• Member Since 5th May, 2019
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

SwirledEyez


T

For some time now the Bat Pony Nightguard Mothchaser has nursed an infatuation on one Idol Hooves. A sterling example of all Unicorn Stallions (as far as Mothchaser was concerned) and prominent member of the Royal Guard. Tonight she would finally take the bold move from secretly watching him from afar to secretly slipping messages to him at night.

However, as she begins her nightly delivery, Mothchaser stumbles upon a secret that is going to make her wish that she had never gone out after dark in the first place.


Set in vdrake77's "Changeling of the Guard" story, this is a short and completely non-canon snippet starring poor Mothchaser.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 29 )

Thank you for the funny story! Poor, poor Mothchaser!

Heartless monster she was so heart broken I hate seeing sad Bat Poines

It strikes me as funny yet also totally believable that the Equestrian Royal Guard might be the one military organization in existence where you could reasonably Schultz your way out of just about anything.

added to read later
spelling error in description:
"For some time no the Bat Pony"

Man, Shining Armor is going to feel so rested when he wakes up... He might not sleep for days.

Poor Mothchaser. Forever shall she chase her changelingmoth

9676529
I appreciate your reference

I just imagine poor moth like this

...Now I REALLY hope that Mothchaser gets her bug! MY FRAGILE BRONY HEART CAN NO LONGER STAND THE CRUEL DRAMA!!!

Well written and done!

Great story overall.
However, you simply must start a new paragraph every time you have a new speaker.
Fro example:

“Idol, we need to talk and- oh! This has to be private, Shiny can’t know, I’ll-” “Wait-” “Just cast a sleeping spell quick,”

should be three paragraphs because Cadance speaks, then Idol, and then Cadance again.

TDR

Oh wow.. Just wow. Hahahahaha....

you sir are brilliant!

9676529

We totally need a fourth encounter where Idol chases some other notable pony out of his room shouting "Raus! Raus! Raus!"

Ha ha! I read the narrator lines in the voice of the Narrator from The Stanley Parable. It fits so well.

What were you looking for Celestia?:rainbowwild:
Poor Mothchaser, she doesn't get a rest

It can't end like this! We must have a sequel. Have like.

Eh, it's alright.

Does anyone else feel bad for Celstia? She seems lonely, and Idol's not the most comforting person, or at least not in the way she wants...

Me personally, I'm rooting for her.

Poor Shining no respect.

9677708
At this moment in the main narrative I'd not doubt it one bit of Idol somehow bedded both diarchs, Mothchaser and half of both night and royal guards... Without ever realizing he was on a relationship at all.

Sure, he has that pesky "do not reproduce" command in his head, but it's Idol we're taking about here. If there's someone who could blunder his way through it while looking the very essence of the modern equestrian General it'd be him.

Ah, and to think that if this had only occurred a few months earlier Idol would have put a sock on his door for each encounter.

Mothchaser needs a hug and F for Shining armor

trying to imagine a story were he accidentally ends up as a royal consort and trying to do his best and keep his cover intact

9678139
I have no problems imagining; one poorly worded order and Idol (ignoring certain restrictions) would take the princesses in full view of others. He might object but he would comply... i like that about him.

Shining is going to be so well rested, I somewhat envy him.

Poor Mothchaser.

As enjoyable as it was, there are some serious grammar errors that got in the way of my enjoyment. The most common and significant error is that you have paragraphs in which multiple characters speak. If you want another character to speak, you must start a new paragraph every time, even if it means having single-sentence paragraphs. It's a mistake normally seen only in the very worst-written stories, so to see it here in a good story like this is surprising.

If only Mothchaser had known that Idol shared a room with Cadance's fiancé she would have jumped to the equally wrong but still logical conclusion that Cadance was ther for Shining. Perhaps she would have convinced herself that all 3 Alicorns were ther for the captain of the guard. I hope Mothchaser will eventually find happiness.

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