Space-Time and Sensibility (Good Trooper Gilda - Post Fic)
Sunset's Isekai
By Wanderer D
Chapter 5
"And then I saw this," Gilda said, motioning with a claw at the door with a stone arch that suddenly was inside her ship.
Gleaming Shield studied the door for a moment, noticing the sign next to it, before Gilda simply stepped in.
"Welcome to Sunset's—"
"I don't believe I have ever been in this part of the ship before," Gilda said, trotting into the bar, and thoroughly ignoring the bartender's greeting. The griffon studied the room, then walked further in to take a look around the corner. Her eyes widened in awe at the gleaming, clean restroom visible from where she stood.
"Major, this bar is longer than the entire gondola. There should have been three cannons where the little mares' room is. There's a little mare's room. We've been using buckets for three weeks! Ever since that ramming attack stove in the old head!" She looked at the whole selection of alcohol on the shelves. "Major, you have to see this. The amount of grog here could keep me in this bar for the next three weeks!"
"Harmony forfend, Gilda." Gleaming Shield sighed, following the sergeant into the bar. "You're too young to be debauching in a place of ill repute."
Sunset started at the voice. It couldn't be…
A uniformed, unicorn version of Twilight Sparkle trotted into the bar, also smelling like she'd forgotten what the meaning of the word "soap" was. Unlike Gilda, however, she did notice Sunset. "By the grace of Her Immortal Majesty, what manner of creature are you?"
Upon hearing Twilight's question, Gilda trotted back to her and turned to face Sunset, studying her quietly for a moment, before giving a firm nod. "They look like someone plucked a schooner full of Parrots, Major."
Sunset's eyebrow twitched.
"Or ran amuck with a straight-razor in a Diamond Dog town, Gilda," Twilight replied, narrowing her eyes and studying Sunset's face.
"Could it be a stallion?"
Twilight hummed. "Hard to tell with all the clothes. Did we accidentally walk into a dressage stable?"
Sunset slammed her fist on the bar. "I'm a human, you idiots!"
To her credit, Twilight seemed unimpressed. "I say! The service here seems a tad rude."
"Unacceptable from a lowly bartender, that is, Major."
"Quite right." Twilight coughed into her hoof. "Tell me, my good monkey, how is it that you found your way into my bar?"
"Your bar?" Sunset asked, incredulous, completely forgetting her anger at the monkey remark. "This is my bar!"
"It's inside my gondola, which belongs to Her Majesty's very own Crystal Guards Flotilla. By military and naval Equestrian law, that makes it my bar."
Sunset growled, ignoring Gilda who presently seemed to be distracted by the pictures. "By multiverse law, which encompasses your universe, which encompasses your galaxy, which encompasses your solar system, which encompasses your world, which encompasses your country, which encompasses your thrice-damned military and naval laws, this bar belongs to me, Twilight."
Twilight stopped cold and glared at Sunset with such sheer anger that the latter silently questioned whether this was really Twilight Sparkle at all. "That's Major Gleaming Shield, soldier, and don't you forget it! And the laws you are quoting are questionable at best. You should feel honored to support Her Immortal Majesty's Equestrian Dominion's officers."
Sunset crossed her arms and glared right back. "That sounds as appealing as sticking my hand into the blender and having the resulting mess served to me as supper, only to discover it comes attached with a gas bill." She sniffed in disgust. "And I am neither a monkey nor a soldier. My name is Sunset Shimmer."
Twilight studied her for a moment. "Are you quite sure?" Before Sunset could answer, she approached the bar in an almost casual manner. "Sunset Shimmer? Really. Does the name Sol Invictus mean anything to you?"
Sunset blinked, taken aback by the slight threatening undertone in Twilight's voice despite her casual manner. "Not really? I think it means 'Invincible Sun'?"
"Have you ever been to Gould's Jetty? Or the Dragonstones?"
"I try to avoid Goa'ulds as a general rule, they're kind of pushy, and I have no need for three wishes right now."
"I have no idea what that means."
"Then, for once since this encounter started, we seem to have something in common," Sunset said, smiling brightly, "because I have no idea what you are talking about either."
"There's a bench warrant out on a unicorn named Sunset Shimmer for privateering without a letter of marque, waging private war, multiple counts of murder and mass kidnapping."
"WHAT?!"
