Two for two
Friends have benefits
Chapter Two: Two for Two
With much less enthusiasm than he had that morning, Soarin flew back towards Ponyville. He flew slowly, trying to forestall the inevitable awkward meeting he knew he would have.
“What are the chances? I have a one night stand that I can hardly remember with the pony that ends up being my boss? Imagine that!” He snorted in false amusement. If this was somepony else, he would be laughing uproariously. But no, life had decided to pull an almost literal dick move on him and made him, in the space of a day, into a bad joke. He pushed his musings aside as he broke through a cloud and Ponyville came into sight. It was much larger than he had originally thought; then again he had only had a brief glimpse of the town that morning when fleeing from Rainbow Dash’s house. A few buildings caught his eye, namely what appeared to be an elegant town hall, a building that was either imitating a tree or in fact was a large tree and a novelty bakery which had the appearance of a massive, yet orderly stack of baked goods. Soarin’s seemingly bottomless stomach growled as the tantalising smell of cakes, confectionery and other baked goods invaded his nostrils.
“No more food, I already fed you!” he barked at his stomach.
His stomach gurgled back. Apparently it didn’t like its master’s suggestion.
“Okay, maybe later.” He compromised.
His stomach purred happily back.
“Smells good doesn’t it!” A feminine voice piped up from behind him.
His wings almost locking up in surprise, Soarin turned his head towards the voice. A pink earth pony on some insane flying contraption flew through the air nonchalantly next to him. Soarin wasn’t sure if the fact that the pony had somehow managed to sneak up on him or if the impossibly wide smile on her face scared him more.
She grinned that impossible grin at him for a moment longer. “I’m Pinkie Pie!” She yelled above the wind.
“Uh… Hi?” Soarin said, unsure of how to deal with the flying pink pony.
“Hey I know you! You were at the Best Young Fliers Competition; you were one of the Wonderbolt judges. Hey you’re a Wonderbolt! Ooo! Are you here on some super-secret mission from Celestia? Are there going to be ninjas? Or super villains with big death rays? I love those! Is he a cake themed villain? I mean everypony knows that all good super-villains are really bakers at heart.”
Soarin looked from side to side in panic. This… this… pink menace… was starting to make his head hurt and she’d been talking for less than a minute.
“Shush!” Soarin said, hovering and place a hoof over her mouth.
“Can the giant death ray make cake? Or cakes in pie shells? Or pie in pie shells? What flavour would a pie-pie be? Ooh! Maybe, the evil villain wouldn’t have a pie-pie but a cake-pie? Or would it be Pie-cake? Cake-pie, pie-cake, cake-pie, pie-cake… What do you think?” She continued, oblivious to Soarin’s hoof across her mouth.
“Shut up, will you shut up!” Soarin yelled, shoving his hoof in her mouth, abruptly cutting of the torrent of words.
“Okay, that’s better.” Soarin muttered. “Now I’m sorry I had to do that Ms Pie, but you’re making my head hurt. Now, I need to find a Pegasus named Rainbow Dash, you wouldn’t know where she is would you?”
The mare blabbed something incomprehensible, causing Soarin to shake his head. “I’m going to take my hoof out of your mouth and you’re not going to start talking again okay?”
Cautiously, Soarin removed his hoof from the pink pony’s mouth.
“Do you know a Rainbow Dash?”
She nodded.
“Can you tell me where she is?”
Pinkie stared moving her hooves around and gesturing as if she was playing charades.
Soarin rolled his eyes at her literal interpretation of his orders. “You can talk okay. Just as long as you promise not to make my head hurt again okay?”
“Okie doki loki!” She said bouncily.
“Can you tell me where Rainbow Dash is?”
“Sure I can.”
Soarin floated there for a moment, waiting for her to go on.
“So… are you going to tell me?”
“Sure, you can probably find her at Sweet Apple Acres or clearing clouds somewhere. But based on the fact that there are no clouds, I’d say she’s already done that and is napping.
“Thank you, why didn’t you just tell me all of that in the first place?”
“You asked if I could tell you when Dashie is, not if I would.” She said simply.
“Thank you, now could you just leave me alone?”
