Soarin isn’t always lucky...
Friends have benefits
Chapter 11: Soarin isn’t always lucky, but when he is…
Crack
Soarin opened an eye cautiously. Somehow, he wasn’t dead.
Another ear splitting crack sounded around the cavern, reminding Soarin that if he didn’t do soemthing fast that fact could change very quickly. The changelings who were set to disembowel him hesitated and looked towards the roof uncertainly. With their co-ordination disturbed, the pack milled abut uncertainly as the hive-mind attempted to assess the situation. Another low rumble sounded from above, shaking a few stones loose from the ceiling.
As one, the changelings rose into the air and filed towards what Soarin presumed to be an exit of some sort. Their path was suddenly bisected by a gout of purple fire which engulfed a good half of the creatures. The now steady rumbling was cut off by a multitude of loud shrieks that pierced Soarin’s ears and the fresh smell of roasted flesh made him gag.
‘What’s going on?’ Soarin thought, backing into a corner in an attempt to escape the disoriented changelings flailing about. Another violent shudder hit the cavern, sending a large boulder crashing to the ground where Soarin had just been standing. He winced as fragments of rock pattered against his fur. Another burst of magical fire came down the shaft, driving the changelings back again. In its wake was a figure that made Soarin’s broken spirit lift.
It was a unicorn, or to be precise, several unicorns, he noticed.
“Hey! Over here!” He tried to yell, the cry coming out as more of a dull croak though due to the viscous liquid still clogging his throat.
One of the unicorns pointed his horn at the ceiling and brought another rock down in front of Soarin, crushing a pair of changelings that he hadn’t even noticed were about to eviscerate him.
‘Screw this.’ Soarin thought as another boulder the size of a cart came down next to him. Darting out of his hiding place, Soarin leapt across the cave, oblivious the roars of the changelings fighting the armoured unicorns and the loud cracks of rocks smashing together. He managed to flap his wings a few times, dodging the fangs of a thoroughly ticked off changeling by scant centimetres and landed in an exhausted heap next to one of unicorns. He reached out with surprising difficulty and tapped one on the ankle, a move he saw in hindsight was not necessarily the smartest thing he had ever done.
The guard spun around in surprise and pointed his horn at Soarin, ready to blow him away with a blast of magic.
‘You’ve gotta be kidding me…’ Soarin thought as a brilliant blast of purple magic engulfed him.
***
Soarin munched on a chocolate biscuit happily.
Again, despite all odds, he was still alive.
Not that he was complaining mind you, the biscuit was delicious and the added benefit of not being dead was a pretty good thing in his eyes.
Again, luck had favoured Soarin and the guard he had blundered into was smart enough to scan him with magic before turning him into a neat pile of ashes, something his hungry stomach was very grateful for. Soarin was of the opinion that if you were going to die, you may as well die with a full belly and a smile on your face.
He looked around the small camp he was in, a strange sense of déjà vu settling over him. A few other haggard looking ponies Soarin presumed had also been prisoners of the changelings sat around with dazed expressions on their faces. One rocked back and forth, slowly mumbling something about soap. Soarin felt a pang of sympathy for them, while he had not been on an active deployment for some time, he was more used to both the physical and mental strains that fighting could inflict. He involuntarily shuddered as the dead form of Rainbow Dash crept to the forefront of his mind. ‘I’d never let that happen to her. Not in a million years.’ He thought resolutely, taking another forceful bite of his biscuit and focusing on reality rather than fantasy.
He took another look around the camp, feeling more at ease than he had for a long time. According to one of his rescuers the nest had been a small group of changelings that survived the battle of Canterlot years ago. Blasted away from the capital, a small cluster had landed in the mountain range near Whitetail Woods. Lost and isolated from the swarm, they had reverted to their natural instincts and bunkered down in the nearby mountain range. After several years of annoyance raids and abducting ponies, the guards had finally tracked their location down and, as Soarin had seen, obliterated them thoroughly and efficiently.
A guard trotted past him and Soarin took the chance to ask the young stallion a question. “Hey, I was on a train to Las Pegasus when we got attacked. You wouldn’t happen to know what happened to it would you?”