"...or possibly slavery, we haven't found out where her victims dissapeared to, yet." Twilight hummed. "But I don't see any horn on you, and there aren't any accounts of Captain Shimmer being a shapeshifter."
Her horn glowed and Sunset felt a slight tingle around her. "Did you just scan me without consent?"
"Hrm. Negative result. Must be an odd coincidence," Twilight mused.
Twilight took that in stride. "In any case, Miss Shimmer, I am willing to grant that your bar seems to be a subspace bubble that found itself attached to my ship, in which case, I am in full rights to requisition as much as I need from your storage."
Sunset leaned forward. "You think I'm just going to let you pillage my bar?"
Twilight huffed in contempt. "Tell me, Miss Shimmer, if you were me, and every single race you knew of with a bipedal gait was an enemy of Her Immortal Majesty's Equestrian Dominion, would you take the sudden parasitization of your highly advanced aerial warship by an establishment run by bipedal apes with any sort of equanimity? Or would you occupy the carbuncle with every armed pony and griffon at your disposal? The only reason I am not doing that right now is for fear that my entire complement of Guards would promptly drink themselves under your admittedly sturdy-looking tables."
"You understand, Sparkle, that it is within my capabilities to displace you and Gilda from your gondola and drop the both of you within the halls of a Tartarus run by none other than Pinkie Pie?"
That seemed to give pause to Twilight for just a second, before she slowly smiled. "Why this is Tartarus, Miss Shimmer, nor am I ever out of it. And there is nopony of that name anywhere in this bar, unless you have a Twilight Sparkle hidden in your apron pocket?"
"Gilda, is there any chance you could knock some sense into Twilight?"
The griffon guffawed, "If it were that easy—" She stopped mid-sentence and cleared her throat. "I'm afraid there's no one of that name that I am aware of in this gondola."
Sunset rolled her eyes. "Regardless, I refuse to let you pillage my bar."
"Well, I was about to pillage your fair bar, so I thought I ought to bring up the subject first," Twilight said, shrugging. "My dear monkey—"
"Human."
Twilight continued as if she hadn't been interrupted. "...you know what port bars say about sailors?" She motioned towards the door. "I've got sixty ravening tars outside those doors looking to enact a perpetual Fleet Week on your lovely little establishment, which has been so unfortunate as to establish its metaphysical cotermination within our hull, for however long you remain. I suggest you allow us to exert our requisitions in exchange for my Guard barring entry to the crew. Who have been nursing a collective professional grudge ever since Celestia ended the rum ration about ten years back. They so rarely get the chance to enhance their limes with proper shipboard alcohol anymore."
Sunset tapped her fingers on the bar. "Fine."
Twilight and Gilda both seemed surprised. "Fine?"
"Fine. Fine." Sunset waved her arms. "Fine. Anything to get you both out of here. But if you're doing this, we're doing it by the rules or I won't get any of my stuff back from the providers. I'll need signed and stamped requisition orders."
After a brief moment, Twilight nodded, looking at her warily. "You seem oddly compliant now."
Sunset crossed her arms and shrugged. "I rather like my bar in one piece as it is. If all it takes is losing a few bottles, then that's what I'll do."
"Gilda, keep the monkey company," Twilight said turning—rather eagerly one might say—to head out the door. "Don't let any sailor in here until I have brought the paperwork."
Once the door closed Gilda and Sunset looked at each other with something akin to uncomfortable silence. Truth be told, Gilda could use the break from the constant bickering between her fellow soldiers and the ship's crew, who were not too happy about having their ship taken over, even if it was under Her Majesty's orders.
That, and the idea that they'd have a LOT of alcohol soon enough, was also appealing. Kinda sucked that the monkey would lose some of her stock, but all things considered, she was getting away easy.
"Gilda," Sunset said, clearing her throat. "I've met you in… other places, so I'm willing to ignore the crazy in favor of a more… amiable discussion. You said earlier you hadn't used a proper bathroom in a long time correct? I hate to say this but I can really tell. How about you take advantage that Major Sparkle is not here and use it first? I'll pour you a drink in the meantime."
Gilda narrowed her eyes. Pretty much since leaving port, she had been deprived of a good toilet, having to make due with buckets, and occasionally—as long as nogriff was around—the edge of the ship. Needless to say, the promise of a nice, clean toilet was a very, very good incentive. But it was clear this not-pirate, not-unicorn, so-called Sunset Shimmer was planning something.
