• Member Since 25th May, 2012
  • offline last seen 13 hours ago

Bronetheus



T
Source

In ages past, stories of warriors traveling the land, righting wrongs, defending the weak and needy, and engaging in epic deeds and romances, inspired many, both citizen and soldier. Princess Luna should know, because she was there for almost all of them, recorded many, exaggerated a couple, and outright fabricated a few. They have fallen into obscurity during the centuries of relative peace Equestria has enjoyed, but after the invasion of the Changelings nearly killed her sister, a chance encounter on the road finally convinces Luna that those ancient tales of chivalry need to be brought back. With a mysterious zebra joining her on the path, the quest begins, and for the first time in many, many years, Luna is completely unsure of the ending to her story.

New cover image by http://zoarvek.deviantart.com/

Chapters (32)
Comments ( 258 )

This gave Princess Luna some fresh air for me...And there is also Zecora yay

Really enjoyed this....I was quite surprised that this is your first story

Well that was epic. to say the least. I demand more post-haste.

1061993
Glad to hear it! I'm surprised it's my first story too, but I've been brainstorming and writing scraps of it for several months. Only recently did I discover I had enough for at least three chapters if I mashed them together, and so here we are. Also, Hooray for Zecora! She is best pony, aside from all the others I also love.

1063874
I make no promises, but I will say that the next installment is well underway and I have the weekend off of work, with little to do with the time aside from ponies. :pinkiecrazy:

Ooh. Luna's being badass, all gallant and heroic. And, as you admirably point out, kind of scary, too! :fluttercry:

Lovely Luna, lovely Zecora!

More badass heroism soon, I promise! Just need to get one more badass verbal confrontation done first.

Continues to be great!

This is pretty good, I must say. Continue, dear sir, continue.

I hesitate to complement the author lest there head should swell,
for much work there is to be done to make this work yet well.
yet it is good and still enjoy it did I of this tale ,
Work hard my friend, for you and those who have read this parlour.

Fear not, Zecora fans. She returns for good next chapter, to forever be the rhyming shapeshifting Sancho Panza to Luna's terrifying, fun-loving Don Quixote. Also special guest stars- an indeterminate number of the main six! :applejackconfused: :flutterrage: :pinkiehappy: :rainbowkiss: :raritywink: :twilightsheepish:

I don't have words for this. Therefore, I give you a gold star, pat you on the back, and move on.

It really bugs me when good stories are so low rated.

Hm... looks interesting. I'll read this later. Still got 1000+ other chapters to go through.

Is Luna reading minds? I like this story, by the way.

1168859
1000 other chapters? Wow. Take your time. Thank you for the interest though. :pinkiehappy:

1169293
Not exactly. It will be explained later on in the story. Also, glad you like it! :moustache:

This looks Bucking awesome. I'm Trackin' this.

1214556
This greatly amuses me, because Majora's Mask was my main inspiration for Zecora's unique abilities. :rainbowdetermined2:

Another fine intstallmeant, thank you. I look forward to further exploits of the most interesting travelling partnership in recent memory.

I am so VERY glad I saw this gem of story today.

Several of my favorite characters; acting as Knights Errant?

:queue filly Twilight Sparkle : Yesyesyesyesyesyes! :twilightsmile:

Thumbed and fav'd!
I'm looking forward to its continuation.

1235884
1236067
I'm really glad you guys (and everyone else, of course) are liking the story! However, further exploits are going to be slightly delayed, since I'm about to embark on some extensive structural editing of the first three or four chapters. You won't have to go back and read the earlier chapters once I'm done since I'll summarize the major changes in a comment or blog post, but I'm hoping it will improve the story's flow and direction significantly. The changes should make the story more enjoyable though, so please do read them if you have the inclination. Most ambitiously, I'm making the end of chapter three into an actual battle of magic and will instead of a lame Luna-ex-machina, and following it will be a flashback that will delve extensively into Luna's motivations for being here, beyond a simple quest for a vague MacGuffin. So at the very least, old readers should take a look back at chapter three... when it's done. Sorry for the delay, but I'll do my best to make it worth it! :rainbowdetermined2:

Is the title a reference to Diane Duane's books? :raritystarry:

1431674
I hate to disappoint that Rarity face, but no. I hadn't even heard of her before now. It's just a pun on the epics of knights-errant, like the Knights of the Round Table.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knight-errant

Edit- unless you mean the chapter title. That's just me being all metaphorical.

Another good chapter.

1451972
Glad you liked it! The next one should take less than a month too.

Hey Bronetheus, sorry for taking so long to get back to you.

Actually, I really enjoy this writing. You asked for a general impression, and to be honest, I am very impressed. If I had anything negative to say, it would be that very rarely Zecora seems almost OOC. But really, that's just if I was looking for something to criticize.