The guard shook his head slowly. “Sorry, wouldn’t have a clue.” He looked Soarin over and a small hint of surprise in his eyes told Soarin the guard recognised him.
“Commander Soarin?” he asked disbelievingly as he saluted sharply, his hoof hitting his helmet with a full thud.
“I’m retired son; you don’t need to knock your head off on my account.”
“Uhh… No sir.” He said, a broad smile appearing on his face. “Never thought I’d meet somepony like you in a million years. Is it really true you beat a cave troll in single combat?” He asked in awe.
Soarin shrugged, downplaying his apparent heroism. “Those sorts of stories tend to get over exaggerated.”
The guard’s eyes gleamed slightly. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you here sir?”
“Please, call me Soarin. No need for such formalities.”
“No sir.”
“Suit yourself…” Soarin muttered, rolling his eyes in faux annoyance. “Why am I here? I don’t know. I bit off more than I could chew, I tried being a hero. I was tricked.” He shrugged and his gaze became unfocused. “I let my feelings impair my judgement and because of that I failed.”
“Sir?” The guard asked in confusion.
Soarin’s eyes flickered over the guard’s cuirass, the dual stripes of a corporals' chevrons standing out against the polished armour. “What’s your name corporal?”
“Flash Lightning, sir.”
“Well you see Flash, you don’t mind if I call you Flash?” He guard shook his head, the metal plates covering it grinding against each other softly. “Do you know what it’s like to really like somepony Flash?”
“No sir.” The guard replied stoically.
“What about your parents? Did you love them?” Soarin asked.
“No sir, my mother died when I was just a foal and my father abandoned me in an orphanage.” The guard said, a hint of sadness tinging his otherwise emotionless face.
“I’m sorry.” Soarin said empathically.
“You didn’t know.” Flash said back, discarding the sad memory with well practised ease. His face screwed up in thought. “So you let your feelings about somepony get in the way of your mission?”
“Not entirely, what’s the first rule when fighting changelings?”
“Trust nopony, they could be an imitation.” The guard snapped crisply.
“Exactly, I trusted somepony without thinking because of my feelings for them. I forget the most basic rule and I nearly died because of it. Knowing her, she probably tried to bust a few heads in to save me.”
“So it’s a mare huh?” Flash said with a knowing smile. “Is she hot?”
Soarin looked at the guard sharply, noting his breach of discipline with an amused look.
“Sorry, had to ask sir.” He replied sheepishly.
“I want you to imagine Spitfire.” Soarin said, noting the guard turning a pale shade of red. “Now triple it. No, quadruple it.”
“No way.” Flash said disbelievingly. “I got a few pin-ups of her and she-.” He cut himself off, a trace of discipline asserting itself again. It promptly vanished again. “So what’s she like? Charming, funny, nice?”
“Tasteless, boring and obnoxious I think sums it up fairly nicely.” Soarin said with no trace of sarcasm.
“But then why would you li-… ahhh you’re joking right? You’re using that sarcasm thing the other guards like using on me aren't you?”
“Wha- no.” Soarin said bluntly. “I’m serious.”
“Begging my pardon sir, but then why do you like her?” The guard asked, shuffling aside as a pair of unicorns trotted past them.
“That’s a good question Flash. I’m not entirely sure myself, but I know in here that I do. Maybe it’s that whole opposites attract thing or her absolutely fantastic taste in baked goods or her harsh, blunt attitude. Something about it just clicks really well with me. Just took a while for me to notice it. I made too many damn mistakes before realising I liked her. Probably too late now.”
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Flash replied stoically. "You won't get anywhere if you don't try."
"You really think I've got a shot?"
The guard looked at him with a look that approached concern. “No sir, I don’t see it happening at all. I think you should go and get a check-up, see if you hit your head or something.”
“Lay off.” Soarin muttered, giving the guard a rough shove.
Flash trotted a short distance away before turning back to look at Soarin. “Whatever happens, good luck sir. She’ d be lucky to have you.”
“I’m always lucky.” Soarin quipped, a small grin on his face.
