The Epilogue
Behold: a short epilogue to the prior events. There wasn't much to work with, seeing as how this time it only focused on Luna and I felt the joke had sorta ran it's course, so I tried to focus on instead using the diary delivery as a way to make entertaining Luna's misunderstanding of the situation!
Like all my work I don't think it's very high quality, it's something stupid and dumb I hammered out which probably would look better in a visual medium or written by someone else but, hey, it's here for those of you who do enjoy it so...yeah. 
One important new update: A BIG THANK YOU to SviMik who's proofreading for me now! This would not be possible without them and they have helped me enormously! Thank you!
Furthermore: For fans of the Idol-verse, there's now a Strawpoll where you, yes you, can make your voice heard about who you think should win the Idolbowl! Follow this link: https://www.strawpoll.me/19071791/r and let your voice be heard!
Extracts from the Diary of Her Royal Highness, Princess Luna, Diarch of the Moon, Guardian of all Dreams and Regal Sister to Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia:
Dear Diary,
Today was a momentous occasion! One that, I am sure, shall be inscribed in the annals of Equestria’s history for many a moon to come. As thou doth already know, inanimate object of mine, tis my solemn duty to raise and set the Moon (along with other sundry tasks) whilst my elder sister doth do the same to the Sun. Of course, during mine banishment my sister oversaw the movements of the Moon as well, so it is possible for one to do the duty of the other…if somewhat difficult.
Can you, then, guess what occurred? She asked myself to raise the Sun for her! I must confess to, secretly, always wishing to try to do so but, with all the trouble I hath caused, I wouldst never dream to impose so. What fortune, then, that she asked it of me on her own, unprompted! She truly does trust me; I can feel it. Perhaps soon she shalt give even more duties over to my charge? As of late she seemed to spend much more time sleeping during the morning hours, sleeping-in as it is said now I understand, than before.
Ah, but more importantly, I did it! I raised the Sun! With my own magic, with superb skill and precision, did I make that majestic orb rise exactly as instructed, exactly as Celestia would, without incident…well, perhaps not wholly without incident. There may have been some…bouncing involved, b-but it did not cause a panic! Fortunately, despite sister telling me otherwise, it doth seem the Censorship Bureau still exists in some form in this so-called ‘free press’. A short breakfast with the editors of the largest of these new-fangled newspapers and it was quickly assured to her that the incident would not be brought to anyone’s attention.
Perhaps this even is deserving of some celebration? I could always visit that establishment young Idol Hooves introduced me to again, I am certain I would enjoy myself there.
For now, though, I must go. Celestia will be waking soon, at last, and I wish to be there when she sees her Sun shining down and realizes I performed spectacularly. Not to impress her, of course, I…I am long past being that young Filly craving and resenting her older sister’s opinion in equal measure but…it does feel good to be relied upon, again, for the first time in so many moons.
Sincerely,
H.R.H. Princess Luna
Dear Diary,
I believe Shining Armor’s promotion to Captain of the Guard cannot come soon enough! As of late I have noticed a shockingly high instance of dereliction of duty! Why, I almost had one young Unicorn Mare, with only half her armour on, sentenced to the stockades…until sister reminded me, we no longer have stockades. I still for the life me cannot understand why that particular element was removed in my absence.
Regardless, it was not the first or last instance of laxity I hath noticed. Oft times I have found Guards mulling about almost in a malaise, stumbling on their hooves, and looking vapid as opposed to observant. Why, if I were to go Nightmare Moon again now, there would be none to warn Celestia before I hadst already made for Ponyville to steal the Elements of Harmony…not that I wouldst go Nightmare Moon again, of course, just…just an example.
I was quite disconcerted to even find one of mine own guards in such a state. The young Mothchaser, who almost fainted upon my revelation that I knew her name personally, had her armour in a state of utter disarray! Her mane too was a mess, as if she had just woken, and she seemed to have trouble standing upright on all four hooves! I tried to get some sort of answer out of her but all she would do is stand there mumbling and shaking. Even I couldst not maintain my wrath at such a pitiful sight and thus let her go with but a warning. It seems she is not yet aware that I hath had no formal authority over my own guards reinstated yet.
It is worrisome that this hath been allowed to happen! I shalt bring my concerns to Celestia post-haste, these circumstances cannot be allowed to continue!