“But if I leave you alone how can we be the bestest of friends?” Pinkie asked, giving him an ‘Oh you!’ look.
“What… No. I’m not your friend. I don’t want to be your friend.”
“Sure you’re my bestest friend. I’m already planning a ‘Welcome Wonderbolt to Ponyville’ party just for you!”
“No. No I’m not. And you’re not throwing a party just for me.”
“Yes I am.”
“No you’re not!”
“Yes I am.”
“Hey look! Something shiny!” Soarin cried out, pointing at the ground.
“Ohhh where!” Pinkie asked, looking over the edge of her gyrocopter at the ground. Not seeing another out of the ordinary, she snapped her head back up, a stern look on her face. “Hey, there isn’t anything shiny there, you just said that… to… make… a distraction…” She said slowly, noticing that her friend had vanished.
“Maybe he’s a magician.” Pinkie pondered aloud, wondering where her newest friend could have gotten to.
“Celestia, what cruel joke are you playing on me?” Soarin asked as he sped through the town, flying low to avoid being spotted by Pinkie Pie. ‘Pinkie Pie? More like ‘The Pink Menace’. She could be a super villain in her own right.’ Soarin thought, shivering at the possibility. If Pinkie ever found a reason to become evil, he wanted to be several continents away when it happened. He was brought out of his thoughts as he suddenly arrived at the edge of a large market square. Dozens of merchants clamoured and yelled, each trying to convince shoppers to part with their hard earned bits.
One voice cut through the jumble of noises though, a voice that reignited some spark of memory in him.
“Apples, buy ya apples here! Finest apples in all of Equestria right here!”
That voice, he knew that voice. Pie. Apples… Apple Pie. That pony, whoever it was had sold him apple pie. Not just any apple pie, but the best apple pie he had ever had. A flood of memories came back.
...
‘I’ll have that big apple pie!’…
’My pie!’ …
‘Nom nom nom, nom nom…’
...
Soarin wasn’t sure how important that last one was, but he was overjoyed that he had remembered something, Anything. He scrambled around the market, looking for the source of the voice. He finally narrowed it down to an orange earth pony wearing a ridiculous Stetson.
“You!” he cried. “You sold me that pie! I remember!” He yelled almost leaping on the poor mare.
“Urrr… ah did?” She said, backing away from Soarin slightly.
“Yeah, you did. It was delicious! Thanks!”
“Umm… Thanks?” she said, putting on an obviously fake smile.
“You made me remember!” Haha!” He grinned widely, scarring the cowpony even more.
“Umm.. Can ah help you?”
“Not really, but thanks!” Soarin said, leaving the orange apple farmer even more confused. He suddenly wheeled around to face her; a not so subtle connection brig formed.
“Actually, you wouldn’t happen to know where Sweet Apple Acres is would you?”
‘Well that was convenient.’ Soarin thought as he flew through the air. ‘What were the chances of finding the owner of Sweet Apple Acres heh?’
After explaining to the slightly sceptical apple farmer that he was looking for Rainbow Dash, she was all too happy to help him. She had even given him directions to the tree she usually slept in.
It was at this point, as Soarin was gliding over the orchard, that he realised that all the trees looked the same, even with the farmers directions, he was having trouble finding his way. He hovered in confusion for a moment.
“How on Equestria can she tell them apart?” Soarin muttered, amazed that the mare could see a difference between all the nearly identical trees.
Deciding he would search a few trees more thoroughly to find his quarry, Soarin swooped down and landed on a branch. Peering around quizzically, Soarin spotted his target. By extraordinary luck or Celestia’s guidance, she was a few branches beneath him snoozing peacefully.. Awkwardly shifting his weight on the branch, Soarin prepared to jump down next to her. Now to make something clear, as Soarin was more accustomed to the city of Cloudsdale (Which didn't have trees) than the ground, let’s just say that he hadn’t exactly nailed the whole ‘Landing in a tree’ thing down pat. It came to Soarin’s great surprise then, when the branch he was on decided that the bulky Pegasus that had rudely landed on it was far too heavy and needed to be taught a lesson in tree climbing. Therefore, it concluded the best thing to do would be to promptly snap in half.