Gilda was no fool. "Are you trying to bribe me with a shower and beer?"
"Yes."
"Fair enough," Gilda said, nodding in understanding. She glanced at the door, trotting over there to lock it before she came back in. At least this Sunset Shimmer knew better than to lie outright. "But I expect no less than a full pint of your best grog, Miss Shimmer."
"Far be it from me to deny a friend a good drink."
Gilda snorted and started walking towards the little fillies room. "You said you knew me from other places?" she asked, stopping on the way, glancing over to the bartender, wondering what her other self would have been doing. Had she stayed in Griffonstone? "Pray tell, what do I—this other me do?"
Sunset Shimmer shrugged. "Nothing much, as far as I know," she said, "I only know she's engaged…" She gave Gilda an odd look. "To a mutual acquaintance."
Gilda snorted. "Sure. Anyway, I'll be right back. Better have that ready for me."
Sunset Shimmer replied by lifting a rather large tankard and waving it at her.
Nodding, Gilda pushed the fillies room door open and stepped through… suddenly finding herself standing on the deck of the gondola. Behind her the door swung closed. Slowly, comprehension seeped into her and she opened the door, revealing only a ladder going further into the ship. "Bugger me."
"Sergeant!" Major Gleaming Shield called, stomping onto the deck, her eyes narrowed. "What are you doing out here? You were supposed to be on guard!"
Gilda gulped. "She tricked me, she did!" she said quickly, then, realizing this didn't put her in a good light, she cleared her throat. "She kept looking at the restrooms. I asked her if there was anygriff back there. She said no. I knew she was lying, so I went to check. Couldn't risk there being other monkeys in there, ma'am. In order to secure the premises, I had to check. Turns out she was lying about there actually being a toilet behind the door, damn her."
"Tsk." Gleaming Shield rolled her eyes. "And I had all the paperwork done. It's a good thing that I anticipated the honorless ape would do something like this, so I procured one of the bottles while using my shapeshifting-scan spell to mask it." She levitated a glass bottle decorated with three green apples and some sort of old ape depicted on the sticker.
Gilda narrowed her eyes as she read the label. "What in Hades is Scumble?"
"Don't know, don't care," Gleaming Shield said. "This will certainly be a worthy reward for our inconvenience. The bottle alone shows how much work went into it."
"Considering that it is reinforced with steel, I can't argue with that."
"Well then, let's go have a drink."
"In the middle of the day, ma'am?" Gilda asked rhetorically, following Gleaming Shield into the ship anyway.
"Shouldn't be too bad. We can always dilute it with some water."
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Now, now, Sunset. You only get three if you use Namekian Dragonstones.
Apples. Well, mostly apples.
Always good to see more of this universe, even if they aren't as happy to see visitors. Also interesting to see just how varied Sunset's suppliers and venues are.
Scumble. I hope they dink that responsibly. One thimble’s worth at a time.
Well ... glad to see that Sunset is, more or less, in full control of her little pocket of the multiverse ...
three canons?
9723994
Either or with the accent/naval talk. That last second with the s could cost something dire during a naval battle. Something along the lines of "They got four canon on the port side, we got two fire ready" where in proper english you'd say "They've got four canons on the port side, we've got two canons ready to fire".
9722192
It's M-rated, which means linking directly to it would be against the rules.
If I had actually read the series being crossed over with, I'd probably enjoy what happens to Gleaming Shield in the couple of minutes. (On account of knowing at least as much about scumble as the late Terry Pratchett ever divulged, which deliberately wasn't much)
This just reminded me that I need to finish Good Trooper Gilda.
You had Gilda and 'Shield's' banter down pat. This monkey with a typewriter approves.
Scumble eh? Well that oughta help the good major loosen up a bit.
9724114 I'm afraid I can't take credit for most of it, MitchH was there to throw suggestions and entire pieces of dialogue at me with the accuracy of a well-trained Cavalry Griffon.
How does one get to this bar?
9724155
Scumble is unable to be watered down and usually served in small thimble sized wooden cups
9724155
I'm think you mean physically impossible. Ah well, they'll just have to find out the hard way why it's only consumed in thimble sized wooden cups
- Thunder
Good rule, associating with them tends to lead to problems.
