What is mob to a king, what is a king to a god, and what is a god to non believer?
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When Twilight fought Starlight over Equestria's future, they were sent again to the timeline when changelings conquered Equestria, but this time is different, this time a new general is leading the changeling's army, and his name is General Eclipse.
Happening in the events of season 5 finale.
cover by CrimsonRose
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This looks very interesting. I look forward to reading more of it soon.
Is General Eclipse Shining Armor?
9656609
No he is an original character
I think you are missing a name here.
9658369
Thank you and what do you think about the story?
9658423
Haven't read it yet. Was browsing for stories to read later and this caught my eye. Will read it tonight adter I am done with work.
9658429
You never told me, did you enjoyed the story?
It should be where they are, as the way you formatted it seemed like a question rather than a statement.
You missed the 'o' in 'over'.
I think you meant 'as'.
'Unicorns' is plural. Unless you were talking about both Twilight and Starlight, which is a bit unlikely since you referred to Starlight on her own after the comma, you should change 'unicorns' to 'unicorn' to fit.
Other than that, this is pretty well-written and I am definitely intrigued. Followed and tracked as I'm typing this. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, as even myself have a lot of mistakes in my stories and I've been writing for 6 years, just make sure that you reread the chapters and edit them as you find the mistakes. But if you're not sure if of a mistake, you could always got to a group and request help from an editor, or you could ask me for help.
click the image for important news
memegenerator.net/img/instances/41091913/what-a-twist.jpg
9656609
now you know who is eclipse
I came here because you posted asking for reviews.
I am not a huge fan of time travel stuff in general... it just depends on how it goes... That having been said, I shall begin.
Starting with the bad...
There were quite a few grammar errors throughout the chapter.
It struck me as odd that Starlight would be so passive in this chapter, making it feel as if something were missing. Perhaps a scene of her and Twilight continuing their argument from the fight and then realizing that the map is gone... I don't know.
I know it is difficult to make Zecora rhyme like she should and still make sense, but she doesn't sound herself while not rhyming.
I didn't feel any emotional weight to what was happening throughout the chapter, but specifically when Zecora was killed. Maybe Twilight isn't worried about it because it is a timeline that hopefully will get wiped out, but more likely she would be horrified instinctively at the brutality of it if nothing else.
On to the good...
The action was fun and paced well.
Eclipse was well described and seems interesting.
The map missing certainly causes a situation that may force Starlight to be sort of cooperative, and I have no idea where you are going with that.
See you again after chapter 2.
9687754
Thank you very much
9687754
Enjoy chapter 5 it's my favorite
9688228
I will keep that in mind, and I will leave comments so you know how far I have made it.
This chapter felt a little vague and rushed to me. Pinkie ignoring Twilight didn't make sense if they are just walking from somewhere to somewhere else.
Twilight having a bad dream about Eclipse is great.
Also... that very last bit... I am curious to see where that goes.
9689497
remember doc, Just keep reading
It's a grim picture of Equestria, fitting in well with what had been done in the similar timeline from the episode.
General Eclipse reminds me a bit of Darth Vader. There's no doubt about your villains being just evil and nasty through and through, haha.
Rarity has been mentioned as being enslaved for two chapters now... did he cut off her horn? I don't think you had said. If not, why not?
I know you set up the bounty hunters, but don't those guys usually work alone or in small groups? How many Everfree Resistance are there?
Details! More details!
9691442
That is how you keep interest in your reader, my friend and I am star wars nerd
9691442
Okay Eclipse didn't cut Rarity's horn, The resistance is not big.
9691442
and please check my and my friends' latest story the canterlot guild
9691499
If he didn't cut Rarity's horn, you'll probably need to explain why at some point. Especially considering that he will kill his own people for little provocation, it's going to need a reason for him to not have done that.
If you have other stories that are setting up things for the story… They should either be explained in the story or listed in the description on the story that the other should be read first. No biggie.
9691683
I will explain it in further chapters.
9691683
I will explain it in further chapters. But did you like the twist?
9691790
With the CMC showing up or Applejack being in charge of the Bounty Hunters? Or was there something else that I missed?
9691818
Sunburst being eclipse
9691892
Hmm, I didn't catch that. I will look back at the chapter when I have a minute to figure out why I didn't get it.
I'm not sure I buy everyone being so quick to believe Twilight about time travel... sure, it took a little convincing, but really... very little.
Twilight and Starlight seem to be far less interactive than I would have thought. Considering how they got here, I would think they would be having some long conversations about it.
Also, I looked back through the last two chapters and couldn't find the reveal about Sunburst. So... I'm either just not seeing it, haven't gotten to it yet, or it maybe unclear. When he saw Starlight on the memory scanner, that would have been a time to drop a hint about it, if he'd had a reaction of some kind.
Such excitement!
I do like some action.
You could definitely go much further into the details of this.
Good description on the broken wing.
I finally have finished!
I now understand our confusion. If someone post a comment to the main story, the comment may get placed on the last posted chapter. So that's why you thought I had previously finished before I got here.
I do think this is an interesting take on another timeline that could have spun off from the episode. The map missing will require explanation, as will a few other details we already talked about.
For my taste, your writing style is a bit spartan in that I like more details and more tease that something is coming before you deliver it.
Write on, I say!
9694467
So you like it?
So... my O.C. is never going to be in this story ?
9717042
I forgot, but he would be in my other oc story Metal and Blood where he will have a cameo
Spelling mistake... 'Cloudsdale
Much like other stories, there are some grammatical and spelling mistakes, but they won't be hard to spot and then fix. The descriptions are great; there could always be some more thoughts from the character's point of view, but that isn't a huge necessity. Fine piece, indeed.
9835001
Yeah, not using website for grammar anymore, in my next stories, I'll use editors and proofreaders.
9835001
And what did you think of Eclipse?
9835012
But wow, he accomplished a lot.. yay? 
Okay, good idea. And I.. find him terrifying..
It's sort of weird.. I once trained a horse named Eclipse
9835034
So you like the twist.
9835071
Definitely gets an upvote from me
Yeah.. I do..
This sounds like it has a sequel in the works.