Luckily for Soarin he learnt his lesson rather quickly.
Unluckily for Soarin, he now found himself suspended in mid-air and at the mercy of gravity.
And gravity is a heartless bitch.
Soarin fell unceremoniously through the tree, twigs whipping at his face and wings. With a loud crash he fell on top of the sleeping Rainbow Dash, startling her awake and causing the two to end up in a rather awkward position.
“Get off me you great oaf!” Dash yelled, angry her precious nap time had been disturbed.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” Soarin apologised.
“Sure you di-. HEY, It’s you! What are you doing her- oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!” Rainbow Dash spewed, her emotions changing faster than a changeling's disguise.
“Hi?”
“You’re a Wonderbolt!” Dash spewed.
“Was…”
“You’re Soarin!” More word vomit.
“Yes I a-.” Soarin said, rolling his eyes. 'Not another fan…' he thought.
“I’m your biggest fan, I mean seriously. I go to all your shows and have all the mer-.”
For the second time that day Soarin stuck his hoof in a mare’s mouth.
“Shush.” He said simply.
Dash spat his hoof out. “I don’t want that thing in my mouth.”
“You probably had worse in there last night, if I’m one to guess.” Soarin remarked dryly.
Rainbow blushed furiously. “Oh yeah… that… I wasn’t sure if it really happened. I woke up and you weren’t there... I wasn’t sure…” She looked away from Soarin sheepishly. “I was very drunk last nigh-.”
“Trust me. I know.” Soarin said bluntly. “You also got me very drunk. I had one hell of a hang-over.”
The two lapsed into an awkward silence for several minutes, neither sure how to break the metaphorical ice.
“Umm.. Could you get off me maybe?” Dash eventually asked.
“What? Oh right.” Soarin said embarrassedly. Somehow both of them had failed to realise that Soarin was still on top of her.
“So… um… Soarin, what brings you out here? Don’t suppose you’re bringing me my invitation to the Wonderbolts.”
“The Wonderbolts don’t work like that. Besides, I’m not a Wonderbolt anymore.”
“I mean I should have got a… what?” Her mouth fell open in surprise.
“You’d probably know I had a big crash a couple of months ago. I was pronounced unfit for duty and discharged from service yesterday.” Soarin explained glumly.
Rainbow Dash winced.
“Well if you’re not in the Bolts, why are you here? You’re not coming on to me are you?”
“Look lady, I’m more attracted to that tree over than I am to you. At least the tree can’t get drunk and go crazy.”
Rainbow bristled angrily at the comment.
“Good, because… I don’t like you either. You’re… Too… Too… I don’t know. And I do have a name you know. You should know it, we're not exactly strangers” She said gruffly.
“Sorry, MISS Rainbow Dash, I’ve only heard of you since this morning.”
Dash’s mouth fell open again.
“But what about at the royal wedding, you asked me to dance with you. Or the Gala? I saved your pie. And what about the Best Young Fliers Competition? We hung out for the day! I’m like the coolest Pegasus in all of Equestria, how can you not remember me?”
“I don’t remember any of that. Just the pie. Some sort of amnesia from the accident the doc said.”
Dash harrumphed and crossed her forelegs in frustration. “Well maybe we can jog your memory then. Is that why you’re here?”
“No, I’m here because of a job.”
“Which job?”
“Weather control. You’re my new boss.”
“What?” Rainbow said flatly. ”No. No. That can’t be right”
Soarin nodded.
A quiet squee escaped her mouth before she managed to regain her composure. “Alright! You think you’ve got what it takes to join my team? Of course he does, he’s a Wonderbolt!” She squealed, her fangirl side breaking through again.
“Luna’s skies, I was a Wonderbolt get over it; you didn’t have any trouble dealing with it last night.” Soarin groaned.
“Yeah… Well… I was drunk.” Rainbow Dash countered. “I didn’t even recognise you.”
Soarin covered his face with a hoof. “I know… You were insufferable”
“Hey, I won’t take that sort of rudeness from nopony! Up you get, by the time I’m done with you; you’ll be the finest weather control Pegasus in all of Equestria!” She jabbed him hard in the ribs, causing Soarin to yelp in surprise.
