So, this is my first fic on FIM Fiction. I encourage as much constructive criticism as possible, and give me your honest opinion of the story. Enjoy

interesting like it so far

Darn, from the description, I thought it would be a "rarity turns evil and likes it" kind of story. I'm always find of those. Interesting idea none the less, I'd advise you limit your amount of exclamation points to one per sentence. Every time I see several, it takes me out of the story and gets me thinking about people that abuse it to make themselves feel more important.

wait wait is she his master out of gratitude or just cause it was her blood

Not bad.

The only thing that might be a problem is the vampire guy being cliche, but that might work out in a sort of black humor kind of way.

Good job so far.

1071173 It reminds me of the anime Hellsing, the vampire Alucard.

1071170 Thank you for your advice. I was actually thinking about the abuse of exclamation points myself. Kinda making it abit stale. I will definitely keep that in mind for future reference.

1071253 I can promise you he won't be to cliche. There are quite a few surprises left for this story, and thank you very much.

1071122 Thanks!!!

1071173 It's a blood-connection. You'll learn more of this in the next chapter.

1071458 Alucard is actually who I modeled Marius after, however there are some large differences between the two.

plese sir.. may i have another?

Me gusta. I like.
which is I like. I like.

Wow ......i already love this fic....... and i require more....MAOR I SAY......also is marius the only non MLP creature in this fic?

because later on i would not mind seeing more "Dark" creatures appear......so yeah , chain pm me if you feel like hearing a suggestion for later on in the story.......peace.

P.S it involves rivalry

1071666 Indeed you shall my friend.

1071740 Then I am doubly thankful sir.

1071808 Thank you so much!! He may or may not be. We'll have to see. and I would be glad to chain pm you to hear any suggestions you might have, but the link to your user page seems to not work for me.

1072192 I understand completely my friend. Being a little put off by the detailed description of blood is completely understandable, and I thank you very much for your praise!! I can't tell ya how much it means to me. I too have felt this way by many people, and his primal view of our species as a whole is exactly what I was going for. This is purely what I've seen from almost everyone, outside from our fandom of course. It is indeed why I am glad to be a Brony as well, and thank you for the FlutterYay!!!

1072330 I would be more than happy if you used Feral as an inspiration my friend!!

1072177
srry dude but i meant just Pm me this is darkrabbit77 i just changed my user name

and its not chain pm.....the chain part was a reference to you "Chain"reaction....

1073678 Woops. My bad

I love it, Rarity must of brought him back to life with the blood that leaked off of her from her wounds? Much like in Underworld heeheh Liked and faved!

This story . . .
I Like it!
Bring me MOAR!
please?

that strongly reminds me of hellsing

1069918 Ummmm....yeah...I'm not into HIE fics in the slightest, the only thing I hate more then them are Spike/Rarirty romance, I really liked when he was a demon bat monster but when he became human they crossed the line for me so thanks anyway but this is not my cup of tea bro, sorry.

HELLSING.

'NUF SAID.

So.... Marius is a manbat zombie thingy that for some reason wants to serve Rarity......
I can see no possible way that this could go wrong!

so i just re-read the first chapter.....oh man i love that beginning.....also found 1 error

atleast i think it was...when marius had busted out of the stone coffin the dogs were getting up too.....but you left one o out and it said to....

... A girl is kidnapped, wounded. The blood gets on a corpse. Revives the vampire. Vampire kills the kidnappers. Vampire turns around and submits itself to the girl who's blood revived him.

...

Best damned use of Hellsing I've ever seen.

funnyasduck.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/funny-pleases-cute-baby-owl-pics.jpg

This reminds me of hellsing

1526607 It definitely has the Hellsing feel to the story, but I hope you enjoy it. It's also going to be quite different the more you read.

Ok, so i FINALLY got around to reading this, and ya know what? It's pretty good so far. The descriptions given were mostly designed well, the intro was interesting and pulled me into the plot of our "protagonist" as well as well as Rarity's own significance... though, there were a few descriptions that could have been worded better, and the act that the Diamond Dogs were about to preform on Rarity seems slightly OOC for that race.

All in all, a great start to what i assume to be a great read. You've got yourself a thumbs up, and a sub to this story.

"Now...how may I serve you, my Master?"

Wait whaaaaaaaaaaaaa...?
This is gonna be interesting.
Oh boy.

As many other comments said, definitely feels like Hellsing :)
Since Hellsing was my first meeting with vampires that I can remember, even before I really was into the whole thing, you have my full interest. Of course, it was also very decent writing. I just mentioned that because absurdly strong, gore-spreading vampires are usually not a good seeling point for MLP fanfictions for me.

good start
lots of potential
be careful in the later chapters when you do do romances please for the love of god don't pull a twighlight saga and do one of those I want to rut you like an animal but im scared to hurt you knda things.
IF you do a clop scene please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD just fuck her, or him or whatever you do.

I think this is an appropriate response to this story

Is this Hellsing related or it just vampire idea that came out your brain?
Hellsing or not, i like it!