The following morning the guards broke camp with a speed that would have left even the harshest of drill sergeant grinning from ear to ear. Soarin watched in amusement as the general confusion that went along with a company of guards moving; ponies stacking and storing supplies, losing them, finding them again and getting in each other’s way in a remarkably efficient manner that to the untrained eye it would have seemed miraculous that anything actually got done at all.
“Ready to move out, sir?” A unicorn asked as he appeared at Soarin’s shoulder.
“Quite.” Soarin said simply.
“Very good sir.” The guard nodded and trotted off to wherever he had come from, leaving Soarin to his own devices.
After talking with a few of the other guards, Soarin had discovered the troop was based in Las Pegasus and was heading back there now their mission was complete. The pegasi attached to the troop had volunteered to take Soarin ahead and escort him to the floating city which was a little under a day’s flight away. He had graciously accepted their offer, leaving the slower Unicorns and earth ponies that made up the majority of the contingent to slog it back on foot.
As Soarin watched, one of the junior officers leapt into the air and whistled loudly, the rest of his unit following in short order. Spreading his wings tentatively, Soarin took off after them. A small cluster of the guards broke off from the main group and moved around him, keeping in a loose circle a few wingspans away. They flew in silence, Soarin lost in his own thoughts and the sound of a half dozen steady wing beats.
***
The sun had started sinking below the horizon when they arrived at the mighty city, vast pillars of carved clouds arching into the sky and rainbows falling from the city to the plains below. Soarin caught sight of the massive airbase where the air show was held every year, its high walls and dozens of attentive sentries intimidating even from high above.
Dozens of lights twinkled in the rapidly approaching night and the score of pegasi landed without difficulty outside one of the cities massive hotels. Exhausted from the day’s flight, Soarin trotted inside, enjoying the shocked looks of several upper class twits as the phalanx of guards followed him silently.
He approached the concierge’s desk with a smug look on his face, the poor pony's jaw so low an excavation team would probably be need to retrieve it.
“Don’t suppose it’s too late to check in?”
.
Soarin walked down the hall counting the numbers off slowly as he passed each room’s door. Once at the hotel, finding the team was much easier. A receptionist, intimidated by his heavily armoured entourage, had unhesitatingly given him a key and directions to his room, a large suite on the thirtieth floor. The well-dressed pony had also recommended a good shower for the undoubtedly smelly Pegasus. Soarin had simply grinned at that.
‘2209… 2210… 2211 … 2212… Guess this is it.’ Soarin thought as he inspected the number on the door. The sheer number of rooms in this place amazed him; even more amazing was they were almost booked out.
He quietly inserted the key into the lock and pushed the door open slowly. He barely had a moment to take in the sight of a luxuriously decorated room before he was tackled to the ground and all he could see was the beaming face of a light purple mare.
“Hey Cloud Chaser.” Soarin groaned, winded by the mare’s attack.
“Soarin! We were so worried! What happened, are you okay?” She stood on him, preventing him from getting back to his feet.
“Whoa, ease up turbo.” Flitter’s voice came from on couch. Soarin couldn’t see her until she poked her head above the back of the seat, a smile on her face. “How’ve ya been?”
“Fine.” Soarin lied, still holding his gut from where Cloud Chaser had perhaps too enthusiastically knocked him down.
“You’ve got to tell us everything… After those… those things attacked, we couldn’t find you. We thought you could've been..” Cloud chaser trailed off worriedly. Soarin nodded glumly, the mare’s tone of voice indicated that she had been more worried more than most of the others.
"Yeah alright… just…”
“What, what? Tell me!”
“Could you get off me please?" Soarin wheezed.
“Oh… sorry.” Cloud Chaser murmured, helping him to his hooves. Soarin nodded gratefully and limped over to one of the couches dotting the living room. He sighed with relief as he sunk into the soft could.
“Where are the others?” Soarin asked quietly, the long flight having taken more out of him than he realised.
“Doc is taking a nap, T-“
“Was, you know how hard it is to sleep with one of you squealing about ever-.” Doc stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Soarin. “Good to see you in one piece.” Soarin nodded politely as Doc tried to straighten his bed-mane into something more respectable.
