Long time writer of cruddy stories I have kept on my computer to myself. Decided to try posting and sharing them.
Poor Abe, a brilliant mind with crippling Agoraphobia. Keeping himself at home he works studiously hoping to figure out portal technology for moving across space. And succeeds, sort of....
Instead of a plant or some rock, the Main six force their way through thinking the portal is a threat to Equestria, and end up getting stuck on the other side.
So now they have to live hidden on earth until Abe can fix the portal.
Page generated in 0.21 seconds
Total duration
1,014 users online
116,441 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I'm intrigued... Keep writing.
9664789
Glad to hear it! And will do!
If he can build a portal I'm sure he can find a way to build a Mana Generator Fountain of some sort. After all, if memory serves correct: Einstein's theory, Can't create or destroy energy, but recycle. SIMPLE.
Uh, oh. This just keeps getting better and better.
Introvert.exe Intensifies... OOF
I look forward to seeing the reason behind his inability to leave the house, perhaps house arrest? Or maybe a condition? I know a few conditions exist that would make it so that sun exposure is highly unadvised and such. Look forward to what you put together!
Uh oh, I feel pity for whatever reason why he will never leave his home.
Also, YAY! Thanks for the cookie!
9693289
9700002
Don't worry the reasons why will come to light as the story continues.
But now I just have to keep writing, that's the hard part.
This is in desperate need of a proofreader. Some sections reached the point that I had to read it over a couple of times to grasp what was going on. The premise is interesting though, and the characterization is decent. You should definitely try to be a bit more descriptive however, and work a little on showing more than telling.
So what, does this take place in an alternate world or something? Why else would he say something like this?
I'm genuinely starting to dislike how utterly ignorant and disingenuous this guy is. I wish someone else was there to slap some sense into him and tell him that Hollywood is not, in fact, a credible source of how humanity would react to alien life. These ponies would turn the entire world of science, politics, religion, and society on its head and the Mane 6 would be instant celebrities. They'd have the top minds all over the world working together to create a return portal for them, not just to help but to also establish communication and relations with a genuine alien world full of magic.
And this absolute moron is here filling their heads with complete BS and fearmongering.
Huh, that line about not having dreams because of Luna is extremely interesting to me due to the implications behind it. So Luna creates dreams for ponies instead of watching over them? How does she handle ponies sleeping at different parts of the day? Is the power to create dreams something she has to focus on or is it done passively? What happened to dreams during the thousand years that Luna was banished? Did ponies have dreams before Celestia and Luna became alicorns?
That one line has absolutely filled my head to the brim with questions.
9711162
Well unfortunately I cant catch every one of my mistakes. I try my best thou. Also, If you can point out what parts were an issue ill do my best to fix them.
9711453
Fair enough. I suppose English isn't your first language? Honestly, doing that would take way too long for me. Just as a heads up though, the first issue is literally at the start. The chapter title has inconsistent capitalization ("important" should be "Important), with the next error being a couple of sentences into the story ("families" should be "family's" since it is the possessive form).
Six-ish years ago
The sound of Abe's home phone resonates throughout the otherwise silent house. Cutting into the air, until the answering machine picks up. The sound of Abe's voice fills the empty house. Hello, you have reached Abraham at NewAve Technologies, Leave a message and if its important I’ll call you back. Then after a long dial tone sound a rather gruff male voice comes on the machine.
ABE! You need to pick up your phone man. PICK UUUUUP come on.... Fine be like that. I am calling because class reunion time is coming up. I know you didn't get along with to many people back then but we kinda NEED all the valedictorian's to show up. Its become a whole thing for the media, and if you don't show up it will start all sorts of rumors. So call me back. The dial tone beeps again, leaving the house silent until hours later the soul resident returns.
The house is pitch black, the door opens letting in the sound of rain and the silhouette of the utterly soaked Abe. He is silent as he drops his bag and closes the door behind him, and decides that tonight he's going to sleep right there on the floor.