“I think there are rules about workplace abuse!” he countered, glaring at her fiercely.
“I make the rules here chump, now up!” She barked.
Soarin groaned and lifted himself up into the clear sky, the pushy mare right behind him. She pointed out a small clump of clouds in the distance and glided off towards them at a leisurely pace. As she passed him, Soarin could hear her singing a boastful little song that went something along the lines of ‘I get to boss around a Wonderbolt, I get to boss around a Wonderbolt…’
“Not sure how much bossing around you did last night. I’m the Alpha male when it comes down to it.” Soarin jeered, hoping to get a rise out of the hot-headed Pegasus. While he would have rather forgotten the previous night ever happened, he decided he may as well make the best of it while he could.
Rainbow narrowed her eyes at him and stopped singing. “Are you going to keep making jokes about that?” She asked.
“Only if I keep getting a reaction out of you.” Soarin said with a cruel smile.
“You know, for one of my role models, you’re a real jerk. You were much nicer before you got amnesi-whatsit.”
“Oh, maybe that’s where you get the alpha-bitch personality from. In fact, you were nicer when you were drunk, if maybe a bit more… grabby.”
“Well… You… You have a small dick.” Rainbow stuttered, unable to come up with a good comeback.
“Oh look out, falling back on the old dick jokes, at least it wasn’t a ‘Your mum’ joke.” Soarin shot back dryly.
Rainbow Dash snorted and flew a little faster. The clouds were closer now, the white puffs almost beckoning to Soarin to sleep on them
“Right! As a weather Pegasus, you have to know how to do a good buck.” Rainbow said, taking control of the conversation again.
“Yeah I do.” Soarin snickered.
Dash glared at him again. “One more word and I’ll conveniently forget you’re a Wonderbolt and break your wings. And then I’ll leave you on a cloud. Are we clear?” Much to Soarin’s surprise she looked deadly serious.
“Yes Ma’am.” He said, trying to not sound sarcastic.
“Good, now give this cloud you best shot.” Rainbow barked, eyeing him cautiously.
Soarin span around and bucked the cloud as hard as he could. The cloud made a sad *pomf* sound, almost as if it was complaining about being snuffed out of existence.
“Not bad, not bad.” Rainbow said, “You don’t need to hit it so hard though. You do that to a thundercloud and you’ll end up blacker than a bad OC.”
“A what?” Soarin asked.
“I don’t know, it’s something Pinkie told me. She’s crazy.”
Soarin shuddered at the mention of the pink menace.
“Alright buck man, next one!” She ordered, pointing at the next cloud.
Soarin growled with frustration. He had spent a solid eight hours straight clearing away clouds for practice. Rainbow hadn’t helped at all, only adding a pointer here or there as she lazily lounged on another cloud she moved around with her. Most annoyingly at all, he had been trying to clear a mass of thin wispy Cirrus clouds for a good two hours without any luck when Rainbow then decided it was a good time to tell him that bucking didn’t work on the wispy little strands.
“And why didn’t you tell me this earlier?!” He yelled exasperated.
“I wanted to see how long it’d take you to figure out.” She said simply. “Besides, it was a hoot and a half watching you fumble around like an idiot.”
Soarin was sorely tempted to yell at her again but before he could, she waved him down onto the cloud, at long last giving him a break. He flopped down wearily as far away from her as the small cloud allowed.
“Take a load off Soarin; you’ve done enough for today.” She said, trying to not sound impressed, “You’re learning quickly, but you have a long way to go.” For the first time that day, she gave him a genuine smile.
He didn’t return the gesture.
Rainbow sighed. “Just pay attention to what I do okay?”
Soarin grunted.
Flying up to the dispersed cirrus clouds, Rainbow flapped her wings a few times powerfully, fanning the thin strands together into a tight ball. After collecting all the loose strands, she moved the cloud down towards the ground. Watching with concealed interest, Soarin noticed the cloud slowly dissipate as she moved lower, the fragile ice crystals melting away in the higher temperature. After the cloud had fully dispersed, Rainbow flew back up to him.
“Now you can do that, or go around trying to buck the bastards for however many hours like you did.” She said, slightly cockily.
