Makeover
Wallflower Blush walked down the aisles in the city, walking back home since her club activities were over.
Then again, seeing she and Fluttershy were the only members, it's not like a lot of stuff had happened.
As she headed home, Wallflower walked past a couple mirrors that reflected her form, and she eventually stopped at the mirrors of a beauty salon to take a look at herself.
As she grabbed one of her bangs and parted it, she quickly noticed her hair could very easily be described as a mess: It looked more like she had a bunch of vines on top of her head, rather than hair.
Her clothing was quite lackluster as well: A plain sweater, ordinary jean, and sneakers combination that even she could see wouldn't catch anybody's attention.
It was only then did Wallflower notice a girl looking at her through the window, sporting a rather... Fascinated look, if you will.
This caused her to shriek and fall back, prompting the girl to run out the boutique and extend a hand towards Wallflower.
"Are you okay?"
Wallflower Blush looked up at the girl who was offering her hand, Rarity, sporting a reassuring smile.
And maybe it was her curled hair, her soft-looking skin, or even the fact she was offering help making Wallflower Blush start getting ideas...
But she saw she was pretty.
Like, really pretty.
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine." she spoke as she stood up with Rarity's help. "I'm sorry you saw me looking at myself in the salon's window."
Trying to lighten up the mood, Wallflower looked elsewhere and sheepishly smiled.
"That must've been pretty weird, right?"
"A girl being worried about how she looks is perfectly understandable, darling."
Wallflower flinched and turned back to face the girl.
After all, did she just call her darling?!
"And luckily for you, I just so happen to be able to help you with your little problem!"
Wallflower blinked once, and before she could ask what she meant, Rarity pushed her into the beauty salon.
Wallflower Blush sat on one of the chairs, still processing what was happening as Rarity wrapped an apron around her.
"The first thing we obviously need to take care of is your hair," Rarity stated as she put her hands on her hips. "So, stay here for a moment while I go get you our selection of hairstyles."
Finally realizing what was going on, Wallflower gasped and flinched.
"W-Wait, I can't afford a new haircut! I don't have any money to pay with!"
"Oh, don't worry about it, the salon allows its customers up to a week to pay their debts," Rarity answered as she returned with a list of hairstyles. "And besides, I'm just going to do you a simple haircut, darling; The prize is the same regardless of style, so just pick the hairstyle you like and worry about the money later, okay?"
Okay, now she definitely called her darling. And honestly, with everything else that was going on, she couldn't tell whether to be flattered or concerned.
Maybe both?
Regardless, she was getting a haircut whether she liked it or not, so she looked at all the available styles...
And eventually pointed at one.
"Is that the hairstyle you want, darling?"
A chill from being called darling later, Wallflower nodded.
And after a little pause, Rarity smiled and reached for the scissors.
"Alright, then."
About a half hour passed before Wallflower Blush's new haircut was finished: A reasonable amount of time considering how long and messy her old hairstyle used to be.
Now, she looked at her reflection, her eyes beaming as she saw her new hair.
Rather than the vine version of bed hair, her hair had been cut to only reach up to her shoulders, and styled straight, with two slightly puffy pigtails by her side, held up with blue scrunchies.
"And ta-da! Here's a new look for you, at least in terms of hairstyle," Rarity chirped as she loosened the apron, and blew away the cut hair with the dryer. "So, what do you think? Do you like it?"
Wallflower got off the chair and walked closer to her reflection.
She pinched her cheek, and followed this with a smile.
"I love it."
But, she quickly returned to reality.
"Oh, right, how much do I owe the salon?"
"Five dollars. And you have up to a week to pay the debt."
"Got it, I'll be sure to remember the debt!"
Wallflower strolled to the door, and got as far as to grab the doorknob before she stopped.
For she remembered something important:
"So, before I go: Why did you decide to give me a haircut?"
Rarity raised an eyebrow.
"I mean, I'm a random girl who looked at herself on the salon's mirror, and you up and decide to help me with my looks without me ever asking."
Rarity smiled, walked to Wallflower's side, and put a hand on her shoulder.
"It's simple, really: Just from your eyes I could see you were insecure about how you looked. Do I look good on these clothes? Does my hair make me look like I just came out of bed?"
Rarity's bluntness was both appreciated, yet painful for Wallflower.
"So, since I was on my shift, I thought I could lend a hand to a fellow student."
Then she took out a list.
"I also have a couple of suggestions to make yourself more fashionable, if you'd be willing to hear me."
Now Wallflower's curiosity was piqued.
"Okay, but try to be quick..."
The next day, Wallflower, still with the hairstyle Rarity gave her, walked towards Canterlot High School, carrying her backpack and hanging her head low.
Okay, I followed the instructions on how to keep the hairstyle to the letter. Now, I'm going to see how people react to it...
*gulp*
I hope at least somebody likes it.
Once inside, Wallflower experienced something she had never felt since she began her high school life:
The feeling of having everybody's attention on her.
A feeling that remained with her as she walked to her class, and went through another normal school day.
Now with school dealt with, Wallflower Blush headed for her Gardening Clubroom, and stopped at the door.
She took a deep breath, grabbed the doorknob, and opened the door to see Fluttershy already inside, watering some plants.
"H-Hello, Fluttershy."