1538797
No problem, I really appreciate the feedback. Honestly, you're probably right about Zecora being out of character sometimes (and Luna may be as well). There's just so little to work with from the show that I've had to fill in a lot of blanks, so to speak, and I may have filled those blanks with too many layers of head-canon. I have been watching the episodes they appear in again though, so hopefully I won't steer them too far astray in the future.

1809785
You sure you don't mean Luna: The Silver Star Story? :raritywink:

SPOILER ALERT!!!
Most questions rhetorical.
I'm not an English Major.



without having to restrain herself to avoid hurting other ponies, was exhilarating. She had been longing to do this since coming back to Equestria.
-I take it then that she and Celestia aren't having any sparring matches? Or at least not yet?

then as a representative of the dual crown of Equestria to a foreign ally, we accept.
-A bit complicated of a justification, but whatever works...

Outside, eyes of all sizes, shapes, and colors quietly peered out from the darkness. Most contained some mixture of hunger, anger, and malice, but they kept their distance.
-Just the standard threats, or did Luna attract a few things? If so, one hopes that that won't PERMANENTLY break Zecora's "Somebody Else's Problem" enchantments or whatever they are. Or at least not for individuals below a certain level of self-awareness.

. Wert thou aware of the magical nature of this path? ‘Tis one of the ley lines that bind the world together. Thou must surely have chosen this spot deliberately, but we did not think any being without innate magic could do so.
-Even with this being written pre-"Magic Duel"... well there are two possibilities. Zecora CAN sense such things as a alchemist, or she can make something that can. Perhaps even color changing paper for an almost literal litmus test, if you wanted to take things in that direction.

-To Be Continued.

1821650
"then as a representative of the dual crown of Equestria to a foreign ally, we accept.
-A bit complicated of a justification, but whatever works..."

She's just being verbose and trying to keep it impersonal. I thought it sounded better than "whoops, sorry about that."

"Outside, eyes of all sizes, shapes, and colors quietly peered out from the darkness. Most contained some mixture of hunger, anger, and malice, but they kept their distance.
-Just the standard threats, or did Luna attract a few things? If so, one hopes that that won't PERMANENTLY break Zecora's "Somebody Else's Problem" enchantments or whatever they are. Or at least not for individuals below a certain level of self-awareness."

The standard threats, just more of them gathered in one place than normal, hence the danger to Zecora's enchantments (the danger isn't permanent though, either way).

". Wert thou aware of the magical nature of this path? ‘Tis one of the ley lines that bind the world together. Thou must surely have chosen this spot deliberately, but we did not think any being without innate magic could do so.
-Even with this being written pre-"Magic Duel"... well there are two possibilities. Zecora CAN sense such things as a alchemist, or she can make something that can. Perhaps even color changing paper for an almost literal litmus test, if you wanted to take things in that direction."

Oh ho ho! Zecora has her ways, which I do explain later.

I look forward to the continuation, even if it's more rhetorical questions. I relish any opportunity I can get to talk about this stuff.

I really like this story, you made Luna into an awesome, yet flawed warrior fighting for good.
Even in the show, it just doesn't seem to me that she would be the pony to just sit around and play politics.

You made a unique choice by having Zecora as her compatriot, but they seem to fit well together.
I wait in eager anticipation for your next chapter.

2224365
Thanks! I agree. She seems like a restless and ambitious type, someone who has to be out there doing something. That's one reason I liked Sleepless in Ponyville so much. I wish I had started this story before it aired, so I could have worked the dream patrolling in somehow, but this story is about to branch off majorly from the show anyway, so it probably wouldn't be worth the trouble at this point.

Zecora is super hard to write, but it's been worth it, I think. One reason I made her the second main character is that in Bridle Gossip, she deals with very similar issues that Luna does in Luna Eclipsed. They're both misunderstood outsiders, but they're also both active characters who refuse to lie down and let those traits define them.

This site really needs some Luna emoticons. :pinkiehappy:

Your first chapter does a few things right. It gives us a character, a setting, and a moment of change in the character's life.

However, that's all it does.

Character, setting, and a moment of change are sufficient to start a story, but a good opening will also introduce conflict. The blob was a pushover, and so were the guards. To get conflcit, you need an equal battle. This chapter could have been improved if it showed Luna fighting something like a cerberus or a hydra, something as powerful as herself, which she couldn't just swat down with her magic, and which she'd have to use all her cleverness to defeat. If you don't want to start with a big monster battle, you could have started with a shouting match between Luna and Celestia instead--either way, you would have ended up with an opening with far more conflict than this one.

By the way, congratulations on getting in the feature box.

I liked this story, but based on the first chapter, I don't think I'll keep reading.

This needs more views!!!