“Yeah I’ll keep that in mind.” Soarin grumbled.
She spun around and looked towards the slowly sinking sun. “Wow, time flies when you’re having fun. Come on Soarin, the rest of the weather team should have finished up by now, I’ll take you to our office tomeet them.”
‘Are they all as pushy as you?” Soarin asked tiredly.
Rainbow scowled at him.
“Oh right, sorry… Not another word or my wings get it.” Soarin muttered.
“Come on chump, let’s go.” Rainbow said, bucking the cloud he was on out of existence.
“This is your office?” Soarin said incredulously. Standing outside the small but lively building.
“What, you’re surprised the bar is the gathering point for the lowly commoner? What are we in Manehatten with fancy schmancy high-rises and bland office cubicles?”
Soarin had to admit she had a point.
“You waiting for an invitation Soarin? In you go.” She said, giving him a small push.
“That’s what you probably said last night Dash.” A voice snickered from behind them. A brown stallion with a stripy cloud coloured mane appeared at Soarin’s side, conveniently placing the former Wonderbolt between him and Rainbow Dash.
“Thunderlane!” Dash bellowed.
“What?” The stallion named Thunderlane asked innocently. ”It’s probably true knowing you, fastest Pegasus in Equestria and all.”
“Hey, you know what Thunderlane, fuck you.” Dash snapped.
“Thunderlane snorted with laughter. “That was years ago Dashie, get with the times.” The cheeky stallion darted inside the pub before Dash could jump on him.
“Who’s that?” Soarin asked, trying not to laugh.
“That’s Thunderlane, he’s one of the best weather controllers I have, but he’s a bit of a jerk sometimes though. I’d give him a good thrashing but I kinda need him to be clearing clouds, not lying on a hospital bed.” Rainbow admitted grudgingly. “You’d probably like him, you know, one jerk to another.”
Soarin chuckled “Who else is there?” he asked, walking towards the door.
“You’ll see.”
“Flitter, Cloudchaser, Doc; meet Soarin.” Rainbow Dash said, gesturing at the blue stallion.
“Hi.” Soarin said slightly nervously. The gathered ponies were all giving him awed looks.
“Hey what about me?” Thunderlane complained.
“Piss off.” Dash said, taking a seat opposite him. “You already played meet and greet.”
Thunderlane muttered something under his breath and buried his muzzle back into his chest.
“Nice to meet you Soarin, I mean, we’re all fans but it’s an honour to meet you in the flesh.” Doc said extending a tan hoof for Soarin to shake.
“Thanks, nice meeting you.” Soarin said, shying away from the looks Flitter and Cloudchaser were giving him. They were talking in hushed tones and giggled quietly as he sat down next to Thunderlane.
“So… Soarin. What do you think of Ponyville?” Thunderlane asked.
“It’s nice. I think. Rainbow Dash had me clearing clouds all day so I didn’t get a chance to really get a feel for the place.
“Oh she always does that, first few days is hell but tends to lay off after about a week or two. She’s got a bit of reputation for being a hard arse. Isn’t that right Dash?” Doc explained.
Dash nodded silently.
“She never laid off on me…” Thunderlane grumbled quietly.
“That’s because you’re a lazy son of a bitch, Thunderlane.” Dash said matter of factly.
“Hey! I work!” He protested.
“Yeah, when I make you.” She shot back, glaring daggers.
“Now, now… we can all be civil here.” Doc said calmly, trying to defuse the fight before it started. “How about I go get us a few drinks?”
“Your shout Doc?” Cloudchaser asked, looking from the table. “I bought last time.”
The tan stallion nodded, his spikey brown mane bobbing around as he walked towards the bar. The group was silent for a moment, Thunderlane and Dash glaring intently at each other. The silence was broken by Flitter leaning across the table and gently prodding Soarin.
“Hey Soarin, what’s it like flying with the Wonderbolts? How many shows have you been in? Have you ever crashed?” Flitter asked, her words running together as she tried to say everything at once.
“It’s pretty cool I guess. I have crashed… Several times. I crashed pretty badly a couple of months ago.”
Flitter gasped. “No way! How bad was it? Did you die?”
