The next morning, I was enjoying an apple as I entered my establishment, flipped the sign to open on the door, then went over to my corner desk. If things went like they would on an average day, I’d receive no clients and the day will be wasted. Not that it really mattered. Unless if business suddenly skyrocketed in the next few days, I would be forced to close down for good.
Sitting down, I tossed my apple core into the can and began to waste the day away once more. I must have been sitting there for hours. I was dreadfully bored. Then, something peculiar happened. A gray pegasus mare entered the establishment.
She’s definitely got the wrong place. I wouldn’t blame her either. Having a lazy eye, I can only guess what her vision’s like. Don’t get me wrong, I mean no offense by it. In fact, her eyes have a unique charm of their own. They just confused me a little was all. The gold color of her mane and tail were also pleasant to see. Overall, she gave off a nice aura around her and it made my morning.
“Good morning, Miss.” I greeted. “How may I help you?”
“A friend recommended me to come here. Are you Anonymous?” she asked. So far, everything about her tells me she’s going to be a bubbly, silly type. That’s fine though. By friend, I’m guessing she means John Smith.
“Yes, I am. Please, call me Anon instead.” she came over to the counter.
“Thank goodness, I was afraid that I found the wrong place again.” wait, did she say ‘again’? I guess she’s had a hard time.
“Well, you’re here now. How may I be of service to you?”
“Oh, right. I would like to make an appointment.”
“When would you like your appointment?” I asked as I bent down to get a pencil from the bottom drawer.
“When’s the next time you’re free?”
“Right now actually,” I grunted as I bent back up, pencil in hand. “So you can have your appointment anytime.”
“Well, I have to finish my mail route first,” she gestured to the saddlebags full of envelopes that I haven’t noticed till now. “So how about in an hour?”
“Sure. What’s your name?”
“Derpy Hooves,” she answered as she turned and left in a hurry. I wrote her appointment down for documentation.
Derpy? That can’t be her real name. Sounds more like a cruel nickname. I can only imagine her foal hood with that kind of name. Hope she won’t mind discussing it. I’m also curious about what the therapy room has for her.
The dreadfully boring hour passed by and the peculiar gray mare came back. This time, she brought a bag containing two muffins with her.
“Good afternoon,” I greeted. “Having lunch I see.” she came over to the counter. When she did, she placed the muffins from the bag onto the counter.
“Actually, these are for you. I thought you would like to have some,” she said with an innocent smile.
Bless her soul. Usually, ponies would never pay me a second glance or even acknowledge my existence. That makes life harder than it should. This pegasus used her hard earned money to buy me some muffins. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there was going to be a catch. However, I do know better and it made feel bad a little. Or guilty. At this point, I wasn’t sure. I also don’t want to hurt one like her and I knew that refusing the offer would do just that.
“Thank you, I appreciate it.” I reached over, grabbed one of the buffins, and bit into it. It was banana nut. I couldn’t remember the last time a merchant acknowledged me long enough for me to buy a banana.
“No problem.” Derpy had a cheerful voice and a smile that couldn’t possibly be faked.
“I hope you don’t mind that I save the other one for later.”
“It’s fine.”
“So, would you like to begin your session?” I asked.
“Yes please.” I got up as she answered.
“Alright, before we go in the back, I’m obligated to tell you that I’m required to keep any and all information about you and about what you say confidential unless if it’s for your safety.” she looked like she took comfort in hearing me say that. “Now, if you would follow me to the therapy room, we can get started.” after voicing my instructions, she came around.
I led her to the therapy room. When We walked in, I was surprised at first, expecting something a little more exotic or symbolic, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. What I walked into just some ordinary bedroom that I assumed to belong to Derpy. There was your standard bed, a nightstand next to it, a bookshelf along the wall, a dresser with a few brushes and a mirror on it, a rug in the middle, and a nice little fireplace in the corner. I proceeded to take a seat in one of the two chairs in the middle of the room, both facing each other.
“Why do you have a replica of my room?” I heard Derpy ask as she followed me in.