The seven had finished their meal and had moved to the living room. Abe had asked if they had TV back in Equestria, and was met with confused faces. So he decided to just show them, as he called it; the apex of human invention.
"So this is the remote, this controls the whole set up." He said as he waved his hand over pointing to the TV and the speakers. "Now prepare... To be amazed!" He dramatically pushed a button on the remote, a satisfying Ting could be heard along with the crackle of the speakers as the life blood of electricity powered them, and on the screen a well dressed man started to talk about the weather forecast.
Twilight‘s eyes had bolted open as she started with more questions. All of them coming so fast that Abe's response was to simply shut her muzzle for her. "I will answer all of your questions in due time, but for now, nature documentaries while I clean and make a few more calls about the supplies I need to make you all some of those bracelets." Letting go of the purple pony's muzzle and changing the channel. He then turns around to head down the basement. Taking out his cell phone and sending texts as he descended the stairs.
Sitting in the basement head in his hands as he tried his best to keep the heat growing in his face down. Just how could this end in any way but disaster. He thought to himself, so lost in himself he didn't hear the hoofsteps.
As Twilight slowly approached him, she figured that since he wasn't moving or speaking that he must be finished with whatever it was he needed to do. "So what is your plan? I really wanna help." Her talking made Abe jump a bit.
"I don't think you can really." He said with a huff. "Its a lot of work both physically and mentally. Not to mention so much math it might break your poor head in half."
Now it was Twilight's turn to huff, "I never met a math problem I couldn't solve! I wasn't Celesta's top student for nothing!"
"You do realize I don't know who that is right?" Abe's eyebrows rising.
"Oh, right well. I'll just prove it then, show me some of your work." She said climbing up next to the desk looking at the computer screen again.
"Heh alright." Abe started to bring up a few files that were running computer code for the portal. "This is the basic code that the computer runs just keep the teleportation part of the portal working. This was the second to last build, can you see the error in the formula? " he slid over a bit to let her look at it directly, a smug grin on his face. "I wasn't top of MY class at F.U.T.U.R.E for nothing." He said copying her exuberance.
Her eyes squinted as she read over it. "What are the brackets and squiggly bit for?"
"Oh that's for the computer, basically it makes it so it can understand and structure the information."
"Well I don't know how to read that but I think the issue is there." She said pointing with her hoof to a portion of the code. "Its just a guess but it seems like the line from before is the right one and you have it making another one here. If this was a spell's structure it would only teleport the pony one cubic inch at a time. which would be really painful."
"Uhh, your right." Abe just simply looked at the purple mare as she beamed with a smile that could put the sun to shame.
"So that means your code is like SPS for magic! ohmygosh, that makes sense, your world does have magic. its just unique to-" she continued like this for a bit as Abe's mouth caught up with his mind and he put a finger up to the mares mouth. Shushing her tangent, and leaving her confused.
"So your telling me your species developed complex math capable of teleportation, but nothing like a TV?" To which she simply nodded.
"Now I have a few questions." Twilight's Smile returned.
"Darling, how can you watch this?" Rarity asked as she shielded her eyes as a cheetah was chasing down its prey. Flutteryshy didn't respond as she was locked on the TV. Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity all in the middle of a game of cards that they started after Pinkie got bored with the nature program.
"Gotta admit thou that thing is pretty neat." Applejack added as she hid her cards from Rainbow Dash trying to peek.
"Yeah" Rainbow Dash quickly added, "Imagine watching the Wonderbolts or a Buckball game on that thing. That would be WAAAAY better then the radio. You could actually see the plays rather then just have them explained." The others nodded in agreement, before falling back into the game of cards.
"So am I the only one to find it odd that Twilight keeps going into the basement with Abe?" Rarity speaks again, "I mean I know she can handle herself but, we barley know the colt."
"OOOh Maybe he's brainwashing her, and when we get back to Equestria he is going to try and take over!" Pinkie chimes in, "Then all the houses will be fitted with human cameras and watch over everyone. Then Big Brother will overtake Equestria!" She said with a giggle.