Also, Yay Stargate!
Holy shit, Gleaming Shield's an asshole. :D
The truly Ironic and hilarious thing would be if it was a non alcoholic drink.
They lifted THAT concoction of booze?
The resulting case of alcohol poisoning should be karmic payback indeed.
Never, ever screw with recreational staff, for they may be slow to anger, but slower to forgive.
The worst version of Twilight.
9724593
Oh, there are much worse versions of Twilight. That psychotic changeling queen alternate-universe bad-end Twilight from Eakin's Reign of Queen Twilight Sparkle, for instance. Or the AU daughter-of-Nightmare-Moon who became a Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds in Heir of the Nightmare.
This one is just kind of... in the middle of transitioning from vengeance-driven anti-griffon bigotry into something less toxic. And taking a shortcut through generalized xenophobia, paranoia, and bureaucratic-minded organizational sociopathy. She's actually on a fairly noble quest. Which at this point has gotten wildly off track, and she's kind of out on the back end of nowhere, without any oversight or support, and has gone a bit batty from the pressure.
She'll get over it eventually, and nopony's at her best after three weeks of crapping in a bucket.
9724593 TBH it's one of my favorite Twilights... she's rather bellicose like this to someone that hasn't read the story, but like 9724634 said, she has one hell of a character arc. I can't recommend enough to give it a chance if you haven't.
I thought Gleaming Shield was Shining Armor after rule 63.
In any case this chapter was kinda meh for me.
9724634
Villains are villains, this one is just an asshole at the moment
9724749
I have a writing tic of using the common rule 63 names for purposes not intended by their originators. Twilight In Plain Sight featured a Twilight in witness protection under the name 'Dusk Shine', as well as a couple other Human 6 members going incognito under their r63 names. All female.
This Gleaming Shield changed her name as a tribute to the memory of her sainted brother, who died protecting a crowd from a mad bomber. She was never Celestia's student, nor did she get her cutie mark while applying to Celestia's school. She went straight into the military academy.
9725261
Ok
Wait. Wishes? But, aren't they mind parasites instead of genies? What reference are we going for here?
-GM, master of limes.
9725651 Dragon stones? She's making a DB reference.
9725655
Ah, that explains that.
Goa'uld is also the name of the primary antagonists of the Stargate series, mind-parasite aliens named after ancient gods (often Egyptian).
-GM, master of the other reference.
9725657 Yes... that's the first part of the reference. She made two in one.
9725658
Oh.
I'll show myself out.
That’s Shimmer with two M’s
9726164 I'm confused.
9726214
Wasn’t that one of Col. O’Neill’s things on SG-1? ‘O’Neill with two L’s?’ It’s been a looong time since I saw that show.
9726221 Ha! Now I got the reference snuck by me! Yes, yes it was!
Another musical reference to the fans of bars out there:
9724634
Don't forget one of the original (and one of the worst) bad Twilights from The Severing way back when.
Now that's some tasty dialogue.
Isn't Gleaming Shield the R63 version of Shining Armor? And I thought Dusk Shine was R63 Twilight Sparkle? Is there intentional confusion meant?
9916014
There are story reasons for that, the name switch up is very much intentional.
Didn't even blink at the threat of Pinkie Pie Tartarus? Very stupid, or very VERY brave.
I've known Gleaming Shield for all of five minutes, and I already can tell she deserves EVERYTHING that's about to come to her. Or, well, it's Scumble. FROM her is more likely.
9724634
It's certainly ONE form I can see Twilighting taking...
9724634
Plus Sunset getting corrected to her new name and then calling her Twilight a few more times wouldn't endear Sunset to her.
God I love this exchange
Hot damn... You never know what the door swing bring in next... Whats her shift like anyway? 6/8/10/12 hours 4 days a week?
Your'e dead, that's good, amen.
What happened to the button under the bar from the last chapter that kicks out everyone but Sunset? That would've been useful here
11437649
I'm assuming Scumble isn't a drink or something you want in your system?
11585272 Scumble is the Discworld version of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster; an incredibly potent intoxicant made from suspect ingredients and which must be drunk, if drunk at all, with caution and respect, unless near-instant unconsciousness is what you actually wanted out of a beverage.
The running joke:
"... and scumble, a drink which, I am told, is made from apples."
"Um, mostly apples."