In the alternate hellish Equestria, Midnight and friends failed to purify the Pillars of Obscenity, being once the Elements of Harmony and became their servants.
In the human world, Sara, sister of a ill corporate CEO started a bank robbery and got killed and betrayed by one of his companions. Her souls was put in that hellish Equestria, were she was met and tortured by the Pillars. This, until a rust scaled man leaded Sara to a pair of hellish gauntlets and gave them to her, resulting her to become a vile humanoid pony that the man baptized as the Satanister.
Her new mission was to return to the real world, but first she has to beat the pillars and kill the traitors in the human world. The vengeance can be served cold.
Chapters (5)
I like the potential of the story. Please continue when you like, you write because you choose to... right?
What's a Satanister?
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It's a protagonist of a horror manga, being a nun in proximity with the devil who fought off criminals and psychopaths, although this is a very convoluted version with a future plot twist, if I have the inspiration to do so.
What was so bad about this story?
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Despite having retained the idea looking particulary cool, that should be obvious since the first chapter, it has many flaw.
- rushed development addorned by a terribile cover
- grammar, characterization and storytelling errors
- plot holes
- a writing worth of a sixteen grade Fallout Equestera copycat
- poorly executed ideas accompanied with a generic anti heroine with nearly to zero personality
- most of the dialogues being uninspired at best, meh at middle and lousy at worst
- the manga being almost if not compatible with the context of the fanfic in which it was involved
I get that you may have found the concept being interesting but this fanfic was done in a very lazy fashion.
Keep in mind that I have ponderend about the grand scheme of how the story should come out. I had some ideas about how it should be developed. But as the time passed by, I came to realize that maybe I wouldn't work in this way.
Also, about the elements, crowd logic wants that if you want to put the effettive rappresentation of the creepypasta counterparts of the mane six, maybe bother to give more reason behind their turning wicked point, instead of being one dimensional, something which I fall into it unintentionaly.
I deemed the manga Satanister being incompatible with the context of the story because of it's context.
Let me explain.
The manga is a psycological horror action conterei around the Satanister, a golden spiked gauntlet armed nun close to the devil, going around investigating the wherebouts of a serial killer while bashing any psychopaths in her way. She is quite of a punk. And took a middle school girl with her as her unwitting disciple. Her ordeal leader the duo to a literal fucking fighting tournament among psychopaths from around the world on a forsaken island hosted by a cultist like mafia.
And there is a problem with this.
I couldn't get around this issues withous having these two things clashing on some points. Because there is not enough satanic elements to play with since the occultism is used as a background. Yes, ok, the Satanister has a esoteric background, the gauntlets contains the spirits of the psychopaths killed by the nun, there are some unnatural elements and during the finals of the tournament there is a ritual where the winner will sacrifice the corpses of the losers to summon a demon, obtaining evil powers or some bullcrap like that, but putting aside these things, I couldn't make this mix work even if is setted years after the events of the manga.
Also, there is another visibile issue, specifically the fight scenes. The way the first two twisted elements, Applejerk and Butchershy, were defeated.
In the original now deleted fanfic Elements of Insanity by Midnigthmare247, her equivalent of Elements of Insanity (the creepypasta versions, as she intended, not the Inverteshadow's one) were so powerful to cruently overthrow Cadence, Luna, Celestia and even their corrupter Satania. I don't even know if Satania intended this to happen but whavever. In the beggining of this pseudo sequel however they had even killed Discord.
And yet it was enough for the protagonist, Sara Morgani, to kill two of them with just fireweapons and brute force in the most lamest way possible, something which actually, of course, I literally admit now.
Even thought Applejerk was seemingly the weakest of the group due to having just her brute force while Butchershy being a weapon master when she doesn't use her tools to dissect woodland creatures while corrupting other animals, the way their fight was written looked like that, as powerful as the two twisted mares can be, almost contradicted what was enstablished in Midnightmare247's original fanfic, something which I think, I realized too late. Sara destroyed them like they were not challenge to her, nevermind the fact that they were individually alone.
I would have checked up the original fanfic this one was based on to take some reference bit, as I said before, both the fanfic and her account were deleted them declared abbandoned.
This is the whole pletora of flaws that this fanfic has. And as I was writing I came to assune that this fanfic is not terribile. Is just only inept. I don't mind mediocrity as long as doesn’t become too annoying to ignore.
But seriously even if I fix the many errors of the current story, I don’t think that will come out as I had once liked, it’s like a fact of story extetics.
As I said before, this story will be rebooted, but that will be made in a new form after being rebuild from scratch. However I will download the chapters of these to use as added basis to combine with the direction I will take.
I will thanks the ones who watched this story, collected this work and even the ones who voted dislike for whatever reason they had because I could see why.
Until the next time.
Edit 1: grammar fixed in this comment
Edit 2: be warned that the reboot thing would take some time so take it easy