Sincerely,
H.R.H. Princess Luna
Dear Diary,
I must confess that tonight something strange didst occur. My sister is an early sleeper, she hath so many duties do discharge in the day that she oft times is quite exhausted by the time I wake to rise the Moon. I try to ensure her sleep is peaceful, it is but the least that I can do, but not often do I slip into her dreams, even briefly, for I feel she may notice if I did so.
For some reason, even now I cannot for certain claim to know why, last night, as I finished my duties and returned home, I decided to slip into her dreams, if only for a moment, to see how they were. She has been…distracted of late, a little lazy I might even be bold enough to say, often I find her simply sprawled out, like some feline bathing in sunlight. I thought, maybe, I could ascertain some knowledge as to where this new, highly relaxed, state comes from her dreams.
Imagine my shock, and confusion, then, when she was not asleep! I sought her mind within the nexus of unconscious and dreaming thoughts, but she was not there! My sister, Princess Celestia was, to use common parlance, up long past her bedtime! This is quite unorthodox, but I imagined there might be some reasonable explanations. Perhaps meetings with some nobility? A national emergency? Even a cake run, perhaps! But…a thorough investigation the following day revealed nothing of the sort!
I considered asking her but, the following day, she seemed so relaxed and calm I didst not wish to create more tension for her. She seemed almost to slide from place-to-place, rather than walk, and a sort of vapid, blissful, smile never left her features. It was honestly almost unnerving to see my sister so…so…relaxed!
Still, something about this seems familiar in a way…but I am not certain yet how…my investigations shall continue, and I shall inform you of my findings soon!
Sincerely,
H.R.H. Princess Luna
Dear Diary,
Scandal! Absolute scandal! And she has the nerve to lecture me on propriety? You will not believe what my investigation last night hath unveiled!
As I informed you before, I didst choose to observe my sister, to see whence she went when she should have been sleeping. What I discovered was so shocking that I almost didst not believe it myself!
This secret may not leave this journal, for it could very well endanger the reputation of my sister in ways unimaginable. Are you prepared for this knowledge? For what I am about to commit to physical memory?
My sister, in the dark of night, snuck into some Stallion’s quarters like a common camp follower!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, how her ears shall burn when I reveal I know! How I shall return to her every pointed word, every sharp instruction she ever did give me of casual dalliances with our subjects! Ha!
Ironically, the guard whom she seems to have made her, I believe the term in this era is ‘booty call’, is one known quite well to me: Idol Hooves. A somewhat surprising choice, I must admit, I had always imagined my sister to desire a wilder sort. Idol is handsome, yes, but he is also almost always affecting some attempt to restrain himself, as if he fears almost any expression of his own will.
Still, tis not for me to judge where she finds her happiness. I shall tease her, torment her, but I shall mean no ill-will by it. After all, judging on how absolutely clueless she seems every morning, he must make her very happy indeed. I’m almost perplexed how one guard could possibly do so. One cannot help but wonder what sort of weapon Idol Hooves possesses below.
Hmm. Again I…I feel as if I have seen this state before…something about this…bears further investigation.
Sincerely,
H.R.H. Princess Luna
Dear Diary,
Ah-hah! The connection I hath made it! I had wondered why our own sister’s condition of late had plagued our thoughts so. At first, I thought it was simply the novelty of it. My sister is so defined, at all times, by her control, her stress, that to see her relaxed was almost like seeing a new side of her!
But now I realize I have seen this before! The vapid smile, the glazed eyes, the drooping wings, the shuddering haunches, the slurred responses, the slowed mental acuity, these are the same failings I had found in our guards as of late!
I have suspended Operation: Tease the Sun for now, once I made this connection, I felt there was something deeper here, something more than a simple paramour. Could it be food? Drink? Celestia is a glutton, who knows what she has consumed in the wee morning hours, when she thinks none can see her scarf an entire Gateau au Chocolat, as if she were some ravenous Diamond Dog.
I believe there is more to this than meets the eye, but I do not wish to alarm my sister. I do not think it is something nefarious…not yet at least…but I cannot shake my unease…something is…something is happening here, and I will get to the bottom of it.
Perhaps I’ll ask young Cadenza if she hath noted anything. She doth seem quite close to sister during the day.