“As I was saying…” Flitter said, tossing a quick glace at Doc. “Thunderlane is probably downstairs gambling and generally feeling sorry for himself and Rainbow Dash… well I’ll be honest… I don’t know. She’s gone.”
“Gone? What do you mean gone?” Soarin asked, sitting up sharply.
“Gone.” Flitter repeated. "Out. When we got here she took her stuff and left."
“Where?”
“Gone out looking for you probably."
"She's worried about me?" Soarin asked, surprised at his own surprise.
"Worried?" Cloud Chaser scoffed. "She was an absolute wreck on the train, wouldn’t stop blaming herself for what happened to you and generally being a mood killer.” she continued, rolling her eyes. "As for where she's gone..." She shrugged "Dunno."
“One hell of a fun trip this is turning out to be… I get abducted, Rainbow Dash goes off into the deep end and Doc gets bad bed-mane.” Soarin muttered. “When does the air show start?”
“Tomorrow.” The other three pegasi said in unison.
“Good, I need some rest.” Soarin groaned, stretching out and popping a few joints in his back.
Cloud Chaser looked at him in confusion. “Shouldn’t we find Rainbow Dash, tell her you’re okay?"
“Wouldn’t bother, it’ll be too hard to find her now and well… she’ll be at the show tomorrow. No way she’d miss that.”
***
After a long, hot shower, Soarin found himself accosted by both the twins and Doc demanding to know what happened to him. Literally forced into a corner, Soarin reluctantly told them about the hive and as much as he knew about the battle; leaving out several personal details he’d rather keep to himself though. Their curiosity satisfied, the trio left him alone and settled down to play a game of Regicide over drinks. Not up for the strategic challenge of the game, Soarin quietly excused himself and headed down towards the casino the hotel was built on top of where a sweet-voiced croupier exchanged chips for him.
“Hey, I don’t suppose you’ve seen a grey Pegasus by any chance, short white and grey mane around have you?” Soarin asked as he shoved the vibrantly coloured collection of chips into a small carry bag.
“Yes sir, He’s over at table 7.”
“Thanks.” Soarin said with a wink.
He trotted over to the table in question to find Thunderlane hidden behind a small stack of shot glasses and an even larger stack of chips. Soarin slotted himself into an empty chair next to him when the hand finished.
“Thunderlane.” He said simply, placing his chips in neat little stacks.
“Soarin.” He drawled, slightly tipsy. “I see you survived the changelings. Bash a few heads in did we?”
“You could say that.” Soarin muttered as the dealer shuffled the deck expertly.
“I guess you’re here to hit me on the back of the head and scold me for being drunk, gambling and for violating your personal space.” Thunder muttered, following the dealer with his eyes as he dealt out the next round of cards.
“Nope.”
“Well join me then, the night is still young and there is money to be won.” Thunderlane said, his demeanour suddenly improving.
“And lost.” Soarin reminded him, slightly disappointed with his two starting cards.
“And lost.” Thunderlane repeated sourly, glaring at another pony across the table who Soarin guessed had beaten him before. He picked up his hand and peered intently at the cards for a moment
“Alright chums, let’s do this.”
“Ok, I suck at poker, Maybe I should try blackjack.” Thunderlane said.
“I think you’ve gambled enough for one night.” Soarin said, ushering him away from the casino pit. “Besides, I think some of the croupiers were getting tired of you hitting on them.”
“But they were good looking.” Thunderlane complained.
“And most of them seemed to be heterosexual males.” Soarin countered. “Honestly, are always like this when you start drinking?”
“Not always.” Thunderlane muttered. “You’re cute by the way.” He added.
“Aww, jeez… Hey Thunderlane, remember how I said I wasn’t going to hit you for being drunk, gambling and for violating my personal space?”
“Yeah?”
Soarin hit him roughly on the back of the head. ”I take it back.”
Thunderlane groaned and cast one last longing look at the croupiers before Soarin shoved him out of the casino towards the bank of elevators that would take them back to their floor.
“You haven’t seen Dash since you got here have you?” Thunderlane queried.
Soarin shook his head. “No, why?”