“I don’t. It’s just an illusion. A spell that takes the appearance of a location the chosen occupant holds most dear. In this case, the chosen occupant is you.” I explained as she took a seat.
“Okay, that makes sense and is a lot less creepy.”
“Before moving on, there is something I would like to discuss. If you don’t mind.”
“Um...sure. What is it?” she asked, looking slightly confused.
“Your name.”
“Pardon?”
“Your name,” I repeated. “Derpy doesn’t sound like a real name. It sounds like a cruel nickname given to make fun of you. What I want to know is, what is your real name?” I explained.
She had a bashful look on her face. That alone told me that it wasn’t a common thing for her to discuss and that I probably shouldn’t have asked.
“Sorry, I probably shouldn’t push the topic. Forgive me.” I apologized.
“No, it’s okay. I’ve just never had somepony ask me for my real name. It’s Ditzy. Ditzy Doo. Ditzy explained, sounding proud.
“Well Dittzy, now that we got that straightened out, how about begin?” I proposed.
“Sure thing, Anon Sir.” I started to really enjoy the optimism she had.
“Alright, so what seems to be the problem?” after asking that, she started looking sad.
“Actually, it’s about the name.” she pointed out. What a coincidence.
“What about it?”
“It’s been getting to me lately. I don’t know what to do about it.”
So, basically, just some advice about bullying, except for an adult. Though, it would be wrong for me to just assume, so it wouldn’t hurt to probe for more information.
“I could give random advice, but nothing useful yet. I’m going to need some more detail first. If that’s alright.”
“Sure, that makes sense. I was given the name ‘Derpy’ because of how clumsy I am. Sometimes I tend to get lost where most wouldn’t and I also tend to cause accidents.” she explained. I could see where this was going.
“Okay, I’ll be honest. I’m no miracle worker. I won’t be able to stop the teasing or fix things like being clumsy. However, what I am here to do is to help you deal with it. What I need to know is if you trust me.” I explained.
“What?”
“If you don’t trust me, then there is no point in me giving advice because then you will more than likely just ignore it.”
“O-of course I trust you.”
“Good. Tell me. Out of all of the ponies that make fun of you, how many of them are actual friends?”
“Um….none of them,” she replied.
“Exactly. That’s why neither they or what they say, matters. If you ever forget that, I know something that you won’t.” she started to look nervous.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“You heart. It’s strong, that I can see. If you’re ever in doubt, just listen to your heart and it’ll be your guide.” as I spike, Ditzy looked awestruck for a moment. I gave her time to process the information.
“I see. Thank you Anon. you have no idea how helpful you’ve been.” she finally said.
“I probably do.” I countered. “If that’s all, then how about we wrap up and you can continue on with your life, only now a little happier I hope.” I got up.
“Sure.” she agreed as she got up too. I lead her out of the Illusional room and into the lobby. “So, how much do I owe you?”
I didn’t want to charge her. My establishment was going to close down soon anyway. However, I did make a deal with John and I’m a man on my word. Besides, I needed something to pay for my next meal.
“Ten bits,” I answered. She poured the bits from a bag and placed a small pile on the counter.
“Good luck, Anon.”
“Same to you.” I offered. Then she left.
A little on the lighter side so far, but that's not a bad thing. I'm interested.
I'm definitely enjoying the story thus far, and the method of which you're easing into said story.
Looking forward to more!
Anon, Equestria's first analyst/therapist.
9674305
Apparently.
pretty good so far i like it!
The next morning, I (1)was enjoying an apple as I entered my establishment, flipped the sign to open on the door, then (2)went over to my corner desk. If things went like they would on an average day, I’d receive no clients and the day will be wasted. Not that it really mattered. Unless (3)if business suddenly skyrocketed in the next few days, I would be forced to close down for good.
(1) Using the word “was” means that you, as in the character, is no longer enjoying an apple since the word was is in past tense. I recommend that you use the word “enjoyed” or “am enjoying” since that means that you, as in the character, is currently enjoying said apple.