Sincerely,
H.R.H. Princess Luna
Dear Diary,
Grave news! I fear something is wrong! Was I too optimistic? Didst I blind myself to harm? I do not know but I fear now that this is not some harmless condition! I fear that fell sorcery has infiltrated into the very highest echelons of Canterlot!
I continued my observations of Celestia and the guards and came to a shocking conclusion: all of them have been visiting Idol Hooves’ quarters in the evenings of late! At first I thought this was perhaps simply due to his reputation as a sort of Lothario among Stallions but, really, not even I am so gullible, there is simply no method by which it would be believable that Idol Hooves is some second-coming of Canternova (and I shouldst know! I personally knew Canternova!)
No, no, I fear he hath been replaced! By some wizard, or Changeling! They are known to be proficient in magic that twists the mind and heart, and what better place to hide than as the unassuming Idol Hooves? The idea that he might be some Changeling is patently ridiculous, none would suspect him of being so!
As I mentioned before I sought counsel with young Princess Cadenza but, alas, she hath fallen into whatever foul enchantment this is as well! When I came to find her, she displayed all the same slack-jawed, vapid, indolent, symptoms of the others! I was forced to beat a hasty retreat (A brief divergence: observing Cadenza to see if she too was frequenting Idol Hooves’ quarters, she was, revealed to me that she is also, in fact, the Pegasus Mare known as Emerald Gleam, who I hath seen many times in Shining Armor’s company!).
At this stage I sought to walk the dreams of the hapless victims, but I learned nought from it beyond that their sleep was deep and satisfying! I suppose I did learn that Cadenza has an enormously lewd imagination for young Shining Armor, and an idealized sense of his genitals…at least I hope they were idealized…if he really is packing that…no! Focus!
Alas, I fear that after I trod briefly in her dreams Celestia has been alerted to mine investigation! She hath been asking me pointed questions of late, if I felt stressed, if I wished to relax, I shan’t let her trap me! Not till I discover what hath occurred here!
I shalt save Equestria-
“Luna, are you in there?” The rapping of a hoof against her door made Luna jerk her neck around, magic reflexively flaring from her horn to return her journal to its hiding place.
“Luna I just want to talk for a bit, it isn’t serious, can I come in?” It was Celestia’s voice coming through. Luna knew the tone well; she had something pertinent she wished to discuss, she was using her ‘I’m so soft and sweet, no-one could possibly find me threatening’ voice, one Luna knew well, very well.
Still to outright refuse her now would raise suspicion, and so, Luna was forced to slide slowly from the sheets of her bed, horn lighting up to open the door.
“Of course, dearest sister, you may come in and-” Celestia stepped over the threshold as Luna spoke but right behind her came Princess Cadance as well; “-Cadenza? I did not expect you,” the pink Princess looked as if she would rather be anywhere else then between the older Alicorns, shifting her weight uncomfortably from one side to the other, flashing a painfully forced smile.
“W-well it’s, uh, we need to…um, d-discuss something with you…about…um…” Cadance’s pink hue made it easy for her to hide the light blush she had, Celestia, though, not so much.
“Ahem, Luna, I am aware you’ve been following me lately, I’m not upset, but I think you might have gotten the wrong idea about something. May we sit and talk?”
Discovered! Luna went rigid to the spot, eyes unblinking. Had she been that obvious? How long had Celestia known? She had to remain calm, had to play it cool, she couldn’t afford to arouse their suspicions any further.
“Of course! What possible reason could there be that we could not? We can all sit, can we not? Even a Foal knows how to sit! Sitting is easy, simple, watch, I’m sitting now, now I’m standing, now I’m sitting again, see? We can all sit, it’s easy! Sit, sit,” Luna babbled in a display of failed nonchalance that would make even Mothchaser cringe.
Cadance and Celestia shared a look, a particular kind of look, the sort that said; ‘oh boy, where do we begin?’ as both promptly sat down.
Celestia closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. Cadance chewed on a strand of her mane pensively, and Luna eyed the nearest window, judging how quickly she could slip out.
“I understand you’ve noticed…a change in my behaviour at times, of late. I want to assure you Luna, it’s nothing harmful or bad, it’s…well, I’ve just found an outlet recently, for my stress, the stress of rulership. It’s helped me to find ways to relax and calm down I didn’t know before, ways to enjoy being-are you trying to jump out the window Luna?”