"Come on now Pinkie we all know you don't have a big brother." Applejack answered, "Ah doubt that, Abe's a bit odd but he ain't liyin about this being an accident. I reckon Twilight's been chewing his ear off."
Then as if on cue the two could be heard coming up the stairs. "So then this map was able to time travel? How did it manage that? Are you sure it didn't just create an alternate pocket dimension or something?" Abe said.
"Nope 100% real time travel, but she used it to try and ruin me and my friends lives so I wasn't all that thrilled." Said Twilight.
"And now you let her live in your tree house?"
"CASTLE"
"From the way you described it it's a tree house, and I will NOT BE CONVINCED OTHERWISE." He said with a good laugh that they both shared.
"Well I'll be, he's the one asking the questions." The farm pony said with a giggle, that was joined in by the other mares. The two walked in to see them.
"What are all of you giggling about?"
"Oh nothing darling. Nothing at all." Rarity Added, starting another round of giggles.
"Well either way good news! Ill be able to have bracelets for you all by tomorrow afternoon!" Abe places his hand on Twilight's back as he kneels down. "Twilight helped me fine tune them to be more efficient. check it out" In response Twilight starts to move the poker chips around in circles with her magic before placing them back down.
"Its much easier and I can almost do everything I could back in Equestria!" She says hopping back and forth on her hoofs.
"The same should hold true for all of you, what ever you could do with your magic back in Equestria. You should be able to do with your bracelets." Abe said.
"AAW YEAH! I can't wait to be able to fly again!" Rainbow Dash said very loudly. All the girls started to talk with each other, saying what they wanna do first once they get their bracelets on. That's when the phone started to ring.
"Oh?" Abe says as he walks over to pick up the old landline phone. The static from the other side is harsh, the bad connection making it a bit difficult to hear the other person.
"Abe, Ya there?"
"Yeah, who else would it be? Nevermind what is this about?"
"Straight to the point, good we are both busy I'm sure. I am calling because its Reunion time again. Well in a few months, actually. But they make you RSVP way sooner now."
"Oh, yeah? And what makes you think this year is going to be any different? I haven't shown up for the past 6 years. why would I suddenly care now?"
"I figured you wouldn't, still gotta call though."
"Well thanks Jack, have a good night."
"Yeah you to, call if you change you-."
The mares were just staring at him as he hung up the phone. "Don't you know its rude to eavesdrop?" They all shared a sort of sad look with each other as they tried to find the right thing to say. Luckily Pinkie found something else first.
"What's this?" She asked as she pushed a pile of discolored 80's plastic and computer stuff at his feet. "I found it while looking for some playing cards and it looked really fun." She lifts up some old diskettes wiggling them "Look how floppy these are!" She says as she vigorously shook them.
"That's a really old computer, its pretty much trash to be honest. You know what though? It's got some games on it, let me show you."
They ended up messing around with the Commodore until it was time for them all to go to sleep. Happy to sleep downstairs, Abe dragged his cot and the computer downstairs. Pilling the computer in the corner of the basement. He would have left it upstairs if he wasn't certain the Pink one wouldn't keep herself up playing those text adventures. She got a little too intense with them.
He was happy to have the distraction for a bit, even if Dash, Applejack, and Rarity went back to playing cards pretty quickly. Getting to teach Twilight how to use a computer was a good first step, even if it was really basic stuff was sure to help her. After all if she wanted to help get with getting her friends all back home, she'd have to learn how to use a computer pretty quick.
Abe laid out the cot in the basement so he could sleep. He looked to the old Commodore System he had pilled in the corner and started to flip through the old floppy's. He found some of his old journals he had written as a teen. A smile covered his face as he remembered how writing things helped him relax when he was young. The simple sound of the keys, and the dull color of the screen as it hummed letting himself reflect. "Maybe a little nostalgia is just what I need right now."
I fixed a whole bunch of errors for you.
10065896
I don’t get it..
10065908
There were so many grammer problems in your writing I just decided to copy paste the whole story and fix the issues as I read it. Sorry if that sounds mean but I was just trying to help.