“Well, when you do I’d watch out. Right now she’s somewhere between taking your head off and sucking your face off.” Thunderlane answered, indicating with a hoof what he thought of the mental state of their boss.
“Oh, fantastic. And here I was going to take her out somewhere nice for dinner. Maybe the morgue can arrange a table for us then." Soarin said sourly.
"You try too hard for her."
"What?" Soarin asked, stopping so suddenly that Thunderlane crashed into his rear-end.
"You seem so intent of getting her. Why? Any sane pony would have given up by now. Why are you so desperate?" Thunderlane said, his snout wrinkling up in an annoyed fashion.
"Because I want to be." Soarin said through gritted teeth. "I have not passed through hell just to be denied by some curious, drunk idiot who can't control his urges and a 'Come back later'. She sure as hell isn't perfect but she's a lot better than any of my other choices and unlike somepony I know, she won't run off on me at the promise of a good time." Soarin snarled, jabbing Thunderlane roughly. "Why am I so desperate? Because I like her, hell. I probably love her. That's why."
"I see." Thunderlane said levelly despite the imposing figure of Soarin towering over him. He seemed to regain a degree of sobriety before throwing it out the proverbial window.
“Soarin… let me give a piece of advice.” Thunderlane said.
“I’m not sure I should take advice from you.” Soarin deadpanned.
“Hear me out. Once upon a time there was a prince who asked a beautiful princess ‘will you marry me?’
“She said yes?” Soarin guessed.
“Shut up and don’t interrupt, didn’t you mother ever teach you manners?” Thunderlane snapped. “Now where was I?”
‘Will you marry me?’ Soarin muttered.
“Maybe… dinner and a movie first buddy… Oh yeah! Anyway, the princess said no, and you know what?”
“What?” Soarin asked as they stepped onto an elevator. Normally they would fly but the hotel enforced a strict no fly policy.
“The prince lived happily ever after and rode carts and fucked with cute skinny girls and hunted and raced and went to non-naked bars and dated women half his age and drank beer, Applejack Daniel’s and Captain Morgan and drank milk from the bottle and never heard bitching and went to rock concerts and kept his apartment messy and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and had tons of money and he left the toilet seat up. The end.” He finished.
Soarin blinked. “What?”
“Sorry, got a bit carried away. I think there was some point to that..." His face clouded over for a second before his jovial look came back to the fore.
“Ok, what’s the point to all that?” Soarin asked exasperatedly.
“Something immensely profound I guess.” Thunderlane laughed “Your guess is as good as mine.”
“And that is?”
“I haven’t the foggiest idea.” Thunderlane said as he stepped off the elevator.
Soarin shook his head and followed, unsure if he had learnt anything from Thunderlane’s drunk rambling.
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Ah ha... The beginning of the end. How terrible.
For some reason I am of the opinion that these last two chapters will really make or break this story. (No shit, they're the end you dolt.)
I'm worried now.
I hope you enjoyed it, (No really, I'm worried.) Final part should be up tomorrow or the day after.
Leeroy Jenkins... professional gambler...
You know what, just smack Thunderlane again Soarin.
Well so far so good, therefore you shouldn't be worried about the last chapters.
Okay, just one question........where the fuck is Dash??
Okay, so maybe two......and what the fuck is she up to??
I wonder what RD is doing...
Also, the joke at the end was awesome.
If they do get together at the end, you should write a sequel about their relationship. I really like your Soarin/Dash dynamic.
Also, I really hope they get together at the end.
I would hit Thunderlane again for that
1800986 Yes, a sequal would DEFINITELY be perfect!
(Joke) Alt. Title: Nopony Excepts Friends To Have Benefits!
Also, I always thought that Soarin would eventually quit the Wonderbolts to become a questionnaire. Maybe it's just me.
That's probably why Prince Blueblood acted like a jerk to Rarity.
So that he can be like the prince in Thunderlane's story......
Just a thought.
I third the sequel request...and fourth it if I'm allowed.
Anyway, cool to see the Equestrian guard having some competence. Those Changelings never stood a chance...though I really hope Dash is alright, she's probably out in the mountains looking for him, I'll bet she comes across the rest of the regiment and finds out about Soarin's rescue from them.