Her torso half sticking out into the air, Luna turned back to Celestia.
“No?”
“Auntie, are you sure we should be doing this?” Cadance murmured, a bit of bitterness in her voice.
“Hush, Cadance, Luna deserves to know, she’s clearly been very worried, so I want to put her mind at ease and-”
“Hah! Stay away! You’ll not touch my mind!” Luna was on all fours, rocking on her hooves, horn glowing with magical light, as Cadance let out a sharp squeak, rapidly pushing away from Luna, and Celestia’s eyes widened.
“Luna, what are you doing? Calm yourself-”
“Never! Thou canst fool me! You hath both been enchanted! Now you wish to cloud my mind as well! To make me forgetful and foppish as you two, as the guards! I shalt not allow it!” She emphasized her point by bringing a hoof down firmly on the ground.
“Enchanted? What on earth is she talking about?” Cadance was up on her hooves now too, giving Celestia a confused look, as the tallest of the Alicorns shook her head.
“Luna, you’re being ridiculous, no-one here is under an enchantment or seeking to place anyone under an enchantment, if you’ll just give me a chance to explain-”
“That is what you would say if you WERE under an enchantment!” Luna pointed out, inducing a groan from Cadance, who pushed one hoof against her forehead, whilst Celestia rolled her eyes.
“Luna, really-” Celestia took one step forwards before a pillow, wrapped in Luna’s aura, came barrelling by, striking the alabaster Alicorn in her regal face, forcing her to stumble back.
“Luna! Please! You are being a child!”
“Save your words, I won’t be deceived!”
Cadance had clearly had enough, giving a disgruntled groan. “This is getting us nowhere, look, it’ll be easier just to demonstrate, Idol, get in here now,” the door creaked open behind Luna and she slowly turned about, a dawning sense of horror growing in her as she saw what stepped through the door.
“Hello, Your Majesty, Your Majesty and...Your Majesty, forgive my unworthy intrusion,” there, in all his humble, forgettable, unassuming glory, was Idol.
Or, as Luna now knew, the evil wizard/changeling/shapeshifter who’d infiltrated Canterlot!
“So, you show your true colours at last, eh? I am surprised you have not shed that form yet,” it was most likely only because Luna was accustomed to seeing Idol as a blank, expressionless, slate that she missed how those words almost seemed to make the young guard faint on the spot.
“I’M NOT A-”
“Luna don’t be petty! Idol is here to demonstrate what we wanted to talk about! If you’d just let us explain-”
“No! No explanations! Your lies can’t fool me! What have you done with the real Idol?” She whirled on the impostor, who backed away, eyes almost bulging out of his head.
“R-real Idol? I’m not a-”
“I can feel a migraine coming on, if she won’t let us explain we’ll just show her, Idol,” Cadance’s voice cut through the commotion, both Luna and Idol looking back at her, as the Princess of Love nodded.
“Do it,”
What followed was a blur. Luna reacted almost instantly, a hoof lunging out towards Idol…only to sweep through empty air a moment later. From the corner of her eye she caught him behind her now, lunging for her back, hooves outstretched. She prepared her horn, magic lighting up, preparing for a spell as his hooves touched down and…and…and…
.
.
.
.
.
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”
Being in the presence of one Alicorn was overwhelming enough for Idol, being in the presence of all three? With no-one else around? The poor Pony almost felt as if his heart would stop.
“So…Idol…” Luna spoke first…well, slurred first, drooping forwards on her throne, a wide smile plastered over her face, as she seemed to speak…but then tapered off into nothing.
Idol spent a good minute waiting for her to say more before he attempted to prompt with a; “Yes, Your Majesty,” but it proved unnecessary as Cadance, having accidentally slid back, squeaked loudly and shot up in her seat, after her wings brushed against the back of her throne.
“R-right! W-we’re here to give you your new job! New job!” The Princess babbled, the sudden stimulation having roused her from her hazy state, as Celestia and Luna both gave awkward, bobbing nods.