2296713
That's understandable. There are many good stories out there. No reason to force yourself to keep reading one you couldn't get into. However, in the opinion of myself and my esteemed editors, the story improves greatly past the first chapter. Much greater conflicts appear in the next chapters, especially the third one, and Celestia does show up in the fifth (which is probably not soon enough, come to think of it).

But whether you give it another shot or not, thanks for the idea about a shouting match between Luna and Celestia. Something like that could indeed be really good for an introduction, and it would dovetail nicely with what's about to happen in my next chapter. I don't know why I didn't think of that. :facehoof:

I'm proud I got in the feature box, but wow, it appears not to have lasted long. Oh well. Still gets a :yay:, as does your awesome and helpful comment.

I am liking the rewrite of the first chapter immensely.
I can imagine Luna being bitter and driven up the wall by the fact that she
is weaker than her sister and was unable to fight during the changeling invasion. I think I speak for every Luna fan when I say "We all desperately want to see are flawed, sad, forgotten night princess succeed, surpass, and overcome her older sister and achieve greatness. For herself and all of Equestria!"

'In life he was a brawler without peer, and also a great drinker of beer'... best Zecora line so far :rainbowlaugh:

Finally only now just caught up to my shame as this is awesome. I've got no idea where you're going this this but keep it up :pinkiehappy:

2358039
Thanks! As the person responsible for so much of the polish of said awesome, your encouragement is appreciated. It will be kept up, probably this week! :trollestia:

Way to go Bronetheus!!! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:
You really came through for Luna (and all of her loyal fans.)

Luna seems to be the realism that this Equestria so desperately needs.
Even in the show Celestia always seems to have a condensing tone in her character whether intentional or unintentional, and I always disliked
how only Chrysalis is as tall as her. Luna should be just as tall or TALLER!! Regardless of age! :twilightangry2:

Into The Lair Of The Sun God, Part. VIII - Dawnbringer

2381715
Sorry, but Celestia will still remain taller. I think Luna's doing pretty well for herself though, even if she is shorter. Just bear in mind that just because she's the protagonist, that doesn't mean she's right about everything. Doesn't mean Celestia is either, of course, because while I do like her, I definitely don't consider her perfect.

2382097
You have truly lived up to your namesake with this post. Thank you! That song is fantastic, and exactly the kind of metal that inspires me to write Luna.

I was not at all prepared for the direction this story took................. After getting over my surprise I came to the conclusion that I enjoyed reading this very much. It was a very engrossing read and I look forward to what comes next.

2382499

Listen to the entire thing. Into The Lair Of The Sun God was my favorite album of last year, and is probably mow relevant than that.

Beer drinking monkeys? Zombie toadstools? what next?

It'd be nice if we could have more introduction of Luna. It kinda feels like you started with "Luna is a Badass" and moved on from there, but such an assumption cannot be substantiated by Luna's brief appearance in canon. Consequently, more exposition is necessary for us to at least skim through to see where Luna is coming from. Her argument with Celestia was particularly odd feeling, due to the lack of exposition.

2590595
Really? It's not absolute fact or anything, but there's plenty to go on that points to Luna being epically powerful. Storm clouds follow in her wake, lightning strikes in tune with her emotions, she cracks the ground with a single stamp of her hoof. That's the kind of crazy stuff you might see in a Greek demigod poem or Norse saga. Outside of Luna Eclipsed, there was the awesome flashback of her (and Celestia) defeating King Sombra, and she does guard the night and all, inside and outside of dreams. Conversely, pretty much all Celestia has done in the show's present is dispel Twilight's Want It Need It spell, raise the sun, and get beaten by Chrysalis. I didn't think I'd leaped that far with my assumptions, to think that Luna, transplanted from a harsher time 1,000 years ago, would think that Celestia had gone soft in the interim.

That being said, thanks for the comment, and I'd love to do more exposition. The first chapter has seen several rewrites and editors already though, and it's still pretty rough. Right now I just want to focus on finishing the story, since I'm in the middle of the climax. I'll keep your thoughts in mind when I eventually go back to it though. :twilightsmile:

I love this story. A lot. Seriously. Thank you for it.


One thing - is filly the correct term for Pipsqueak, when Luna was on the balcony after lowering the moon

I hope this ends well. Or at least with Celestia and Luna realizing that they need each other to form a fully realized version of equestria.

2590944
Crap, it's not. Fixed that to foal. While that may also not be the correct term, colt doesn't feel right either for a pony that young. Thanks for the catch. And seriously, thank you for loving the story. It means a lot that even though this is my first fanfic for anything, and my first foray into writing in many years, people are still enjoying it. Gives me hope for the next one too.

2593024
While I obviously don't want to reveal too much, the story does have the Dark tag, but not the Tragedy tag, and that's deliberate. I can say that I personally agree with you though. I've just always thought that the two of them have to have way too much baggage for a blast from the Harmony Cannon to solve everything right away.

Login or register to comment