Soarin narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re joking right?”
“No really!” She said, eyes wide.
“Yes I died and now I’ve came back from the dead.” Soarin said sarcastically.
Rainbow snorted. “You’ll have to forgive Flitter; she’s a bit slow sometimes. I do want to see some scars though. You should have some good ones from all your years as a Bolt.”
Soarin grinned and brought his foreleg up on the table. “He ran a hoof over the scar along the side. “From there to there, I have a metal rod to support my leg.” He banged his knee cap. “My entire kneecap is metal as the original got shattered completely.” He took his leg off the table, pleased by the looks that the others were giving him.
“And that’s just from the last crash.”
The others looked on in mute shock.
“So…Do I win?”
“Hooves down.” Thunderlane mumbled.
“Drinks anypony?” Doc asked reappearing at the table, a large tray with various beverages on it.
“I’m right thanks, last time I touched booze was a disaster.” Soarin mumbled as everypony else grabbed drinks, any previous animosity forgotten. He flashed a look at Dash who was blushed furiously.
“Aww come on Soarin, have a drink! What’s the worst that could happen?” Thunderlane asked. “I mean waking up next to Dash isn’t necessarily the worst thing you kno- OW!” He cried out as Dash bashed him on the head.
“Yeah Soarin, have a drink. Consider it your initiation.” Cloudchaser chipped in.
Soarin bit his lip as the rest of the ponies egged him on.
“Alright fine!” he said, giving in and taking a drink off the tray. “Just the one though…”
Soarin cracked his eye open, a strange feeling déjà vu coming across him. “So much for one drink just one drink…” he muttered, rubbing his temples. His head felt like it had been run over by several freight trains.
He opened his eye further. At least this time he was in his own bed, in his own room and in his own house. Something seemed distinctly wrong though, perhaps it was the odd angle everything seemed to be at, the gaping large hole is his bedroom wall or the way the sunlight streamed into his room through an undamaged window.
He lay there for a moment, pondering the meaning of the strange light.
“Wait… The sun doesn’t normally come through that window…” He said slowly, the gears in his brain starting to turn.
It was at point he noticed that he had grown an extra set of legs. Cyan legs.
He rolled his head around, fearing the worst.
“Aww shit, not again!”
“What the hell did you do to my house!” Soarin cried out. Much to his dismay, his home, which was originally in Cloudsdale, was now floating above Ponyville. Not only that but several large holes had been made in the walls and the house was leaning at could be called a jaunty angle.
Dash shrugged. “We moved it I guess.” She turned to Thunderlane. “We moved it right?”
“Dunno, can’t remember last night very well.” He groaned.
“But… But… How!” Soarin cried out again.
Dash pondered for a moment, “I guess we pushed it.” She said dumbly. She shook her head, sending her frazzled sextuple coloured mane into a writhing frenzy.
Soarin glared at her. “You’re not helping.”
“Whys he so upset?” Thunderlane whispered in Dash’s ear. “It’s not that big a deal right?”
“I think it may also have something to do with what he found in his bed when he woke up. If you know what I mean.”
He chuckled. “What’s that two for two? I’ll bet he had an easi- OW!”
“Don’t even think about saying what you were going to say.” She threatened, returning her attention to the stressing Soarin.
“What’s the big deal chump? You work here so you may as well live here right?” She said, trying to put a positive spin on the situation.
“I didn’t want to move! Especially not here! The pink one lives here, that’s a good enough reason to not want to live here!” Soarin yelled back. “And you,” He pointed a hoof at Thunderlane accusingly. “I don’t want to ever find you in my house again. What the heck were you doing in my bedroom wardrobe anyway?”
“Umm… Nothing?” Thunderlane said meekly.
“Damn right it was nothing.” Soarin growled. He wheeled around to face Dash. “You. You’re trouble, you know that? I can’t even have a drink without winding doing something stupid.”
“Yeah, well I can’t do anything without doing something stupid either!” Dash yelled back incoherently.
“Oh I know that.” Soarin snarled. Dash looked at him blankly for a moment as her mind processed what she had said.