“Yes that’s…~mhmmm~…that’s right. Idol Hooves, as of now we’ve decided to officially promote you to our Royal mass…masseu…massoe…uhh…” Celestia seemed to struggle to recall the word, her glazed eyes blinking, long, slender, eyelashes fluttering, as her tongue stuck out between her plump lips.
“Massage Stallion! Personal massager!” Luna triumphantly came to the rescue, one hoof raised high…as she slid from her throne on to the floor as if she were some limp noodle.
“Mhmm-hmm, mhmm-hmm,” Cadance gave her vaguely mumbled consent to the royal decree, her mane still a frazzled mess from the session before.
“Um, pardon my brazen disrespect, Your Majesties but…do I get a say in this?”
“No Idol. No you do not,” and with that Idol’s mouth snapped shut. After all, one didn’t argue with princesses. Even if one felt like a mouse before three very, very, hungry lions.
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Wunderbar, superb, and a triumph. These are all terms I would use to describe this.
Don’t be silly Woona, no one could imitate Idol Hooves, he’s one of a kind. And changelings aren’t real, everyone knows that.
>Idol Hooves
>A Changeling
Wow Luna you are falling for Staliongrad propaganda. I can't believe you would fall for such conspiracy.
Great story.
and in the palace gossip circle , yup hooves has seduced all the mares in the guard and even all THREE PRINCESS he unstoppable he a legend
I think I've said it before, but how the hell you avoid the 'fetish' tag is beyond me. If Celestia isn't getting off from Idol's massages, then I don't know what she's doing.
Man I love this side story so much it kills.
Also, Luna was painfully close to finding Idol out.
Hmm... Wonder if this would be considered as "technically she knows, so I don't have to hide my changeling status from her" ruling?
Getting some "Small pony book" vibes from that phrase.
'Course, now knowledge Idol's prowess with 3 princesses shall be spread throughout the castle, and with such endorsement.... Well, our little plan of spreading fully-charged love crystals across Canterlot might just gain merit.
I'm fucking dead she nearly had the truth omfg
10006589
Thank you!
Luna can be so silly! Next she'll be saying something patently ridiculous, like that Idol Hooves has a herd, what silly, silly nonsense.
10006653
You have to guard your mind at all times!
10006797
Thank you!
10006832
Idol Hooves is Legend
10006874
But nothing lewd is happening! They are just relaxed! Just a really good massage! Nothing lewd!
10007107
I kinda wished I had captured better that Idol almost has a heart attack when she says what she says, cause he legitimately thought he'd been found out for a moment, but didn't want to sidetrack into a long examination of his thoughts when the story had sort of only been told out of Luna's head till that point.
10007125
A situation where the three Princesses all know he's a Changeling but help him hide it could be a pretty funny comedy set-up. Also the love must be spread further! Huzzah.
10007588
I don't know what you are talking about? What truth! There is no truth, Idol Hooves is not a Changeling.
derpicdn.net/img/2015/3/25/856610/large.gif
Luna: NANNI?!
10007859
Not far off actually! My inspiration for that scene was a sequence in the anime War on Geminar which basically is like that, yes!
That whole paragraph is patently ridiculous, but that's probably why I'm laughing at it so hard.
I had fun rereading this again when the epilogue hit. It's fucking great
I bet it'll be fun for Twilight when she joins the Princess club
10011186
Glad you're as much of a fan of the dramatic irony as I am!
10011285
Maybe! At the rate Vdrake is going though we may well only see Alicorn Twilight enter into the main canon of Changeling of the Guard in the year 3000!
10011285
I also just reread this and it's amazing. But just wait for the gen4 ending to become cannon in CTOG, then you'll have Flurry heart adult as well and that would make 5 of them.
three drunk lions, maybe
I would just like to point out that this is one of the best side story that I have ever read.
If not removed from the Royal Guard, i totally love to see it as canon
👏
10006832
So good that not one mare will divulge his secrets.
Now excuse me while I resume cackling like a deranged goose that swallowed a tank of laughing gas.
What other services could he offer?
camo.fimfiction.net/7XtCXevJjDgqkKGAIHkTRfgxrCeaEehwY2qV3TbvFcI?url=https%3A%2F%2F64.media.tumblr.com%2F1066b7fe948ed2b7255ada482d77c24d%2Ftumblr_pin0834tIa1u4fzdzo1_1280.png