"Hi, Wallflower. I was just watering some plants for-"
But once Fluttershy turned around to see the club's captain, she was so shocked that she dropped the watering can, with Angel jumping out of her hair to save it in the nick of time.
"I got a haircut yesterday," Wallflower spoke as she walked to Fluttershy. "W-What do you think?"
Fluttershy's shocked expression soon turned into a smile.
A joyful smile.
"Wallflower, you look beautiful! Where did you get that haircut?!"
Wallflower blushed and scratched her chin.
"A girl who worked at a beauty salon gave it to me, as well as give me some advice over how to update my looks to be more attractive."
She took a deep breath.
"I didn't want to do it, since I didn't have any money, but she insisted."
Fluttershy raised an eyebrow.
"Did she have purple hair with an elegant style, pearly white skin, and blue eyes?"
Wallflower Blush nodded, then scratched the back of her head.
"She also didn't seem to mind calling me darling."
Fluttershy gasped and clasped her hands.
"You must've met Rarity! She's part of Sunset's circle along with me and the girls I've told you about!"
Wallflower then remembered another important thing.
"I totally forgot to introduce myself to her!"
...
"And also ask for her name!"
Fluttershy giggled.
"Well, her name's Rarity, she works part-time at a beauty salon, and in our circle she represents generosity."
"Generosity, huh?"
Wallflower played with one of her pigtails.
"She did seem like the generous kind of girl..."
With that said, Wallflower took a deep breath and sat down at the table, just in time to get an idea.
"Hey, Fluttershy?"
She raised an eyebrow as she sat down as well.
"After we're done with the club, how about we pay your friend Rarity a visit?"
Fluttershy nodded, seeing this as another chance for her captain to make friends.
Anf what followed was an ordinary day at the Gardening Club.
With Wallflower's new look.
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There's something hilarious in the image of Rarity pushing Wallflower into the beauty salon like one would push a crate.
I emphasized using names or pronouns in my previous comments. Ironically enough, since Wallflower never knew Rarity's name before Fluttershy told her the following day, it'd have been logical not to use her name at all during the whole meeting. Since they're both women, you might actually have had to rely on the constructs I advised against previously; I'm now curious if the scene would have worked just as well with Rarity only ever referred as "the girl..."
Because "the maniac who just won't take no for an answer" is a mouthful.
That is, if you were gunning for Wallflower's intimate point of view, which is what would make translating her lack of knowledge into the narration necessary.
Speaking of points of view, I was thrown off the sudden shift to Fluttershy's in "Fluttershy nodded, seeing this as another chance for her captain to make friends," precisely because everything before it was in Wallflower's.
I felt the characterization was good. Rarity, especially, was very in character as far as I'm concerned.
I do have issues with Fluttershy straight out saying that Rarity "represents generosity," however. It's already strange that she felt the need to mention that as literally the third thing she tells Wallflower about Rarity, but I find "represents" amounts to stating "she's the Element of Generosity" as opposed to showing why she embodies it in the first place.
(And that's ignoring that it's another Rarity, in another world, who's the actual Bearer of that Element.)
As far as the plot is concerned, I found it appropriately pared down; there was nothing unnecessary that distracted the narration or events as they unfolded.
I found a few typos;
it wasn't like a lot of stuff had happened.
"It" should be lowercase.
"Fascinated" should be lowercase.
I'm also wondering if the "darling" in the narration would work better with italics for emphasis.
9643948
Well, if "darling" had italics or emphasis, it makes it feel like Rarity's got some intent, sass, or other stuff behind using it, when it's just her way of calling someone she likes, I think.
Yeah, Fluttershy saying that kinda came out of nowhere, I should've thought about it more.
To use names, or not to use names, that question... never popped up while I wrote this, but I feel like it wouldn't have changed much. XD
Once again, thanks for the review, I appreciate your detailed honesty.
9643957
You are right about when Rarity speaks, but I was referring to the narration outside of the dialogue, these lines precisely:
Though rereading them, an emphasis would only be fitting for the last one. I just find "A chill from being called darling later" funnier. And spelling it "daaah-ling~" even more so, but at this point Rarity becomes a punchline rather than someone who genuinely wants to help Wallflower.
Why this even came to mind in the first place was that I was wondering if the "darling" in the narration should be put in quotation marks. I don't know that answer, incidentally.
You're welcome. And I'm glad that my criticism doesn't discourage you from writing more.
9643995
My main goal is to try write something at least someone can enjoy. If I succeed at that, I'm happy.
This...kinda goes against several core themes of the show; like how beauty should come from the inside, how to be generous, etc. In fact, the whole point of the Wallflower Blush special was that Sunset should've noticed Wallflower and made an effort to be friends with her. regardless of whether or not Wallflower seemed to have an active interest in approaching her. This story kinda seems to have the opposite message; that in order to attract attention and friends you should change how you look.
9651476
Everybody has their own interpretation
Not that there's anything wrong with that!
This is cute. ^^
10045777
Nope
Sometimes a new look goes a long way.
I love this story. I'm glad Wally is taking steps to improve herself, especially her look. I may not know how pigtails look on her, but I can imagine they're pretty fetching.
Plus, Wally's shyness as compared to Rarity's boldness just works, and is really adorable. I can easily imagine pony Fluttershy and Rarity meeting in a similar fashion.