“Celestia, you two fight like a married couple.” Thunderlane observed casually, gaining two looks that would have melted iron in the process. He flashed an innocent smile when he noticed the glares. “I mean nothing… You know what? I think I have to umm… go… iron my dog… Yeah, iron my dog. I’ll see you guys later.” He vanished in a flurry of feathers.
Soarin growled softly and returned to fixing his house, ignoring his colourful boss.
“Soarin?” She asked. “Are you all right?”
He grunted in response.
“Soarin.” She said sternly. “Talk to me.”
“No.” He said, his voice drifting out of a hole in his wall.
“Please?”
“Fine, what do you want Dash?” he asked exasperated.
“What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong? You’re asking what’s wrong? Maybe you’re blind or something because I’m sure it’s fairly clear what’s wrong.” Soarin said irritably, his voice muffled by the wall. “In the last two days alone, I’ve lost my dream job, gotten another I didn’t really want, slept with some mare I don’t even know twice and now, had my damn house moved!”
“Okay, so you’ve had a bit of a shit week.”
Soarin poked his head out a hole in the wall. “You don’t say.” He said sarcastically, pulling a face Nicolas Cage would be proud of.
“Let me make it up to you.” Dash offered.
“How, do you have a time machine? I’d go for one of those.” Soarin muttered. “No, the best thing for you to do would be to leave me alone. Frankly, I find you annoying, loud, egotistical and a show off. I’ll get enough of you through work.”
“And I think you’re an insensitive dickhead who wants to live the life of a recluse for the rest of his life.”
“You say it like it’s a bad thing.”
“Look, Soarin. We probably got off on the wrong hoof ok? Maybe we can start fresh. A new slate or whatever it is ponies call it these days.”
“And why should I say yes?” Soarin inquired, folding his forelegs across his body.
“Because I asked nicely?”
“No.”
“What about I buy you dinner somewhere? There’ll be piiiieeess.” She added enticingly.
Despite Soarin’s frustration, his ears perked up a little.
“You can’t say you’re not a little interested.” Rainbow continued, knowing she had him hooked.
Soarin glared at her. “I hate you so much right now.” He ran a hoof through his ruffled mane. “Alright it’s a deal, but I’m in it for the pies, not you. And those pies better be damn good or I’m out.”
“Deal” Rainbow said, spitting on her hoof and offering it to Soarin.
“I ain’t touching that.” He said stubbornly.
“Trust me, your hoof has been in worse places.” Dash said.
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"The pink one lives here."
Comedy gold there.
Aww man the banter is awesome keep it up.
My only worry is that Dash will become insufferable. With Soaren's flying skills broken, Dash will be able to easily out fly him and shove it in his face. And I can't stand that Dash, I hope yours doesn't become that. It's always a danger with her because she becomes too strong and has none of modesty Twilight does. Probably why she is my least favorite of the mane6.
Okay rant over. Sorry about that.
Keep up the good work.
"Soarin poked his head out a hole in the wall. “You don’t say.” He said sarcastically, pulling a face Nicolas Cage would be proud of."
DAT CROSSOVER!
Great chapter!
Soarin doesn't even understand how lucky he is
He gets a mare without even trying! 
Looking forward to the next part
I can already sense an incoming welcoming party 
Dem references, man. Dem references.
The OC thing got me the most though. Subtle, but great.
Thundrlane iorns his....dog? pfft!
All i can say....is ME GUSTA
Keep up the good work man
minecraftforum.net/uploads/d424a80f76e16bf552a09fae02fee808_101975.gif?_r=0 < "Please, this is getting awkward!"
Funny yeah... But... I dunno... something's wrong and I don't know what's wrong, it seems a good story, it is actually, but part of my mind says that it's not good...
< "Wha...?"
I love all of the crossovers and jokes and... oh dear Celestia what my mind just said...
ok first i just wanna say is this is pretty decent not great yet but not bad its decent
its pretty amusing too, but one thing thats kinda way off is........this is Soarin of the wonderbolts and was one for celestia know how many years. he would of amassed quite the fortune for being there co captain not to mention all the contracts and trademarks he would own.......... also being a higher ranked military would also pay out quite nice not to mention the one hellofa big pension he'd be getting now....... so he'd never have to ''find'' a job as he's rich..... also due to his fame and his skills if he wanted a job he could ''get'' anything he wanted due to who he is.
ok read second chapter now....
a lot cruder but was funny so this is good in my book so far.
