoɹoW ƃuᴉlʞɔɐƆ ¿ʎɐs I uɐɔ ʇɐɥM

9688640
No! You turned my words back on me!

Or your words...upside down...

Words were turned is what I'm saying here.

And it's stories like these that remind me why slice-of-life is my favourite category :twilightsmile:

“It just strikes me as unfortunate that one of the more powerful beings around - don’t be modest now, you are - is the first one to go down anytime things get serious. Admittedly while not a villain myself I can still understand the need, yes? You being the largest threat and all that.. But the ease with which it happens so consistently is, well, odd. To me. Again, don’t take any of this the wrong way, Celly, I’m just curious.”

The answer is, of course, that Equestria has villains that are simply MORE powerful than Celestia. In fact, it can be argued they became villains BECAUSE they are more powerful than Celestia and by extension, every other pony.

Always bigger fish, as the saying goes.

[quoteDeliberately allowing horrible things to happen to my subjects? To poor Twilight? When I could stop them? Arthur!”]Yes. Yes I do.

Exhibit A: Tossing them at Nightmare Moon with zero preparations or instructions
Exhibit B: Tossing them at King Sombra with minimal preparations and instructions... one of which was to leave the EoH behind (otherwise it'd be too easy)
Exhibit C: Tossing Discord at them a second time with minimal preparations and instructions and zero explanation.

And then after that she just gets beaten by everything, including Plunder Vines the Mane 6 were shown fending off; and snow storms... the latter being particularly idiotic considering Celestia controls the friggin' Sun.

So yeah, Celly's pretty much either manipulated them all deliberately and has secret safeguards all over the place... or she's really weak and dumb.

9691017
Let us not forget the whole 'Sleeping Dragon' incident

9710539 Well, to be fair in that case, the dragon was actually rather a nice fellow.

Rarity tried to steal some of his swag and Dash just kicked him in the face. Let's be honest, you'd be pissed if a pony bucked you in the face right after trying to steal your car.

It was totally their fault. :duck::rainbowhuh:

... I honestly believe it when she says that. Then she backs out, and all I can think is "it's a contingency plan"... but it wouldn't work if he were on the fence about it, and telling him - then backing out - would only serve a purpose if she considered him a threat to her ponies, in some way...

9751684
He's a travelling salesman, he's a threat to everything.

9751686
No, I mean... if she really is this Chessmaster, then telling him has a purpose. Backing out of it also must have a purpose, but think about it. If he believes her completely, it does nothing (why say anything in the first place?). If he doesn't believe it... it does nothing as well. It only serves a purpose if he's on the fence about it, and would perhaps be willing to test that theory - in which case this would force him to be very cautious about things... possibly buying her some time to set up some more contingency plans... ;]

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