The Poorly-Planned Pink Pony Protector

by Nebbie

The Punchline

The four were all in the bathtub, having the first bit of relaxation in the strange day. Rarity of course was still scrubbing herself even with the last bits of mud off.

"Are you sure it's all gone, Applejack?" she asked.

"Rarity, for the last darn time, it's mud, it ain't like some kind o' fancy perfume that lingers in every little hair, me and Dash were covered in paint and we're spotless, you ain't got nothin' to worry about!" the farmpony said sternly.

"Very well, I guess we shall be going, then," Rarity said with a flick of her mane, putting it back to its normal shape.

"Aww, I wanted to blow more bubbles with Gummy!" said Pinkie, earning a facehoof from Dash.

"Ya can do that later, sugarcube, let's get to Twilight's," Applejack replied, leading everypony out the door.

It wasn't a minute later that they exited Sugarcube Corner to see their worst nightmare: the auto-painting machine wreaking havoc on the town. Twilight flew overhead towards it, but in her haste, smashed right into a sign.

"Twilight! You okay, darling?" asked Rarity.

"I uh...whoa I uh...my horn hurts. I think I'm fine, though," replied the alicorn as she took back to the skies...and promptly failed to cast a basic magic beam at the contraption, having it blow up in her face and send her cartwheeling off into some houses.

"Of course their machine goes crazy, and the one pony who could stop it doesn't look where she's going!" Dash said before crossing her forehooves.

"Twilight may be out of commission, but we can sure do something. You two think o' somethin' smart while I go try to help Twilight!" said Applejack as she ran.

Rarity scratched her chin a bit before noticing Spike running and carrying a stack of strange items that could only be Twilight's over-prepared selection of emergency disaster tools.

"I'll make sure the little dear can use those, perhaps you can do something with Pinkie's, erm...abilities?" said Rarity with a glint in her eye.

Rainbow looked to the smiling Pinkie a moment and gulped while Rarity trotted off.

"This better work..." she said as she grabbed the pink pony, putting her over her shoulder like a bazooka, rear pointing at the oncoming contraption.

She gave the tail a pull, and with the usual noise and confetti, an anvil shot out like a cannonball...and missed completely.

"Typical," was all Dash could say as the machine went after a certain gray pegasus.

Derpy gave a screech as it utterly splattered her into a red mess...of a pony covered in red paint. She of course then smiled and flew off, not seeming to care anymore.

Rainbow rolled her eyes before unloading another shot, this time...just a huge sputter and a lot of confetti.

"Hehe, I may have a few times cleaned up confetti with my tail. It's a good sweeper," said Pinkie as Dash made a groan of annoyance.

Meanwhile, the battle raged on, and Rose screamed for over a minute as the machine came towards her, finally brushing past lightly and dramatically touching her cheek. She swooned and fainted with a scream before playing dead, putting on a face like her head had been taken off by the complete-opposite-of-brutal impact.

Rainbow tried a third yank, and this time, a wrench flew out. it went right in where Rarity had managed to get a panel open, and many clanking sounds were made as it hit the inner gears of the machine. The whole contraption seized up and shook, stopping completely with a lurch.

Spike was the first to cheer...only to be hit all over his front by one last spurt of red paint. Rarity leaped to him, getting on her knees and holding his legs.

"Why him? Why-hy-hy? Why!? He was so young!" she cried as she begged hysterically.

"Uh, Rarity, I'm fine," he said, as the fashionista continued to bawl.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and set Pinkie down as Applejack returned carrying a dazed Twilight.

"Good work, ya'll, turns out an alicorn's weakness is signs," she remarked as she set down the dizzy princess.

"It was uh...it came out of nowhere!" she tried to say in her defense.

"Uh-huh. Look, now that that's taken care of, think you can get the Cutie Mark Crusaders out of Pinkie? She kind of...ate them...with her tail, so if you've got some kind of magical laxative that works on whatever is going on in there, we could use it," Rainbow said with a very serious expression.

"Yeah, I can fart things back out, but it's kinda random, and I guess not every pony thinks being random makes everything more fun," Pinkie said with a confused look.

Twilight stared blankly for several moments, trying to comprehend what she'd just heard.

"I...I...just meet me at the treehouse and I'll bring Zecora," she said, before trotting off in a hurry, grabbing Spike from Rarity along the way.

---

Everypony was silent as Twilight and Zecora worked tirelessly on potions. Pinkie, of course, couldn't stand it.