(2) Using the word “went” means that your character is either already in the corner desk or had been there before. While I still understand what you’re trying to say, I recommend that you use “walk” since that means you, as in the character, is currently walking towards said corner desk.
(3) What do you mean by “if” exactly? Taking into consideration that the use of this word doesn’t belong here, I suggest that you replace it for “the”.
Sitting down, I tossed my apple core into the can and began to waste the day away once more. I must have been sitting there for hours. I was dreadfully bored. Then, something peculiar happened. A gray pegasus mare entered the establishment(1)
(1) May I ask, how did said pegasus mare entered the office? By the window? By just opening the door without knocking? By breaking through the wall? All of these three state the same thing. The gray pegasus mare entered the office, but I don’t know which of the three is the correct statement that you are trying to convey here.
She’s definitely got the wrong place. I wouldn’t blame her either. (1)Having a lazy eye, I can only guess what her vision’s like(1). Don’t get me wrong, I mean no offense by it. In fact, her eyes have a unique charm of their own. They(2) just confused me a little was all. The gold color of her mane and tail were also pleasant to see. Overall, she gave off a nice aura around her and it made my morning.
(1) This statement shouldn’t be worded like this because if I change the context of the words, then the entire message won’t make any sense whatsoever. For example: having a flat tire, I can only guess how hard it must be to drive like that”
(2) The use of the word they is only used to describe a large group of people or individuals. Otherwise the sentence “they dogs attacked me” would not only be a valid sentence, but also make sense.
“Good morning, Miss.” I greeted. “How may I help you?”
“A friend recommended me to come here. Are you Anonymous?” she asked. So far, everything about her tells me she’s going to be a bubbly, silly type. That’s fine though. By friend, I’m guessing she means John Smith.
“Yes, I am. Please, call me Anon instead.” she came over to the counter.
“Thank goodness, I was afraid that I found the wrong place again.” wait, did she say ‘again’? I guess she’s had a hard time.
“Well, you’re here now. How may I be of service to you?”
“Oh, right. I would like to make an appointment.”
“When would you like your appointment?” I asked as I bent down to get a pencil from the bottom drawer.
“When’s the next time you’re free?”
“Right now actually,” I grunted as I bent back up, pencil in hand. “So you can have your appointment anytime.”
“Well, I have to finish my mail route first,” she gestured to the saddlebags full of envelopes that I haven’t noticed till now. “So how about in an hour?”
“Sure. What’s your name?”
“Derpy Hooves,” she answered as she turned and left in a hurry. I wrote her appointment down for documentation.
Derpy? That can’t be her real name. Sounds more like a cruel nickname. I can only imagine her foal hood(1) with that kind of name. Hope she won’t mind discussing it. I’m also curious about what the therapy room has for her(2).
(1) Taking into consideration that the word “foalhood” is a game of words for “childhood” there shouldn’t be a space between the word “child” nor “hood”
(2) As far as the spell goes, the room doesn’t have anything for anyone. The room does change drastically for one individual to another though, so the proper way to coney what you’re saying would be “I’m also curious as to how the therapy room will be during our session” because that conveys the message that the room itself will change once she enters it.
The dreadfully boring hour passed by and the peculiar gray mare came back. This time, she brought a bag containing two muffins(1) with her.
(1) How does Anon know that there are two muffins inside a bag when he hasn’t seen what’s inside said bag?
“Good afternoon,” I greeted. “Having lunch I see.” she came over to the counter. When she did, she placed the muffins from the bag onto the counter.
“Actually, these are for you. I thought you would like to have some,” she said with an innocent smile.
Bless her soul. Usually, ponies would never pay me a second glance or even acknowledge my existence. That makes life harder than it should. This pegasus used her hard earned money to buy me some muffins. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there was going to be a catch. However, I do know better and it made feel bad a little(1). Or guilty. At this point, I wasn’t sure. I also don’t want to hurt one like her and I knew that refusing the offer would do just that.