Thunderlane...just...no...While I agree it's wonderful to leave the toilet seat up without any repercussions...just no...
Biscuits come in chocolate?!
I always thought they were just bread...or are you talking about cookies?
Few things I noticed:
didn’t do soemthing fast
He guard shook his head (The)
She’
d be lucky to have you.” (there's a space between She' and "d" that's causing it to move to the next line)
the harshest of drill sergeant grinning (sergeants)
and was heading back there now their mission was complete. (now that their)
SEqUiL S SEQUiL SEQUIL?!!!!!!! Awwwwww yeah
Yeahhhh
Love it so far, this was a short chapter however... I hope you don't go and end the story too abruptly on us, I hate sudden stops. If you do end the story on a short note then you will be obligated to make us a sequel... or else
Sequel sounds good
Look at that, the feature box
arch.413chan.net/Fluttershy_Whos_Awesome-%28n1299431479230%29.jpg
I think Fluttershy summed it up pretty well there
RD is going to be MAD or GLAD that Soarin is OK and DIDN'T tell her about it!!!!!!!
An interesting story so far, jumps from place to place at times. Will watch to see how it continues
Ok, I can't hit Thunderlane, but I did give Pinkie $10 and two cupcakes to do it for me.
Last two chapters huh?
data.whicdn.com/images/25359046/tumblr_m1b42b0CPA1qhtozb_large.gif
my friend, you have nothing to worry about.
this story has been awesome from the start and this chapter is no different! 
Can't wait for the final chapter! 
also a sequel would be nice
1801345
I don't even. I'm trying to figure how 44 scales into things. Also your Roman numerals seem a bit derpy.
Regardless, this is my favourite comment on any story I have had so far.
1801808
I've heard people use in conversation like I did. Doesn't make it right... but I'll fix it up at some point.
Good find.
1801320
The packet of biscuits next to me is labelled 'Chocolate biscuits. And I call them Chocolate Bickies... So yes, you can apparently have chocolate biscuits.
As always, good fins with my multitude of grammar/ spelling errors. I will correct them at some point in the future.
1801408
Still another (longer) chapter to go.
Fuck son....
webzoom.freewebs.com/jcmogensen/photos/Snail%20Transformer.gif
1803165
...ah well.
Huh...between your account and Google, it appears chocolate biscuits do exist...which seems weird to me...I mean...it's a biscuit...I always thought their sole purpose was to fill you up at dinner so you didn't eat too much of the actual course
No problem on the spotting. And since I'm making a new comment, I now fifth the request for a, eventual, sequel.
1804052 Wow, you're missing out!! Just look at this and tell me you don't want some!!!
3.bp.blogspot.com/_bHpBbKBNYsk/TCetpr550XI/AAAAAAAAB6o/NNK9_Wpop1c/s1600/bourbon.jpg
Mmmm, now I need to go to the shop, I fancy some Bourbons!!!!!
1805382
...What...is that?
I'm looking and I do kind of want...but...In the back of my mind my lactose-intolerance is screaming to avoid at all costs.
Edit: Wow talk about timing, new chapter is now up!
PLEASE STOP SAYING 'LEARNT'! It's "learned". jeez.
Okay... Thunderlane... U suck.
1801255 Yes, only he didn't ask for her hoof in marriage first.
1907920
Well, it's close enough.
That was the most beautiful and profound fairy tale I've ever heard
The group doesn't seem that concerned about Rainbow Dash. I agree withe decision to remain put, since they don't know where she is and probably couldn't keep up, but couldn't they at least ask the guard ponies to keep a look out for her and deliver the good news? Even if Soarin' wasn't an ex-Wonderbolt, I'm sure they would agree to that anyway. Did Doc and the twins even try to stol her? Again, I'm sure the result would have been the same, but the thought process (or lackthereof) seems odd.
1853412 Actually, both are grammatically correct...
Doesn't Thunderlane's last rant sound like Mercutio from Act 1: scene 4 (Romeo and Juliet)
I think I forgot to comment all this time.