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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I feel this was an attempt at turning the story into a comedy, because this is kinda funny
This story had some serious potential. Quick tip- You need to slow down, add some detail and more personalities to the characters. The way you have it, all the characters sound and act alike, and the characters don't have any brains. think about it, Princess Celestia doesn't just blow her top of during a conversation, especially with a baby/ child. She'll exhibit traits of patience and a teacher/mentor mentality.
Furthermore, The story is rather vague in general. I'm having to use more of my imagination to get create any real image. It also just feels so rushed, like you are trying to get it done and over with. i.e. Hello World -> gotta surviv-- gotta save these strange--- Top 10 most popular ponies arri---- pony dead, Revenge!!-- Talking baby drago-- visions of the past and future that make my head hurt, doesnt matter i'm fine now.. oh hey lets go find that fox with answers...
Thats roughly what it felt like to me, reading this for the first time. Like I said before this story had potential. Just keep writing, and you'll improve. Its my hope that you will develop as a writer and when you've gotten better, that you come back and give this story a serious overhaul.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I'll give you a 3.7, with plenty of time and room to improve.
I feel like this chapter could still be canon, but as a side chapter or somethin'
Just want to point out that dragons have internal genitals like every other reptile.
9779551
You are right.
It feels a bit rushed but besides that I like. In fact, I like so much I ended wanting to try an old Isekai story I wrote awhile back.
Also, I got to ask but have you read The Devil Evolution Catalog? Seeing how you seem to focus on writing Isekai stories you might like it or get some ideas for your stories.
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Huh... Neat
why did you have him go through the same path as the manga characters.
9841679
Really? I think you missed the point...
9779551
I just noticed i edited missing details from storys i previous read into it. Thanks for the attention of the missing details
They could probably sell the Stuff he had.
Skyrim rule 101, loot bodys...
11183341
even if your over encumbered
11244317
There is always someone willing to buy, gray and black markets always have what most don't want.
Some love collecting something, if someone is selling, there is a good chance someone is buying.