(1) How does someone feel bad a little, exactly? I honestly believe that you meant to write “a little bad” which actually and contextually make sense.
“Thank you, I appreciate it.” I reached over, grabbed one of the buffins(1), and bit into it. It was banana nut. I couldn’t remember the last time a merchant acknowledged me long enough for me to buy a banana(2).
(1) Care to elaborate on how a buffin (which means something made out of coarse material) suddenly turned into a muffin that tastes like banana with nut? Or are we supposed to ignore how something made out of coarse material turned without anyone noticing into a muffin with banana and nuts in it?
(2) I believe that you are contradicting yourself here. Derpy/Ditzy never bought Anon a banana, something that you declared in the same sentence.
“No problem.” Derpy had a cheerful voice and a smile that couldn’t possibly be faked.
“I hope you don’t mind that I save the other one for later.”
“It’s fine.”
“So, would you like to begin your session?” I asked.
“Yes please.” I got up as she answered.
“Alright, before we go in the back, I’m obligated to tell you that I’m required to keep any and all information about you and about what you say confidential unless if it’s for your safety.” she looked like she took comfort in hearing me say that. “Now, if you would follow me to the therapy room, we can get started.” after voicing my instructions, she came around.
I led her to the therapy room. When We(1) walked in, I was surprised at first, expecting something a little more exotic or symbolic, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. What I walked into just some ordinary bedroom that I assumed to belong to Derpy. There was your standard bed, a nightstand next to it, a bookshelf along the wall, a dresser with a few brushes and a mirror on it, a rug in the middle, and a nice little fireplace in the corner. I proceeded to take a seat in one of the two chairs in the middle of the room, both facing each other.
(1) No need for a capital letter.
“Why do you have a replica of my room?” I heard Derpy ask as she followed me in.
“I don’t. It’s just an illusion. A spell that takes the appearance of a location the chosen occupant holds most dear. In this case, the chosen occupant is you.” I explained as she took a seat.
“Okay, that makes sense and is a lot less creepy.”
“Before moving on, there is something I would like to discuss. If you don’t mind.”
“Um...sure. What is it?” she asked, looking slightly confused.
“Your name.”
“Pardon?”
“Your name,” I repeated. “Derpy doesn’t sound like a real name. It sounds like a cruel nickname given to make fun of you. What I want to know is, what is your real name?” I explained.
She had a bashful look on her face. That alone told me that it wasn’t a common thing for her to discuss and that I probably shouldn’t have asked.
“Sorry, I probably shouldn’t push the topic. Forgive me.” I apologized.
“No, it’s okay. I’ve just never had somepony ask me for my real name. It’s Ditzy(1). Ditzy Doo. Ditzy(2) explained, sounding proud.
(1) Derpy: Foolish or stupid
Ditzy: Silly or scatterbrained.
I honestly don’t believe, not even for a second, that neither of the two names given are actually good names regarding the meaning of said name.
(2) Taking into consideration that there is no “ at the end, means that Ditzy actually said the last words of the sentence.
“Well Dittzy(1), now that we got that straightened out, how about(2) begin?” I proposed.
(1) I know that most people have to put out chapter after chapter, but don’t make these type of stupid mistakes. You wrote in the previous sentence Ditzy and now you’re writing Dittzy. I don’t believe that it would make sense for your character to introduce himself as Anonymous then change it to An0nymooose and change it again into Andinamoose.
(2)
“Sure thing, Anon Sir.” I started to really enjoy the optimism she had.
“Alright, so what seems to be the problem?” after asking that, she started looking sad.
“Actually, it’s about the name.” she pointed out. What a coincidence.
“What about it?”
“It’s been getting to me lately. I don’t know what to do about it(1).”
(1) Taking into consideration that every single place of importance (city wise I mean) of MLP FiM is based on actual cities, I imagine that legally changing her name is also an option.
So, basically, just some advice about bullying, except for an adult(1). Though, it would be wrong for me to just assume, so it wouldn’t hurt to probe for more information.