"But what if I play some musi-" she tried to ask before Rarity grabbed her lips and yanked them hard.

The glare on the white unicorn's face was one that made angel Pinkie pack up her bags and move to Dash's shoulder, while devil Pinkie tried to play tough for a moment, only to wet herself and run into the bathroom door in Pinkie's ear. Pinkie herself just sweated and gulped.

"Got anythin' yet, sugarcube? We're gettin' restless," asked Applejack.

Twilight sighed before presenting a bubbling green goo that looked about ready to try to jump out and terrorize them.

"It's all we've got, but it's worth a shot," said Zecora as she put a hoof comfortingly on Twilight's shoulder.

"Right, just be ready if something...unexpected happens, Applejack. I've never made a potion like this before. Just follow the instructions carefully and she shouldn't blow up," Twilight said worryingly.

"Um...ya'll sure this is a good idea?" the farmpony asked.

"Well, we could try feeding it to an animal, one that we would miss less if it exploded. Fluttershy might not be too fond of it, but at least we wouldn't be putting our friend in danger..." Twilight trailed off as she checked a clipboard of testing protocols.

"ENOUGH!" yelled Rainbow as she swiped the potion from Twilight's magic and shoved it in Pinkie's mouth, forcing the pink pony to gulp it down.

Everypony stared in shock for a moment as Pinkie started to turn red the moment the flask left her mouth. A moment later, she began to vibrate and swell up like a balloon while squeaking in panic. Rainbow let out a few murmurs of "oh no no no", fearing the worst, as Rarity and AJ backed away slowly.

Pinkie bit her lip and grunted, straining like she was trying to take the biggest dump of her life. A few moments later, the first sputters of air came out. She then made one big grunt as suddenly, she deflated and raised up as a totem pole of the three fillies sitting atop each other appeared from out her rear. Apple Bloom was on bottom, looking slightly shocked; Scootaloo was in the middle, clearly more disturbed; and Sweetie Belle was on top...head still stuck inside and muffledly saying words quite inappropriate for a filly.

Pinkie strained a moment more as Sweetie's head came free with a sputter, and hopped off while sighing in relief. Sweetie appeared absolutely mortified and lost her lunch into a nearby trash bin.

"If next time it's that or certain doom, I don't care that her farts taste like cotton candy, I'm choosing certain doom!" the white filly angrily declared.

Rarity leapt to her and hugged her, planting a few cheek kisses and nuzzling her. "Oh Sweetie Belle, you're okay."

"I wouldn't go that far..." Sweetie said with a slight eye twitch before whispering into Rarity's ear how it was inside.

Rarity responded with a similar eye twitch, and held the filly tight.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash trotted over more calmly to hug their little sisters as Twilight wiped away some sweat from her forehead.

"Now what did ya'll learn about runnin' from punishment?" Applejack asked.

"Uh...ask what you're signin' up for?" Apple Bloom replied.

Scootaloo sighed.

"Don't try it or Rainbow Dash will just catch you anyways," the orange filly said with a groan.

"Good answer, squirt. Now, what do you two think is a good punishment?" Rainbow asked with a smirk.

Rarity hmmed a moment before getting an evil grin as Twilight Sparkle and Zecora began doing some testing on a rather under-the-weather looking Pinkie Pie, complete with a small cloud above her head that was threatening to rain.

The CMC looked to each other and gulped in unison, as if this would be their last moments.

"I do believe that Sweetie has suffered enough what with ponies'...bodily functions," Rarity said with a horrified shudder.

"I s'pose Apple Bloom and Scootaloo got it almost as bad...how about they just clean everythin' up and we call it even?" suggested Applejack.

The CMC breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Well...okay, but Scootaloo is also my maid for a week and has to do everything I say!" added Rainbow Dash.

"Ugh, fine!" replied Scootaloo, trying to hide a slight blush.

Twilight giggled as she came over.

"Now that that's all sorted out, anypony want to help Pinkie recover? The potion seems to have dehydrated her and Zecora's not sure another one to help would be wise," she said.

"Of course, darling! Applejack, why don't you give the fillies a bath while me and Rainbow help out Pinkie," Rarity replied.

"On it!" Applejack said as she scooped the three up and ran for the bathroom.

Rainbow immediately rolled her eyes as she spotted the now-raining cloud.

"Typical Pinkie..."

Comments

[Frazzle2Dazzle]

Well, they were certainly the butt of the joke...

....I’ll see myself out.

[6-D Pegasus]

this was so silly and adorable hehe