Dat OC zinger.... BRILLIANT
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True, it likely that Soarin would receive a fairly good pension so a job might be unnecessary, but I would like to think that Soarin being Soarin, he would try to do something productive with his life rather than sit on his arse all day. Also as Soarin is only a Commander, his pay grade (based on modern military standards and my assumed time of service) wouldn't be amazingly fantastic.
Lastly being a military squadron, I think the Wonderbolts wouldn't be inclined inclined to accept trademarks and stuff as they're funded by the military, still a good point I didn't even consider.
Thanks for the kind words as well, means a lot when people say stuff I make is good.
damn man
Dis is the only story with Soarin that i start to love! Nice work man!
1) Its awesome!
2) Every charecter here is great!
3) It fits in my rules of good story!
4) It dosent contain any Spitfire x (Any Name) shipping, that means its doblle awesome (i cant stand dat shipping!)
*Sorry is i got grammar mistakes, im from Russia.*
This was amazing, that last part, " believe me, your hoof has been in worse" had me on the floor!
Chapter three is now alive and kicking
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Thank you, Duly noted your remark on Thunderlane's colour
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Cheers
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I aim to please
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1) Thank you
2) Thank you again
3) This pleases me
4) Could it be?Have I found someone else who shares a similar view about Spitfire?
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Duuuuuuuuude....
Oh my god I lost it there and pissed myself laughing
2.bp.blogspot.com/-yALMPo-TbhA/T7E0c9E-XHI/AAAAAAAAAAY/Yy2l463UMAg/s1600/pie-flavor-motivational1.jpg
Anyone?
This had me laughing from beginning to end
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I'm with you there, I don't care much for rainbow dash for the same reason, plus those listed by soarin.
Anyways, this is comedy gold! It's given me lots of laughs so far!
lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IIbZ3kdnlo
Soarin's reaction
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Modesty. Thank Odin that isn't an Element of Harmony. I wanna find the guy that came up with the ridiculously-popular "modest hero" archetype and run him over with a semi. Modest heroes are so BORING!
"It was no big deal."
"Anyone could have done it."
"You would've done the same in that situation."
"A parade? For what? It's not like I really did anything special."
"I didn't save the world, we all saved the world."
Not bad. Few errors here and there.
XD Okay, dis fic is GOOD. XD
Decent. I just can't get past RD in this one. Yeah, she's brash, boastful, etc., but in this fic she just seems like a jerk. Yeah, laughing at Soarin for a few minutes while he tries to clear clouds the wrong way, that's totally Rainbow Dash. But letting him go for two hours while she naps? That's a bit too far.
Misplaced "
You want scaring, not scarring.
Needs a space.
“Trust me, your hoof has been in worse places.” Dash said.
XD I DONT EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHERE
"take you to our office tomeet them.": "tomeet" → "to meet"
“Thunderlane snorted with laughter.: " too much.
the table. “He ran a hoof over: " too much
Otherwise a nice chapter :-).
1384424 "two hours while she naps a bit too far"
Makes no difference to me.
1408288 At least that it can make her out to be hetero (bisexual can also apply, but hetero is easier on my composure).
“Oh look out, falling back on the old dick jokes, at least it wasn’t a ‘Your mum’ joke.” Soarin shot back dryly.
Oh, I love this logic!
Might want to pony-fy that name... Nicoltas Cage? (I don't know
)
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2475835 You got the right idea!
Baking is Science. Mad Science.
precociouscomic.com/comics/156.jpg
precociouscomic.com/comics/157.jpg
precociouscomic.com/comics/163.jpg
Omg I don't even wanna know
That line really got me I had to turn my laughter into a cough and I told my brother I was choking on air so he wouldn't think I was crazy. I'm not sure if it worked.
Dash spat his hoof out. “I don’t want that thing in my mouth.”
...You knew what you were doing.
The banter between Soarin and Dash is hilarious. Soarin's being a bit of a jerk, bit I can understand why.