(1) Bullying isn’t an exclusive thing that only happens to young children and teenagers.
“I could give random advice, but nothing useful yet. I’m going to need some more detail first. If that’s alright.”
“Sure, that makes sense. I was given the name ‘Derpy’(1) because of how clumsy I am. Sometimes I tend to get lost where most wouldn’t and I also tend to cause accidents.” she explained. I could see where this was going.
(1) Taking into consideration that it is the parents who give their children names, I believe that there is one key word missing here. Ah yes, here we go “My parents gave me the name Derpy”. Just saying
“Okay, I’ll be honest. I’m no miracle worker. I won’t be able to stop the teasing or fix things like being clumsy. However, what I am here to do is to help you deal with it. What I need to know is if you trust me.” I explained.(1)
(1) Psychologists don’t work like this....at all I might add. Psychologists are there to either help someone understand their situation and try to convince them to get better be it by going into a different type of therapist (mainly someone who can prescribe medicine for their behavioural problems) or simply make their clients understand that it is up to them and no one else what affects them or not.
“What?”
“If you don’t trust me, then there is no point in me giving advice because then you will more than likely just ignore it.”
“O-of course I trust you.”
“Good. Tell me. Out of all of the ponies that make fun of you, how many of them are actual friends?”
“Um….none of them,” she replied.
“Exactly. That’s why neither they or what they say, matters. If you ever forget that, I know something that you won’t.” she started to look nervous.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“You heart. It’s strong(1), that I can see. If you’re ever in doubt, just listen to your heart and it’ll be your guide.” as I spike, Ditzy looked awestruck for a moment. I gave her time to process the information.
(1) If her heart is strong, then why is she here?
“I see. Thank you Anon. you have no idea how helpful you’ve been.” she finally said.
“I probably do(1)” I countered. “If that’s all, then how about we wrap up and you can continue on with your life, only now a little happier I hope.” I got up.
(1) Yeesh dude, take a compliment will you.
“Sure.” she agreed as she got up too. I lead her out of the Illusional(1,2) room and into the lobby. “So, how much do I owe you?”
(1) Illusional doesn’t start with a capital letter since there is no point/period before said word.
(2) If the room was Illusional, then that means there is no door at all because it is an illusion as well. The word you’re looking for is “enchanted” because it is and that’s where the illusion is coming from.
I didn’t want to charge her. My establishment was going to close down soon anyway. However, I did make a deal with John and I’m a man on my word. Besides, I needed something to pay for my next meal.
“Ten bits,” I answered. She poured the bits from a bag and placed a small pile on the counter.
“Good luck, Anon.”
“Same to you.” I offered. Then she left.
9688776
Bro, I see what you are doing, but I'm not sure if it's because you are one of those dicks that like to point out every possible flaw to make the writer feel retarded or if you are actually being genuine about it. If you want to edit, sure. We can talk. Just keep in mind that this story was just supposed to be a side project to keep followers busy while I worked on my main story series, Spirit. Besides, this series might stop sooner than even I want it to because I'm completely out of ideas now. I ask for a comment on your thoughts, not for every bit of flawed story bit that I literally write during my spare time at school. Again, if you want to edit, just do it on a google doc. that's what I use to type my story's on. Then I run it through Grammarly. I don't have any editors.
Just remember that the next time you do this for either myself or others, make it as clear as possible or they might just think you are just trying to be a dick to them. Just a bit of friendly advice.
I've been to a therapist. Anger issues. Went 4 times. I'd like to think it helped. Most people think it's a therapist's job to "fix" you. It's not. Their job is to help you identify what are causing you emotional distress, and offer suggestions to deal with that root-cause.
9845835
I know what you are saying, I keep that in mind when I make these chapters.
A kinda serious story and you go with Anon?
Eh Anton be my choice. It's so odd.
Would a guy with Anonymous as name even be allowed to study?
@Arachne the Weaver is one of the biggest yappers, just by quoting, I have ever seen